If you had 3 or 4 weeks off..

[Gypsy]

and not a lot of money, with the need to stay close to home... what would you do if you needed to accomplish the following:

1. De-stress
2. Reconnect with your husband
3. Figure out what your career goals should be
4. Find a hobby that makes you happy, but doesn''t encourage isolation or retreat (so not reading, taking long lonely walks)
5. Some introspection and reflection so that you can get in touch with your feelings

What are some activities you would try to do. Or, if you ''know'' me from here, what would you recommend I do?

So far, I have a writing buddy who is writing a paper of hers, and I am going to start researching a new book (I have several half written novels around here) and start writing it-- because we are doing to buddy system to encourage each other to write, it''s not soltairy, plus I''m probably going to be bugging my other friends for their thoughts on my ideas.

I have been reading, but far too much. And I have only been leaving the house for meals, grocery shopping, or to meet one of my friends about once a week. So I''ve been isolating myself quite a bit.

I''m kind of in a place where I need to get my bearings and take care of myself. And to learn what makes me happy and what makes me unhappy.

 

[megumic]

Although I am not married, I would personally focus on re-connecting with my husband. I have seen my parents marriage fall a part because they didn''t take time for each other and put each other first - so this would be a chief priority for me. Even before being married, we''ve had times of disconnect and taking the time to re-connect makes a true difference for us.

Beyond that, it seems all of the five items you listed are inter-related. If one is improved a bit, the others may as well. I''d probably pick three to focus on, as it''s an achievable goal for your time off.

 

[EricaR]

If I were you I''d come visit me for a weekend.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

One general thing I''d say is don''t let the time slide away from you. Get up early every weekday, set your alarm if you need to, and don''t take extended naps. I''m saying this because it''s my number one time killer - long lie, lounge around the house, nap- totally kills the day, and I never feel like doing much the next day. It makes me more tired, not less. Be as active as you can if your days aren''t going to be as structured.

For relaxing and reconnecting, I''d suggest spending some time shopping farmers markets and local speciality shops then cooking some fabulous meals to enjoy together. You can shop alone or with DH, but cooking and eating together will give you some time to talk and connect.

Career stuff - no advice, I never know what I want until I fall over it. Might be worth going to a careers fair at a couple of universities, though. You might see something there that fits your skills and qualifications but lets you use them in a slightly different way.

Hobby - you''ve mentioned before that you''re interested in learning jewellery making / bench work. Go for it! I took a few months off work when I was in my 20s and learned French polishing techniqes. That was something I''d always wanted to be able to do and it was helpful for when we bought a bigger house and had a stack of ancient furniture to refinish, It was also quite therapuetic.
I can also recommend knitting. Or at least, buying a lot of lovey yarn, which is often as far as I get...

Good luck, and enjoy your time.

 

[Callisto]

Hmm just some ideas:

1. I got a book called Get a Hobby it has something like 101 ideas of different hobbies and where to get started on doing them. A lot of it is silly but there are definitely some good ideas in it. Maybe you could find it at your library too to minimize costs.
2. Find an affordable cabin or B&B or something and rent it for a night, even if its in your home town. It will allow you to get out of your house and reset mentally as well as spend quality time with your husband away from your chores and etc.
3. Have a day (or more than one day) devoid of any computers, cell phones, etc. It''s a bit scary at first but for me at least it becomes liberating at the end of the day.
4. Idk if you like crafts at al but something that would help with all but goal 4 would be to make something for your husband. Maybe decorate a frame with a picture of the two of you in it. Or write him a love note and kind of scrapbook it (i.e include pictures and decorate).
5. Plan a date night. You can search "Dates under $20" and there are millions of hits in google. That will give you something to do and you can surprise your husband and have a lovely evening or day with him.
6. Set goals for the weeks. I.e. exercise 4 times a week or cook something you''ve never tried before at least 3 times a week.
7. Go thrift store shopping. I like shopping and this is a lower cost way of accomplishing that. Since a lot of the stuff at those stores suck I don''t usually buy that much but I get a laugh out of looking through it and sometimes I find great cheap finds!
8. Have you thought of joining a book club? I find that I always feel most lost in my life when I don''t have a strong support base of friends near me. I''ve recently moved across the country and have had trouble with this, even though I''m with my SO who i love more than anything. It''s hard not having girlfriends really. Perhaps a book club would be a good place to meet people as well as give you something to do.
9. Also if you''re going to read a bunch, choose books that focus on introspection and relationships. I haven''t read a whole lot of them but I''ve heard a few good ones are:The five love languages and eat pray love (GREAT book for thinking about introspection!), I''m sure others on the forum could give you great ideas too.

Hope some of these ideas help! Enjoy your time off!

 

[VRBeauty]

Gypsy: I''ll give this more thought later, but off the top of my head... I''d spend some time in the environment that''s most refreshing to me. For me that''s the coast, so I''d go to Half Moon Bay, Point Reyes, or even some of the nature reserves around the Bay. The point is not necessarily to engage in some activity (such as hiking) but to be in an environment that awes and calms me, engages a different part of my brain (and soul), and lets me escape my own mental chattering for awhile.

 

[zoebartlett]

I''m sorry you''re going through a difficult time L!

If I was in your situation and needed to de-stress, I''d head to the beach with my husband. The water has always been one of my favorite places, and I that''s where I''d go if I needed to clear my head and try to figure things out. Okay, in reading further, I just saw that VR said the same thing (but much better).

 

[VRBeauty]

Date: 2/27/2010 11:36:17 AM
Author: ZoeBartlett
I''m sorry you''re going through a difficult time L!


If I was in your situation and needed to de-stress, I''d head to the beach with my husband. The water has always been one of my favorite places, and I that''s where I''d go if I needed to clear my head and try to figure things out. Okay, in reading further, I just saw that VR said the same thing (but much better).

Great minds think alike!

 

[Haven]

There was a thread (I think in Newlyweds--maybe it was Smurfy''s) about at-home honeymoons. A couple people shared ideas about creating honeymoon-like vacations *at home.* I really loved this idea, and took from it that they:

- Planned something to do with DH each day, or alone. (So no sleeping in and getting up without a plan for the day.)
- Hit their town like a tourist. Checked out new restaurants, and attractions they''ve never visited.
- Ate meals out each night during their "honeymoon" time, so it felt special.
- Avoided the routines they usually had (no sitting in front of the TV each night.)

As for your hobby, I would find a class in something you enjoy. Check out your local high schools for evening adult classes, ours run classes for everything from basket weaving to oil painting to karate. Or, check out any local art schools, community colleges, etc. for classes to get you going with a new hobby.

I teach in a community college, so perhaps I''m biased, but our local CCs have some of the best, most affordable cultural events around. Just this week my school is putting on two plays, one "Empty Bowls" event where you can purchase gorgeous hand potted bowls for $8 each (!), several public lectures and discussions, and the start of a weeks-long film festival. Check out your local CC, I imagine they have a lot to offer.

If you''re into reading another good way to get out is to check out your local library''s book readings and other events.

As a teacher I have summers off, and I can say that they are always more rejuvenating when I take the above advice. I try very hard to make each day count, and to not waste any away by sleeping in or zoning out in front of the TV.

Good luck, Gypsy!

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 2/27/2010 5:51:15 AM
Author:Gypsy
1. De-stress
2. Reconnect with your husband
3. Figure out what your career goals should be
4. Find a hobby that makes you happy, but doesn''t encourage isolation or retreat (so not reading, taking long lonely walks)
5. Some introspection and reflection so that you can get in touch with your feelings

Interesting question. I''ll be pondering the other answers myself but I figured I could throw out some ideas too.

CONNECTION: I agree with the day w/o electronics. Would go further though: no power. We''ve taken vacations at a no power camping resort and its the only time DH really gets to go offline & relax. And just this week we had a substantial power outage (over 24 hrs). Its interesting how your priorities immediately change to food/water/shelter/heat/hot showers/batteries/matches etc. We sat side by side tending a fire for heat most of the day and just talking, brainstorming, getting cozy with the pets -- but then right before dark had to make the decision to board the cats at the vet and get to a hotel for the night (mostly so DH could shower & get a wake up call for work the next day). That short-dose version of Survival Mode mentality is kind of relaxing because it is uber focused, yanno? Not a lot of time for endless ponder and calculation. Just: go, do, be. You could do it at home or a cabin by the water. Getting out of your environment is a great idea if possible. Our cats were fine at the vet -- though I''d always resisted boarding of any kind before -- when push came to shove I just had to do it.

BODY: Take a tennis lesson ... maybe a group lesson. And maybe even get a tennis partner that way. OR try out a new yoga or dance class. Or show up at a group hike ... or a swim club. Find one social sport that appeals to you MOST and pursue it until it becomes a habit.

SOUL: Volunteer. Pick a cause and find a way to physically pitch in. Once a week or once a month -- however much time you can spare.

MIND: Take a class. Or even go to a public workshop about cooking or health or tiling or tax prep or anything advertised in the paper this week that appeals in the LEAST.

FEELINGS: Get a massage. I know that sounds weird but sometimes just being pampered and having someone press on your built up tension can end up releasing feelings you weren''t even aware you were repressing.

The career stuff ... I don''t think that''s accomplishable in 3-4 weeks. It would absorb all your time for other things. Just let it simmer on the back burner and see how you feel about it after you do all the OTHER STUFF. Putting your NEEDS first. Its possible that through your other travels/experiences you''ll find ideas about how they could apply to your career. Or not. Perhaps you won''t even care so much about your career if you''re able to create a more fulfilling LIFE plan.

Now I''m going to go take my own advice.

Don''t feel alone. LOTS of us could use the same thing!

 

[elrohwen]

I''m in this same situation at the moment, though with longer than 3-4 weeks to kill, unfortunately. It''s also too cold to do much outside, so I''ll admit I spend far more time in front of the computer, tv, or a book, than I should.

The one thing I have started that I love is volunteering with animals. I''ve done it in the past, but couldn''t keep up due to travel requirements at my last job. Now that I have free time, I spend it cleaning out bunny cages. I find getting out of the house for 2-3 hours even breaks up the day and makes it go so much faster. Even if I do nothing else interesting the entire rest of the day, it still feels like I''ve accomplished something. Is there a cat rescue you can work at? Working with animals is often social too - chatting with the other volunteers is great.

Cooking is also amazing - I have been trying to cook more new things. I also pick recipes that take longer because I have plenty of time to work in the kitchen for a few hours. Obviously if this isn''t something you enjoy it wouldn''t be a great idea.

Book clubs and knitting clubs are great and social ways to do something that you can also do on your own at home.

I don''t really have any reconnecting ideas that haven''t been mentioned. I''ve found that I''ve been able to reconnect with DH so much now that I''m home every night instead of only one or two nights a week, but my situation doesn''t really apply to yours in this case.

 

[FrekeChild]

My first thought, knowing what I do about you guys is take a cooking class together. Or a series of cooking classes.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Anything where you and he can experience something new together - taking a class (some of the wine tasting and/or cooking ones at the local community colleges near you should be inexpensive but fun), go play tourist in the area (some of the places VRbeauty suggested would be tons of fun to drive to and explore), and in addition, I''d add San Francisco (one of my favorite days ever while we lived there was when we got a picnic at the Ferry Building, climbed the Filbert St. stairs, ate the picnic right near Coit Tower, then hiked over to Ghirardelli square and had afternoon tea).

For yourself - have you considered volunteering with the SF/SPCA? Its really an amazing community there, and there''s a lot you could do with the kitties.

 

[Sabine]

Can you sign up for a class through your local library/community center on something you and your dh could do together, like cooking or dancing?

You could also do some camping in your back yard together (if the weather permits).

Or you and dh could start a community project together or at least volunteer somewhere a few times.

 

[elrohwen]

Another thought: Do you play an instrument? Did you play one as a kid? It might be fun to take more lessons or get involved in a casual ensemble.

 

[Haven]

Ooh, there are some great suggestions here.

I volunteer with our local animal shelter and I LOVE IT!
I''m also in a book club, which is super fun. And I recently started going to knitting circles on Sundays, which is much more entertaining than you could every imagine!

Any one of these activities would be great for you to try.

 

[Haven]

Ooh, there are some great suggestions here.

I volunteer with our local animal shelter and I LOVE IT!
I''m also in a book club, which is super fun. And I recently started going to knitting circles on Sundays, which is much more entertaining than you could ever imagine!

Any one of these activities would be great for you to try.

 

[elrohwen]

For those in book clubs, where did you find out about them? Local library?

 

[Gypsy]

Hmm... great ideas. Especially as some of you know me pretty well.

So helpful!

So the number one things I am getting are: Not to sleep in and nap and waste days. I''ve been doing that too much and it is stressing me out instead of the opposite. Maybe I''ll set a goal to be up at a certain hour each day and try to keep busy. I think that might help.

Weekly goals is a great one. I am trying to do a weekly writing goal. If I can set achievable goals maybe I''d feel like I accomplished something so that I would stop feeling guilty.

The shore is fabulous. I love half moon bay and water calms me. I think I''ll put that on the list.

Massage has been on my list but I''ve felt guilty for it, b/c of money. Maybe I''ll do it anyway, when our tax return comes in (supposed to have been here already).

Erica, I''d love to come visit. I''m just not that active. But will consider it, thank you honey. I''m putting it on my ''possible goal'' list.

Cooking classes together is a great idea. Can look into that. Are they fun?

Volunteering is smart. I used to do this and enjoyed it very much. I''ll look into the local SPCA.

I''m not sure about the book club. On the one hand it sounds fun, but on the other... not sure. Will think about it.

I have been unplugging. I did so yesterday. It''s not that hard actually. I enjoy it. Everyone should give this one a try.


Okay so... baby steps. First, set the alarm for tomorrow. My weekly goal for this week is to be more active, to get up on time and to get on a schedule. Second talk to John about going to the coast on Wednesday for a date day, and shore excursion. And maybe call the SPCA or looking into a cooking class. One or the other and which ever I don''t do this week, I''ll do next week.

Thank you guys. This has been very helpful. Reinforced somethings I was thinking about, and helped me define some ways to help myself.

 

[Kaleigh]

Great ideas...

I love the cooking lessons, I think that would be really fun.

How about taking up a sport with John?? You two could take Golf Lessons... Tennis lessons??


How about doing a Yoga class together??


Volunteering is great, I need to get back into that. You are such an animal lover so it would be perfect.


Can you sing, how about joining a choir??
Do you act?? How about a local theatre??

If you list your interests that would help.

YOU love flowers. I know that from BWW. How about joining a local garden club???

Or working PT for a local florist..

You could do an internship with one... How cool would that be??

You have such a flair.. Such a vision.

Methinks this is it!!!!

 

[Haven]

Date: 2/28/2010 2:43:05 PM
Author: elrohwen
For those in book clubs, where did you find out about them? Local library?

I created my own.
I sent out a mass email to all of the interesting women I know to see who was interested, and asked them to send it on to anyone they wanted to invite. Once the interested people responded, I set up a survey on Surveymonkey.com to see which day and time worked best for the majority, and then set our first meeting to work out the details.
I love my book club. I''ve read some books I never would have read had I not been in book club.

Gypsy--I think your approach sounds perfect. One small change a day will probably make a big difference. Here''s to your month of feeling fulfilled and productive!

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 2/28/2010 6:00:35 PM
Author: Haven

Date: 2/28/2010 2:43:05 PM
Author: elrohwen
For those in book clubs, where did you find out about them? Local library?

I created my own.
I sent out a mass email to all of the interesting women I know to see who was interested, and asked them to send it on to anyone they wanted to invite. Once the interested people responded, I set up a survey on Surveymonkey.com to see which day and time worked best for the majority, and then set our first meeting to work out the details.
I love my book club. I''ve read some books I never would have read had I not been in book club.

Gypsy--I think your approach sounds perfect. One small change a day will probably make a big difference. Here''s to your month of feeling fulfilled and productive!

That''s a good idea, Haven. I may email my local female friends and see if they''d like to do something like this. Unfortunately, they all live 30-60 minutes away, but obviously for something like a monthly meeting that''s not a big deal (I end up driving out there once a month at least)

 

[MisterGypsy]

Date: 2/27/2010 5:51:15 AM
Author:Gypsy


4. Find a hobby that makes you happy, but doesn''t encourage isolation or retreat (so not reading, taking long lonely walks)

Winner winner chicken dinner.

And now for for the tap-dancing smiley. I know he''s supposed to be clapping, but look-it him go! All he need is a cane and some tap shoes and he''s singing in the rain.

He should definitely be combined with this guy though . . .

 

[MisterGypsy]

You should sing. I''ll go with you and croak out a few tunes in my Johnny Cash with ephezema baritone. . . until I''m fired.

 

[Gypsy]

Singing. Lisa, how did you know I used to sing? Loooooooooooooooog time ago. I did enjoy it. And I enjoyed acting on stage. Wonder if there is a local group. That would actually be a total blast. Wonder if I could get my hubby to act.

But I wouldn''t mind doing it solo either.

I love working at florists. I wonder if my wedding florist would be willing to take on an apprentice or something. Food for thought.

Hmm, my interests. I don''t know. It''s been so long since I''ve had time to think of any.

I like fabric. I do enjoy sewing and wouldn''t mind taking up lessons again. It was fun. And I enjoyed making some of my own clothes.

Jewelry. Cats. The two should not be combined.

I enjoy books. Starting my own book club would be fun. Wonder if we could do a virtual book club on PS.

What ARE my interests. Hmm.... I''m going to have to give that some thought. It''s a great question. Especially since I am in ''self discovery'' mode.

I think for the time being I''m going to ignore my career.

Focus on me. And see what happens.

I went out today and sat outside and had lunch. It was really nice. AND I set my alarm for tomorrow.

Thank you everyone for the suggestions, good thoughts and commiseration. I''m okay-ish. Just going through some stuff. But I am very lucky to have this community to reach out to. I''ll be okay. It''s a journey, and right now the road is a little rough, but I''m sure it will get better.

 

[VRBeauty]

Date: 3/1/2010 3:21:42 AM
Author: Gypsy


I enjoy books. Starting my own book club would be fun. Wonder if we could do a virtual book club on PS.

Hmmm... you may be on to something there! It''s more likely to succeed than a virtual singing group, anyways...

Thank you everyone for the suggestions, good thoughts and commiseration. I''m okay-ish. Just going through some stuff. But I am very lucky to have this community to reach out to. I''ll be okay. It''s a journey, and right now the road is a little rough, but I''m sure it will get better.

Hang in there, sweetie. You''ve got so much going for you that I''m sure it will get better!