I''m in China... now what? lol

[kimchi]

Congrats on your move! What an exciting adventure!

I''ve lived in various countries overseas but not in China. Having lived in Thailand, and having had a driver, I do have a word of caution for you. Take this with a grain of salt and as much as it applies to you, OK?

If it were me, I''d ease the driver away from accompanying me into the grocery store and pushing the cart. Westerners tend to buy for a week or so at a time and we buy quite a bit more even when we shop on a daily basis than those in Asia. This is partly why folks keep looking in your cart. If you are buying for a week, they think you are buying for a day and are dumbfounded that you will be eating that much. It truly amazes them and I assure you, you are the talk of the market simply because of your cart. Add in your blond hair and blue eyes and you are quite the interesting object for them! All that is fine, and they will eventually get used to you and the cart peeking will fade out.

However, drivers are a different situation. From my time in Thailand, I know that the drivers have their own sub-culture. While you shop, or are at a friend''s house, they all hang out together and chit chat. And they chit chat about their employers, as anyone will do. So far, so good. But your driver will also chat with the drivers who drive for others in your husband''s company and soon all those drivers (and their friends within the company and so on) will know just what you spend on groceries, books, make-up, clothing, and anything thing else. It can be a bit voyueristic on their part--simply out of pure curiosity. Much as we might say to each other,"Oh wow! did you see the full length mink on that woman driving the Bently!?", they are saying similar things regarding you. Your life is so far outside their realm of experience that it amazes them.

What I am saying is consider how much information you want floating around out there. If you are comfortable with having your driver help you by pushing your cart, great! by all means, take full advantage of his services. I am sure he is well meaning and helpful. But be aware that more information may be getting out than you intend.

 

[clammer]

Yup, I promise it gets easier, but I think that it is more because you will eventually adjust your expectations. I still shake my head when my husband asks me to run to the store and grab XY and Z. He just doesn''t understand that what would take 15 minutes in the states could take four hours here.

I will tell you that for me everything got easier, but it took a long time before it got better. I was here, but I kept the ''in one more year I''m going home'' mindset and I never really tried to make here home. Finally, one day I realized that if I didn''t figure out how to make this my home I would eventually go home and would be seven years older with nothing to show for it. It really made me make more of an effort and I appreciate it a lot more now.

You will also get use to the stares. I don''t even notice it anymore. For the first few months, I was constantly checking my zipper and looking to see if I had food stuck in my teeth. I figured there had to be a reason everyone was looking at me.

Give me a day or two to get you the websites for Australian meat. If I remember correctly, a lot of places will deliver there that won''t deliver here. I''ll try to get a list of all of them that deliver to Dalian.

It took me two years before I could find milk that I liked here. Again, I think it is a change in expectations. Green Yard is just like home, but it works out to be about $16 a gallon. Asahi is the next best. I actually go to a small farm (4 cows) and get my milk right from the teet. I find it to have the best flavor and I know that there are no additives.

I am going to give you a piece of advice that I really wish someone had given me long ago. When you use the public toilet (holes), squat as low as you can. I walked around with wet pant legs for a long time because I never squatted low enough. I can now say that I''ve mastered the hole.

As for getting a cook, she will probably only cook Chinese. There was a cook book available in Shanghai a few months before Christmas that had the recipe in English and Chinese. If you are interested I can ask my ShanghaiMama''s group if they know where to still get one.

I also tend to have a few good friends over a lot of acquaintances. Here I''ve found that people are really friendly if you approach them, which I''m not so good at. We''ve been here long enough now that we''ve had two waves of friends come and go. The other week I stalked down a lady at the store that had a child around my son''s age and asked her if she wanted to have play dates so my son could have some time around other children that speak English. We''ve gotten together a few times and it''s okay.

It''s still snowing here. We''ve had more snow already this winter than we normally get.

 

[setell]

Eh….haven’t you guys master squatting? You ladies actually SIT on the toilet seats? Well, I’ve never sat in a toilet seat when I use public washroom and my aim is great. So whenever I go to China the hole is not a biggie with me at all but easier to squat vs. a toilet.

 

[clammer]

I''m definitely a squatter, but with a toilet seat you really only have to squat a few inches. With the hole I always squatted the same few inches thinking a squat is a squat. I was wrong. With the hole you need to squat a few inches from the ground.

What I don''t understand is when you go into a stall with a toilet and their are feet marks on the seat where someone stood on the seat and squatted. Seriously, why didn''t they just go into the one of the 10 stalls that had a hole?

 

[Cehrabehra]

The east coast of the usa was VERY slow in getting toilet seat covers... I find that where there are covers people squat less and less squatting means less pee all over the place and better places to sit (with a cover).

I think everyone is *built* differently down there and I don''t care how I squat, I spray all over, I don''t have some jet stream that points a particular way. If I were to squat over toilet seats I would be part of the problem and not part of the solution. If the seat is gross or there is no cover, I hold it. I have a bladder that can do that pretty well, thankfully.

But now I don''t have to because I have the p-style haha It really does work.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Re the milk:
aren''t you nervous about the non pasteurized milk and contamination? It concerns me... I don''t know of any farms around, I''ve NEVER passed one around here.

I am okay with the looks/stares - I just smile at them and 9/10 smile back or nod or giggle or try to say something to me. Only a few look at me like I''m an alien or look away without smiling back.

I would love the meat websites... I bet its expensive but I would really like to have the occasional bit of steak that I can trust to cook medium rare.

I would be willing to pay $16/gal for MY milk. I am that picky. I want my kids to have milk that isn''t tainted or laden with bad stuff, but they aren''t that picky and back home they were going through almost a gallon a day. I can''t afford a milk habit like that at $16!! But a half gallon lasts me about a week.

There''s a tesco here and I''ve been buying their dumplings and eating those with the kids. I''ve eaten a lot of grilled cheese lol

I am okay with a cook only cooking in chinese. I can cook american style foods myself (btw I went to get a cookie sheet to make some cookies and there was no oven cookware anywhere to be found! eeek!!).

I think what I really want out of an Ayi is.... someone to shop with me, someone to do floors and toilets, someone to wash the evening dishes, and cook 1/2-3/4 of the time (and maybe teach me a little about asian cooking) in the evening. I don''t know what expectations are reasonable...

7 years is a LONG time to be in China... I didn''t realize you had a child, was he born in China?

You said something interesting - you said that it took a while to get easier but a long time to get better - would you say that it is good now? i met someone online on a dalian blog (I haven''t met her in person yet) and she''s just arriving back to dalian today from the states and she didn''t sound happy about it... she''s been here since July. I was wondering if every trip back to the states makes it harder to come back here?

I feel like I am in limbo here right now, we have 5 people in a little 2 bedroom apartment and there''s just not enough living space (or at least not as much as I''m used to - it''s about 1100 square feet right now) so I am really looking forward to when we can move into our housing (end of the month) and get our stuff (end of next month) so I can really make myself at home. I totally plan to do that and get comfy asap. Even if my entire social network consists of pricescope, I am going to have a nice desk haha

When I was at the tesco yesterday it must have been expat day because i swear I saw at least 15 white people in there and it was almost weird lol

 

[clammer]

I have looked into the differences between raw (un-pasteurized, non-homogenized) milk and ‘regular’ milk and for me personally I will be drinking raw milk when we return to the U.S. That’s an entirely different topic. However, here I do a low heat pasteurization because the cows are grain fed which increases the likelihood of some infections. I also like it because I make our own butter, yogurt, mozzarella and cottage cheese, and ice cream and really it just tastes better with this milk.

http://www.greenyard.cn/en/index.asp


I am a member of the Yahoo Group: beijing_organic_consumers. I’m about as active there as I am here, but it is a good place to find veggies and meat that seem a little more trustworthy. You may want to join. I looked at what there was in Dalian and there seem to be a decent amount of places for fruit and veggies and a few for meat and fish.

A couple of the other places that I have ordered meat from:
http://www.helekang.com/english/index.php
http://elders.com.cn/en/

There is one more place that I really like but they don’t have a website. They send out a monthly email. My husband was ‘nice’ enough to switch my yahoo account to a mac account last week and I’m still trying to figure out what he did because I’m missing half my emails including the meat place. I will post it next month when I get it.

http://www.cheeseinchina.com ships excellent Gouda cheese from southern china

not food related, but you can also find some stuff on taobao.com. just type what you are looking for in English and often it will pop up. I’ve ordered dog food imported from the U.S., phone battery, etc.. from there.

You can easily find an ayi to do everything that you want. You will have to clean with her a few times to show her how you want it done and periodically remind her. At first I had to explain to mine, who is now like family, that we use hot water to wash dishes and to not use the rag on the counter top after you wipe off the toilet.

Eventually, I don’t think you will want to shop with your ayi. I take Liu when I want something specific (we just had a play kitchen made for my son for Christmas), but daily I find it is easier without her because they have such a different idea on shopping.

If I were you I would consider having a one on one tutor at first and take her around. She can then teach you how to say beef, banana, etc... Also, she can read the ingredient labels etc... This is what I did and it helped me a lot. However, because I learned just enough to get by I have gotten lazy and should know a lot more than I do.

The best way to find a ayi is through word of mouth. Try not to go through a company. You will end up paying a lot more. We pay our ayi 15RMB an hour which is slightly above average for this area, but we also give her many extra perks because we like her and she has been with us so long.

It will be almost seven years when we leave (December 2011). It is a long time. We like China but we don’t love it here. As far as when it got better for me, I would like to think about it for a day and then I will reply. It is better, but I want to be honest with my answer and I need time to think it through.

I was pregnant in China, but returned to the U.S. to have my son. I do not trust the health care in Yantai, and since you can only fly until 35??? weeks I could have flown to Shanghai/Beijing and stayed by myself for 5 weeks or I could fly home and be with family. It was an easy choice. Unfortunately, Lincoln decided to come almost six weeks early and my husband couldn’t get home in time for the birth.

I was also wondering if you found insurance for your jewelry. My insurance is through Marsh. When I washed my ring down the sink two years ago, I had no problems replacing it with insurance.

nikki

 

[Cehrabehra]

Thank you for those links, I have saved them

We went to dinner at someone''s house tonight and I was very happy with how well her meal turned out - it gives me hope!

I am actually interested in your thoughts (however off topic) on unpasteurized milk - but I misspoke when I was talking about that - I don''t mean the concerns with pasteurization so much as risks of salmonella?

I see what you are saying about not taking the ayi shopping - I haven''t been taking the driver shopping for the same reason. He is willing to go or not go so I feel like I can make it a case by case choice.

I start my mandarin lessons on monday. I figure if I can learn all of the tones and how to read pinyin I will have made a huge leap.

7 years is such a long commitment, I can''t believe they asked that of you. We are signed for 2 and we may be asked to do another year or two but even that would be 3-4 years.

No, I never found insurance for my ring - I left it in the states and I miss it like crazy. In Ireland at least I had it to look at at home, wear around and then put away. The only diamonds I even have here are in my ears and they are .25 crappy cuts that well, are in my ears and I cannot see them lol

I plan to buy another ring this year, timed to be complete when I am in the states so that I can have a little something to glimmer

I look forward to hearing your further thoughts on your adjustment

 

[clammer]

Hey Sara. I haven''t forgot to reply. It has been one of those weeks. My husband went on a last minute business trip to Mexico, my son is sick (throwing up everywhere), and there is a leak in our hallway coming from our bathroom. I hate these kind of weeks.

 

[Cehrabehra]

I appreciate you thinking of me Rebot - hopefully you can salvage your week and I will hear from you soon I hope I don''t have a lot of those weeks in my future, but I know I have at least one fight coming up... and my driver pissed me off today. It''s the 2nd time he''s done this. But... it will wait! Hope your little one is feeling better soon!

 

[Phoenix]

Hi Sara,

I hear you!! The first few weeks or even months are the hardest. We don't have a driver and I have to take taxi's everywhere - imagine trying to say the names of the roads and giving directions in a language that you never spoke before you arrived here?!! I don't know what your driver did to p...you off (and am not asking you to tell us), but trust me my Ayi has p... me off more than once, but I just bite my tongue. I figure that as long as she doesn't p.... me off on a daily basis, it's better than having to look for another one (not saying that you will do that) or clean the house myself.

Things will get easier though, I promise. It'll be a slow process but it will happen, esp once you move into the expat compound. DH and I don't live in an expat compound but we've made some friends other ways. You will also make friends with people you meet. It will happen. You're also taking Chinese, so that should definitely help.

As for the food, we only buy ours in City Shop and Carrefour. Even so, we only look for the freshest ingredients. I am not sure about the pasteurised thing, but we drink milk whichever country we live in and visit - the UK, US, Europe, Australia and various countries in Asia and we've never had a problem. If you're still worried, perhaps you could heat it up first before you drink it?

I know we don't live in the same city, but if you have any questions that you think I might be able to help, please do not hesitate to ask.

Oh as for the Australian food delivery, we use Elders:
http://www.elders.com.cn/en/

They say they deliver to all areas of China. Their meats are very good, but on the expensive side. We also buy Qing Dao beef from Carrefour, which is excellent but slightly cheaper than Australian beef. DH actually prefers Qing Dao beef, flavour-wise.