I need your advice on BM issue

[mayerling]

Hi everyone,

I''d appreciate some advice on a BM issue that''s just come up.

My fiance and I would like to have a small wedding party so we were originally thinking of only having a maid of honour and a best man. I was going to have my sister and he was going to have his brother. However, something''s come up recently (which I can''t go into) which might mean that he''ll need to add one of his friends as a groomsman. I don''t want to have an uneven bridal party so if we have his friend, I''ll ask a close friend to be a bridesmaid.

Now, we live away from home but we''ll be visiting home (where our families and friends live) in a couple of months but this''ll be before this issue is resolved. My question is: should I ask my close friend while I''m there to be a bridesmaid but explain that there''s a chance she won''t be if we don''t end up having his friend, or wait until the issue is resolved and if we do end up having his friend, ask her over the phone? In other words, if it were you, would you appreciate being asked in person even though the plan might fall through, or would you prefer to know when things are finalised even though it would be over the phone?

Thanks!

 

[laughwithme]

I would definitely ask over the phone rather than in person. I wouldn''t even bring it up in person because you''re only going to confuse and possibly frustrate or offend her.

When the situation is revolved, if you DO still need to ask her, then call her up and say "I''m so sorry I didn''t ask you this in person when I was in town, but I was in a tricky situation that''s now been resolved...would you be okay with being my bridesmaid?" I don''t see anything wrong with asking that over the phone - I would imagine lots of long-distance brides ask bridal party members through phone or card. Maybe you could even send a card after she says "yes" to thank her for her understanding.

 

[zipzapgirl]

Definitely wait until you are sure.

I''d say something more positive like, "We didn''t ask when we were home because we were still waiting to get some more things finalized, but I''d be honored if you''d be a bridemaid..." I''d leave out the awkward guy situation explanation altogether

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

BM issue? Take colace.

Oh wait, you meant Bridesmaid! Haha, my bad.




Sorry, I couldn''t resist

 

[mrscushion]

Date: 3/23/2010 8:58:43 AM
Author: zipzapgirl
Definitely wait until you are sure.
I''d say something more positive like, ''We didn''t ask when we were home because we were still waiting to get some more things finalized, but I''d be honored if you''d be a bridemaid...'' I''d leave out the awkward guy situation explanation altogether

Yup

 

[lilyfoot]

Definitely wait until you''re sure.

I don''t think it would be very nice to kick someone out of the bridal party, lol.

 

[shertz1981]

Agree with everyone else

Definitely wait until you''re sure, and then spin it positively -- "I so wanted to ask you when I was home, but we were finalizing everything, and it would mean so much to me if you were my bridesmaid."

No harm, no foul, if you don''t ask!

 

[mayerling]

Thanks, everyone, for the good advice. I''ll follow it.

Hudson_Hawk, no idea what colace is...

 

[mrscushion]

Date: 3/23/2010 9:53:12 AM
Author: mayerling
Thanks, everyone, for the good advice. I'll follow it.
Hudson_Hawk, no idea what colace is...

Hahaha! I look forward to the explanation of that joke!