I think I caught the baby fever. Somebody slap me!

[Iowa Lizzy]

DH and I were married just over two months ago and I've suddenly started to catch baby fever. I've been looking online at baby names, baby furniture, baby clothes. Halp!

Background: For the past several years I was convinced I never wanted children. I didn't even particularly like children. I always compared infants to larva. Kinda squirmy and useless and all time consuming. When I met DH, he agreed. We had so many things we wanted to do together and having children was nowhere near the list.

After dating for a few years and getting engaged, DH admitted that maybe he was having a change of heart and while he didn't want kids anytime soon, he wanted them eventually. I was still adamant that I didn't want them but told him maybe we'd revisit the issue around the age of 30 and that it wouldn't be completely out of the question someday.

I think I suffered from some weird hormonal change after the wedding! My closest friends and family are all asking me what the hell happened. They knew my stance and they're so surprised to see me changing my mind. DH told me the other day that he's definitely not ready for them yet, but he wants to have them in a few years. I promised him I'd relax and just chill out about it.

Did this happen to anyone else? I feel like maybe it's just the progression thing. Not that I blame PS, but I feel like being on the LIW boards almost made me even more engagement crazy, then I moved on to BWW. Now that the wedding is over, I lurk on the FHH pregnancy board. Maybe I'm one of those people that feels like I need to always be moving towards "the next step." I need to just relax and enjoy married life. I have a copper IUD that will last another nine years so it's not like getting pregnant is even an option until I have it removed.

Did anyone else go through this after the wedding? I just want to go back to being indifferent about children. Maybe I need to babysit someone's rowdy kids? I clearly remember a time in the not so distant past when I could look at a baby or toddler and not feel a thing. Now I see one and catch myself saying "awww.... look at the baby!" Ugh. Somebody slap me.

 

[sctsbride09]

I understand exactly what you are going through. I had pretty much the same thoughts about kids as you did pre-marriage, and while I still dont fawn over other peoples children, I can actually see DH and I raising a child together. Not that I want to, at the moment. We have been married about 2 years now, and my hormones have chilled since we were first married. When we first married, I seriously could not get babies off my mind, and I think it had alot to do with hormones and the progession thing like you said. Im very much that way also, but I wanted to be positive that I really wanted to raise a child, all of the good and bad that comes with it, not just the cute babbling infant stage. I gave myself time to really think about how much life would change and what I would like to do before that. I think giving myself that time to think was the best thing, because I decided Im not ready now. It may sound selfish, but I want to do things for myself, and DH first before we have to think about a 3rd person. Also, we are both children of divorce. We want to give ourselves as much time together to build the most solid foundation we can possibly have before embarking on such a crazy adventure. If anything, kids WILL change your marriage, so best to have things in order before adding to a family, IMHO.

Give yourself some time, the craziness will pass. But, I think if you and DH are already talking babies in a few years, its probably a safe bet that IUD will be coming out before too long. Enjoy life just you and DH until then, the time will fly by. Best of luck to you, maybe in a few years Ill see you on the TTC board.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Step away from the Preggo thread!

I know EXACTLY what you mean. DH and i already have a daughter each and for the last 9 years i have been absolutely adamant that i didn't want any more.

We got married and something went 'click' and now it is all i can think about!! I lurk almost daily on TTC and the preggo thread and that definately doesn't help the situation. Friends have a goregous 7 month old baby girl and hanging around them doesn't help either!

Then we go out to dinner with my sister and her family (she has 3 kids) and i begin to remember how lovely it is not having to run after a 2 year old. (plus i really love my sleep and i don't know if i am prepared to give it up )

Part of me feels it is a natural progression. You spend so many years being single thinking about having a boyfriend. You get a boyfriend and start thinking about getting engaged, you get engaged and start thinking about the wedding and once the wedding is over well... it's only natural to start thinking about the next step!

I still haven't decided if it is the natural progression thing i am feeling or if i really do want to be a mum again. I guess only time will tell.

 

[allycat0303]

I wish DAILY that I could feel that way!

I think it's lovely. And I think it's possible to change your mind. I would try to go 3 months and see if it settles down a bit. Then you can make up your mind. My sister went insane for about 3 months (talked about sperm bank!!!) and then snapped out of it just as suddenly.

If the need/desire is presistant, I would attribute your change of heart to being in a *different place in your life*

 

[anchor31]

I think that ally's idea to sit on it for a little while is a very good one. Try to step away from the baby threads and all that, and see how you feel about it in a few months. People change their mind all the time. Personally, I always thought I would want more then one child, but right now... No thank you. That might change again, who knows. Otherwise, you may have been told this before, but not liking other people's kids is in no way an indicator of how you will feel about your own children, if you have them. Have you talked to your DH? How does he feel about this?

 

[wannaBMrsH]

I agree with everyone that is saying to give it time to make sure that you are sure and not just trying to move on to the next phase.

I've never wanted kids (not even when I was a kid-never played I'm the mommy games) and I still feel that way. However, when my brother had his last baby, I went through a period of complete euphoria everytime I was around him. Mind you, my brother had two other kids that never inspired these emotions. And it's beyond incomprehensible when you meet the child in question and realize that he would be better put to use as an ANTI-child advertisement. The baby is now three years old and most people run like they stole something every time they see him coming. But NOT ME!

DH was in a complete panic when we recently mixed our family vacation with my brother's. Imagine us at Disneyland with a screaming, sprawled out on the floor, kicking, bright red-faced toddler...My husband said that he expected me to run and was in no way prepared for the look of rapture on my face. I ask him (the baby) for a kiss and he defiantly says "No!" and just when I am about to walk away, he yells out, "I love you, Auntie!" and I forget all the tantrums and defiance.

...I would hate to have a child and not be able to feel that way about my kid! So: NO, I still don't want one...but I schedule way more trips than are normal to visit my brother anyway. We are going up for Columbus Day...how ridiculous is that? I can't wait!

 

[kama_s]

Ahem. I posted the EXACT same thing some few months after we got married. And in my thread, I realized a LOT of other PSers went through similar emotions after tying the knot. Like you, I frequented the baby threads with a passion. Came up with baby names and announced it to close family members that my position on children has been modified. It's natural. You feel mature, womanly and have a HUSBAND - i.e., a family to call your own. The instinct kicks in automatically.

My advice? Let this feeling be as is for a while. If you still feel the same way in another 6 months, then give it a serious thought.

FWIW: I don't feel the same way any longer. Not to say that I've gone back to my no-child stance, but the urgency is not there. We will try for a child when the time is right for us - which isn't right now.

 

[merilenda]

I'm not married yet, but I have the exact same thing. I used to NEVER want kids. Eww kids, they're gross and smelly and sooo much work, not to mention the whole childbirth thing.

But slowly my view began to change, and now I have bouts of baby fever. I see a baby, or one of my Facebook friends posts pictures of theirs, and OMG I WANT ONE NOW! Maybe my clock is starting to tick or something, even though I hate that phrase.

In reality, I KNOW I don't want one until after we're married, and I probably want to wait a couple years after that. Basically, I have no advice for you, but I just thought I'd let you know that you're not alone.

You'll have to let me know how you're liking St. Louis! We just moved to KC, so we're not too far down the road. I miss STL so much though!

 

[merilenda]

One more thing...sometimes being around people who have kids is a great slap in the face to pull you out of baby fever. They can't just go out and do things on a whim (freedom is something I highly value). And then those cute babies turn into pain-in-the-ass teenagers. My co-worker who has teenagers said that just as she was going to bed early last night, her teenage daughter stirred up some kind of teenage drama and she ended up being up until midnight.

I'm sure it's more than worth it in the end, but sometimes things like that are a reality check to me that I'm not ready yet.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I think it's really common for newlyweds to have baby fever immediately after getting married. But it seems to fade after a couple of months. We planned to get a second dog right after we got married, so I think any baby fever I may have had transformed into puppy fever (then again, I always have puppy fever). I'm a "next step" kind of girl, too. So after the puppy my energy went towards buying a house. Then after we closed on our house this summer I went into nesting mode and am now going full steam ahead on the train to crazy baby fever-ville.

 

[Iowa Lizzy]

Thanks ladies! So good to know I'm not alone!

Even since posting this, my urge to have a baby has decreased. I think I'm just one of those people who needs to be moving towards the next goal. I'm going back to school next month so I'm hoping that I'll be less baby-crazy once I have something more important on my mind (I quit my job just before we were married as we're moving out of state and I've basically been sitting around waiting for our house to sell so I'm bored out of my mind).

 

[Laila619]

I got baby fever bad about 3-4 months after DH and I got married. It's totally normal!

 

[Bella_mezzo]

Major baby fever here It will be our one year anniversary in a few weeks, and it is still going strong

I third (fourth...) the idea to think about it for a while, especially if it's a big change from your previous stance.

 

[DearBuddha]

DH and I got married 2 years ago, and I'm a teacher who spent her days surrounded by kids. We're both in our late-late twenties, and we're in the market for a three bedroom condo.

Needless to say, my ovaries were HUMMING! Humming, that is, until I realized I was not in the place I wanted to be professionally, and thanks to state-mandated requirements here in lovely Massachusetts, in order to keep my teaching credentials, I've got to have a master's.

Nothing cures the baby fever like realizing you're still not in a position to be entirely in control of your own life, lol. I suggest graduate school; it's a great way to ensure you're not in any position whatsoever to make a baby

 

[yssie]

Y'know, I had baby fever for a bit too, and I'm completely, totally, utterly, fully cured.

An absolutely failsafe fix: live with a *well-behaved* child for a week or so. My cousin, my cousin's mum, and her son are staying at my parents' place for a month. He's adorable and as well-behaved a three year old as I've ever met, quiet and obedient.. and watching/watching out for him is a full-time job, 24/7 - I can only imagine how difficult it would be with a trying child!

Baby fever cured. I currently and for the forseeable future have neither the desire nor the selflessness to put myself and my own wants so firmly and permanently in the backseat..

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

Big time. It's been over a year since we've been married and baby fever is still going strong. Doesn't help than I am 28 1/2 and my close friends are all starting to get pregnant! Butttt there are so many other things that need to be in the right place before having children, so even though I want one so bad right now, it just isn't the right time. We are thinking we will start trying in a year or two.

Like the others have said, give it a few months and than rethink your decision. I think it's nice for a couple to be married for a year or so and have their "private time" before a baby as well ...

 

[pancake]

We both have it big time. We're also both paediatricians, so we are constantly surrounded by kids - sick ones, well ones, big ones, little ones, fat ones, skinny ones, adolescents, babies, snotty ones, dimpled ones, annoying ones, funny ones... A lot of our friends have babies and toddlers now, and there are 4 under the age of 2 in my husband's extended family, so we are pretty much knee deep all the time.

I don't think marriage has brought this on, as we were both really keen before getting married. I think maybe getting married just "opens the floodgates" a bit more because this big distracting event (getting married) obstructs your view a bit. Now there's no more obstruction - only baby fever!

 

[lovemybling]

LURKER ALERT, I have been married for thirteen years. I remember when I first got married I had this too.

My one piece of advise is once you have a kid you have a kid FOREVER. Enjoy this time together just the two of you. Travel, go to dinner, enjoy the quiet moments of just being. These are the moments that will get you through the challanges once you start having kids. These are the times you will look back on and say I am glad we know who WE are. I love my kids but I really treasure the time we had as just a couple. We now have FIVE kids and it has been over three years since we have had a trip just the two of us to " reconnect". We have one planned next month, Yipee.

There is PLENTY of time to go down that road. Enjoy your Newlywed time.

 

[Iowa Lizzy]

Well, my baby fever broke and I dropped the issue a couple weeks ago.

Then last night, DH tells me he's got the fever now. Oh boy. I told him maybe we'd revisit it when we turn 30 (just under a year and a half away). He said he wants to have baby number one by the time we're 30. Ummm.... I feel like everything keeps flip flopping. We met, neither of us wanted babies. Then we get married and I wanted one. Now he wants one and I don't again.

We are definitely not in a place to have them. I just left my job and am starting massage therapy school in a couple weeks so our income is down (he makes about 4X what I did, but what I brought in still definitely helped) and we're in the process of selling our house and moving to an apartment out of state.

Now I have to convince HIM it's not the right time.