If anyone is having cold feet ...

[diamondfan]

Yes. My hubby and I have different styles in how we do things. Most times it is fine, but sometimes we butt heads. When she is around things just suck generally as she sets my teeth on edge and does the same to my husband, but he feels conflicted and guilty about those feelings.

I am not saying I would not have married him based on his parents, but I would have made sure things were spelled out in terms of boundaries and acceptable behaviors. At 24 it was tougher for me to assert myself and they were boundary pushers/takers/manipulators which bugs me no end. Now I set the rules forth, but on certain things old habits are ingrained and makes it tough. I hold my ground and get some support from hubby, but things that bother me are more second nature to him and so he is more willing to let certain things slide, where I am less inclined to roll over.

 

[Harriet]

We worked out IL kinks a while ago, so that''s one thing less about which to worry!

 

[diamondfan]

As have I, but trust me, issues WILL crop up again in the future. I have found people who feel entitled and are dominating do not simply stop altogether and things tend to come in waves or around new situations. Where holidays would be spent, our children''s birth, our move East, etc, this stuff brought things to the surface again. However, if you have good groundrules in place, the issue gets tended to much more quickly and the impact or strength of it is lessened with the passage of time.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Harriet
don''t chicken out now!

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 6/30/2008 4:49:06 PM
Author: Miranda
Yes we do! But, more importantly we have a great relationship and understand each other completely. It doesn''t always mean we like each other, though! LOL


Are you feeling any better?

Sometimes emotions can get a bit of a roll on, and you find yourself thinking / feeling things about the relationship that really have no bearing in reality...
outside stressors can play a MUCH huger part in this type of thing than we give credit too at the time...
it''s only after the stressful outside situation has passed (like getting married!

) that you can see your silly thoughts for what they are...

I''ve noticed this particularly with my husband''s behaviour...

Also, a very interesting thing occurred to me the other day, I began to chart my *ahem* fertility cycle, and I discovered that I feel extremely down ( like, ''I must need couselling because I feel so miserable'' type down) on the very day that I ovulate! I always thought it was bleeding time that put us girls on edge! But for me, it''s definitely the other way around.

Knowing this has really helped me track my ''favourite'' crappy thoughts and dispose of them rather than thinking ''Gee, there really must be something in these worries...''

 

[Gypsy]

Harriet, as someone who DID have ARCTIC cold-feet for years... sometimes there is a real reason. And sometimes it feels like a reason, but all it is is unreasonable fears. It''s important to know which one it is. For me it was a combination of both for a longtime.

But once the real reason went away... well, I still get moments of extreme panic. But... it''s not the roadblock feeling-- the extreme mental block. It''s just... fear an panic at the thought of change. I think that stuff is normal... and reading this thread and the advice given to you has affirmed that for me. I think all of us brides to be are just gonna have to trust our now married friends on here, and the strength of our relationships and just have faith (and xanax) until... D-Day. ((HUGS))

 

[Harriet]

Date: 7/5/2008 9:37:01 PM
Author: diamondfan
As have I, but trust me, issues WILL crop up again in the future. I have found people who feel entitled and are dominating do not simply stop altogether and things tend to come in waves or around new situations. Where holidays would be spent, our children''s birth, our move East, etc, this stuff brought things to the surface again. However, if you have good groundrules in place, the issue gets tended to much more quickly and the impact or strength of it is lessened with the passage of time.

Oh boy, were you ever right! Fortunately, I had a chat with our dear Eva and benefitted from her wisdom.

 

[Harriet]

Date: 7/6/2008 3:27:27 AM
Author: LaraOnline
Sometimes emotions can get a bit of a roll on, and you find yourself thinking / feeling things about the relationship that really have no bearing in reality...
outside stressors can play a MUCH huger part in this type of thing than we give credit too at the time...
it''s only after the stressful outside situation has passed (like getting married!

) that you can see your silly thoughts for what they are...

I''ve noticed this particularly with my husband''s behaviour...

Also, a very interesting thing occurred to me the other day, I began to chart my *ahem* fertility cycle, and I discovered that I feel extremely down ( like, ''I must need couselling because I feel so miserable'' type down) on the very day that I ovulate! I always thought it was bleeding time that put us girls on edge! But for me, it''s definitely the other way around.

Knowing this has really helped me track my ''favourite'' crappy thoughts and dispose of them rather than thinking ''Gee, there really must be something in these worries...''

Thanks, LaraOnline. Sometimes I think I can''t wait till we get the wedding over with!

 

[Harriet]

Date: 7/6/2008 6:08:05 AM
Author: Gypsy
Harriet, as someone who DID have ARCTIC cold-feet for years... sometimes there is a real reason. And sometimes it feels like a reason, but all it is is unreasonable fears. It''s important to know which one it is. For me it was a combination of both for a longtime.

But once the real reason went away... well, I still get moments of extreme panic. But... it''s not the roadblock feeling-- the extreme mental block. It''s just... fear an panic at the thought of change. I think that stuff is normal... and reading this thread and the advice given to you has affirmed that for me. I think all of us brides to be are just gonna have to trust our now married friends on here, and the strength of our relationships and just have faith (and xanax) until... D-Day. ((HUGS))

Yup. Hugs for you too! And, congratulations on making 10,000.