I''m finally asking for some personal advice on PS!

[risingsun]

Not a naysayer here!! It's very important for you and your DH to get some couples time. It is not selfish to make arrangements to get your own hotel room. You are spending a huge amount of time with the in-laws, as it is. Do not feel guilty or I'll have to get tough with you

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 6/30/2009 2:45:00 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 6/30/2009 2:36:32 PM
Author: TravelingGal
him being her baby (and me loving my own so much) is exactly the reason why I am still even considering changing the plan.

Are you saying you don''t want Amelia to have a chance to get romantical with her future hubby because she''s up late every night playing checkers with grizzly old crotchety YOU?

If some bastard made her fall in love him with and she moved to Zimbabwe, you betcher bottom he would be getting plenty of OD on Mama TGal.

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 6/30/2009 2:22:59 PM
Author: decodelighted
Stick to your guns! Own hotel room! It should be much easier too since TGuy is thinking the *same* thing re: ''personal time''. Oh those Summer ni-ai-ai-ghts.

This is one of those things where spending time in a two bedroom condo might sound good to them in theory ... but in practice ... no way. You''ll be spending MORE than enough time with them over the vacation. Meals, excursions, no need to sit & chat late into the night ALSO. I really think you''ll enjoy the time you DO have with them MUCH MUCH MORE if you''re not left feeling overstimulated, all talked out, and, quite possibly: RESENTFUL.

ditto ditto ditto

 

[Efe]

I think that you should stick with separate accommodations. Why don''t you have TGal spend a day alone with his parents? That way they get all of his attention for a day and you get a day to decompress.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 6/30/2009 2:49:53 PM
Author: BizouMom
I think that you should stick with separate accommodations. Why don''t you have TGal spend a day alone with his parents? That way they get all of his attention for a day and you get a day to decompress.

Hahaha...I''ve already offered that to him. I LOVE spending time (especially while traveling) alone. He shot me a dirty look (jokingly). Plus whenever I even TRY and get away to give them the opportunity, MIL offers to come along with ME to give TGuy father/son time!

 

[Efe]

Date: 6/30/2009 2:52:33 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 6/30/2009 2:49:53 PM
Author: BizouMom
I think that you should stick with separate accommodations. Why don''t you have TGal spend a day alone with his parents? That way they get all of his attention for a day and you get a day to decompress.

Hahaha...I''ve already offered that to him. I LOVE spending time (especially while traveling) alone. He shot me a dirty look (jokingly). Plus whenever I even TRY and get away to give them the opportunity, MIL offers to come along with ME to give TGuy father/son time!

Oops, meant to say TGuy.

Well, apparently there is no escaping! I am an introvert myself and would go crazy with that much togetherness.

 

[geckodani]

A big ole ditto to just about everything everyone has said.

I''ve shared an apt with my mother on vacation.... never again... I love the woman, but there is a limit.

 

[Mrs]

Date: 6/30/2009 2:26:05 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 6/30/2009 2:22:59 PM
Author: decodelighted
Stick to your guns! Own hotel room! It should be much easier too since TGuy is thinking the *same* thing re: ''personal time''. Oh those Summer ni-ai-ai-ghts.

This is one of those things where spending time in a two bedroom condo might sound good to them in theory ... but in practice ... no way. You''ll be spending MORE than enough time with them over the vacation. Meals, excursions, no need to sit & chat late into the night ALSO. I really think you''ll enjoy the time you DO have with them MUCH MUCH MORE if you''re not left feeling overstimulated, all talked out, and, quite possibly: RESENTFUL.

You hit the nail on the head as usual. That is what I am afraid of...and I''m not good at hiding that kind of stuff. Good point.

Tgal, I agree with what most everyone has said (especially Deco above) - go the hotel route. As someone with a very similar MIL who talks and talks and talks and talks, I know how it feels to be the DIL who will listen when no one else will. It''s very hard to get away from the talk when neither DH, nor FIL will put up with it and you want to be a good DIL... Mine were visiting this week and just last night she camped herself next to me (as I was pumping breast milk) to chat away and I thought I would go crazy. I guess it serves me right for pumping somewhere less discreet but the only other place free in our two bedroom place (DD was sleeping in our room and the guest room / baby''s room was being used by my in laws) was the bathroom and I just feel funny about getting my DD''s food ready in the bathroom! Anyway, all that talk does not exactly put me in the mood. She is so sweet and means well and I love being with my in laws, but having them stay with us does NOT help our sex life AT ALL and I would imagine the same to be true were we staying in a condo with them on vacation. If you really want to reconnect with Tguy in that way, stick with the hotel! I hope you have a wonderful time together this weekend!

 

[D&T]

Date: 6/30/2009 2:59:15 PM
Author: geckodani
A big ole ditto to just about everything everyone has said.

I''ve shared an apt with my mother on vacation.... never again... I love the woman, but there is a limit.

yep yep!

 

[Bia]

Date: 6/30/2009 2:59:15 PM
Author: geckodani
A big ole ditto to just about everything everyone has said.

I''ve shared an apt with my mother on vacation.... never again... I love the woman, but there is a limit.

I shared a four bedroom house with my FI''s parents, sister, BIL, nephew, cousin, aunt--and one car because people had to work. You want to talk limits?

But that''s how we roll.

*I have vowed, next time, we rent a car for ourselves...no matter what. /www.pricescope.com/idealbb/images/smilies/11.gif[/img]>>

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 6/30/2009 2:57:19 PM
Author: BizouMom

Date: 6/30/2009 2:52:33 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 6/30/2009 2:49:53 PM
Author: BizouMom
I think that you should stick with separate accommodations. Why don''t you have TGal spend a day alone with his parents? That way they get all of his attention for a day and you get a day to decompress.

Hahaha...I''ve already offered that to him. I LOVE spending time (especially while traveling) alone. He shot me a dirty look (jokingly). Plus whenever I even TRY and get away to give them the opportunity, MIL offers to come along with ME to give TGuy father/son time!

Oops, meant to say TGuy.

Well, apparently there is no escaping! I am an introvert myself and would go crazy with that much togetherness.

I do. By the end of our stay at his parents'', I am admittedly snappish. If she were crazy and a witch, I''d feel better, but it''s nothing more than me being a brat...a hard pill to swallow.

They just get excited to see us and sometimes put their needs of wanting to be with us over what I feel is common sense. When we visited them in December, we came off a 24 hour trip (door to door) with an 8 month old in tow. I was exhausted and mentally fried, but definitely was happy to see them. Well, we got there and everyone was there to greet us and have dinner...which is fine, but they also decided to have TGuy''s 7 year old niece and 10 year old nephew spend the night to hang out with us. No matter how tired I am, I cannot get myself to take it out on children, who are just crazy excited to see you, but it was all I could do to not blow my fuse. In the meantime, my husband is more comfortable with showing how he feels since it''s his family, but won''t flat out tell them why, so he''s just cranky. Double fun for me.

It''s that kind of stuff that just gets me. I just feel like I have no right to complain when they see him maybe once a year.

 

[lucyandroger]

I'm not a naysayer...I just wanted to point out one thing. The apartment, I assume, would have a living room/ dining room area where you all could sit back, relax and visit together but hotel rooms would not. That would be one of the things I would be disappointed about if I were the mom...unless you guys feel comfortable hanging out in the hotel rooms.

ETA - just went back and read some more, I guess you'll have plenty of chatting time! Then don't feel guilty and just go for the hotel rooms.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I think you''re being very social and accomidating, spending the entire vacation with them and all, so having your own hotel room is pretty much mandatory.

There is an old saying....your son is your son until he takes him a wife, your daughter is your daughter for the rest of your life...meaning that while he is still her son in the literal sense of the word, he''s a husband first. This is your vacation...you deserve husband/wife time. That doesn''t mean you''re stealing their son away from them...but what kind of quality time can be gained while you''re asleep? None. So take the opportunity to spoil yourself with a little sexxxy time.

 

[LadyBlue]

Why don''t you guys stay at the same hotel. So you have your private time but at the same time she will feel close of you, being at the same hotel.

 

[Lauren8211]

I vote for your own hotel.

But honestly... it comes down to family values.

My family is always at arms length, all about their privacy, and an apartment would NEVER, EVER work. When we''d go away as a family, every kid would have their own room. That''s just how we are.

My mom would never think to room in an apartment with me, she values her privacy just as much as we do ours, and definitely wouldn''t want to stay with me.

Even if it truly offended my mom, which it does not, I would still put my foot down. Sorry... marriage comes first in my world, as well as in FI''s world.

 

[Shoopy]

Date: 6/30/2009 3:14:14 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor


There is an old saying....your son is your son until he takes him a wife

I wonder if I could get someone on etsy to stitch that on to a quilt.

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 6/30/2009 3:19:20 PM
Author: fiery

Date: 6/30/2009 3:14:14 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor


There is an old saying....your son is your son until he takes him a wife

I wonder if I could get someone on etsy to stitch that on to a quilt.

LOL

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 6/30/2009 3:06:26 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 6/30/2009 2:57:19 PM
Author: BizouMom

Date: 6/30/2009 2:52:33 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 6/30/2009 2:49:53 PM
Author: BizouMom
I think that you should stick with separate accommodations. Why don't you have TGal spend a day alone with his parents? That way they get all of his attention for a day and you get a day to decompress.

Hahaha...I've already offered that to him. I LOVE spending time (especially while traveling) alone. He shot me a dirty look (jokingly). Plus whenever I even TRY and get away to give them the opportunity, MIL offers to come along with ME to give TGuy father/son time!

Oops, meant to say TGuy.

Well, apparently there is no escaping! I am an introvert myself and would go crazy with that much togetherness.

I do. By the end of our stay at his parents', I am admittedly snappish. If she were crazy and a witch, I'd feel better, but it's nothing more than me being a brat...a hard pill to swallow.

They just get excited to see us and sometimes put their needs of wanting to be with us over what I feel is common sense. When we visited them in December, we came off a 24 hour trip (door to door) with an 8 month old in tow. I was exhausted and mentally fried, but definitely was happy to see them. Well, we got there and everyone was there to greet us and have dinner...which is fine, but they also decided to have TGuy's 7 year old niece and 10 year old nephew spend the night to hang out with us. No matter how tired I am, I cannot get myself to take it out on children, who are just crazy excited to see you, but it was all I could do to not blow my fuse. In the meantime, my husband is more comfortable with showing how he feels since it's his family, but won't flat out tell them why, so he's just cranky. Double fun for me.

It's that kind of stuff that just gets me. I just feel like I have no right to complain when they see him maybe once a year.

But its your vacation sweetheart and you have every right to want to spend some alone time with your Husband, Tguy's parents are very fortunate they get to see him as often as they do. My Husband's parents are in the States and don't see much of him at all, so stick to your guns. Your MIL will get over it, you say she is a nice lady - she will realize and the penny will drop.

I REALLY do not think you are being unreasonable at all.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 6/30/2009 3:15:28 PM
Author: gaby06
Why don''t you guys stay at the same hotel. So you have your private time but at the same time she will feel close of you, being at the same hotel.

Sorry, I should clarify...that is the idea. I would like to stay at the same hotel, but not in the same apartment.

I appreciate all the thoughtful responses and am looking at getting that quilt made.

 

[choro72]

FI and I are both Asians, but when we traveled with my parents we got separates hotel rooms. I'm VERY lucky that I have parents who actually think it's important for married people to have space between their parents. We had a great time as the one you are hoping (

), but we also spent the entire trip sightseeing with them. We all had a blast.
We have another trip coming up with HIS parents, and they assumed that we would get the same room. We had to repeat again and again "We booked TWO rooms" until the words clicked and we saw light bulbs flashing over their heads. They understood, and have no hard feelings. We wouldn't have it any other way.

ETA, I didn't mean to babble on about my stories. What I'm trying to say is, separate hotel rooms all the way!

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 6/30/2009 3:23:51 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 6/30/2009 3:15:28 PM
Author: gaby06
Why don''t you guys stay at the same hotel. So you have your private time but at the same time she will feel close of you, being at the same hotel.

Sorry, I should clarify...that is the idea. I would like to stay at the same hotel, but not in the same apartment.

I appreciate all the thoughtful responses and am looking at getting that quilt made.

then there doesn;t seem like there is anything wrong. I mean if you go t the 2 bedroom apartment you guys would have separate rooms, so it''s practically the same thing.

if your rooms were conjoined it might be off.

 

[Kaleigh]

Hotel baby!! I think staying in a 2 bedroom appartment will really put a damper on many things....They will still see lots of you guys, but this way you won't be stuck with them 24/7... I know you like them, it's not that, you need alone time with TGuy.

 

[packrat]

I vote hotel. What I''m seeing is the 4 of you hanging out in the living room, chatting, and then TGuy *yaaaawns* ohhh biiiig stretch "Well, I''m beat, I gotta get to bed..." and then it''s like, wink wink nudge nudge. If I got up to go to bed too, I''d feel like I might as well say "Goodnight guys, I''m going to have wild monkey sex with your son. See ya in the mornin". Plus, I''m guessing the bedrooms are right next to each other, and the walls prolly aren''t very thick. I dated a guy back in the day, and his bedroom was right below his parents-I used to sleep over all the time (and obviously they knew what we were doing in his room) but one night I heard THEM doing it, and I was so embarrassed..I mentioned it to him the next morning, and he told his parents. His mom said to me, "Oh honey, I''m sorry-we tried to be quiet!"

When we went to Vegas w/my parents, we stayed at their timeshare, and it had 2 bedrooms separated by a big thick door. Now..my family being what it is, and JD fitting in so well, dad would make a comment on how we''re both "tired" at the same time, so I''d say "No, I''m not tired, I''m just going to have sex w/my husband. Let''s have breakfast at the Tropicana-g''night"

 

[tlh]

Date: 6/30/2009 2:48:47 PM
Author: Lorelei

Date: 6/30/2009 2:22:59 PM
Author: decodelighted
Stick to your guns! Own hotel room! It should be much easier too since TGuy is thinking the *same* thing re: ''personal time''. Oh those Summer ni-ai-ai-ghts.

This is one of those things where spending time in a two bedroom condo might sound good to them in theory ... but in practice ... no way. You''ll be spending MORE than enough time with them over the vacation. Meals, excursions, no need to sit & chat late into the night ALSO. I really think you''ll enjoy the time you DO have with them MUCH MUCH MORE if you''re not left feeling overstimulated, all talked out, and, quite possibly: RESENTFUL.

ditto ditto ditto

deco said it best. I agree. Couple time is incredibly important... esp when children are in the picture... and couple time, also includes frisky time... get your own place. I don''t think it will result in hurt feelings while there.

 

[Lilac]

Not selfish at all to want alone with with your husband on vacation! I would never want to stay in the same apartment as my in-laws on a vacation (although they''re very nosy, so that''s a bad example) but I even would not want to stay with my own mom or dad in a house/apartment if it were the one vacation DH and I took for a long time. Privacy is important and it''s totally understandable for you to want that. Spend a lot of time with them during the day, and go back to separate rooms at night.

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 6/30/2009 3:36:10 PM
Author: packrat
I vote hotel. What I''m seeing is the 4 of you hanging out in the living room, chatting, and then TGuy *yaaaawns* ohhh biiiig stretch ''Well, I''m beat, I gotta get to bed...'' and then it''s like, wink wink nudge nudge. If I got up to go to bed too, I''d feel like I might as well say ''Goodnight guys, I''m going to have wild monkey sex with your son. See ya in the mornin''. Plus, I''m guessing the bedrooms are right next to each other, and the walls prolly aren''t very thick. I dated a guy back in the day, and his bedroom was right below his parents-I used to sleep over all the time (and obviously they knew what we were doing in his room) but one night I heard THEM doing it, and I was so embarrassed..I mentioned it to him the next morning, and he told his parents. His mom said to me, ''Oh honey, I''m sorry-we tried to be quiet!''

When we went to Vegas w/my parents, we stayed at their timeshare, and it had 2 bedrooms separated by a big thick door. Now..my family being what it is, and JD fitting in so well, dad would make a comment on how we''re both ''tired'' at the same time, so I''d say ''No, I''m not tired, I''m just going to have sex w/my husband. Let''s have breakfast at the Tropicana-g''night''

rofl.....

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 6/30/2009 3:29:29 PM
Author: ckrickett

Date: 6/30/2009 3:23:51 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 6/30/2009 3:15:28 PM
Author: gaby06
Why don''t you guys stay at the same hotel. So you have your private time but at the same time she will feel close of you, being at the same hotel.

Sorry, I should clarify...that is the idea. I would like to stay at the same hotel, but not in the same apartment.

I appreciate all the thoughtful responses and am looking at getting that quilt made.

then there doesn;t seem like there is anything wrong. I mean if you go t the 2 bedroom apartment you guys would have separate rooms, so it''s practically the same thing.

if your rooms were conjoined it might be off.

Nope, not even close to the same thing.

If we had separate hotel rooms, evenings would go something like this:

Us: Dinner was great. If you''re up for it, we can meet in the lobby and decide something for breakfast.
Them: Sounds great, we''ll see you at 8, does that work.
Us: Yup, good night!

Same apartment, different rooms:

Them: Dinner was great, want a nightcap?
Us: Sure
Everyone: blah blah blah blah
Me (tired): Well, I''m going to turn in
.Them: Good night.
Blah blah blah.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 6/30/2009 3:36:10 PM
Author: packrat
I vote hotel. What I''m seeing is the 4 of you hanging out in the living room, chatting, and then TGuy *yaaaawns* ohhh biiiig stretch ''Well, I''m beat, I gotta get to bed...'' and then it''s like, wink wink nudge nudge. If I got up to go to bed too, I''d feel like I might as well say ''Goodnight guys, I''m going to have wild monkey sex with your son. See ya in the mornin''. Plus, I''m guessing the bedrooms are right next to each other, and the walls prolly aren''t very thick. I dated a guy back in the day, and his bedroom was right below his parents-I used to sleep over all the time (and obviously they knew what we were doing in his room) but one night I heard THEM doing it, and I was so embarrassed..I mentioned it to him the next morning, and he told his parents. His mom said to me, ''Oh honey, I''m sorry-we tried to be quiet!''

When we went to Vegas w/my parents, we stayed at their timeshare, and it had 2 bedrooms separated by a big thick door. Now..my family being what it is, and JD fitting in so well, dad would make a comment on how we''re both ''tired'' at the same time, so I''d say ''No, I''m not tired, I''m just going to have sex w/my husband. Let''s have breakfast at the Tropicana-g''night''

Exactly, but insert "TGal" in place of "TGuy."

 

[Logan Sapphire]

Doesn''t your husband know that it''s more exciting to surreptitiously do it with family nearby??

Since it''s your vacation, and the point wasn''t to exclusively see his family, I would insist that you both stay in the same hotel and not the same apartment, esp since you said you could see yourself becoming resentful. However, the naysayer in me would give up the sex for the 9 days if your husband also really wanted to share the apt with his parents, or if you knew that it would make your in-laws really happy. I used to live in Kuwait, and (in my own personal opinion) if I went all the way back to the US or had someone come to visit me, I would definitely want to stay with them or have them stay with me. Though I wouldn''t necessarily give up the sex either...(and I''m Catholic too)!

 

[decodelighted]

Oh man ... one of those stories made me think of an evil plan. A plan in which they NEVER EVER EVER ask to share accommodations again.

It involves an adult movie, a DVD player, and the volume turned way up!