I''m finally asking for some personal advice on PS!

[ckrickett]

Date: 6/30/2009 3:41:09 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 6/30/2009 3:29:29 PM
Author: ckrickett

Date: 6/30/2009 3:23:51 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 6/30/2009 3:15:28 PM
Author: gaby06
Why don''t you guys stay at the same hotel. So you have your private time but at the same time she will feel close of you, being at the same hotel.

Sorry, I should clarify...that is the idea. I would like to stay at the same hotel, but not in the same apartment.

I appreciate all the thoughtful responses and am looking at getting that quilt made.

then there doesn;t seem like there is anything wrong. I mean if you go t the 2 bedroom apartment you guys would have separate rooms, so it''s practically the same thing.

if your rooms were conjoined it might be off.

Nope, not even close to the same thing.

If we had separate hotel rooms, evenings would go something like this:

Us: Dinner was great. If you''re up for it, we can meet in the lobby and decide something for breakfast.
Them: Sounds great, we''ll see you at 8, does that work.
Us: Yup, good night!

Same apartment, different rooms:

Them: Dinner was great, want a nightcap?
Us: Sure
Everyone: blah blah blah blah
Me (tired): Well, I''m going to turn in
.Them: Good night.
Blah blah blah.

aaaa haaaaaa!!!

 

[princesss]

Not sure if you''ve made your decision yet, but I say stick to your guns about separate accomodations. They will be getting lots of face time with their son, so two more hours at night when you should be getting much needed husband and wife time isn''t really going to make a difference in the long run. If they''ll have all day with the two of you, you should get a few hours at night. This is your vacation, too, and while it''s hard to feel like the reason their son lives far away, your needs as a couple are important, as well. TGuy wouldn''t be as happy a person if things weren''t okay with you two, and those few hours can make the difference between happy TGuy spending time with his family and not as happy TGuy who is harbouring just a little bit of resentment that he can''t have private time with his wife.

 

[Kay]

I think your in-laws over stepped a bit booking their trip to overlap yours completely without discussing it with you and Tguy first. They should have given you a couple of days alone. You should not feel at all guilty about having your own room. Tguy agrees and has already told his mother, so just let it go. I am sure he would like so alone time to DTD too.

Also, I would try to get at least a little alone time during the day too. Just because you will see them every day, it shouldn''t have to be all day every day. Maybe just take a few hours off a couple of the days to go exporing or have a meal alone.

If DH and I were traveling without the baby, there is no way I would split an apartment with his parents (or mine). We are desperate to have a few baby-free vacation days. We are splitting a lake cottage with DH''s parents for a week in September, but that is for a family wedding (DH has lots of relatives in the area). His parents are home bodies and we like to explore on vacations. His parents offered to mostly take over the baby for the week so DH and I can go hiking, wine tasting, etc. alone. (Let''s face it, DD is the one they really want to spend time with.)

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Why not stay in the apartment and also book a few nights in a hotel for the two of you???

Personally, I''d NEVER stay in an apartment with family. . .and my in-laws wouldn''t expect that of us. Yours are. Make a compromise.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I want to have sex with my husband! We rarely get it these days as it is.

Oh, to add. . . when at home you need to stick Amelia in front of the TV a few times a week (or more). You and your DH should be getting "something."

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 6/30/2009 3:47:20 PM
Author: decodelighted
Oh man ... one of those stories made me think of an evil plan. A plan in which they NEVER EVER EVER ask to share accommodations again.

It involves an adult movie, a DVD player, and the volume turned way up!

I''m embarrassed just thinking about it!

MC, I don''t think they expect it. I just think it didn''t occur to them that we might not want to, and she feels a bit bummed when told we would be getting a separate hotel room. Just like it didn''t occur to them we may not want to spend the first night at their house with all the relatives. TGuy did end up telling them how we felt and his mom did apologize. So therefore I am feeling bad that she feels sad, know what I mean?

I do feel they overstepped a bit by booking their flight the same time as ours, but I know his mom...she was just thinking it would be easier to land and take off together, so nothing sinister there. And I am not going to say anything on that one because I understanding that they haven''t seen him since December and just are excited to be with him.

 

[sparklyheart]

You''re already spending 9 days with the in-laws.. And from the sound of it, 9 FULL days (except for the wedding). Are you really going to stay up all night chatting in your pjs with the in-laws? Or get up and make breakfast for each other? I understand spending the extra time together, but it doesn''t sound like there will be a whole lot of extra time...maybe an hour at night and an hour in the morning while getting ready? 9 days with family is a LONG time even if you always have fun together and love each other like crazy. Having a little time apart is good for the relationships there! Enjoy the quiet time at night with your husband.. Either way, Have a GREAT TIME in Australia!!! I''m slightly jealous!!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 6/30/2009 3:58:26 PM
Author: MC

I want to have sex with my husband! We rarely get it these days as it is.

Oh, to add. . . when at home you need to stick Amelia in front of the TV a few times a week (or more). You and your DH should be getting ''something.''

Ha, nope. I don''t need to stick her in front of the TV (which I disagree with doing anyway) since she goes to sleep at 6:30. Life just takes over. We have date night every Thurs but are pooped when we come back. Weekends we go and hang out with friends individually. We DO need more "something" time but real life takes over and we are just content to hang out and talk, of which we do a lot.

 

[cellososweet]

stick to the hotel, seriously. sex is so important, especially after you''ve had your first baby. time to bring sexy back.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I also want to add (and sorry, I haven''t read through all the posts), but could part of the reason your in-laws are wanting to rent an apartment is to save you a bit of cash?

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 6/30/2009 4:05:40 PM
Author: MC
I also want to add (and sorry, I haven''t read through all the posts), but could part of the reason your in-laws are wanting to rent an apartment is to save you a bit of cash?

I mentioned that...but I think it might be to save everyone a bit of cash. They know we are financially fine. I don''t think they are thinking to do it so save themselves cash, they are not like that...but I do think she might think it''s overall economical to have an apartment since we can have breakfasts and dinners in.

 

[KimberlyH]

Stick with the plan in place, seperate places to stay. I love being around family but there is a time and a place for some seperation, and bedtime sounds like it might be it for you guys. If you stayed with them you'd only all be sleeping at night anyways, it's not like it would add too much to your time together.

 

[cara]

You can always hang out in their living room or pop over for a casual breakfast when you want! The apartment will still be there for casual family hanging out time. But you can have your own hotel room to go to sleep in, and to provide a little separation buffer on the days when you need it. Those extra hours of getting up and chatting over a nightcap can get really wearing! Plus if the financial strain is not there, and your *husband* both wants separate lodging and has already spoken up to his parents, you don''t need to stir the pot now. Inlaws will get plenty of face time with their son.

 

[LilyKat]

You''re doing the right thing and not at all being selfish. Think of it as investing in your relationship with their son, which will make him happy, which in turn should make them happy

I''d totally feel weird doing it with them next door too, so you''re not alone there.

 

[ChargerGrrl]

Another "stick to your guns" vote! And nope, I don''t think you''re being selfish.

Although it''s never a good idea to fib, can you perhaps "blame" your hotel stay on some fantastic offer you got from a hotel redemption program? I sometimes pull this card, as friends/family know that I travel for work a bit and am privvy to these offers.

I know, I know it''s not cool, but sometimes you just need that ME/private time on vacation!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 6/30/2009 4:29:35 PM
Author: ChargerGrrl
Another ''stick to your guns'' vote! And nope, I don''t think you''re being selfish.

Although it''s never a good idea to fib, can you perhaps ''blame'' your hotel stay on some fantastic offer you got from a hotel redemption program? I sometimes pull this card, as friends/family know that I travel for work a bit and am privvy to these offers.

I know, I know it''s not cool, but sometimes you just need that ME/private time on vacation!

Actually Charger, that''s not a lie, since we do have enough points to save on a couple of nights. But I don''t want to use that reason because it sounds like "We found a way to save money so we''re gonna stick it to ya!" I''d rather have them understand we need some couple time too.

 

[ChargerGrrl]

Date: 6/30/2009 4:31:58 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 6/30/2009 4:29:35 PM

Author: ChargerGrrl

Another ''stick to your guns'' vote! And nope, I don''t think you''re being selfish.

Although it''s never a good idea to fib, can you perhaps ''blame'' your hotel stay on some fantastic offer you got from a hotel redemption program? I sometimes pull this card, as friends/family know that I travel for work a bit and am privvy to these offers.

I know, I know it''s not cool, but sometimes you just need that ME/private time on vacation!

Actually Charger, that''s not a lie, since we do have enough points to save on a couple of nights. But I don''t want to use that reason because it sounds like ''We found a way to save money so we''re gonna stick it to ya!'' I''d rather have them understand we need some couple time too.

Yeah, It would be tough to pull that one if you''re traveling with another couple/party. I''d feel guilty!

 

[snlee]

Stick to your current plans. Get the hotel room and alone time. I understand not wanting to be with them 24/7.

 

[curlygirl]

TGal, I''m going to be a sheep and go along with everyone else. Get the hotel room and don''t give it another thought. And please have lots of sex for the rest of us mamas who aren''t doing it AT ALL!!!

 

[Kaleigh]

Don''t feel guilty, you will have plenty of time with them during the 9 days. And having your separate space will make those 9 days happy ones!!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 6/30/2009 4:52:57 PM
Author: curlygirl
TGal, I''m going to be a sheep and go along with everyone else. Get the hotel room and don''t give it another thought. And please have lots of sex for the rest of us mamas who aren''t doing it AT ALL!!!

Ha Curly...with all of the second time pregnancies on the family forum, I''m kind of afraid it''s in the water and think maybe abstinence might be a GREAT idea!!

 

[tigian]

Stick with the hotel room. I would just make sure to spend quality time with the in-laws.

 

[rainwood]

T Gal -

The goal of this trip is for you two to attend a wedding, and to spend some quality time with T Guy''s family, right? That doesn''t mean every hour of every day. Nine days sightseeing and living with someone you don''t normally live with is stressful. It doesn''t matter who they are or how nice they are. Everybody has different schedules and habits and interests, and it''s hard to accommodate everyone all the time without some irritation or resentment building up. Are you eating in, are you eating out, who''s cooking, what are we making, who''s in charge of shopping, who''s in charge in general. All those questions come up over and over if you''re not in separate hotel rooms. Which means there are a lot of opportunities for disagreements or resentment. Add in the no sex, and it just doesn''t sound like a good experience. Better to have some boundaries to assure the time spent with both your in-laws and your husband is quality time that everyone looks back on fondly instead of nine days of 24/7 where everybody gets sick of everybody else.

 

[whitby_2773]

hi tgal

being australian, and having gone on group family holidays (aunts, uncles, grandparents) all my formative years, i can EXACTLY picture the sort of thing your in-laws have in mind - and it''s charming. however, i''m getting the sense that you guys neeeed time alone... (''nuff said). i suspect, tho, that they might also neeeed time with their son - and that they have a lot fewer opportunities to get it. i am guessing, too, that money IS an object and sharing at one of the inner city suite apartments might be, not cheap or stingy, but just money conscious.

and to confuse things, in my opinion, if a couple needs a break, time alone, real time OUT, spending all day with the in-laws doesnt really cut it. having the nights together is lovely, of course, but it''s not really the break you need.

so, here''s my two ideas which could be mixed and matched to suit...

i''d explain the whole story and tell them the truth - that you would love to spend a few days with them and had planned to do so, but that you also need a break alone for a period of time. apologize, explain that you should have made this clear beforehand - take full responsibility - then tell them that you''d like to spend some days with them, but that this is primarily a trip for the two of you. tell them you''d prefer to stay somewhere separate and that you''ll need days to yourselves but that you''d love to get together with them, say, every second day. HOWEVER, follow that up by saying that you''d like to plan a visit for the future with them in Adelaide where you can enjoy just their company. even if it''s 12 months in the future, that will still send the message that you want their company and that you enjoy it also, but that the timing for now is just a bit ''off''.

alternately....

tell them the whole story (you''ll notice that both these plans start with being completely up front about the situation - and this IS the australian way, so don''t be concerned about doing this, especially if they''re good people) and explain that you''d love to spend half your time with them, that you realize that this is not what they bargained for when they booked their flights, then offer to pay to move them (this might cost a few hundred dollars, but it won''t be ore than picking up dinners etc which sounds not that likely anyway from what you said about them). i''d suggest spending the first few days with them, then really kicking back and spending the last half alone.

and can i just say one more time...nights alone but spending all days with the in-laws, really doesn''t constitute the sort of ''couple-time vacation'' we ALL need from time to time. if your in-laws have been happily married for considerable time, they''ll know that, so won''t resent your honesty. but on the other hand - if they know that, and asked to spend time with you anyway, i expect they''re running low on ''time with our son and daughter in law resouces'' also, so i agree, a compromise is in order. i''d just tweak it a bit...

besides, sydney in september is one of the most beautiful cities on the planet (i got married in sydney in september ), so you wanna be able to spend your days enjoying that gorgeous place.

get what you need - give what you can.

 

[TravelingGal]

Ladies, such thoughtful responses. I do appreciate each and every one of you taking the time to type them.

Whitby, I''ll mull over your ideas and think I will be able to use them. I probably need only one extra day besides the wedding with just him. Heck, I probably only need an afternoon. I have him all during the year, so I really am happy to spend time with them. You Aussie are am amiable bunch, that is for sure. I know they will be understanding and wonderful...that''s what makes it harder and leads me to just "give over" this vacation to them.

I just need a haven to run away to, is all.

And I AM excited about Sydney in September!!!

 

[whitby_2773]

ok, this place is about 1 1/2 hours outside of sydney, and you can catch a train there easily too.

this is one of the most romantic places on earth. 5 stars all the way, great food, stunning views, beautiful, BEAUTIFUL facilities - you could travel up one morning, stay overnight, and be back the next afternoon. if you're feeling energetic, take your walking shoes and walk in ANY direction; it's surrounded on all sides by national park!

honey, if this doesn't get the romantic spirit flowing, i can't help you!! (and you're only going to need one night here to put your marriage in seventh heaven!)


take a look

not exaaaactly the info you requested, but something i think you would love.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 6/30/2009 6:06:53 PM
Author: whitby_2773
ok, this place is about 1 1/2 hours outside of sydney, and you can catch a train there easily too.

this is one of the most romantic places on earth. 5 stars all the way, great food, stunning views, beautiful, BEAUTIFUL facilities - you could travel up one morning, stay overnight, and be back the next afternoon. if you''re feeling energetic, take your walking shoes and walk in ANY direction; it''s surrounded on all sides by national park!

honey, if this doesn''t get the romantic spirit flowing, i can''t help you!! (and you''re only going to need one night here to put your marriage in seventh heaven!)


take a look

not exaaaactly the info you requested, but something i think you would love.

Thanks Whitby! We have been looking into getaways (for all 4 of us) and this is an idea - it looks great! We were thinking of a beach getaway too, but we''ll see.

For now, I am going to enjoy my California holiday this weekend!!

 

[loriken214]

Date: 6/30/2009 3:48:15 PM
Author: princesss
Not sure if you''ve made your decision yet, but I say stick to your guns about separate accomodations. They will be getting lots of face time with their son, so two more hours at night when you should be getting much needed husband and wife time isn''t really going to make a difference in the long run. If they''ll have all day with the two of you, you should get a few hours at night. This is your vacation, too, and while it''s hard to feel like the reason their son lives far away, your needs as a couple are important, as well. TGuy wouldn''t be as happy a person if things weren''t okay with you two, and those few hours can make the difference between happy TGuy spending time with his family and not as happy TGuy who is harbouring just a little bit of resentment that he can''t have private time with his wife.

DITTO!!!

Lori

 

[swingirl]

Don''t know if you made your decision yet, but speaking as a parent of adult kids--don''t stay together. They will understand your desire to relax by yourselves without your child. It''s always a treat and they''ll recognize that, especially if you have other things planned together.

 

[purrfectpear]

T-guy needs to get over his hangups. I don''t have any problem with the two of you having your own hotel room, but this "no sex" if someone else is in the house is ridiculous. Tell him if he''s old enough to get married, and old enough to be a daddy, he''s old enough to have discreet sex. It''s not like you both have to yell like banshees.....................oh wait, is that it