i''m soooper pissed and need to vent

[budgetbride]

I have this website i''ve been working on. well one of my nosy BMs found out about it and let the others know(i''d been keeping the whole thing a secret).

The thing is originally, I''d told them I would not have honor attendants...didn''t want to have to choose, but I changed my mind. I told the honor attendants who they would be but didn''t disseminate to the rest the news. The thing is that one of the girls who I''d been a friend with for 12 years got pissed because she checked out the site and learned she was not my honor attendant(She didn''t talk to me for almost 2 weeks).

Her case is that she feels hurt that she found out thru a website(mind you I NEVER wanted any of them to know about it until it was time...I made this known to the nosy BM, but apparently not well enough).

I told her sorry for her feelings being hurt, but she found out on her own. I told her I had plans to tell them later, but they took it upon themselves to see.

Am I accountable, if I''d planned to tell them later, and nosy BM sent the link to the rest?

and

and

I''ve got other things to deal with than this sh*t!

 

[KimberlyH]

I assume you are building a site on one of the bridal websites and din''t have the option for not publishing it to the web until you were ready. If that is the case, you do have a right to be frustrated with the person who shared the link if she knew there was the potential for hurt feelings and did it anyways. Unfortunately, when you choose to put something on the internet you lose control over who can and can''t see it. I''m sorry this has led to problems and I hope you are able to resolve things with your friend, because it is your wedding and I''m sure you thought long and hard about who you wanted in your wedding party and have good reasons for not selecting her as an honor attendant. Perhaps a simple apology, not for not choosing her but for how she found out and that she is hurt about it could smooth things over.

Good luck!

 

[budgetbride]

i''m sure(know) you''re right, but there''s this stubborn part of me that''s like...why must I apologize because you were nosy? I have so many emotions right now. I cried to my fiance earlier...please don''t let this be a sign of things to come

 

[ephemery1]

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this drama, but I'm confused as to why it became drama in the first place?? If somebody asked me to be a bridesmaid in their wedding, I'd be happy and honored... not annoyed that I didn't get a more important role. The upset BM sounds childish and selfish to me. This isn't about her... this is about you and your wedding... she should have understood that when she accepted the role of BM in the first place.

So don't worry about being accountable for anything... just tell her that your situation changed, you decided to have honor attendants, and would have told everyone on your own had she not checked out the website before you could. End of story. No need to apologize or explain or feel guilty or worry about it any more than you already have. She can deal with her own weird jealous reaction on her own.

 

[budgetbride]

Date: 9/3/2006 7:32:09 PM
Author: ephemery1
I''m sorry you''re having to deal with this drama, but I''m confused as to why it became drama in the first place?? If somebody asked me to be a bridesmaid in their wedding, I''d be happy and honored... not annoyed that I didn''t get a more important role. The upset BM sounds childish and selfish to me. This isn''t about her... this is about you and your wedding... she should have understood that when she accepted the role of BM in the first place.

So don''t worry about being accountable for anything... just tell her that your situation changed, you decided to have honor attendants, and would have told everyone on your own had your other friend not given out the website before you could. End of story. No need to apologize or explain or feel guilty or worry about it any more than you already have. She can deal with her own weird jealous reaction on her own.

This is exactly how I feel. When I decided not to have honor attendants, it was honestly because of this paticular friend. I knew she would take it really personal, but the more I started doing things the more I realized that I needed that one go to person.

I probably should have told her right then from the jump, but honestly I was thinking about other things...ie how to fund my wedding. Plus she hasn''t wanted to take the lead like my other girlfriend did. I recognize that we have been friends for a long time, but I partly feel like what I thought would happen has happened...great!

 

[ephemery1]

Well it definitely sounds like you made the right decision about NOT choosing her as your maid of honor, then!!

Really, don''t worry about it any more... some people are just like that... and no amount of reasoning is going to change their minds. She''ll sulk for a bit then eventually get over it. In the meantime, no need to waste your own energy on placating her. Just focus on the things that are truly important!

 

[budgetbride]

thanks alot emp.

 

[Gypsy]

Honestly-- there are many ways to go about choosing an honor attendant IMO-- longest friendship is one but for me at least, it''s not the only consideration. One friend may be more involved, one closer, one might have a lot of other things going on. My point is, it''s up to the bride what considerations go into choosing this role. Not the attendants. At her wedding she is free to use whatever criteria she wants to choose her attendants... but it''s not her wedding, and her criteria really don''t enter into it. She needs to realize that. If she can''t get over it, and she lets such a thing interfere in your friendship-- well, you know where you stand with her. But to me, it sounds like you already knew that things would come to a head. In light of that... I do think you should have talked it over with her, and prepared her for it. You knew it was going to hurt her feelings. As a freind, well... I''m sorry but IMO, you had an obligation to minimize that. I wouldn''t have been hurt by the choice... but yes, that you didn''t come to me and talk to me... that might have bothered me.

 

[RoseAngel04]

Date: 9/3/2006 7:32:09 PM
Author: ephemery1
I''m sorry you''re having to deal with this drama, but I''m confused as to why it became drama in the first place?? If somebody asked me to be a bridesmaid in their wedding, I''d be happy and honored... not annoyed that I didn''t get a more important role. The upset BM sounds childish and selfish to me. This isn''t about her... this is about you and your wedding... she should have understood that when she accepted the role of BM in the first place.

So don''t worry about being accountable for anything... just tell her that your situation changed, you decided to have honor attendants, and would have told everyone on your own had she not checked out the website before you could. End of story. No need to apologize or explain or feel guilty or worry about it any more than you already have. She can deal with her own weird jealous reaction on her own.

I completely agree with ephemery in this situation! Your BM sounds like she''s being childish about all this.

 

[budgetbride]

thanks for everyone responding, i''m calmer today. The thing I do want to put out there, is that I WOULD have let her know...but at my time...not because nosy BM got well...nosy. But hey what''s done is done. I''m not sure where this leaves anything. I''m hoping that as a friend for 12 years, she kinda realizes that this really doesn''t need to be drama