I''m being a total brat... and I Know it.. but..

[sunkist]

Date: 2/13/2006 4:48:32 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring

Date: 2/13/2006 9:41:22 AM

Author: Tigerbear

I think it is interesting how bridal shower customs are different in different parts of the country. I have never heard of a mother giving a bridal shower before. I can see how if it is your own mom and sister doing the planning you might expect to have a little more say in how things are run. But beyond that, I think that showers are a gift themselves. I can''t imagine telling my shower hostesses that something isn''t good enough. But then again, they are good friends of mine - not my mom. LOL!

I was thinking the same thing. Where I am from it is taboo for family members to throw a shower. I guess because in a way it is a celebration for them too. I really know no details for my own shower and I that is totally fine with me. I just need to know when and where to go. I guess I never had a ''vision'' of how I wanted them so as long as people are there that is all I care about. Well, a cake would be nice too

. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.

Melissa you asked for our opinions on this so I''m going to tell you, because I can''t even believe you''re acting like this

Honestly, this all reminds me of an 8 year old whose mom is throwing her a b-day party and she didn''t get her way so she''s throwing a tantrum. I guess I just don''t see why you are so involved in a party that is being thrown for you. Are you throwing a bridal shower for yourself?? In my experience a bridal shower is where your friends give a gift to the couple to start off their new life together. If this is what you''re expecting and you''re basically planning the party, that seems pretty selfish to me. Now on the other hand if this party is simply a time for your friends and family to spend time with you before you become a married woman, that''s great! Plan it. But seriously, a woman who is mature enough to get married should not be crying on the floor for 10 minutes about going to a restaurant. BE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU''VE GOT, GIRL!!

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 2/13/2006 9:08:01 PM
Author: sunkist

but seriously, a woman who is mature enough to get married should not be crying on the floor for 10 minutes about going to a restaurant.

AMEN.

This really says it all.

 

[larussel03]

Hey Hun,

I know that you're dissapointed, but the bridal shower really is supposed to be something fun that you are not really supposed to have any say in. I mean, you can't control everything. Let your family/friends plan this for you--you being upset not only takes the fun out for you but for them too. Would you be excited about going to a wedding shower knowing the bride to be was totally dissapointed??? Even if only your closest friends know, they'll be attending, and will feel bad...

ETA: plus, this is the shower, not the reception/ceremony.....I dont know about you, but I have my fariy tale wedding etc, but I never had a fairy tale shower--be careful that you dont end up being regarded by friends and fam as a "bridezilla". No one wants to be called that!

 

[pebbles]

Maybe I was just a more laid-back bride, but I really don''t see why, MS, you are getting into such a tizzy over this! It''s a shower for cryin'' out loud!

As far as why your sister or mom didn''t know about the rental fee sooner? Well, that''s life! They probably aren''t micro-managing every little detail like you are so I can completely understand why a detail like that is overlooked, especially if the contact person at the restaurant isn''t or wasn''t very clear about it from the start.

I find it just horrible that you went to your FMIL about this. What''s going to happen the next time you don''t get your own way? My MIL is sooooo into appearances too, but y''know what, it is not your responsibility to impress her. If she is going to be that superficial and you are so worried about pleasing her now even before you are married, you are going to have a lot of fun once you are married -- trust me, I''ve been there.

I don''t even remember where my shower was held but I do remember that I was so touched and grateful for the generosity of my family and friends. I wouldn''t have dreamed about MAKING them having it at a certain location because it is where I wanted my "dream" shower to be.

It definitely sounds like you have some major issues with your sister and I don''t know what kind of relationship you had with her before you started planning your wedding, but I highly suggest letting go of the reigns a bit. NO ONE is going to be into your wedding as much as you are. Is your relationship with your sister going to be scarred because she wasn''t the perfect BM or the best at planning a shower? Geez...sounds like you have some pretty unrealistic standards.

I''m not trying to be mean but trying to put everything into perspective. I know of many relationships that have been irrepairable because of bridezillas. Two of my close friends no longer speak to each other over one being a bridezilla. Please try to relax and just enjoy yourself and remember what this is all supposed to be about.

 

[Tigerbear]

Pebbles, I think you are right...it is about perspective. Melissa, I think many of us are confused by why this is so important to you. I''m also a little scared that you seem to have such high expectations that you are almost bound to be disappointed if everything is not perfect. And everything will not be perfect. I have had some friends who became so obsessed with planning the wedding that after it was over they went through a depression. The wedding had consumed their lives for so many months and then in a flash, it was over. I''m not saying this is going to happen to you...I definitely don''t want it to happen to you. I think its important though to keep in mind the reason for the wedding...to start your married life with the man you love. Isn''t that what is really important?

 

[snlee]

I think you acted immature about this whole thing. What''s important is that your mother and sister are throwing you a shower. Some people don''t even get showers. It really should not matter where it is. I can understand you being disappointed about the location but crying on the floor for 10 minutes is acting like a child who does not get their way. If you really like the restaurant, then go there with your family or FI another time. What really matters is spending time with people you love. It should be fun and not something you get all worked up over. Just my two cents!

 

[MelissaSue]

Yeah, you are all probably right that it is silly and somewhat immature of me. Although, I wasn''t crying in front of any one.. so its not like I was being like a kid throwing a temper tantrum.. I honestly was just pretty devastated by the news.. I can''t really explain why. Maybe it shouldn''t be important to me.. but it was. And quite honestly.. I AM a bit of a bridezilla at times.. I know it and my family knows it. I try to keep it in check.. but I do get out of control at times.

 

[monarch64]

Aw, MS, glad to hear you''ve chilled out! LOL! I think the reason a bridal shower is "supposed" to be a surprise for the bride is so she doesn''t get all freaked out about it!

I have to tell you--I literally had NO time to be a bridezilla, I was working so many hours when I was planning our wedding. My boss was unwilling to let me take off work even the week before the wedding, but (blessing in disguise) I ended up with a horrible cold and went to the doctor and he wrote me a note to get me out of work for the week. My pay was docked because I didn''t have enough vacation days for that week and the following week, but I had a few days to rest up before the big day!

My mother actually did plan a shower for me, the day before our wedding. My aunts wanted to do it, and everyone was under the impression that they had actually given me the shower, but my mother was the master planner behind all of it. It was her way of doing something special for me because she lives far away. My SIL''s had given me a shower but my family did not get to attend because of the distance as well. I pretty much knew nothing about the shower, and it was a wonderful surprise. The location was beautiful...she had done a lot of research and legwork and came up with an amazing place.

I''m sure your mom and sister want the best for you, MS...it''s too bad your situation hasn''t gone smoothly, but you sound like you''ve calmed down about it so I''m sure everything from this point will be all good. Of course you''re allowed some freak outs along the way, you just gotta keep everything in perspective. But you know that!

 

[BeaudryBabe]

Date: 2/13/2006 9:08:01 PM
Author: sunkist

Date: 2/13/2006 4:48:32 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring

Date: 2/13/2006 9:41:22 AM

Author: Tigerbear

I think it is interesting how bridal shower customs are different in different parts of the country. I have never heard of a mother giving a bridal shower before. I can see how if it is your own mom and sister doing the planning you might expect to have a little more say in how things are run. But beyond that, I think that showers are a gift themselves. I can''t imagine telling my shower hostesses that something isn''t good enough. But then again, they are good friends of mine - not my mom. LOL!

I was thinking the same thing. Where I am from it is taboo for family members to throw a shower. I guess because in a way it is a celebration for them too. I really know no details for my own shower and I that is totally fine with me. I just need to know when and where to go. I guess I never had a ''vision'' of how I wanted them so as long as people are there that is all I care about. Well, a cake would be nice too

. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.

Melissa you asked for our opinions on this so I''m going to tell you, because I can''t even believe you''re acting like this

Honestly, this all reminds me of an 8 year old whose mom is throwing her a b-day party and she didn''t get her way so she''s throwing a tantrum. I guess I just don''t see why you are so involved in a party that is being thrown for you. Are you throwing a bridal shower for yourself?? In my experience a bridal shower is where your friends give a gift to the couple to start off their new life together. If this is what you''re expecting and you''re basically planning the party, that seems pretty selfish to me. Now on the other hand if this party is simply a time for your friends and family to spend time with you before you become a married woman, that''s great! Plan it. But seriously, a woman who is mature enough to get married should not be crying on the floor for 10 minutes about going to a restaurant. BE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU''VE GOT, GIRL!!

Ditto...I''m with sunkist!

 

[rainbowtrout]

Well, I don''t know. On the one hand, who knows what you are dealing with right now...the crying could just be stress in some other area of your life spilling over? I don''t think it necessarily makes you a brat if you are just going insane in general and this was the random thing that broke it.

So...I''m an insane foodie and would have been thrilled if my mom planned something at a special restaurant because I love really special food, and yes I would have been pretty sad if she suddenly broke it off with no warning. I know this is an "extra" but its like being promised a gift, being involved in planning it, and then having it grabbed away. Bit jarring at first. I''m not sure why they involved you at all, frankly. If its a surprise, you get no input and you''re grateful. if they ask you where you want to go and make a big deal out of booking your favorite place, I do think its a little rude to change it at the last minute and not at least apologize or offer to put up half the money.

So bottom line, take a deep breath and forgive yourself for crying (Seriously people, everyone has random breakdowns about stupid s*&!, it doesn''t make you eight ys old or not ready to get married or whatever)


I don''t think you should have called FMIL. Seems a little disloyal.

 

[decodelighted]

I''m trying to tap into a hidden well of compassion but not having much luck. From your last post alone you say...

Date: 2/13/2006 3:15:49 PM
Author: MelissaSue
* I still don''t think I''m being completely unreasonable.
* I literally was laying on the floor sobbing for about 10 minutes.
* I just felt completely helpless
* she agrees that my sister is NOT doing good with this
* she has plenty of jeans and shoes that cost more than the room rental fee
* that is what they offered to do for me
* Its not my fault that my sister is not responsible enough to find out all the details

Can''t anyone see why you''d be angry? No! Even *YOU* admit you''re being a brat. IMO people should be angry *WITH YOU*. Being a bride does not come with a license to manipulate everyone around you until they give you what you want. I''m really aghast. Seriously.

I hope you''ll get some perspective on this when you cool down & chill out a bit for the rest of the wedding planning. It''s a long road and things can get pretty bumpy for you if you''re throwing yourself on the floor over a shower location.

P.S. - nobody has a perfect family full of capable, efficient workers producing at maximum capacity doing their bidding for them. And, as an older sister of six ... if any of them compared the gifts I give them/parties I throw them to the $$ of my brand name goods - I''d be absolutely sickened.