vip0802
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2009
- Messages
- 979
hi ladies! i know i haven''t posted in a while, but i do miss you all. life has just been super crazy these days, and i''ve been so stressed and bummed out lately. i can''t sleep, so i need a little vent and i can''t think of a better place. bear with me on this...it might be long.
they say money doesn''t buy happiness, but i think it makes life a hell of a lot easier. BF is going back to school (YAY!), and i''m so proud of him for doing so but, paying for classes and books have put a real dent in our budget. not only that, but i put a lot of money down on paying off my debt. i''ve cut up all my credit cards, but i''m keeping one for emergencies. i mean it''s so great to know that besides my car payment, i''ll be debt free next month, but because of unforeseen circumstances and some possible miscalculations, we''re in the hole. i''ve been picking up extra shifts at work which means i''m there 6-7 days a week. i''m exhausted and it doesn''t seem like it''s worth the extra effort since i haven''t seen any real financial increase. i''ve been looking at getting another job but in the end, all the searching is leaving me frustrated. the jobs i want are either too far away, don''t pay enough or i''m under qualified. the jobs i could get are ones that i know i wouldn''t be happy doing.
BF has been so unhappy at his job as well. i used to work with him at the company, and what frustrates him now are the reason why i left a few years ago. he had survived through the company''s round of lay-offs, but all remaining employees got a 2.5% decrease in their yearly salary, no one is allowed to work overtime and they''re no longer contributing to 401k''s. not only that but bonuses and raises seem to be out of the question at this point. this puts a major strain for him since we''re trying to be completely debt free by the time we get married, and he''s been saving up to buy my engagement ring without using a credit card. needless to say, i think a proposal won''t happen for a while. he''s also unhappy about living in our condo. he bought it in 2005 when the housing market was doing well, and had expected that after a few years, he would build enough equity to buy a nicer and bigger home. obviously it hasn''t turned out to be that way, and regardless of all the renovations we''re in the middle of, we''d be lucky if we broke even. he''s been having trouble sleeping, eating and was recently diagnosed with acid reflux so, i think all the stress it''s starting to take a toll on him heath-wise and mentally. while i''m glad that he''s going to school for something he''ll love to do, i feel like it''s not happening fast enough for him. i think he''ll seriously crack before he gets his degree and lands the job he wants.
i''m also worried about my mom. some of you already know that she owns a small jewelry shop, and i think she''s hurting financially. because of the economy, her business isn''t doing so great but luckily, it''s doing well enough to keep afloat. i''ve been saving up some money to help her out, but between the store''s lease, repairs for her old car and keeping my grandmother in a nursing home, it never seems like it''s enough. whenever i have a day off (which is rare nowadays), i do try to help out my mom at the store with whatever i can to relieve some of her stress. driving back and forth to her shop is a bit of a hassle since it''s about 60 miles round trip, but it''s worth it to spend time with her.
she spends her one day off visiting my grandmother who is suffering from Alzheimer''s. that''s another thing that bums me out. she''s been doing ok until recently when i last visited her a couple of weeks ago. it was the first time she forgot who i was, and it broke my heart. i mean she helped raise me and i would always spend time with her so, i guess it didn''t really hit me how bad this disease was until then. it''s also really hard when she doesn''t realize that my grandfather passed away in February. my family decided not to tell her since we felt that it might cause her a lot stress on her weak body, and she''s gotten to the point where if you tell her something, she forgets it 30 seconds later. i dwell on this a lot since i feel she has a right to know, but at the same time, i''m afraid it might do irrevocable damage to her. i mean, i''ve read articles of elderly people dying of actual heartbreak after their life-long partner passes away. i don''t know, maybe it''s selfish of us to want her to be here for as long as possible.
i know we''re all trying to hang in there and take things a day at a time, but i''m hoping this will all pass soon. anyway, thanks for reading and allowing me to let it all out!
they say money doesn''t buy happiness, but i think it makes life a hell of a lot easier. BF is going back to school (YAY!), and i''m so proud of him for doing so but, paying for classes and books have put a real dent in our budget. not only that, but i put a lot of money down on paying off my debt. i''ve cut up all my credit cards, but i''m keeping one for emergencies. i mean it''s so great to know that besides my car payment, i''ll be debt free next month, but because of unforeseen circumstances and some possible miscalculations, we''re in the hole. i''ve been picking up extra shifts at work which means i''m there 6-7 days a week. i''m exhausted and it doesn''t seem like it''s worth the extra effort since i haven''t seen any real financial increase. i''ve been looking at getting another job but in the end, all the searching is leaving me frustrated. the jobs i want are either too far away, don''t pay enough or i''m under qualified. the jobs i could get are ones that i know i wouldn''t be happy doing.
BF has been so unhappy at his job as well. i used to work with him at the company, and what frustrates him now are the reason why i left a few years ago. he had survived through the company''s round of lay-offs, but all remaining employees got a 2.5% decrease in their yearly salary, no one is allowed to work overtime and they''re no longer contributing to 401k''s. not only that but bonuses and raises seem to be out of the question at this point. this puts a major strain for him since we''re trying to be completely debt free by the time we get married, and he''s been saving up to buy my engagement ring without using a credit card. needless to say, i think a proposal won''t happen for a while. he''s also unhappy about living in our condo. he bought it in 2005 when the housing market was doing well, and had expected that after a few years, he would build enough equity to buy a nicer and bigger home. obviously it hasn''t turned out to be that way, and regardless of all the renovations we''re in the middle of, we''d be lucky if we broke even. he''s been having trouble sleeping, eating and was recently diagnosed with acid reflux so, i think all the stress it''s starting to take a toll on him heath-wise and mentally. while i''m glad that he''s going to school for something he''ll love to do, i feel like it''s not happening fast enough for him. i think he''ll seriously crack before he gets his degree and lands the job he wants.
i''m also worried about my mom. some of you already know that she owns a small jewelry shop, and i think she''s hurting financially. because of the economy, her business isn''t doing so great but luckily, it''s doing well enough to keep afloat. i''ve been saving up some money to help her out, but between the store''s lease, repairs for her old car and keeping my grandmother in a nursing home, it never seems like it''s enough. whenever i have a day off (which is rare nowadays), i do try to help out my mom at the store with whatever i can to relieve some of her stress. driving back and forth to her shop is a bit of a hassle since it''s about 60 miles round trip, but it''s worth it to spend time with her.
she spends her one day off visiting my grandmother who is suffering from Alzheimer''s. that''s another thing that bums me out. she''s been doing ok until recently when i last visited her a couple of weeks ago. it was the first time she forgot who i was, and it broke my heart. i mean she helped raise me and i would always spend time with her so, i guess it didn''t really hit me how bad this disease was until then. it''s also really hard when she doesn''t realize that my grandfather passed away in February. my family decided not to tell her since we felt that it might cause her a lot stress on her weak body, and she''s gotten to the point where if you tell her something, she forgets it 30 seconds later. i dwell on this a lot since i feel she has a right to know, but at the same time, i''m afraid it might do irrevocable damage to her. i mean, i''ve read articles of elderly people dying of actual heartbreak after their life-long partner passes away. i don''t know, maybe it''s selfish of us to want her to be here for as long as possible.
i know we''re all trying to hang in there and take things a day at a time, but i''m hoping this will all pass soon. anyway, thanks for reading and allowing me to let it all out!
. It's been a rough year for me too, it started out with my grandpa passing away at the end of January (and then my Aunt two months ago), he had suffered from Alzheimer's for a long time. For quite some time I just pretended it wasn't happening, I was (am) very young and thought if I avoided him I wouldn't have to deal with the fact that he was sick and slowly dying. About three years ago I became really into photography and would go to my family's business to take pictures. My grandpa was always there, I couldn't avoid him. At that point he didn't know who I was, to him I was just a nice lady who talked to him and kept him company. I started going into work more and more, and finally I woke up. I knew I didn't have much time left with him, and I knew it made me sad to see him but I refused to waste the little time we had left. Every time I'd see him, I would take his portrait. It became a way for me to deal with all my emotions. I found more and more how much we were alike. Sometimes he was happy, confused, angry, or lost. In each photo I saw something I was feeling at the time. Those hundreds of pictures allowed me to document my last year and a half with him. It was almost a way to say goodbye, yet keep a part of him with me. My dad took care of him for six days and three nights a week. I can't imagine what it was like to be with the person you loved most in the whole world and slowly watch them disappear (my dad's mom passed away when he was 12, and he spent everyday at work with my grandpa for the last forty years). It was devastating for him, but he ended up learning so much and being a better father. I have to say through this whole experience I have become much closer to my him, there was so much I didn't understand before. My grandpa being sick really opened up my eyes. I feel for your family. I know you're busy, but if you or your mom could have any kind of outlet for your emotions, I think it'd help a lot. Instead of bottling up your emotions, you can deal with what's going on around you. Photography helped me come to terms with my grandpa's sickness and death instead of acting like it have never happened (I guess it depends on how you deal with things. Some people like my brother pretend it isn't happening). I wouldn't tell your grandma that her husband has passed away, it won't do any good and will only upset her for the moments she remembers. Towards the end my grandpa was very childlike, he would ask where him father was and could still remember his wife who passes away forty years ago but didn't know his own children. When he'd ask me questions about my grandma or his father, I would just say soothing things to him and never mention that they had passed. If he kept repeating things I'd be patient and listen. No madder how upset I was or angry at the situation I never took it out on him. He would get very upset and cry at certain times everyday, and I would just talk to him. I'd tell him I loved him, that I'd take care of him and I wouldn't let anything happen. You wouldn't believe how big of a different patience and kind words can make. The situation sucked, but I was determined to make the best of it for him. I'm sure your mother feels the same.
300x240.png)