I''''m nervous that I''''m not nervous!

[zekele]

I''ll just be completely honest: I have generalized anxiety disorder and moderate social phobia. Normally I am terrified of events or situations where I might be the center of attention. This is why I want to have a small, casual, no-pressure wedding. I feel like I have to plan my wedding with my anxiety in mind: I didn''t want to have a nervous breakdown right before the big day! Yet, as we''ve been planning it, I just find that I am really excited - not nervous! I just keep reminding myself that I will be surrounded by friends and relatives, not strangers who will be judging me. I''m really looking forward to it all!

But since I''m excited right now, I''m worried that I will become more scared and nervous as the day approaches. Our wedding isn''t until December 31st of this year, so I''m worried that maybe I''m just excited because reality hasn''t hit yet, and once it does, I''ll freak out. Essentially, I know it''s not like me to not be nervous about something like this - so I''m concerned about what my anxiety disorder has in store for me

I''m not looking for specific advice...just thought I''d throw this out there in case anyone can relate...

 

[Lorelei]

I feel for you as I have suffered from anxiety attacks in the past and they are just terrible. Have a chat with your doctor when you next see him and explain your fears, this might help. Also I found out that my attacks were due to not eating properly( too much dieting but that's another story) so try to eat regularly as this could make a difference, unstable blood sugar can trigger an attack. Also look into breathing exercises relaxation techniques, plus keep a paper bag with you in case you feel an attack coming on. It is said that panic attacks can stem through us breathing out too much carbon dioxide so if you start to feel the unreality sensation or however your's begin, take the bag and breathe slowly and deeply into it, this will help correct the balance and hopefully prevent the attack. Some nerves are bound to come as the wedding gets nearer, but you can help to minimise it by taking action now. Obviously you can't hide a paper bag in your bouquet but you might find with practise that you can control the attacks and get more confidence with them. Once you do, you might find they are far more manageable. Often it is a case of learning your triggers and seeing what works for you. Try to carry on with your wedding thoughts as being positive and happy, and you are not abnormal by not worrying. If the nerves kick in at some stage this is normal too and part of it. I am sure you will be fine on your big day and there is lots of help out there and powerful techiques you can use. I hope this helps!

 

[firebirdgold]

OG! I can just imagine what a wedding would be like with social Phobia. I used to have dreadful s.p. and I never could have managed someone else''s wedding let alone mine! It was explained to me that my brain saw social situations as life threatening and responded with ''flight or fight'', which is what panic attacks are. It''s really hard to convince yourself that it''s just friends and no one will judge you when your body is screaming at you it''s in danger. I took meds to control the panic attacks and just retrained myself. Now I''ll even complain to a waiter or get up and dance at a party! But meds aren''t for everyone.
Perhaps accupuncture or some kind of meditation?

 

[Jelly]

Hi Zekele,

I highly recommend seeking medical attention if you haven''t already. A combination of therapy and meds helped me through panic and anxiety. You owe it to yourself to be free of this... not just for your wedding, but for the rest of your life.

You''re not alone!

 

[blodthecat]

Hi Zekele,

You said something funny in your post, you said that on your wedding day people will be judging you. If you''re surrounded by family and friends, who will be judging you ??

You can get bettablockers from your doctor to help with the panic attacks, and breathing/ relaxation exercises are really good too. But I will tell you what has helped me.

It sounds like you have something called ''free floating anxiety'' which means it can strike at anytime, and you don''t always know what has caused it.

Sometimes i can wake up in the morning and feel in a state of extreme panic...but I tell myself that this feeling will soon pass, and I just allow the feelings to wash over me.

I don''t stop what I''m doing, I carry on as normal. It is just recognising the the anxiety feelings ''come and go'' Your mind controls you body, not the other way round. Except the feelings of panic, and don''t let your mind hit the panic button. Tell yourself that these feeling will soon pass, and they have no control over you. Once you stop reacting to the feeling of panic, you are back in control. The fact that you worry about the panic attacks throws more fuel on the fire.

Lorelei touched on another very important issue regarding diet. I know you are getting mairred at the end of the year, but whatever you do don''t embark on a strick weightloss regime. This was another area that I had had to deal with. The fear of gaining weight, and constantly trying to maintain my weight.

Depriving the body of food can cause low mood, depression and sleep disorder. Add panic attacks to the mix, and you''re defintely on a downward spiral.

I have had hypnosis to unravel some of my issues (but thats another post!) The one thing it helped me achieve was a positive self image....and that has had a major impact on my day to day life.

You''ll get there lass!

Blod

 

[zekele]

Hi everyone and thank you for your replies!

I am on medication for my anxiety and am also seeing a counselor. The combination of pharmacological treatment and cognitive/behavioral therapy helps a lot. It is really hard to keep my anxiety in check but I have made improvements.

Thanks for the advice and sympathy, it helps a great deal to know that there are others out there who have been there and understand

 

[researcher]

I''ve never been there myself, but I know what you''re going through on a professional level.

IMO, you''re probably not terrified right now because the wedding is in the future--you''re basically just setting the stage of an elaborate dream, something so wonderful that it doesn''t quite seem real (for a lack of better words). Your attack, if you have one, will probably take place closer to the wedding itself (or on the day). But it sounds as though you''re prepared for it, and have the skills and tools to deal with it should it occur. So, there''s nothing more you can do but enjoy the planning, your excitement, and having your dreams come true! With your SO at your side and your family supporting you you will be able to overcome anything

The best part is they will all be there for YOU, will be understanding, and will think nothing but lovely thoughts for the happy couple on their wedding day whether or not your anxiety/phobia strikes. If you are enjoying yourself and don''t put a lot of pressure on things being perfect, it''s easier to deal with being the center of attention. Oh, and if you''re anything like me, you will barely notice the other people as all of your attention will be on your SO