I''m finally asking for some personal advice on PS!

[TravelingGal]

I''m not one for really asking advice on my personal life on the Internet, but my friends are too biased in my favor and are agreeing with me. So I think it''s time to get a sense of what PSers would do, if you would humor me.

I''m going on vacation in September with TGuy to Sydney, Australia for a wedding. We will be there 9 days. His parents live in Adelaide so obviously we have asked them to join us in Sydney as we don''t have the time to go there, but would love to see them.

Note: I LOVE his parents. However his mother does talk a lot and TGuy and FIL tune her out, so the bulk of the conversation heads my way. I''m an introvert, so I do find it draining some days.

We are going without the kid. Even though I will miss her like crazy, I know I need the hubby/wife time.

Anyway, they sent me their flight info awhile back...they land at the same time we do and will leave Sydney with us. So basically as soon as I step foot in Australia, his parents will be there. I get that his parents want to maximize their time with their son. I get that, I do, honest!

His mom, who is a very helpful woman, offered to look at two bedroom apartments for us in Sydney. This is where I get selfish. I DO NOT want to stay in an apartment with them. I want to have sex with my husband! We rarely get it these days as it is. When we go home to visit them, we never have sex under their roof. It must be some strange Catholic guilt, but TGuy just won''t do it out of respect for his parents (or fear of getting caught, lol.) IF we stay in an apartment with them, it ain''t happening. Plus, it''s a lot harder to just turn in and have couple time.

TGuy did step in and tell his mother simply that we will be finding a hotel. I have no idea how he said it, but when I ask how it went over, she said she sounded a bit bummed but she''d get over it.

And now I feel bad. They don''t get to see their son often. I''m thinking I should suck it up and just do the apartment thing, even though it may drive me crazy. TGuy does want us time, so he''s in the camp of wanting separate accomodation, which is why I think I may stick with the current plan. But as a mother myself...gosh, I can see where she''s coming from. My friends are telling me to keep to the current plan because it is important to draw boundaries.

One more note: we are going on a mini trip this weekend, so we will have some vacation time for ourselves, but after the Oz trip, I don''t foresee a long overseas vacation without the kid any time soon.

Your two cents?

 

[dragonfly411]

TGal - I think you are being pretty tolerant to invite them on your hubby wife time as it is. You are also being tolerant in allowing them to be there for the ENTIRE hubby wife time. I personally think that you have every right to want to stay in your own room, and have time with your hubby just the two of you. That is part of the point of your vaca it seems like. They will get to see you when you get up in the morning, and up until you go to bed at night. That is plenty of time with their dear son in my opinion. Brushing your teeth together isn''t going to make it that much more special, and certainly shouldn''t be a requirement IMVHO.

 

[grapegravity]

I had a similar situation as you and in my case, it was my grandparents who wanted us to stay with them meanwhile me and FI were shopping for our wedding stuff in Asia for 3 weeks... we decided not stay at my grandparents (we stayed at a hotel) for the same reason as you....

My grandparents was bummed at first, but they understood how we need our "privacy and alone" time and they were happy that we still meet up with them alomst everyday to do wedding shopping together.

my suggestion is tell Tgal to tell his parents that you both would like to have separate accomodation and yet you two can still meet up with them during the day to do stuff together...

Just my 2 cents~

 

[hlmr]

TGal, your trip sounds wonderful!!

Would you feel comfortable sharing with your mother in law, that since you two became parents you haven''t had much couple time, and you are really looking forward to spending some romantic time alone with TGuy?

Will you be spending all day with his parents while you are there? If so, then I think it would be better to have your nights in your own space.

 

[decodelighted]

Stick to your guns! Own hotel room! It should be much easier too since TGuy is thinking the *same* thing re: "personal time". Oh those Summer ni-ai-ai-ghts.

This is one of those things where spending time in a two bedroom condo might sound good to them in theory ... but in practice ... no way. You''ll be spending MORE than enough time with them over the vacation. Meals, excursions, no need to sit & chat late into the night ALSO. I really think you''ll enjoy the time you DO have with them MUCH MUCH MORE if you''re not left feeling overstimulated, all talked out, and, quite possibly: RESENTFUL.

 

[zhuzhu]

DOn''t do it! Get your own room! It''s not like you go for such a nice vacation every month. Treat yourself to the privacy you deserve. You can still socialize with them without having to sleep next to them!

 

[TravelingGal]

I think she would be very understanding if we told her we needed couple time. She is a lovely, lovely woman and has always insisted we go out on dates when we are visiting. I''m just trying to consider her feelings, even though she put ours first, because she is a nice woman. I also am wondering if financially, it would help them out for us to share accomodation. I believe I may make more money than both of them combined (although they have no debt and do pretty well.)

And yes, I am assuming that every day, from morning until evening will be spent with them. The only day we get alone is the day/evening of the wedding.

Thanks so far for your two cents. I figured most of you might say that - but I was wondering if there would be any differing opinions that might help me figure out if I am being selfish or not.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 6/30/2009 2:04:39 PM
Author:TravelingGal

His mom, who is a very helpful woman, offered to look at two bedroom apartments for us in Sydney. This is where I get selfish. I DO NOT want to stay in an apartment with them. I want to have sex with my husband! We rarely get it these days as it is. When we go home to visit them, we never have sex under their roof. It must be some strange Catholic guilt, but TGuy just won''t do it out of respect for his parents (or fear of getting caught, lol.) IF we stay in an apartment with them, it ain''t happening. Plus, it''s a lot harder to just turn in and have couple time.


Your two cents?

TG
you need a big "please do not disturb sign" on the door.

 

[Dreamgirl]

I think I can understand you feeling bad about it but you need your Tgal and Tguy time!!! (Even after your mini trip this weekend) You are already going to be in Australia with them anyway. I don''t see anything wrong with wanting to be alone with your husband for SOME of the trip. Plus I''m sure you will be out and about a lot and not spending so much time other than evenings and nights at the hotel/apartment anyway. Life is too short to not take advantage of alone time with your husband!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 6/30/2009 2:22:59 PM
Author: decodelighted
Stick to your guns! Own hotel room! It should be much easier too since TGuy is thinking the *same* thing re: ''personal time''. Oh those Summer ni-ai-ai-ghts.

This is one of those things where spending time in a two bedroom condo might sound good to them in theory ... but in practice ... no way. You''ll be spending MORE than enough time with them over the vacation. Meals, excursions, no need to sit & chat late into the night ALSO. I really think you''ll enjoy the time you DO have with them MUCH MUCH MORE if you''re not left feeling overstimulated, all talked out, and, quite possibly: RESENTFUL.

You hit the nail on the head as usual. That is what I am afraid of...and I''m not good at hiding that kind of stuff. Good point.

 

[neatfreak]

I think you are right and it is perfectly reasonable to want your own hotel room! It''s not like they won''t get to see him-you guys will just get some more complete alone time rather than "alone but with parents in the other room" time.

Don''t sweat it!

 

[elrohwen]

I think you already did your part by inviting them to come down to Sydney and see you guys in the first place, so don''t feel guilty for not staying in the same apartment as them. I think having a separate hotel room for you and TGuy is a great idea. I''m sure they understand that you two need some alone time, as much as you love spending time with the two of them.

 

[Bia]

Honestly--I know my choice won't be the popular one here--but I would share accommodations. That's the way my family operates. Not only that, but TGal, since you guys live literally on the other side of the world, I would want my hubby to spend as much time with his parents as possible. Could you get an apartment together and maybe do two-day-romantic-alone-time thing, and have all the nookie in those two days to last your whole trip?

I don't know. I just know that in my family, we stay together, and we have fun being together--even when they get on my nerves, which they inevitably do.

If your in-laws didn't live so far, I might tell you differently, because I understand not every family does things the way we do, but under these circumstances...I feel bad for your MIL. That's her baby, you know?

 

[TravelingGal]

NF (and everyone else again), thanks! I guess I''ll be waiting for any naysayers?

I must be overthinking this...they are caucasian, whom I find much more understanding. I must be asianizing this whole situation too much!!!

 

[decodelighted]

If you find yourself feeling guilty about them spending more $$ on a hotel than the condo ...(which you SHOULDN''T but I understand the instinct) ... just pick up a few more dinners than you would have otherwise. Hopefully they won''t even notice the compensation.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 6/30/2009 2:32:20 PM
Author: Bia
Honestly--I know my choice won''t be the popular one here--but I would share accommodations. That''s the way my family operates. Not only that, but TGal, since you guys live literally on the other side of the world, I would want my hubby to spend as much time with his parents as possible. Could you get an apartment together and maybe do two-day-romantic-alone-time thing, and have all the nookie in those two days to last your whole trip?

I don''t know. I just know that in my family, we stay together, and we have fun being together--even when they get on my nerves, which they inevitably do.

If your in-laws didn''t live so far, I might tell you differently, because I understand not every family does things the way we do, but under these circumstances...I feel bad for your MIL. That''s her baby, you know?

Ah ha! A naysayer!

I had thought about doing the romantic getaway for sure...but that was BEFORE they got their flight. Now there is no way I could say, thanks for coming, see ya, we''re out of here for a couple of days on our own. I would feel terrible...and think perhaps that is worse than not wanting to share an apartment.

But yes, him being her baby (and me loving my own so much) is exactly the reason why I am still even considering changing the plan. Of course, I have not approached with TGuy yet because he may say, "you said wanted our own space...I told my mom, why are you wanting to change your mind now?" It might be a moot point, but I''m debating on whether I want to bring it up.

 

[monarch64]

Take full advantage of whatever time you get alone with your husband. It sounds to me like your MIL will understand. Maybe she won''t be completely happy about sharing TGuy/not having him under the same roof, but too bad. A healthy marriage=healthy grandchild=healthy son and DIL, etc.

 

[Bia]

Date: 6/30/2009 2:32:52 PM
Author: TravelingGal
NF (and everyone else again), thanks! I guess I''ll be waiting for any naysayers?

I must be overthinking this...they are caucasian, whom I find much more understanding. I must be asianizing this whole situation too much!!!

Yea, I''m probably latinoizing the whole thing too. But, I still say, BE TOGETHER MAN!!!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 6/30/2009 2:34:28 PM
Author: decodelighted
If you find yourself feeling guilty about them spending more $$ on a hotel than the condo ...(which you SHOULDN''T but I understand the instinct) ... just pick up a few more dinners than you would have otherwise. Hopefully they won''t even notice the compensation.

We would have done that anyway...plus you should see it, his mom and my mom argue all the time over who pays. Like I said, nice woman.

 

[vizsla]

could you split the time? 5 days alone with you husband at a hotel and a ''long weekend'' for the 4 of you?

i definitely think that a healthy relationship stays healthy when you nurture it with alone time and ''bonding''.

i''m sure his parents will understand that this is just as much a trip for you two as it is for them.

plus, having a very talkative MIL and a very quite husband, i feel your pain. it is literally tiring to ''entertain'' their every conversation.

hope that helps

 

[Shoopy]

Keep the hotel and get your sexy time on.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 6/30/2009 2:41:00 PM
Author: fiery
Keep the hotel and get your sexy time on.

Maybe we should get a photographer too, to document the intimacy?

 

[Bia]

Date: 6/30/2009 2:36:32 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 6/30/2009 2:32:20 PM
Author: Bia
Honestly--I know my choice won't be the popular one here--but I would share accommodations. That's the way my family operates. Not only that, but TGal, since you guys live literally on the other side of the world, I would want my hubby to spend as much time with his parents as possible. Could you get an apartment together and maybe do two-day-romantic-alone-time thing, and have all the nookie in those two days to last your whole trip?

I don't know. I just know that in my family, we stay together, and we have fun being together--even when they get on my nerves, which they inevitably do.

If your in-laws didn't live so far, I might tell you differently, because I understand not every family does things the way we do, but under these circumstances...I feel bad for your MIL. That's her baby, you know?

Ah ha! A naysayer!

I had thought about doing the romantic getaway for sure...but that was BEFORE they got their flight. Now there is no way I could say, thanks for coming, see ya, we're out of here for a couple of days on our own. I would feel terrible...and think perhaps that is worse than not wanting to share an apartment.

But yes, him being her baby (and me loving my own so much) is exactly the reason why I am still even considering changing the plan. Of course, I have not approached with TGuy yet because he may say, 'you said wanted our own space...I told my mom, why are you wanting to change your mind now?' It might be a moot point, but I'm debating on whether I want to bring it up.

Sex can be overrated sometimes...

Just kidding! TGal, if hubby thinks they will be okay with it, then don't worry it to death. I know how you feel, because I was raised where family sleeps under the same roof, even if that means on the floor. Plus, them being in AUS...it's just far and you don't see eachother often. Okay...no more guilt. I can't help it, it's like Im brainwashed or something.

Do what you gotta do. It's a vacation, and you've been very gracious as it is. I'm sure she'll be fine.

 

[ckrickett]

If you guys were going over there SOLELY to spend time with his rents it would be one thing, but it''s not. You shouldn''t feel bad you deserve some quality time with your hubby.
You are also being very tolerant. Maybe invite them over to your hotel one night and go out for drinks and dinner.

But from your stand point you should have your own place and have a good ole time with your hubby.

 

[cara]

Hotel. Hotel. Hotel.

Honestly, the inlaws should not have booked the trip to completely overlap with yours. They may be his parents but they overstepped - you two were not making this trip just to have a family visit with them (hence going to Sydney and no kid) and your marriage needs to be a priority. I think its super important to have this gift of kid-free married couple vacationing together without his parents hanging around for the whole nine days. And your minitrip now does not negate that these kid-free couples vacations are rare and important.

I also think that you will enjoy your time with them a whole lot more with your hotel room to retreat to, and it will allow you to limit your interaction with them and not be with them every minute of every day. That and my hubby can only take about 3-4 days with either of his parents before it becomes too much, so pacing would be necessary in our case.

And when you add on the extracurricular guilt situation, it becomes a no brainer. Go with your husband on this one, and know that you are being a good DIL by not insisting that they change their dates. I personally would be considering a little weekend trip outside of Sydney to get a few days of parent-free vacation in addition to the wedding, if it makes you feel better! But I guess my inlaws are on the same continent as me, if 3000 miles away usually...

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 6/30/2009 2:42:05 PM
Author: Bia

Date: 6/30/2009 2:36:32 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 6/30/2009 2:32:20 PM
Author: Bia
Honestly--I know my choice won''t be the popular one here--but I would share accommodations. That''s the way my family operates. Not only that, but TGal, since you guys live literally on the other side of the world, I would want my hubby to spend as much time with his parents as possible. Could you get an apartment together and maybe do two-day-romantic-alone-time thing, and have all the nookie in those two days to last your whole trip?

I don''t know. I just know that in my family, we stay together, and we have fun being together--even when they get on my nerves, which they inevitably do.

If your in-laws didn''t live so far, I might tell you differently, because I understand not every family does things the way we do, but under these circumstances...I feel bad for your MIL. That''s her baby, you know?

Ah ha! A naysayer!

I had thought about doing the romantic getaway for sure...but that was BEFORE they got their flight. Now there is no way I could say, thanks for coming, see ya, we''re out of here for a couple of days on our own. I would feel terrible...and think perhaps that is worse than not wanting to share an apartment.

But yes, him being her baby (and me loving my own so much) is exactly the reason why I am still even considering changing the plan. Of course, I have not approached with TGuy yet because he may say, ''you said wanted our own space...I told my mom, why are you wanting to change your mind now?'' It might be a moot point, but I''m debating on whether I want to bring it up.

Sex can be overrated sometimes...

Just kidding! TGal, if hubby thinks they will be okay with it, then don''t worry it to death. I know how you feel, because I was raised where family sleeps under the same roof, even if that means on the floor. Plus, them being us AUS...it''s just far and you don''t see eachother often. Okay...no more guilt. I can''t help it, it''s like Im brainwashed or something.

Do what you gotta do. It''s a vacation, and you''ve been very gracious as it is. I''m sure she''ll be fine.

Trust me, I don''t need any more guilt. I *still* apologize for STEALING their son away. As much as I love TGuy, I still could not move away from my family if that meant the only way of being with him. It''s not that I love them more, it''s...well...family.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 6/30/2009 2:36:32 PM
Author: TravelingGal
him being her baby (and me loving my own so much) is exactly the reason why I am still even considering changing the plan.

Are you saying you don''t want Amelia to have a chance to get romantical with her future hubby because she''s up late every night playing checkers with grizzly old crotchety YOU?

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 6/30/2009 2:42:03 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 6/30/2009 2:41:00 PM
Author: fiery
Keep the hotel and get your sexy time on.

Maybe we should get a photographer too, to document the intimacy?

whoah buddy... I think we would need a new thread

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 6/30/2009 2:45:17 PM
Author: ckrickett

Date: 6/30/2009 2:42:03 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 6/30/2009 2:41:00 PM
Author: fiery
Keep the hotel and get your sexy time on.

Maybe we should get a photographer too, to document the intimacy?

whoah buddy... I think we would need a new thread

It already exists...over on BWW.

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 6/30/2009 2:46:57 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 6/30/2009 2:45:17 PM
Author: ckrickett

Date: 6/30/2009 2:42:03 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 6/30/2009 2:41:00 PM
Author: fiery
Keep the hotel and get your sexy time on.

Maybe we should get a photographer too, to document the intimacy?

whoah buddy... I think we would need a new thread

It already exists...over on BWW.

hahahaha fantastic!!!