I''ll just jump right in....

[Sugarcicle]

Hello Ladies,

I am the latest newbie to the forum. The boy and I have been dating around 7 months, and for the past two or so we''ve been talking marriage and timelines. I know 7 months sounds quick to some (most?) people, but he and I are both 28, have dated around, and just knew early on that this was it.

As for rings, I''ve had nothing but bad experiences in the past with boyfriends picking out jewelry, so I expressed quite a bit of concern when we first discussed ring shopping. He hates the idea of me picking out my own ring, and I hate the idea of getting stuck with something that I may not like. The compromise we came up with was that I could look around on my own and narrow it down to three. From those three, he would get the final say in picking the ring. Several weeks ago he gave me permission to start looking, and after what seemed like an exhaustive search, I sent him an email with four settings I''d be happy with last week.

I had lunch with a few girlfriends over the weekend, and we got to talking about he and I getting married, and naturally the topic of the ring came up. They seemed absolutely horrified at what I did, and now I''m wondering whether it was a terrible mistake? I thought giving him a list with details was going to help out and make his search easier. Several of them made the comments that they got NO SAY in what their ring was. Is what I did really so terrible, when it''s something he and I had mutually agreed upon?

 

[4ever]

Hello and welcome sugarcicle.

Different ways of picking out the ring suit different couples. I think you two came up with a great compermise, even if you picked the ring yourself there is nothing wrong with that, many ladies here have done just that, including myself.

Hope your stay on the list is a short one.

 

[Porridge]

Good grief no, I think it is a wonderful idea. You get what you want, and he still gets to surprise you! Win win.

There''s no right or wrong, different things work for different couples.

 

[monkeyprincess]

Welcome. My opinion is that if you are both happy with the ring arrangement, then who cares what anybody else thinks? It''s quite possible some of your friends who gave you a hard time about picking out ring choices wish they could have had some say in their own rings

 

[MayFlowers]

Welcome!

I agree that there is definitely nothing wrong with picking out your ring. I will be picking out my ring. The way I see it is that you are going to be the one wearing it forever, so why not make sure it is something that you love!

 

[LilyKat]

There is NOTHING terrible about what you did!!! It sounds like a wonderful solution, and still gives him the final say and keeps an element of surprise. Getting engaged should be a joint decision, so why not the ring? We are picking mine out together, and that is the norm where I live (the UK).

What are your friends' rings like? I just wonder if they might be the tiniest bit envious if they didn't get exactly what they would have liked, that you are being given the chance to do so... just a thought.

Oh, and welcome! My boyfriend and I have also only been together 9 months are are planning to get engaged next month, so it's good to see someone else moving relatively speedily

 

[Bleed Burnt Orange]

Hi,
Congrats on your impending engagement.

I don''t think you did anything out of the ordinary. You gave him ideas of what you like, which is something he openly discussed with you and accepted. You''re in a relationship with him and know what the two of you prefer. What other people say about the propriety of things between you and him isn''t something to be concerned with. Your relationship is with your guy.

Besides, he will still very much be surprising you with the one he chooses!

 

[Sugarcicle]

Thank you for the responses, ladies. For a while there I was feeling as though I had committed a huge faux pas. I think you''re right in that my friends'' responses were due to the fact that they DIDN''T have any input into their rings. The funny things is, though, I think their husbands did an excellent job of picking out their rings, and I couldn''t imagine either of them with a ring other than what they do have. The third friend used her grandmother''s ring, so she knew exactly what she was getting.

Thanks for the reassurance. It''s nice to actually be able to talk about getting engaged with people who are still excited about it. I am one of the last of my friends to get married, so the atmosphere with them is very much "been there, done that."

 

[jewelz617]

I think for some people, the attitude is that you''re taking something away from him by choosing your own ring. And for some people that might be true, but you guys seem like you are comfortable doing it this way.

Some women need the princess proposal, and some women are realistic and want their jewelry to be something they will love for a lifetime.

I was given a ring that I hated when my husband and I first got married. Granted it wasn''t supposed to be the "forever" ring, but it still wasn''t me. I liked what it represented at the time, but now I''m glad that I''m able to get what I truly want. Ignore them, they don''t know your individual situation, lots of women pick their own ring (or leave LOTS of hints).

 

[bstraszheim]

I think it''s a great compromise, there have been girls who have come on completely distraught because how do you tell the man that you are planning to spend the rest of your life with, that you hate the ring he picked out? This way you will have a ring you look at every day and love!

 

[lilyfoot]

Definitely not a mistake!

I think it''s awesome when a couple can share all the major decision made within a relationship. Also, the ability to reach a compromise is an awesome quality for a couple to have!

I was very much involved in picking a setting for our heirloom diamond, and I wouldn''t have it any other way.

BF agrees, of course.

 

[mrscushion]

Welcome to PS!

I think you guys came to a great arrangement. Sounds good to me!

It works for some women to be completely surprised by their ring... but it wouldn''t have worked for me, I had a lot of say in my ring design and the end result is that I couldn''t be happier.

 

[luckynumber]

two things:

1. YAY for another speedy mover! I have been going out with BF for 7 months ish, and felt that we were going sooooo much faster than anyone i knew. I''m just waiting on a proposal now, which will happen in the next 4 months. He is The One, I am The One, so we just wanna get on with it now!

2. EXCELLENT idea, don''t worry about the friends, they are so old-fashioned and this way you know you will be happy with the ring. And that will make your FI happy!!

well done!!!!

 

[ChocolateLover]

Date: 12/22/2009 12:33:28 PM
Author: Sugarcicle
Thank you for the responses, ladies. For a while there I was feeling as though I had committed a huge faux pas. I think you''re right in that my friends'' responses were due to the fact that they DIDN''T have any input into their rings. The funny things is, though, I think their husbands did an excellent job of picking out their rings, and I couldn''t imagine either of them with a ring other than what they do have. The third friend used her grandmother''s ring, so she knew exactly what she was getting.


Thanks for the reassurance. It''s nice to actually be able to talk about getting engaged with people who are still excited about it. I am one of the last of my friends to get married, so the atmosphere with them is very much ''been there, done that.''

I''m in exactly the same boat as you... all of my friends are now married and have kids. Even though we''ve been together for 3 years (some of my friends moved very quickly) we''re only talking about engagement now. We had other priorities, like traveling and buying a house before kids. But every couple is different.

Non of my friends have any interest in talking about engagement, weddings etc... so I don''t even bother to try. Even though I''m not very active on this forum, its really nice to read about other women in the same situation as myself!!

Regarding the ring selection, I completely agree with the rest of the posters. If it helps - we even took it one step further by choosing the exact stone and setting together. I think it was a big relief to my BF though b/c he had no idea what I''d like. He set the budget, we picked out a design together and I found a local jeweler to custom make the simple ring. Now the timing & proposal are up to him! I have no idea what my friends would think of all this as my non-important problems (in their mind) don''t involve their kids. I''ve actually been somewhat nervous about mentioning it.

Everybody is different... but I know some of my friends weren''t stoked on the rings their hubby''s chose them (and rarely wear them). I on the other hand will hopefully wear mine as much as possible which I''m sure will make my BF happy!! Why spend so much on something you don''t really love?

 

[Pandora II]

Sounds like a great idea to me!

That said, I designed my e-ring down to the last detail... I told DH that if he ever proposed he''d better not do it with THE ring as I wanted the fun of picking it. He had input as well... and not just handing over the credit card!

Like LilyKat I''m also in the UK where it is normal for the girl to choose her ring with her FI after the proposal.

 

[HopeDream]

Hi sugarcicle, welcome to PS!

It''s very common for women on PS to have input regarding the engagement ring.
I think your horrified girfriends might be a wee bit jealouse!

I''m glad you an your BF are able to compromise.

 

[So Excited]

Hello,
I think your compromise with the BF was a great idea. You should be happy with your e-ring and not feel the need to change or upgrade it the day after you get it.

Good Luck and Welcome

 

[Luckyeshe]

Welcome to PS!!! Congrats on your pending engagement!!!

Personally, I think you did just fine sharing with your FF the 4 top picks. This helps make sure that it''s still a surprise for you but you know that either way, you''re gonna love it. Good luck on the hunt for the perfect ring!

 

[DiamondCat]

Welcome to PS!! I see nothing wrong at all with what you're doing, I'll be doing the same too! I'm planning on sending an email to my SO with my favourite settings and I'll leave it to him to decide which one is best.

 

[vc10um]

Welcome to PS, sugarcicle!!!

I agree with all of the other ladies on here--you have not committed a faux pas in the least! You and your hubby-to-be made an excellent compromise, and it''s what you''ll be doing the rest of your married life, so why not start now?!

I hope your stay on the list is short and sweet! (Did you add yourself, btw?

)

 

[Lofi]

Your girl friends would think that I am crazy then too...

At the time when we started looking my then boyfriend (now fiance) didn't want me to look... He so wanted it to be a surprise! But after many tearful conversations, he gave in and said that I could look. Well, did I ever look! After nine months of looking for "the one" I finally found it!! And I can guarantee that he would never have found the setting I have today... And we both LOVE it. It was a really good learning for him actually... not all women like to be surprised with something that they will be wearing on their finger every day! Some women want to be able to look, try on and actually find the style that suits their style best! Neither way is better, but I can guarantee if we hadn't had that conversation 1 1/2 years ago, I'd be feeling differently about my ring and might be having those tearful conversations after we were engaged versus way before. So glad it was before!!

) And so is HE!

)

Moral of the story - You did what was best for the two of you! That's all that matters.

 

[Winks_Elf]

Welcome to PS!

I am much older than you (just turned 40 on 8/1), and believe me I know what you mean about not wanting to get stuck with a ring you don''t like! My fiance and I are using a temporary engagement ring (very pretty, but not THE one either of us want to see on my hand for the rest of our lives), but are working together to pick out the final one. I think giving him a choice of four and letting him pick the one is a great idea. I don''t understand the whole surprise thing. You know you''re going to get engaged, and I''m of the school that it should be the first major purchase you make together.

BTW, Fi and I started dating in July, and were engaged in October! When you know, you know.

 

[AustenNut]

Welcome Sugarcicle!

I think that the compromise you and your boyfriend reached sounds great, and definitely not too forward at all. I actually bought my e-ring stone and clued my boyfriend in afterwards, and he was great about it. He actually is really glad that I''m taking a proactive role in this because he knows I can be rather picky and he wants me to be happy with the ring.

Hope you stay here is short but sweet!

 

[ChloeTheGreat]

You better be sure you like the ring! It is a large purchase and I would expect the intent is for you to wear it every day for the rest of your life and love it!

The process of picking out rings is the fun part, good thing you got in on it.
Congrats!