Ideas for a non-traditional traditional wedding...

[ammayernyc]

To explain, I intentionally wrote traditional twice in the title.

Here''s the deal: as many might know from past posts, my lovely bf has not proposed... yet. However, I want to do a little wedding thinking (not planning since he will want lots of input, but I need some ideas).

I never put much thought into what I would want for my wedding since that was always my mother''s deal. However, she unfortunately passed away three years ago. So, now it''s up to me and I''m super confused.

Neither of my parents is alive and I don''t want a substitute to walk me down the aisle. So, should I walk down myself or just enter from the side? Should I have bridesmaids or not since this is a non-traditional wedding? I want the whole white dress, big hoopla, nice flowers deal, but would it be weird to have all these pretty women walking down before me and then me alone to give myself away? Should I just have my friends and family holding the chuppah up and surrounding us? (Obviously a Jewish wedding). Do I have people speak since there are so many special people in our lives, as well as huge extended family? Is it okay to tell my cousin that although her 2-year-old is very cute, there is absolutely no way that she will be a flower girl?

I have lots of time (I''m assuming) but I am absolutely clueless and I thought you wonderful ladies might have some ideas.

 

[Erin]

In this non-traditional day and age I say the rules are precisely these:

Do whatever you want.

Have your bf''s father or your best male friend or no one give you away - it might be important to you to feel ''given away'' by someone close to you or it might be important to you to have no one physically there but know in your heart your father is standing right there walking you down the center of the aisle - traditionally.

If they are important people in your lives - give them whatever responsibility you feel necessary. If you don''t want someone to participate - fine, it''s your day not theirs.

Of course some care must be taken in the way you say things, but ultimately do not sacrifice your perfect day to make others happy. That''s why it''s typically thought of as ''your day'' in the first place.

Good Luck

 

[ammayernyc]

I''m pretty sure that I want no one to walk me down the aisle. There is only one person who I feel could substitute for my father, but he''s not a blood relative and my family will probably go nutso if that happens.

My bf''s father also passed away, so the only immediate family that is left is his mother, whom I really like, but couldn''t be more different from. She''s also not Jewish, so it might be a little weird for her to participate in a Jewish wedding.

I was just wondering if anyone was in an even remotely similar situation and what kind of ideas they had...

 

[honeynut]

I think that especially with a jewish wedding, you have a lot of flexibility to be non-traditional and traditional at the same time! Forgive my apparent ignorance - I am not religious and neither fi nor I are jewish and we''ve never even been to a jewish wedding.... but it seems that the most gorgeous and romantic and fun and different weddings that I''ve read about or seen pictures of have all taken place before a huppah!

so I consider myself educated enough to respond. I think that you should walk yourself up the aisle. I don''t think it would be odd at all that you would do the aisle alone - I actually think that it''s breathtakingly romantic. Besides, if you''re going for the big poufy dress, flowers to the nines... what''s the harm in a little more visual impact?? All eyes will be on you anyway. Go for it! You should absolutely NOT enter from the side. This is going to be the best walk of your life. Don''t miss it for anything!

As for everything else, you don''t need bridesmaids if you don''t want them, but if you love them, have them. Same for groomsmen - if you love these people, include them. Want it outside? Sure! Inside? Sure! Want some non-jewish elements incorporated to honor your fi''s family? sure! But definitely have the traditional wedding contract - I forget what it is called, sorry - those things are so beautiful! I would love to be jewish just to be able to have one of those to sign and hang on our wall forever.

We wanted a non-traditional wedding too - we''re doing it in fi''s parents'' backyard in L.A. They are very close to the beach so we could ahve done it there but we didn''t want a bunch of strangers barging into our wedding etc., so we''re doing a gourmet BBQ instead. We''re having a fantastic caterer bring all kinds of super luxe food, but we''re going to eat at picnic tables covered in bright colored tablecloths. We''re doing our own flowers, very loosely and naturally - we''re going to hang chinese lanterns, light the walkway with luminaries after dark, little white christmas lights everywhere - and we''re going to have a cotton candy machine Music we''re downloading ourselves and playing on a stereo to avoid needing aDJ... and the party is going to be small enough to really feel intimate (about 30 ppl total). The guys will be wearing linen shirts, pants and flipflops, with orchid boutonnieres. I only have one bridesmaid because my oldest friend won''t be able to make the trip... she is videotaping her speech so we can play it at dinnertime. I''d lke someone to videotape us watching her give her speech so she can share the moment. Maybe we''ll put the party on webcam for everyone who couldnt'' make it (many guests are from Canada). My dad wants to walk me down the aisle but that''s about the most traditional thing we''re doing - the ceremony is being officiated by a friend and I think we''re all going to stand in a circle instead of lining up on either side.

 

[appletini]

You could have unoffical bridesmaids, that way they have the title, but don''t have to buy a dress they won''t ever wear again, but still get to help with the planning.

 

[ammayernyc]

Well, a good friend of mine is getting married this summer and she''s not having any bridesmaids... so I can see how that works out. But trust me, I will have plenty of input from many, many people. My extended family -- blood relatives and not -- are all extremely opinionated and will definitely have something to say about what I should have. My aunt even stated that she is going to pay for my wedding... which, is really nice and generous, but ABSOLUTELY not happening. She may be my aunt, but she and I were not cut from the same cloth.

Honneynut: A Jewish wedding contract is called a Ketubah. I definitely will have one -- even if my bf is pretty anti-religion. It means a lot to me and my family heritage. Besides, it will be another pretty thing to hang on the wall.

I think I want to walk down the aisle myself, I''m just a little worried about being overcome with emotion.

But, alas, I''m sure I will lots and lots of time to think and plan!

 

[Blue824]

I''ve been to weddings where the bride has walked down herself. Also, recently, I went to one where the groom was waiting almost half way down and so as the bride walked up, she met the groom and then they walked up to the front together. I guess that''s non traditional, but I thought it was totally sweet, sort of symbolic as they were walking up that they were entering in this together. I''m also anti-bridesmaids so I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with not having them...now watch, after years of me saying that I''ll probably end up with a wedding party of 20. No way though, made my mom & friends promise not to let me have them and remind me of how much I never wanted them.

Did you see the Oprah wedding around October where the couple getting married rang a bell, I believe, to honor everyone who was dear to them and had passed away. You could also add something unique like that to honor your parents and his father.

But to agree with Erin, do whatever you want as long as it makes you & your bf happy

Ultimately that''s all that matters.

 

[ammayernyc]

Ohhhhh... I LOVE that idea of him meeting me halfway down the aisle and us walking up together!

 

[blueroses]

I think that''s a lovely idea too!! I was in one wedding where the bride''s father had died the previous year; she walked herself up the aisle and then her mother met her for just the last few steps....it was a beautiful entrance and a bride alone in the aisle is stunning and dramatic....and I think the idea of meeting your FI for the 2nd half of the walk is such a beautiful symbol!! Love it!

I also saw the Oprah wedding where a bell was rung with the name of all the departed loved ones--it was really moving.

 

[ammayernyc]

I think the bell thing is a little much for me. I''m already mildly depressed at every wedding I go to because I will never have a father/daughter dance. Doing something to specifically remember them is too much to me. It''s obvious already that they''re not there.

That being said, my bf will be super involved in the planning so I''m sure he''ll have ideas too since he''s lost a parent as well. I just need to get the ring now...

 

[blueroses]

I totally understand, ammayernyc--you want the day to be about you and your FI, not painfully mentioning the obvious.

My friend who lost her dad did have a note in the program and a rose on the altar for her dad, but there was no actual mention of him in the ceremony--would have been too much. She''d also lost her maternal grandmother very suddenly 3 weeks before the wedding and same thing--just a rose on the altar and NO mention--it was all she could do to stay together and just focus on her now-DH.

It''s all about what YOU guys want--those are the most logical "rules" I can think of!!

 

[ammayernyc]

Thanks for all your support!

Knowing my mother, she''d just be happy that I''m getting married! By the time she was my age, I was already six months!

 

[blueroses]

Am, me too!!! When my mother was my age, I was exactly 7 months old!!

 

[Erin]

My parents got married young (19/20) and had kids 3 years later - at my age she would have had me - 6 yrs old, my sister 2 yrs old and pregnant due in 3 months.

I can''t even be dedicated about walking my dog!

 

[Buena Girl]

That would be really special if your FI met you halfway down the aisle. Some of your guests would have a close view of your faces as you link hands to become husband and wife and walk down the aisle together

p.s. When my mom was my age, I was 1 month old.

 

[blueroses]

I know it''s a generational thing, but it can''t go on forever....think about if our kids all wait until later than WE do and so on! The end of the species!!!

It''s funny b/c for her time, my mom was pretty late to be getting married at 24, kids at 27 (sister) and 30 (me). And I''m still substantially behind! I''m also behind my sister who was married at 28, kids at 31 and 33. Oh well. There is no right way, there is just YOUR way, right?

 

[jenwill]

Hah! I have you all beat! When my mom was my age, I was.....
























15 YEARS OLD!!!!!!!

I cannot imagine having a sophomore in high school....I am not old enough! My mom had me when she was 19, her mom had her when she was 19/20. So she made my grandma a grandma at age 38/39. That is about when i am projecting to have my first child!


ARGH!

 

[MINE!!]

Just wanted to throw in something here about people walking down the aisle (sorry, am not trying to hi-jack your thread

Forgive me)
This is my second marriage and my father will not walk me down the aisle. Instead I have two daughter 9 and 6... they are going to walk down the aisle with me and then they are going to stand with us as we give our vows. I am excited.

Best of luck to you!!

 

[MissAva]

MINE I think that is a really cute idea and what a great way to make your children feel incorperated.

...okay I am 22 my parents had both graduated with their under grad degrees two years earlier and my father was about to fnish med school and my mother was pregnant with my old sister.

(24 at the end of may). However I am not worried about the age of having children my mother had my little sister when I was a senior in HS and she is a lovely wonderful child.

I am just glad I have an older sister who refuses to date, makes it easier for me to point and go look are her for grandkids or when I am feeling evil

I say that my parents had their own (kids ages 24,22,12,4). I think everyone ought to go at their own pace especially with things like children.
Ammernyc- Do what makes you happy, your parents loved you and would want this to be an uber memorable day for you. Perhaps to incorperate your mother you could use the lace pattern from her dress as part of your frosting pattern on cake. They had a cute article about that in Martha Stwearts Weddings about 2 years ago. OR if you have her dress and dont want to wear it you could use part of it for your wedding album cover of to wrap the stems of your flowers. The father things are harder but I am sure that it will work out for you. Good Luck!

 

[ammayernyc]

A friend of mine suggested that he walks his mother down the aisle to her seat or the chuppah, or stop halfway and then she walks the rest to where she is going to be. Then he either stops in the middle or walk back to the middle to wait for me.

I''m almost positive now that I don''t want bridesmaids. This is for a couple of reasons:

1. I''ve been a bridesmaid and it''s just much more fun to not be in the wedding. Much more relaxed.

2. I have a large extended family and eventhough my parents are not alive and my bf doesn''t love them, I think it is the right thing to do to have my cousins be the people in my wedding. However, I have lots and lots of cousins and I wouldn''t want to leave any of them out. And most of them are married and their spouses would have to be groomsmen and I know my bf would not like that at all.

3. I''ll be at least 30 when I get married and I almost feel like I''m too old for such a display

4. I don''t want to pretend it''s going to be a normal wedding since it won''t be. I mean, I want the flowers and the party and all that, but my parents won''t be there so something will definitely and obviously be missing.

All that being said, I know my bf wants groomsmen, but it''s really not the same for the men. All they have to do is put on a tux and escort some people. For women it''s a big ''to-do.''

After all this thinking, there is a part of me that just wants to elope and then have a big party to celebrate.

That being said... I just need to get the ring and proposal!!

 

[elepri]

I really like the idea of your fiance meeting you halfway down the aisle too. And you absolutely don''t have to have bridesmaids, i''m not having any, for the same reasons pretty much. I think my friends will be a lot happier just attending as guests.