Find your diamond
Find your jewelry
shape
carat
color
clarity

If airlines sold paint

Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.

strmrdr

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 1, 2003
Messages
23,295

Think about this the next time you call about buying an Airline Ticket!


If airlines sold paint.


Customer: Hi. How much is your paint?


Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things.


Customer: Can you give me a guess? Is there an average price?


Clerk: Our lowest price is $12 a gallon, and we have 60 different prices up to $200 a gallon.


Customer: What''s the difference in the paint?


Clerk: Oh, there isn''t any difference; it''s all the same paint.


Customer: Well, then I''d like some of that $12 paint.


Clerk: When do you intend to use the paint?


Customer: I want to paint tomorrow. It''s my day off.


Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint.


Customer: When would I have to paint to get the $12 paint?


Clerk: You would have to start very late at night in about 3 weeks. But you will have to agree to start painting before Friday of that week and continue painting until at least Sunday.


Customer: You''ve got to be *&%^#@* kidding!


Clerk: I''ll check and see if we have any paint available.


Customer: You have shelves FULL of paint! I can see it!


Clerk: But it doesn''t mean that we have paint available. We sell only a certain number of gallons on any given weekend. Oh, and by the way, the price per gallon just went to $16. We don''t have any more $12 paint.


Customer: The price went up as we were talking?


Clerk: Yes, sir. We change the prices and rules hundreds of times a day, and since you haven''t actually walked out of the store with your paint yet, we just decided to change. I suggest you purchase your paint as soon as possible. How many gallons do you want?


Customer: Well, maybe five gallons. Make that six, so I''ll have enough.


Clerk: Oh no, sir, you can''t do that. If you buy paint and don''t use it, there are penalties and possible confiscation of the paint you already have.


Customer: WHAT?


Clerk: We can sell enough paint to do your kitchen, bathroom, hall and north bedroom, but if you stop painting before you do the bedroom, you will lose your remaining gallons of paint.


Customer: What does it matter whether I use all the paint? I already paid you for it!


Clerk: We make plans based upon the idea that all our paint is used, every drop. If you don''t, it causes us all sorts of problems.


Customer: This is crazy!! I suppose something terrible happens if I don''t keep painting until after Saturday night!


Clerk: Oh yes! Every gallon you bought automatically becomes the $200 paint.


Customer: But what are all these, "Paint on sale from $10 a gallon" signs?


Clerk: Well that''s for our budget paint. It only comes in half-gallons. One $5 half-gallon will do half a room. The second half-gallon to complete the room is $20. None of the cans have labels, some are empty and there are no refunds, even on the empty cans.


Customer: To hell with this! I''ll buy what I need somewhere else!


Clerk: I don''t think so, sir. You may be able to buy paint for your bathroom and bedrooms, and your kitchen and dining room from someone else, but you won''t be able to paint your connecting hall and stairway from anyone but us. And I should point out, sir, that if you paint in only one direction, it will be $300 a gallon.


Customer: I thought your most expensive paint was $200!


Clerk: That''s if you paint around the room to the point at which you started. A hallway is different.


Customer: And if I buy $200 paint for the hall, but only paint in one direction, you''ll confiscate the remaining paint.


Clerk: No, we''ll charge you an extra use fee plus the difference on your next gallon of paint. But I believe you''re getting it now, sir.


Customer: You''re insane!


Clerk: Thanks for painting with United.


 

sumbride

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 17, 2006
Messages
3,867
ha, so true. Especially the part about painting the hallway in one direction! I booked my honeymoon flight as a multi-leg ticket from the town we''re getting married in, to the honeymoon spot, and then back home... but now we have to buy 2 one way tickets so we can GET to the town we''re getting married in! And trying to find a reasonably priced one-way ticket is almost impossible! I think we''ll probably end up on Southwest (grrr!) but they aren''t selling for that time period yet!
 

poptart

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 23, 2006
Messages
1,899
Love this Strmr!! And so true. With DH and I having to fly over 2000 miles to get to our hometown, we end up spending way too much on paint. I hate how the prices change, too!

*M*
 

luckystar112

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 8, 2007
Messages
3,962
Date: 4/11/2007 9:45:35 PM
Author: sumbride
ha, so true. Especially the part about painting the hallway in one direction! I booked my honeymoon flight as a multi-leg ticket from the town we''re getting married in, to the honeymoon spot, and then back home... but now we have to buy 2 one way tickets so we can GET to the town we''re getting married in! And trying to find a reasonably priced one-way ticket is almost impossible! I think we''ll probably end up on Southwest (grrr!) but they aren''t selling for that time period yet!
do you not like southwest???
I''ve always thought that southwest is the best airline. Cheap flights, nice flight attendants, and best part of all....they''ve never crashed a plane. lol. I guess you can take that last part as either good OR bad. It''s good that they haven''t crashed....but that means they are due for one. EEK.
 

Regular Guy

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 6, 2004
Messages
5,951
Storm,

That is really good! Can we credit you as the author?

Good flying!
 

Ellen

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 13, 2006
Messages
24,426
Good one.
 

Gypsy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 8, 2005
Messages
40,198
United is the worst. Jet Blue is MUCH better even with current dificulties.
 

firebirdgold

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 30, 2005
Messages
2,216
Just makes you appreciate southwest even more!
 

firebirdgold

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 30, 2005
Messages
2,216
I was just checking timing and prices for a flight that was on united and by the time I went to book it the price had gone up by $65! I was not amused!
 

Skippy123

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 24, 2006
Messages
24,299
Strm, cute joke, but SOOOOOO true. I hate that you have to pay for meals too! Thank goodnesss SWA gives snacks.

Sorry for the hijack, but ATA is the worst airlines. I can't even begin to tell you what a horrible airline they are; and they partner with SWA. Try and avoid them if you can. I like SWA but it is hard to understand why they would work with ATA.
 

sumbride

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 17, 2006
Messages
3,867
I''m not a fan of Southwest because I resent the standing in line for a seat thing... It seems like chaos. Plus I''ve watched too much "Airline"... it did not portray them in a positive light.
 

strmrdr

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 1, 2003
Messages
23,295
Date: 4/12/2007 1:27:54 PM
Author: Regular Guy
Storm,

That is really good! Can we credit you as the author?

Good flying!
got it in email.....
 

Skippy123

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 24, 2006
Messages
24,299
Oooooh, Strm, you should put a pic of you and Wifey2be w/your pretty ring over on the
"Let's put some Faces w/Rings" thread. I know you are shy but it would be soooooo cute to see you guys
 

strmrdr

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 1, 2003
Messages
23,295
Date: 4/13/2007 6:18:32 PM
Author: Skippy123
Oooooh, Strm, you should put a pic of you and Wifey2be w/your pretty ring over on the
''Let''s put some Faces w/Rings'' thread. I know you are shy but it would be soooooo cute to see you guys
nope not going to happen...
Too many death threats in the past from online stuff.
 

codex57

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Dec 18, 2004
Messages
1,492
ATA is the worst. Never flown them, but I''ve seen the gov''t statistics the airlines have to report.

I love SWA. Course, I suppose it''s different in each state, but within CA, SWA rocks! Flew it for the return trip from my honeymoon cross country. Wasn''t any worse than the legacy airline I flew to my honeymoon destination. Actually, I was more relaxed cuz I had more confidence in SWA being on time and getting my luggage to me.
 

Skippy123

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 24, 2006
Messages
24,299
Date: 4/16/2007 5:07:13 PM
Author: codex57
ATA is the worst. Never flown them, but I''ve seen the gov''t statistics the airlines have to report.

I love SWA. Course, I suppose it''s different in each state, but within CA, SWA rocks! Flew it for the return trip from my honeymoon cross country. Wasn''t any worse than the legacy airline I flew to my honeymoon destination. Actually, I was more relaxed cuz I had more confidence in SWA being on time and getting my luggage to me.
Codex; what are the statistics??? Crashes? What?
 

cutes814

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 28, 2005
Messages
1,803
hilarious, but sadly so true. love the comparison to paint tho! thanks for sharing storm
 
Status
Not open for further replies. Please create a new topic or request for this thread to be opened.
Be a part of the community It's free, join today!

Need Something Special?

Get a quote from multiple trusted and vetted jewelers.

Holloway Cut Advisor



Diamond Eye Candy

Click to view full-size image.
Top