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I''m Fat: Giving me dress/wedding nightmares

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firebirdgold

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 30, 2005
Messages
2,216
I really shouldn''t have bought a dress that''s a size too small. With under two and a half months to the wedding I just don''t think I''m going to make my goal. I''ve been really really bad and haven''t lost much more than 5 pounds and I''m not in much better shape than I was.
I know I can get in better shape by the wedding, but I don''t see how I''m going lose two - three inches off of my chest/ribcage in a month and a half! I''m a size 14 38C/D, but my dress is a strapless style size 12 with a 38" bust measurement! And it has a band right under the bust that can''t be let out. To top it off I naturally have a very broad ribcage/back and shoulders. I''ve always had problems with things fitting my torso even when I was an 8 in highschool!
What the heck did I do! I feel awful about my lack of self control and will power! I should have been so much fitter by now! And the holidays are coming up!

I''m having nightmares about how I''ll look for my wedding every night, and my mom keeps talking about how I need to try on the dress when I get back from the holidays with my inlaws. It just makes me want to cry. (granted talking to my mother makes me want to cry about half the time anyway. She''s so negative about my appearance even though she thinks she''s positive. I''m sorry but anyone who criticizes me for not wearing makeup when taking out the trash is just not positive).
There are pics from the weddings this summer, and I look like an ugly cow!


I know being overweight doesn''t mean you''re ugly. There have been less than svelte PS brides that looked amazing and so beautiful for their weddings. I''m just not going to be one of them. I''m miserable and all that does is make me want to eat something sweet. Which, can I just say, isn''t helping!


I''m thinking I should look for another dress, but I just don''t know where to look for dresses for fat women. Not only do I not know where to find dresses large enough, but who does dresses designed to flatter larger women? All the models look so skinny, and I detested my David''s experience. Not only didn''t they have anything that was big enough (um, hello? town full of overweight hispanic ladies??), but I looked worse in their dresses than I did in my ancient target dress that I wore to the fitting.
Not to mention that my mother will have a total fit if I have to buy a size 16 or more dress. Why can''t they size them normally?? So the dress can''t be terribly expensive as I''ll have to buy it myself. If I could fit into a size 12 or less wedding dress my mother would happily shell out thousands of dollars... but a size 16+? I don''t think so.



Ok, enough whining. Point is.. Does anyone have suggestions on dresses? It''s a beach wedding in Hawaii with just our families and he''ll be wearing shorts and a white-on-white hawaiian silk shirt. Oh, and bare feet... probably I need to check since there''s a lot of lava. I also have a preference to natural materials not polyester. Suggestions that I could try on in Portland this holiday would be especially helpful!
Thanks!
 

Mara

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 30, 2002
Messages
31,003
okay indie, first off...regarding the weight issue. do not eat to make yourself feel less stressed or to feel better. you flat out KNOW it doesn''t work, girl!!! you just feel worse later. i thought that you were doing pretty well, weren''t you participating in the WWT pretty regularly? slow steps...it won''t all happen at once. it took me like 9 months to lose 10 lbs! but i did it really slowly with moderation because i knew i had to change my eating habits long term, not just for an event or similar. in any case, do not feel bad because you have not made the steps you hoped...you ARE making progress so do not sabotage it with stress eating.

on the dress...what about a simple flowing kind of sheath dress that is not fitted? i personally think many times those can be very forgiving in terms of shape...or an empire waist dress? have you considered having something made for you personally to fit your shape? sometimes squeezing into ready-made gowns is not the way to go. anyway just some thoughts.
 

AmberGretchen

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 6, 2005
Messages
7,770
Oh Indie - I can feel your stress about this so personally - I''ve been through so many similar experiences.

The first thing you really really need to try to do is stop beating yourself up. That may mean trying to take some distance from your mom to get away from her negative comments, etc...which clearly have a profoundly negative effect on your self-esteem. I''m sure your FI thinks you are beautiful just the way you are and you should try to focus on that, even though I know its hard. I think its ridiculous that the time leading up to your wedding is supposed to be this great weight-loss period. I mean, this is one of the most stressful and tumultuous times in your life - your identity is completely shifting, you are planning a big event, and there''s a lot of pressure to make everything perfect, plus its a big time drain. None of these things are conducive to successful weight loss. Remember that before you get too down on yourself for not losing more weight during this time.

Second, calm down and do try to start looking for another dress. I think your best bet may be to order online. If you post here some pictures of what you''d like, I''m sure a lot of the girls (including me) would be happy to help you find it in your size. With a rush order, you should be able to get something in time. For example, this website has allure bridals which seems to offer all its dress in sizes 2-32. I''m sure that''s true of many other brands (I''ve heard Da Vinci and Esme mentioned in the past). I realize this won''t necessarily allow you to try the dresses on but you should hopefully have a pretty good idea of what style you are after by now.

Finally, please remember that your wedding is about the joy and the love between you and your FI. If people are too small-minded or petty to be displeased with your appearance that is their loss because they''ve completely missed the point. I''ve yet to see a picture of a bride who wasn''t beautiful - that radiant happiness looks wonderful on everyone, and I''m sure it will on you as well.

Oh, and on a side note, maybe consider something that isn''t strapless and/or has a corset back. Both might make you feel more comfortable and provide some flexibility as the day approaches for stress-related weight fluctuations. I know I wished I had fone with non-strapless for my wedding as a relatively busty girl (34DD), because I would have felt way less self-conscious, and if you have body issues that''s something to consider so you''ll feel more comfortable.
 

AceP

Shiny_Rock
Premium
Joined
May 28, 2006
Messages
336
indie - Your post is making me so sad! You''re always so encouraging to everyone else, and even though I don''t know you, I just HATE it that your family, silly bridal ads, whatever else could have you feeling so down on yourself. Step one, i think, is to block out your mother. ahem. harder than it sounds, I am well aware. The most important thing is that you feel like a million bucks on you wedding day. If that means springing for a new dress, do it. What''s your style? Have you checked out JCrew''s wedding dresses? Ann Taylor''s? White House/Black Market? Also take a look at Nordstrom.com. They have a nice selection of wedding-appropriate dresses. Anyway - step two - maybe really commit yourself to being healthy from now until the wedding? i''m not talking about going on a grapefruit diet and working out for four hours a day wrapped in saran wrap. I mean just take steps that will make you feel good about yourself and maybe lose a few pounds in the process: healthy eating choices, gym visits four or five times a week. Your self-esteem will be better for it. is this helping?
 

TravelingGal

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 29, 2004
Messages
17,193
Aw Indie!

As as bride who did it, I''ll try to give you advice.

First, get thee to the weekly workout threads here. They are inspiring and they will encourage you. I got a size too small as welll, the bust was the issue in whether the dress fit or not. I had to lose about an inch to an inch and a half to get into it.

Essentially you would be going on a "diet" by watching calories and eating well. And exercise. I can''t tell you any other way around it. You have to lose a pound a week, 3500 calories extra is what you have to burn. It''s nothing you haven''t heard before.

It starts today. The first couple of days are hard. You need things to keep you accountable...a scale and measuring tape (for your bust). Dont'' freak out too much about the scale though...it goes up and down, but it does head south.

EVERYTHING you put into your mouth counts. Think of this like a science project. For the first couple of days, I looked up everything I was eating on calorielab.com. Fitday.com is a great place to put in your goals, calculate exericse and chart your progress, and it''s free! When I first actually saw what I was eating, I could see WHY I wasn''t losing weight.

The above sites are great because you know you aren''t cheating. When you flat out are expending more than you are eating, you *know* somewhere, somehow a little fat cell is getting burned off. That''s a comforting feeling. I lost 10 pounds in just over 2 months (about a pound a week)...about an inch to inch and a half, and the dress fit!

It''s hard work, but worth it. I didn''t have the option to go find another dress because this one was just so perfect...and cheap! But if it makes your nightmares go away, go find another dress. I stressed until about 3 or 4 weeks before the wedding when I realized the dress fit (I danced around the room that day). It is NOT fun having nightmares about this!

hugs!
 

allycat0303

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 19, 2004
Messages
3,255
Indie,

Ok sweetie, at this moment you sound beside yourself and very emotional. First off there will be NO MORE posts with the word *cow* in them. I don''t even want you to write that again because it''s not something you want to start sticking on your mind. I think at this stage, it is completely NORMAL to be worrying like crazy. My friend got married 5 months ago, and about 3 months before the wedding, she wrote me an email that sounded exactly like yours. She couldn''t fit in her dress, it was awful etc.

So I think at this point, what''s really important is, Can you fit in the dress? As in does it zip up fully, even if it''s terribly snug? Because you may still have time to fit into this dress. If you are buying a reletively unexpensive dress, that doesn''t need alterations, etc., I don''t know if you need to buy one at this very moment. Can you afford to give yourself a little more time? Perhaps a month (I''m sorry I don''t know when your wedding date is).

I''m sorry that I don''t have any store suggestions, but take care of yourself!
 

piccolascimmia

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Apr 4, 2006
Messages
342
Ooh, TravelingGal, thanks so much for the urls for those sites...I used to use myfooddiary.com, but fitday.com looks like a nice free alternative!

And Indie...I ditto what TG said...I don''t tend to lose weight unless I''m held accountable in black and white for everything I put in my mouth or how much exercise I get (and the resulting calories you burn).

I wish you the best in accomplishing your goal of wearing the dress you already bought!
 

Jaders731

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Oct 12, 2006
Messages
527
Ok Indie.. I am putting on my best cheerleader here.. and I''m gonna give you some advice...

first of all.. you and me girl.. we are just alike.. I bought a sample dress that was too small.. with the caveat that I could always put a corset back into the dress if I didnt lose the weight. It was 2 inches from zipping when I bought it.. but I loved it.. and couldnt afford to order it.. I could barely afford to buy it as a sample... so here is what I did...

I knew I was broad chested/thick around my bust.. ribcage the whole thing... I started doing weight watchers in June... now.. I didnt really hit it hard until I bought my dress (Let me say, this is the best diet for me... for you.. i dont know.. but its fast results, safe, and easy to maintain...)

From the time I bought my dress.. i started some new things. 1. I followed weight watchers religiously! 2. I exercised my butt off (4 days a week at the gym) 3. I started swimming.. NOT freestyle, but backstroke, as I was advised that this stroke uses EVERY SINGLE muscle in your torso... Now.. I am a horrible swimmer.. but I started. .and its amazing... 4. I started running.. gradually upping my time by 5 min. every week... starting with 10-15 min. before my setback 5 weeks ago (looong story) I was running almost three miles three times a week...
In the 8 weeks between buying my dress and going to try it on in November... I had lost two and a half inches around my chest and ribcage... and when I put that dress on.. it zipped up!!! no stress or trouble.. just zipped right up.

Ok.. so all of those things above may not be possible... I live on an island where there is little to do but go to work and go to the gym.. but think of it this way.. if you can manage at least two out of the four... you would be WELL on your way to making that dress...!!!

I am far from being where I want to be... but now my dress zips up.. and I wanted to encourage you to try something new in the next 8 weeks before your wedding... I honestly dont think you will have to buy a new dress! Maybe you could try dedicating the next 4 weeks to a new PLAN.. and see where it gets you.. just a thought.. I hope this helps!!!

If you dont mind me asking... how much do you think you will have to lose for the dress to fit??? you''ve lost five already right?

Hope that helps!!
 

mercoledi

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 20, 2006
Messages
2,822
Oh Indie! You poor thing. First, let's take a deap breath and relax. Ok, now let's try to look at this logically. It sounds like the last leg of wedding palling is kicking it, plus the holidays plus your mom being a pain, and it's just all too much.

The dress you got is beautiful, and this might be a great opportunity to set yourself up with a healthy lifestyle for your new life ahead. I promise, we won't let you get married naked! But let's get a few things straight first:

1. A size 16 is not fat. It's not eve a plus size. If you learned that from your mom, well, she was wrong. And if she won't shell out for a "larger" dress, that's her loss for missing out on dress shopping with her daughter. There isn't even an extra charge for most dresses until you get into the 20's. Whatever.

2. You have three months! Yay! That's 12 weeks! And we're almost through the dreaded holiday season. My advice would be to get back on the WWT, find an exercise routine that you will stick to and go for it. For me, I'll only work out if I've already invested a certain amount of money in the process, ie "I joined this class for $80 a week, and I'llbe damned ifI'm wasting it!" Try to figure out what will motivate you. Maybe getting your FI involved?

3. This is my only diet tip, and it comes with a warning. Here's the warning: my weight is not ususally a problem, I can't say that I've struggled with it, so I feel bad giving any advice. Tip: give up gluttony for the next few months. What I mean is eat slowly and mindfully. With every bit consider "am I hungry? Is this a smart choice for food?" If the answer is no, stop. Don't finish what you've been served if you don't really need/want it, no matter what it cost, or who you're with or anything. After about two weeks you should notice that you're eating less without thinking about it as much, and you'll probably feel better and have more energy. Like I said, this works for me to control my social over eating (workplace induced communal snack times= weight gain!). Most of us eat so quickly we injest more than we really want or need, then feel sleepy/lazy. It's pretty easy to try. If it doesn't work for you, all these other ladies have suggestions too.

4. If you get stuck, I promise we will find you another dress even if I have to fly across the continent to do it. Promise. You will not have to get married naked.$40 backup?

5. Don't beat yourself up over this. If I recall correctly, you sent your dad the dress to look at and he bought it without double-checking with you. Thus you didn't buy a dress too small, you just have a dress that's too small. Maybe it could be altered by adding panels into the side seams, like the stripes on tuxedo pants? That could be pretty and non-obvious.

6. Don't listen to your mom. Find someone else to help you find a back up if you feel you need to have one. Your mom is just wrong. She sounds a lot like my grandmother who did serious self-image damage to my mom who passed (thankfully far less of) it on to me. It sucks. I'm sorry you're in that situation.

Ok, this got really long, but the message is it'll all be OK. If you want to be in better shape, give it a go! In anycase we're here for you.
 

stretch4

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 25, 2004
Messages
4,360
Oh Indie, please don''t be so hard on yourself!! I just wanted to tell you about one of my BMs. She had gained a lot of weight with a pregnancy and had not gotten back to her original weight. I ordered her BM dress, but when it came a couple months later, it was too small. We went out and bought another dress that was similar to the original BM dress. That way she at least had one dress she could fit into on the day of the wedding regardless of whether she lost any weight. Well, two months before the wedding, she joined WW and lost over 35 pounds! Two days before the wedding, she thought it would be interesting to see if the original BM dress fit, and sure enough it did! We rushed to the tailor and had it altered, and she wore it on my wedding day.


So if it makes you feel better, go out and buy another dress. But that doesn''t mean you shouldn''t keep trying, because you never know what you can accomplish in two and a half months!

And remember, you ALWAYS have us PS gals here on your side!
 

TravelingGal

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 29, 2004
Messages
17,193
Date: 12/20/2006 3:45:48 PM
Author: Rascal49
Oh Indie, please don''t be so hard on yourself!! I just wanted to tell you about one of my BMs. She had gained a lot of weight with a pregnancy and had not gotten back to her original weight. I ordered her BM dress, but when it came a couple months later, it was too small. We went out and bought another dress that was similar to the original BM dress. That way she at least had one dress she could fit into on the day of the wedding regardless of whether she lost any weight. Well, two months before the wedding, she joined WW and lost over 35 pounds! Two days before the wedding, she thought it would be interesting to see if the original BM dress fit, and sure enough it did! We rushed to the tailor and had it altered, and she wore it on my wedding day.


So if it makes you feel better, go out and buy another dress. But that doesn''t mean you shouldn''t keep trying, because you never know what you can accomplish in two and a half months!

And remember, you ALWAYS have us PS gals here on your side!
Ah rascal, what a nice story to hear...a bride that cares about her bridesmaid more than the dress.
 

firebirdgold

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 30, 2005
Messages
2,216
Thank you for your support guys!


Yes, my mother is a bad influence, good thing the next two weeks I''ll be with my future inlaws! (it''s scary when that''s a good thing). Sadly, my fi can always tell if I''ve talked to my mother recently. She really isn''t good for me, but she''d be crushed if she knew that!
I''m thinking I''ll go dress shopping with my fmil. For one thing Portland is bound to have more selection that what''s local. (david''s and insanely $$ dresses). Besides she''s so reasonable, reassuring, and just exudes good sense and calmness. In fact she''s very much like her son!


I''m going to take a list of exercises, some arm and leg circle thingys, my bathing suit, sneakers and work out clothes to Portland. I''ve already printed out the directions to they nearest ymca. Now that my fi has some free time he can come work out with me, it''ll be good for his stress.

I''ve got to run and do errands, but briefly: dresses: A-line princess seamed, sweetheart neckline or other cleavage enhancing neckline. Halter or tank style straps, corset back would be a plus, not empire waisted, and no train. (beach)

Thanks

I do feel much better!
 

cara

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 21, 2006
Messages
2,202
OK, pragmatic advice. One, stop hating yourself. Doesn''t help. Just makes one (me) at least eat and unmotivated to exersize. You too will look beautiful on your wedding day, even at current size (but not in current dress at current size.) Two, banish mother from all discussions of dress trying on, buying, etc. Just don''t entertain her. You are simply cutting unhealthiness out of your life. Three, begin hard core healthy lifestyle today. Others have great suggestions, but basically make sure you are exersizing 6 days a week, even if its a 30 min walk at 10pm, and not overdoing it on anything. Portion control is always super hard for me, but that will be key: you need a 500 calorie deficit each day. Four, buy a relatively inexpensive dress that fits you now and you could be happy wearing. Jcrew has some on sale right now:

http://www.jcrew.com/catalog/product.jhtml?id=prod78053483&catId=cat90231
http://www.jcrew.com/catalog/product.jhtml?id=prod69219483&catId=cat90231
http://www.jcrew.com/catalog/product.jhtml?id=prod75838483&catId=cat90231
http://www.jcrew.com/catalog/product.jhtml?id=prod65597483&catId=cat90231
http://www.jcrew.com/catalog/product.jhtml?id=prod70030441&catId=cat130159
http://www.jcrew.com/catalog/product.jhtml?id=prod63050441&catId=cat130159
http://www.jcrew.com/catalog/product.jhtml?id=prod72169441&catId=cat130159

OK, last one''s not on sale. Don''t know which would suit your body type. Just find something simple, pretty, (will go with your casual beach wedding) that you can have as a backup like the bridesmaid above. It is NOT worth your sanity, trying the do or go-naked diet. Fitting in current dress can be done, but what if you get only half way there? If you have no backup, that will feel like failure, but should feel like a huge success. If you have a new dress that could easily be taken in, you can drop a lot of this negative wedding stress and see it as an diet opportunity (without the horrible consequences of not making the rather ambitious goal timeline.)
 

njc

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 10, 2004
Messages
1,997
Indie - Everyone has given you good advice on ways to try to get the little bit off you need, but I wanted to talk about the size issue. 16 is not plus size. I am normally a 14 and my wedding dress was a 16 and I never had a problem finding dresses. Actually David''s was one of the places that had a ton of 14s and 16s for me to try on. The shop I bought my dress from had a ton in those sizes as well. Most stores carry clothing in these sizes, so you shouldnt have too much trouble looking at places like Ann Taylor (my fav), Nords, etc.

I hope the time away from your mother will help you. Love the idea of buying a back-up, but keeping up with loosing the weight.

Good luck!
 

Tacori E-ring

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 15, 2005
Messages
20,009
You are putting SOOO much pressure on yourself! 2.5 months is a tight deadline to lose a size. Everyone gave you great diet advice but I really would get a back-up dress just in case. I am sorry you had a bad experience at David''s. Is there another location you can try? Like njc I was very happy with their selection. I had a really nice sales lady who helped me and it was VERY low pressure. Also I walked out with the dress (vs. ordering) so since you are in a time crunch....could be a good solution. Who knows, maybe you will find one you like better anyways. If you go the jcrew, ann taylor, white house, black market, maybe you could even return it if you end up not needing to wear it.

This is a stressful time anyways. Don''t be so hard on yourself. You will be a beautiful bride! (((hugs)))
 

VRBeauty

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 2, 2006
Messages
10,132
I''m so sorry you''re having to put up with that kind of nonsense from your mother, of all people. I hope you''ll go hunting with your fmil during the holidays.

You might consider calling ahead to Nordstroms, Macy''s, and some of the larger stores. Most will have personal shoppers who can do some scouting for you and -- hopefully -- have a selection of dresses ready for you to try on when you''re ready to shop. I''m not discounting the possibility that you''ll whittle yourself down to fit into your current dress by the time the wedding rolls around, but I agree with Tacori -- you don''t need the extra stress of having to lose weight in the next two months.
 

Cheekyprincess

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 30, 2006
Messages
133
I think you have to make a decision- do you want to lose weight and wear the dress you have, or would you prefer to get a dress to fit you now, so that you don''t have to use all your time and energy stressing about losing weight? Whichever way you go, be happy with your choice, and dont beat yourself up.

I believe it is entirely possible for you to lose a size in 10 weeks (should you decide, you had better believe this too). It would be hard work, and you would have to be very strict on yourself, focusing all energy on what goes in your mouth and how much energy you are burning. If you decide to lose the weight, I would have a back up dress anyway, just in case it all goes awry.

Tips for losing the weight- quickly!

- Only drink 0 calorie beverages. Water, unsweeted or artifically sweeted tea, coffee, diet softdrink. No fruit juice (even healthy fresh sqeezed- you don''t need the calories) One drink can have as much as 150 calories which can take a half hour of cycling to burn off- you don''t need the extra calories.

- Eat unlimited amounts of green veges- as much to your heart''s content. You don''t have to be hungry. Make your favourite vegies readily available. Have stirfrys, but use a little chicken stock and no oil (the vegies will steam/fry in the wok) to add flavour use lemon juice, garlic, ginger, herbs, soy sauce, or a little chili sauce. Saute other vegies like mushrooms, zucchini, asparagus, eggplant, baby corn in a tomato pasta sauce (choose the lowest calorie one). This is yummy, filling and if you love pasta you will still enjoy this.

- cut back on potatoes, white rice, bread, crackers, rice crackers (extremely high GI so they convert to sugar very quickly- even though they are low fat they aren''t healthy). eat as less of these foods as you can stand. Get used to eating less carbs you feel so much better for it.

- Only allow yourself to snack on fruit and veges (as much as you need)

- have small serves of protein with main meals- very small steak, chicken, fish should be as lean as you can get it and only weigh 100g. If you eat tuna get the one in sprinwater, dont eat a lot of protein, just when you feel you need it- but some each day is good.

- read all labels- make sure you compare the % of the food rather than just the serving size allowance.

You MUST MUST MUST exercise, every chance possible- walk!!! if you want to go shopping, WALK! park further away, or get off transport early so that you can walk some more. Do obliques and abs exercise every day! get a mat and put it on your floor in front of the TV- never pack it away, every time you see it- do some exercise (I got a gymball too- makes abs easy and is better for the back! even just sitting and bouncing on it you are losing calories).

Only do this if it is what you want to do, don''t do it for anyone else, but you absolutely can do it- especially if you get through the first week- make the first week asa tough on yourself as possible (eat only fat free vegetarian if you can) that way you will get quick results and are less likely to want to jeopardise them.
 

Trelala

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jul 12, 2006
Messages
138
Everyone''s given such great advice that I just want to add if you do eat starch make sure it''s brown rice, whole grain bread or whole grain pasta.
When I followed a diet similar to Cheekyprincess'' no starch (except whole grain) and no sugar regimen I noticed that my sugar craving disappeared, I became more calm and my acne cleared up. The first week is harder, but you can do it. Eventually, your body will crave the healthy stuff.
Indie, hugs to you!! I''m glad your FMIL can be there for you.
 

ChargerGrrl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 17, 2005
Messages
2,865
Oh Indie, as a gal who''s struggled with weight all my life, your post brought a tear to my eye!

I was in your shoes not too long ago... I DREADED shopping for a wedding gown. Originally just wanted to buy one of the simple JCrew dresses and call it a day. But I ended up going to David''s and had an AWFUL experience. The dreses just didn''t flatter me. Rolls and flab everywhere! It was like two piggies fighting under a blanket. My next trip was during a loong lunch hour at the Alfred Angelo company store. A lovely little old lady with a keen eye helped me. OMG- she totally nailed it. I ended up walking out of there with my dress (it was a very productive lunch hour!). I debated buying something a size or two smaller, but was so enthralled by my dress that I took the size that fit that day- a 16. My intention was to lose some weight and get it taken in, but who was I kidding? I didn''t want the pressure of HAVING to lose the weight, so I just concentrated on maintaining and toning up my arms/back. I was active and watched what I ate, but didn''t go hard core! I did end up losing a bit in my chest/ribcage (JUST before the wedding!), but it was too late to get it properly fitted, so the dress kinda looks saggy at the top in some of my pics. It pisses me off!

Bottom line- If buying a backup dress will ease the pressure you''re under,then by all means DO IT! Some gals thrive under pressure and can lose weight at the drop of a hat. I KNOW i''m not one of them, and played it safe. Do I wish I looked slimmer on my wedding day? YEP!! But the important thing was that I was COMFORTABLE in my dress (and was able to eat and drink and dance the night away!)

You''ve gotten some great diet advice here. Here''s my two cents- LOTS of water, asparagus, protein and fiber.

GOOD LUCK!
 

swingirl

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Apr 6, 2006
Messages
5,652
I''m sorry you feel stressed about owning a dress that''s too small. And you are not fat! Sizes 12, 14, 16, 18...that''s curvy, full, voluptuous and who you are. Dieting and excersising is a great idea and will make you more fit and confident but if you need a back-up dress by all means get one. Even if you loose wieght it''s hard to tell how it will be distributed over your body.

Maybe you should get a dress now in your current size and find out when is the last possible moment you can have it altered in case you do lose weight. But the stress of having a dress that you can''t fit into is enough to make you miserable for the next 2 months. Wedding planning is so stressful anyway. You shouldn''t have to worry about one more thing. And keep the details to yourself. No one needs to know what you are wearing until you walk down the aisle.
 

mercoledi

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jun 20, 2006
Messages
2,822
Date: 12/20/2006 4:55:53 PM
Author: IndieJones
I'm thinking I'll go dress shopping with my fmil. For one thing Portland is bound to have more selection that what's local. (david's and insanely $$ dresses). Besides she's so reasonable, reassuring, and just exudes good sense and calmness. In fact she's very much like her son!


I've got to run and do errands, but briefly: dresses: A-line princess seamed, sweetheart neckline or other cleavage enhancing neckline. Halter or tank style straps, corset back would be a plus, not empire waisted, and no train. (beach)

Sounds like a good plan! I saw this today and thought of you. I know you said no empire, but it's really pretty and a great deal, you can alaways have a train removed.


Was short ok? because this is super cute and very affordable for a back up!
Or there's always Trashy Diva, their stuff was made for women with figures!
Or this is soo prettyy!
 

firebirdgold

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 30, 2005
Messages
2,216
Well, it could be worse, I did use to be a lot larger thanks to depression and a dead thyroid. (It's still dead but I take meds). And at lease I'm, ah, evenly distributed as is!
I go in where I should and out where I should... could use a little less out and a bit more in, of course.


My fi asked what I was posting and I told him about my nightmares. He looked at me in my fleecey sweats and asked: 'look good for who? You look beautiful right now!'
He also suggested that we tell my mother that we're having a muslim wedding and she needs to wear a burka with a veil, so there's nothing but a black tent! He also wants to gag her for our wedding.
I don't get it. It's not like she's some sculpted blonde herself! She looks like a squash with stick legs, she hardly wears makeup herself, she's never gotten botox even though she keeps suggesting it for me, and her hair looks like like a frizzy wig it's been died so much! At least we finally talked her into brown hair rather than orange! I blame spending too much of her life in LA and Malibu!


I appreciate the diet suggestions but I don't think I can follow most of them until after the new years. We've got a two day drive starting today and then the holidays with my future inlaws and a two day drive back. It's not that they eat fattening foods (other than christmas), but I just don't have the willpower to eat fat free veggies while I'm surrounded by people eating normal food. We are taking lowfat food for the car to cut down on the McD's temptation.


I can exercise over the holidays, and fortunately I have a body that responds well to exercise. I should be a lot less squishy by the wedding. I am going to go dress shopping with my fmil. I'm thinking siri, watters, alfredo angelo, and nordstroms.


ETA: well , I can do a fair amount of dieting over the holiday other than christmas and new years. I'm sure my inlaws will be very supportive without making me feel fat.
 

Mara

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 30, 2002
Messages
31,003
indie i agree with the others who say a) you CAN lose a size in a month BUT you have to be uber-disciplined...yet it is possible. i have done it and also i have a friend who just lost 20 lbs in 9 weeks from a drastic change in diet because she was borderline diabetes and mostly what she did was flat out start eating healthy, smaller portions, and cutting out most sugars. OR b) you should get a dress that flatters you the way you are and weight-loss be damned.

personally i think weight loss has to be something that you feel really strongly about INSIDE YOURSELF. i don't think it's easy to do it just for a wedding dress or just for an event because it's not a lifestyle change then. it wasn't until i started taking me and my body and my health seriously that it clicked long-term for me. i've gone from a size 10 to a 6 in 7 months and it took a lot of work but it feels so good. i knew there was a more svelte me hiding under there and i feel great that i am 32 and look like i did when i was in college!!! but it took me almost a year of slowly working up that mentally to making that FINAL big boom change...i started walking, eating a bit more healthy, etc over a year and a half ago...but it wasn't until may of this year that i went hello this is not really working the way i want it to, i have to actually get off my ass and work out MORE and eat even BETTER than i am and really make a committment to myself to do it. why am i doing this kind of 'halfa$$' thing and not committing entirely. and then i started seeing the changes. anyway you pretty much know my story but in the end it was me wanting to change that made it work. i don't think anyone telling me that i needed to lose weight or my grandma poking me in the butt or whatever would motivate me. it had to be ME motivating ME.

so anyway i think you CAN do it, but you have to really want to and i just don't hear that from your posts. i hear excuses as to why you CAN'T do it...but i think you can...it won't be EASY but i think it's possible. but if you are not mentally there, then don't push it!! and don't feel bad about it either. just set your mind to finding a dress that flatters you for who you are right now, and maybe later you might get that 'click' about wanting to do it for you. who cares if it's after the wedding. i would have loved to be this small for my wedding but i wasn't...oh well life goes on.
as you already know, our men love us for who we are. so don't put so much pressure on yourself, but just know if you DO want to committ to losing that 1 size in a month, it IS possible.
 

TravelingGal

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 29, 2004
Messages
17,193
Date: 12/21/2006 12:50:57 PM
Author: DiamondLover23
TravelingGal:

Thanks so much for fitday.com!!
I actually found that site on the weekly workout threads...I told ya, those threads are great! I have to rejoin them in the new year...
 

njc

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 10, 2004
Messages
1,997
I fully understand how hard it is to diet during the holidays! Do what you can without feeling left out. Healthy snacks in the car will definately help with the drive!

Eat what everyone else is, just try and watch how much you eat of it. Drink a glass of water before you go back for that second helping of stuffing. Instead of veggies and dip, try veggies and hummus
. Or try to trim holiday favorites like mashed potatoes without the gravy, pie without the whip cream or not eating all the icing on a slice of cake!
 

jesterjigger

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Apr 14, 2006
Messages
274
Indiejones, I feel your pain...I bought my dress needing to lose five pounds (the next size up didn''t quite fit, it would need a lot of altering and the size down was barely too tight) but coming to Korea I''ve been doing a lot of stress eating and gained six more pounds!!! So now I need to lose 11 pounds to make sure my dress fits. I haven''t started working out yet, just monitoring what I eat, but I''ve lost almost seven pounds so far. Basically the big thing I did was focus on how full I felt while eating, and then making sure I stop when I''m full. If I''m full at all, I stop eating. I figure I can have a snack later if I need it. Most of the time I''m not hungry enough later on to make a snack. But this way I eat anything and everything I want, just small amounts of it.

And to avoid the snack machine at work I bring two baggies of cereal. One I snack on in the morning for breakfast, and then the other I''ll munch on either before lunch to tide me over, or after lunch so that I''m not famished by the time I leave. It takes a lot longer to eat cereal this way, and I eat a lot less than if I make a bowl of cereal for myself, since I eat everything in the bowl, even if I''m not hungry yet.

It''s taken just under two months to lose those 6.5 pounds, but I wasn''t exercising at all, it probably would be more if I was working out too.

And for diet programs, I highly recommend fitday.com, but get the downloaded version, it''s much cooler and easier to use. Or, if you have a fast internet connection, try sparkpeople.com They have TONS of articles, tips, messageboards, all fast food is programmed in already, and you earn points for logging in, reading articles, posting on the boards, etc etc, so that''s really motivating. I can''t recommend those two sites enough.

And I know you didn''t really ask for diet advice, it''s just hard not to give it when I''m struggling with the same thing! Otherwise, keep an eye out for sales at David''s to buy a less expensive backup dress, or check out the links the other ladies on the board have provided. I bet though, that with a little persistence and a corset you''ll be able to wear your dream dress after all...
 

gailrmv

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 8, 2005
Messages
3,136
Indie, I struggle with my weight too and my mom puts a lot of pressure on me abt my weight, so I understand where you''re coming from. If I were you I''d ask myself a couple questions:
How easy is it for me to lose weight?
How fast have I been able to lose it in the past when I really commit?
Am I able to commit and do a program now?

I have a friend who I saw in the gym this evening, and she said it is so easy for her to drop weight - she just has to do cardio 3x a week and "stop eating at McDonalds." Now for me, I exercise all the time and eat healthy and my body is just pretty much stuck at the size it''s at - although I''m very athletic and curvy, I''m just not skinny and probably never will be.

If it doesn''t seem feasible to lose the weight now, I''d just shop for a dress that makes you feel fabulous the size you are right now, which is how you deserve to feel!
 

So_happy

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 12, 2006
Messages
1,084
Hello~ I didn''t read through any of the posts except your first one so I hope this isn''t too repetitive. But I wanted to give you a suggestion on dresses if you still want it.......

I had my dress made from ChinaEkt on ebay. It cost me $228, was on my doorstep in 2 weeks, and I got to design it myself from 3 of my favorite dresses! The best part is it fits me wonderfully (now that I bought a long line bra) because it was made to MY measurements AND it is a lace-up style so even if I lose or gain 5 lbs, it''ll still fit me 7 months from now.

I recommend this seller with all my heart and if you want something that looks just like your present gown.......you can take pics of it, email them to them, and have them design pretty much the same darn dress :) I even had them take pics before sending so I knew it''d be perfect before coming all this way. And it is absolutley a dream gown for me.

I truly hope all improves and that you have a peaceful and lovely holiday season.
 

So_happy

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 12, 2006
Messages
1,084
OKay........just skimmed through the posts to see our your evolving through this time in your life..........and I have two more suggestions/advice if you still want them:


1) Whichever dress style you love the most.........GET IT WITH A LACE UP BACK............seriously. That way when/if you do lose some weight after getting another gown, you can just lace it up a little tighter. Its a completely customizable thing. And it looks very romantic from the back........seems very renaisannce to me......beach wedding.....romantic renaisannce gown.......hmmmmmmmmmm?

2) This is NOT a diet but somethign that surprisingly has enabled me to lose 2 lbs a week for the past 8 weeks or so. (Was 166...now 150!!!!) and I do NOT do anything except:

Go to GNC and buy metabolism boosting pills, NOT diet pills........for me that makes a huge diff cuz I dont'' actually eat alot...I just eat poorly and not throughout the day so the GNC lady directed me to these instead. You take them once a day (good for me too cuz I never remember to take them again if they are twice-a-day-pills). Buy this shake there called SpiruTein...it''s soy based and chocolate and actually tastes quite nice. Buy a shake bottle mixer thing. It''ll cost you about $70.

All you do is take those 2 pills in the AM, take a shower so they start to metabolize in your system...then have a shake. You will notice the shake will fill you up for about 3 hrs and you''lll have this NEED to eat again....eat something small snack size (like a couple pieces of cheese etc). Again, you''ll get hungry in about 3 hrs. Basically, do this all day. Snack and snack and make sure you eat a normal lunch (sandwich maybe) and proper dinner (before 7pm).

You will be AMAZED at how the shake gives you all this energy in the morning (I haven''t had my usual Latte from Dunkin in 8 weeks and never even missed it...no caffiene withdrawals or anything) and starts your body needing to eat properly (like every 3 hrs and you will only be able to handle a small amount without feelign full).

I''m not kidding.........I do not watch what I eat at all but this shake is like magic for me cuz it makes my brain WANT smaller amounts and most of the time I don''t even crave sugar either. Its really great. I''ve already bought my second batch of pills and shake mix (If you get a GNC card the first week of a month, you get 20% off that purchase and 20% off all additional purchases the first week of any month after that). I have never stuck with anything before either!

Now, I need to start putting some exercise back into my life to tone up more. I need to do that even if I wasn''t gettign married so I''ll work that one out soon.........

Best of luck!!!! :)
 
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