If you have at least 2 kids, any tips/advice?

[Logan Sapphire]

My kids are 1.5 and 3.5 and are super crazy! Unfortunately, they're in daycare for LONG days (we're working on trying to reduce the time) because DH and I have long commutes. We've been plagued with tons of jealousy, not only from the older one but now from the younger one as well. If he sees me holding his sister or paying attention to her, he'll run over immediately and beg to be held. Recently he's started trying to shove her out of my lap, saying no, no, no.

Anyone with experience have advice how to handle double jealousy? Or just in general re: parenting two little ones? DH and I have come to realize how much more enjoyable our kids are when they're separated b/c we don't have to deal with the jealousy, toy snatching, hitting, and biting. There are some parents who look serene and peaceful when they have 2 or more, while DH and I feel like we're drowning!

 

[cdt1101]

I'm not around much these days, and rarely post, but I saw this and wanted to respond. My son is almost 2.5 and my daughter is 10 months. My son has had jealousy issues since day 1 of my daughter's arrival. At 1st he ignored her, but would cry if I held her..it was an interesting first month to say the least

Now that he's in preschool part time, the agressive phase has begun. My DD cannot come near him or touch his things without being pushed, kicked or the like. I've tried time outs, gently talking to him, one on one time and so far, nothing is working. We're only a month into this new agression phase, but I'm exhausted already!!!

I've sought advice ad nauseum at the point on how to help my son manage his feelings better, my therapist (uh..yeah), his peditrician, and most other moms tell me this is all normal and a phase. 10 months of trying to juggle 2, with 1 having serious jealousy issues is so exhausting, not fun a lot of the time, and just so challenging.

I wish I had more advice for you, but I did talk with are pedi this week and he feels being consistent in whatever way you approach this is key. For us, we will not tolerate hitting, kicking or pushing, but Lex does not have to share his toys with his sister at this point. Sharing is a huge issue right now and as long as he doesn't take her toys, he doesn't have to share his. We are still doing time outs and then a talk afterwards for hitting and the like.

I know how hard it can be when the 2 don't get along, and I too look at other families with more then one and wonder what I'm doing wrong But I just try to be as loving and patient with them as I can, and hope that one day soon things will be somewhat easier....and hopefully less chaotic!!!

Hang in there!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Yeah, two kids in brutal.

Our older son was very jealous at first and sometimes hit or bit our younger when I nursed him and the like. That phase seems to have passed and we are in a calm lull. I have no clue what helped. We had swift and decisive reactions to *any* aggression with time out (only used for aggression). I made an effort to spend more time one-on-one with Hunter. And we also made effore to have Hunter help care for Ryder and really encouraged lots of positive interactions. But who knows what the future holds. I imagine things go through phases as each child hits a different developmental phase.

I suspect that how the kids relate to one another is guided by the same general principles that guide the rest of their behavior -- positive reinforcement of good behavior, absolutely no positive reinforcement of bad behavior, consistent rules and guidelines from mom and dad, and swift and decisive negative consequences for bad behavior (e.g. time out). If you reflect carefully or make note of how you respond to the offending child when these skirmishes occurr, can you identify anythng you are doing to reward bad behavior? Kids ususally do what works, in that if they get something they view as positive they keep doing it. I know we have had to take stock many times of our own parenting when w ehave gotten into bad situations with our older son -- bedtimes got ridiculous for a while until we took stock and realiszed we were actually creating the situation ourselves by our own reinforcement of the bad actions.

I also find my kids behave worse when I am harried and stressed. Though that one is a catch 22 for a parent

 

[Dreamer_D]

... For us, we will not tolerate hitting, kicking or pushing, but Lex does not have to share his toys with his sister at this point. Sharing is a huge issue right now and as long as he doesn't take her toys, he doesn't have to share his. We are still doing time outs and then a talk afterwards for hitting and the like.

I know how hard it can be when the 2 don't get along, and I too look at other families with more then one and wonder what I'm doing wrong But I just try to be as loving and patient with them as I can, and hope that one day soon things will be somewhat easier....and hopefully less chaotic!!!

Hang in there!

Your take on sharing is what they do at our kids awesome daycare, pretty much. I see nothing wrong with it.

And as to the second point, you just are seeing them at the good moments When I take my two out they are well behaved and I manage ok. So you would see me and think how great things are for me! But we are totally stressed and I contemplate running away on a daily basis, don't worry