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I need to vent

radiantquest

radiantquest

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jul 20, 2008
Messages
2,550
I feel like telling everyone around me to take a long walk off a short pier! I am normally very concerned with others, but lately they are stretching me too thin. DH has been working away from home and I usually only see him for like 3 hours a week. This is very hard on me. I worry about him working too hard and causing himself injury since he already has a tumor and gets the chemo treatments. How far can you push one person. Then my FIL falls off a roof because he was too lazy to use the proper equipment and breaks both of his legs. So of course now he cant help my husband get all this work done and because of this they have now lost a $35K job. This also means my FIL/MIL dog is now staying at our house. They never bothered to properly train this dog so it pees and poops all over my house so when I get home from work at 10pm tonight I get to clean up someone elses dogs mess. My MIL should be taking care of this dog, not us where someone isnt even coming home and the other person works crazy hours. Then my best friend is getting married and refuses to do any of it herself meanwhile her mother is calling me 5 times a day to find out what is going on because they arent speaking. Then work is crazy because we are getting audited or something so everyone is getting in trouble all the time and to top it all off I am having a horrible sales month that wakes me up in the middle of the night. PLUS i got moles removed from my back over a week ago and they are more sore now then they were then and I think something may have happened, but I cant look at them because they are on my back and my husband is 3 hours away and cant take care of me.

I have not even had a day to myself in a long time because I am always having to worry about everyone elses problems. Dont get me wrong I love my husband and want to do whatever I can to help him. Keeping a dog is not a big deal. Helping my friend with her wedding isnt too hard either. I would not have a problem with each of these problems on their own I just feel like I am being pulled in every direction to the point that I cannot even take care of myself. Whenever I manage a day off I am either driving 6 hours a day to help my husband or my friend needs help with something that she could have done herself. I cant tell her to do it herself because I do not want to lose her over a wedding.

Why cant I be left alone for 1 freaking day. Is it too much to ask?

Ok rant over. If anyone has made it through thank you. I really am not trying to be a whiner or a downer for everyone else, but if I dont get this off my chest I am going to end up saying things I dont mean and hurting feeling.

I wonder if I get mental health days at work?
 
Sorry so many things suck at the same time.
I've had times like that too.

Some things you can't do anything about, but you can address two of them.

Return the dog.
Just say no.
You do not have to give a reason.
They are the ones being rude and they have no right to impose on you with a poopie dog.

Tell that friend's mom to leave you alone.
It's not your fault they can't talk to each other and you are not their telephone.
Their problem is not your problem so stop being their doormat.

Don't let people dump their problems on you.
 
I agree with Kenny. Sure, these things usually aren''t big asks, but right now you have too much going on and you just can''t take on anything extra. It''s ok to say no.

Sorry things are so stressful at the moment.
 
I am so sorry that you''re going through a rough patch. Honestly you sound the way I''m feeling so by the time I got through your post I was nearly in tears myself. Believe me, I UNDERSTAND. Breathe, then take things one at a time by telling everyone to handle their own things so you can concentrate on you & your hubby.
 
Big hugs Radiantquest! That''s a huge load for anyone to bear alone!

I agree with Kenny. I think it will be cathartic to give the dog back and tell your friend''s mother to give you some space.

I think you need a massage and a margarita.
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1) return dog to IL''s; their dog going to the bathroom inside your house is not something you should have to deal with. I understand your MIL is probably taking care of your FIL, but she can take 5 minutes out of her day to clean up after her dog.

2) don''t pick up when your best friends mom calls.

3) tell your girlfriend how stressed you are, and that planning HER wedding is compounding your stress. Be clear that you''re willing to help, but you can''t take on the grunt of the work.

4) grab a bottle of wine, lock yourself in your house and don''t answer the door or phone for anybody. Do whatever activity chills you out the most.
 
WHOA! An untrained dog at the homestead? That would not go over well in my house because I just won''t do it. That dog would have to be sent to a kennel.


I think you need to assert your rights especially in your own home.

-A
 
Wow RQ, that is a lot to deal with. I''m worried about you! I''m also worried about the dog--you can''t make your IL''s take it back right now, you can''t crate it all day, and chances are you probably can''t afford to take it to doggie daycare or hire someone to come and walk him while you''re gone.

I don''t have the answers here, but I am sending you lots of virtual hugs. I''ve been there. I''m verging on feeling overwhelmed myself right now but nowhere near the level that you''re on. I hope things get better for you all around, and that you get some time to yourself very soon.
 
RQ - I''m sorry you are having to deal with so much. ((hugs))
 
Thank you so much guys for your suggestions, kind words and understanding. I had a mimi meltdown at work this morning and my face is still trying to recover from the crying. I hate crying in public! I asked DH if he would call his mother about the dog. If I call her I will end up offending her, but he can say the same things and she will not get offended. Of course he is too busy to call her and tells me we will figure it out. Meanwhile he is 3 hours away and I am cleaning up the mess. Frustration anyone?

The issue with the dog is that they are getting divorced so she has an apartment where she is not supposed to have pets and FIL is getting discharged today and thankfully going to my SIL house. I need to stop trying to help everyone and tell the MIL that had she trained her dog it wouldnt be an issue and that it is her problem, not mine. Of couse those words would not go over well.

Come on quitting time. I think I will go home,
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clean up pee and poo
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and eat chocolate. I will take pictures of the mess that her dog has left in my house and txt them to her and tell her either they are paying for the kennel, paying someone to clean up the mess or she can come the dog.
 
Whoo! Okay, repeat after me: No.... no, no, no, and no.

Now start saying this to everyone.

Everything''s a small task but once you learn to say no, it feels great to say, yes. You want everyone to be happy and I can understand that, but you are not taking care of yourself and your needs (time for sleep rather than poop).

Repeat for yourself now: The world will not fall apart if I don''t do _____ (wedding planning for others, dog babysitting, chores for other people that you admit they could do themselves).
 
Quote: "If I call her I will end up offending her, but he can say the same things and she will not get offended."

Oh so it is okay if you are offended by her dog poop but God forbid SHE gets offended?
Where is your self esteem?
You are a tax-paying citizen of the world.
You are not inferior to her.

Quote: "I need to stop trying to help everyone and tell the MIL that had she trained her dog it wouldnt be an issue and that it is her problem, not mine.
Of couse those words would not go over well."

Smelly dog poop does not go over well either.
So it only matters what goes over well with others, not what goes over well with you?
I'd not say anything about her lack of dog training.
That's her problem.
The dog custody is your problem.
 
Ditto on the pooping dog. Do they expect you to keep the dog for the whole time while FIL''s legs are healing? NO! Their dog, their responsibility. Just tell them you are not home enough and the dog needs more potty breaks.

Stop talking to anyone about the wedding. Just say you don''t know anything and are working long hours and don''t have time to be involved in the planning.

Go back to the doctor and have them check the moles. They shouldn''t be painful a week after surgery. Maybe they got infected.

You need to free yourself from some of these stressful issues. Waking up in the middle of the night thinking about problems is a sign that you have more stress than you can handle right now.

Good luck!
 
Your best friend doesn't want to wedding plan so You're doing it for her?

And then you're playing telephone tag with BF's mother, who appears to still care about the wedding but is no longer talking to your BF?

If your BF cannot get a grip and start planning her Own wedding, I don't see why that responsibility should fall on you... It's time to let go.

If other people can't like you without the freebies and chores you do for them, then they're not worth having around. Period.
 
Vent Away RQ! You have an awful lot on your plate right now and you have every right to be stressed, and angry.

The two people that you need to worry about right now are you, and your husband. Your situation with both of your job situations, and his health issues, is stress enough for you right now. For your in laws and your friend to be imposing on your right now is completely insensitive of them.

I agree with previous posters. Practice the word no. DO NOT talk to your friend''s mother. That is her problem. Tell the bride that you have too much going on right now to help her with wedding related items. I can''t believe that she has the nerve to ask you to do things that she could handle herself. I really don''t understand brides who think that it is everyone else''s job to plan their weddings.

And the dog? EEEEWWW! That is SO not your problem! Your mil has to deal with this. It is completely unacceptable that you have to come home to dog mess - especially when it''s NOT YOUR DOG.

Big hugs to you! I hope things start looking up soon!
 
Ugh, that is a lot to take in at once
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::HUGS:: radiant! I agree you're dealing with a lot of other people's issues that shouldn't be your problems
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RQ...
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Again thank you. It means so much. Ya know, now that I think about it...Its a little messsed up that you all seem to care more than they do.

Update**

DH sent a message to his mother and told her that it isnt working. She said that she will figure something out and will let us know her plans by Saturday.
Thats one down.

I also have called my friend and told her that she is on her own for a while. I will do my MOH duties, but I need a little time for me. She didnt say anything, mostly because I left it on her VM. I know that is a little childish, but she didnt answer and I had to say it and get it off my chest.

I think I can manage the rest of it. I still have to clean up poo tonight, but at least I know it wont be for long.

If it werent for PS I might have lost my mind. You are the best and if I could I would buy diamonds for all of you.


BTW Will this thread be gone after the switch?
 
Well done RQ. I hope things start looking up after the weekend, and it''s nearly here!! Yes, I think this thread will disappear.
 
RQ, you have quite a lot going on in all different areas of your life right now. I would suggest that you:

- make a follow up appointment with your doctor to see what is going on with your back;

- tell the bride who is asking a lot of you that you would like to help her but with everything else going on right now, you have to take a break until things calm down a bit. Perhaps when she asks for help, you can make some suggestions for how she can handle the task herself or a least take care of beginning the process. Are there any bridesmaids who can help?

- tell the bride''s mother that you''re sorry she and her daughter don''t get along, but you prefer not to be put in the middle of the situation.

- I saw you may have a resolution to the dog situation in that MIL is going to try to find an alternative. I hope you get good news on that issue soon.

Good luck, sweetie! Hang in there.
 
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