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I need help finding some gifts

whitewave

whitewave

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Feb 29, 2012
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for my SIL.

We had to come back home so DH could go back to work and I want to do some nice things for my SIL. She said she feels lost and she is clearly in a fog.

Anyone have any ideas? Bath gift basket? Essential oils?comfy pajamas?

Anything luxurious and sumptuous? A soft blanket?

Ideas?

Thanks so much. My brain isn’t working so well right now either.
 
So sorry you and your family are going through this. It's kind of you to want to do something nice for your SIL. Perhaps you could get her a gift certificate for a meal delivery service like Munchery? Hopefully it will encourage her to eat and it would be one less thing for her to worry about.
 
Whitewave, Your SIL is going thru one of the most horrible things a person can go thru in life. ANY kind thing you do for her will be greatly appreciated. I’m sure she feels lost right now. More than likely she will remember the kindness she is shown now and in the coming weeks and it will be that kindness and her loved ones that will help her go on.

Please take good care of yourself and everyone in you family. I’m so sorry for what you all are going thru.
 
GC to local spa.
A month or two worth of cleaning service.

(like the meal delivery idea a lot, she won't feel like cooking)

So sorry for all your loss.
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@whitewave I am so sorry you and your family are going through such a horrific event and just being there for your SIL will help her. Not just now but in the months to come because now it's all a flurry of activity of people who want to be there for her but in the months to come people will go back to their "regular" lives and your SIL will feel it even more acutely after everything she has been and will continue to go through. So my advice is be there for her now but also in the coming months and beyond. That is when she will need a good friend and shoulder to cry on and someone to lean on who will be there for her unconditionally. Sending you and your SIL and family gentle hugs and keeping you in my thoughts.

I don't know if it is an appropriate gift right now but I understand a weighted blanket is really comforting.
 
So sorry about your loss. Cleaning services and food delivery would help her a lot to have fewer thing to worry about right now.

This is very person specific, but when she is ready, also consider offering to help her sort through his things. My husband found it hugely helpful to have this type of help from a caring family member after his parents passed away.
 
I agree a meal, cleaning service..and just being there to listen..or just sit quietly with her..watching the baby so she can take a bath or a nap...I think she would appreciate any support you can give her right now.
 
I think babysitting services, honestly the sleep deprivation does really strange things to your head. I dont think I could take it with all the other more complex emotions she must be feeling (and probably a healthy dose of anxiety). She needs a half fighting chance to process those emotions. And the first step would be more oppotunities to sleep.

I also agree that I think it is really going to hit her in 4-6 months time. As everyone else is invariably going to be forced to move on to the next issue in their lives and she is still going to be trying to cope -- now without the same level of support. I think this stage will be even more critical.
 
Thanks, everyone. I’m leaning toward a light weighted blanket,but does anyone have a vendor to recommend?

She has 2 sisters and they are super close. She also moved back in with her parents from that day, so she can take naps at will, etc. She is very supported in that way.

I agree the next several months are going to be bad. DH and I keep waiting for a big reveal that this was all a misunderstanding and that everything is going back to normal soon. It’s a mindfudge...
 
whitewave said:
Thanks, everyone. I’m leaning toward a light weighted blanket,but does anyone have a vendor to recommend?

She has 2 sisters and they are super close. She also moved back in with her parents from that day, so she can take naps at will, etc. She is very supported in that way.

I agree the next several months are going to be bad. DH and I keep waiting for a big reveal that this was all a misunderstanding and that everything is going back to normal soon. It’s a mindfudge...
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I'm sorry for everything your SIL is going through. I missed the post that gave details, but it sounds terrible.

Maybe a subscription box of some kind? They have all sorts of things now. They come without her having to think about it and some let you customize if you want. I was having a hard time recently and my veggie box has given me two days a week to look forward to (customize day and delivery) when I didn't even fully realize how emotional I was. She may enjoy something weekly or twice monthly or even monthly to help her keep moving forward.
 
Hugs to you and your DH and your SIL. I think you have some good ideas from others here. I don't know a particular vendor for blankets though.
 
This must be so terribly difficult for all of you. I hope that she will participate in some type of grief counseling. She must have so many thoughts and feelings swirling around her in her head. Having a release for some of that will be a must do.

I like a lot of the suggestions here and could only add personal feel good things - mani/pedi, massage, and the blanket might be an excellent thing for her. Hugs to you and prayers for peace for your family.
 
I remember when this happened to our family, everyone rallied around us for about two weeks. Then they had to get on with their lives and we were sort of left floundering. What always meant the most were people who were there on a regular basis. Regular phone calls, regular visits, dates made, outings, trips planned...something to look forward to in order to brighten the horrible darkness that settled over our lives.

Please take good care of yourself too WW. I’m so sorry this has happened to you and your family.
 
I’m so sorry for your famiky’s loss.

You’ve been given some great suggestions. As a mom with a little one I would say that meals are one of my most exhausting challenges. So I vote... food!
 
She likes the weighted blanket, is going to try it out tonight and let me know how it is.

Thanks to everyone for the input. I will work on meals next.
 
Ellen said:
GC to local spa.
A month or two worth of cleaning service.

(like the meal delivery idea a lot, she won't feel like cooking)

So sorry for all your loss.
console2.gif
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Really excellent idea. Her getting to use a clean bathroom and kitchen would take away additional stress.
 
LLJsmom said:
Really excellent idea. Her getting to use a clean bathroom and kitchen would take away additional stress.
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True! But some people don’t like strangers in their home, and/or they’re mortified by the current state of their home... I don’t think a cleaner is a bad idea by any means, I just wanted to mention those motions because my mom hates strangers in her home!
 
pearaffair said:
True! But some people don’t like strangers in their home, and/or they’re mortified by the current state of their home... I don’t think a cleaner is a bad idea by any means, I just wanted to mention those motions because my mom hates strangers in her home!
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Same! I would rather have help with other areas to free me up to do cleaning myself. DH is the same way.
 
TooPatient said:
Same! I would rather have help with other areas to free me up to do cleaning myself. DH is the same way.
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Haha and I’m the opposite. I HATE cleaning!

So it really depends on the person :)
 
Well, she lives with her parents right now and her sister’s little kids plus a few others are always there, so it’s all kinds of a disaster right now. I don’t think they would appreciate a cleaning service.

Plus, unless I know the cleaner.... when my DH had cancer and I was a teacher, the other teachers hired a mother of one of the students to clean my house and she stole my husband’s pain meds and a sapphire and diamond ring!! So I have a bad taste in my mouth about that.
 
whitewave said:
Well, she lives with her parents right now and her sister’s little kids plus a few others are always there, so it’s all kinds of a disaster right now. I don’t think they would appreciate a cleaning service.

Plus, unless I know the cleaner.... when my DH had cancer and I was a teacher, the other teachers hired a mother of one of the students to clean my house and she stole my husband’s pain meds and a sapphire and diamond ring!! So I have a bad taste in my mouth about that.
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Oh gosh, I'm so sorry that happened to you!!

I wonder if she would (eventually) like to have a family ring or necklace. When my sister passed I wore a lot of my sister's birthstone, to celebrate her birth/life rather than to focus on her death. For me, it was a nice thing.
 
pearaffair said:
Oh gosh, I'm so sorry that happened to you!!

I wonder if she would (eventually) like to have a family ring or necklace. When my sister passed I wore a lot of my sister's birthstone, to celebrate her birth/life rather than to focus on her death. For me, it was a nice thing.
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The funeral home offers fingerprint pendants. She said she wants one of those for each of them
 
What do you think for Christmas if I get her a small (like 30 to 40 point) pear pendant to represent her tears? This idea comes from the real story of steel magnolias where Drum bought his wife a pear shaped pendant to represent all the tears she cried when her daughter died.

Is it too personal? Too dumb? Opinions? She doesn’t have to tell anyone it is a tear. To others it would just be a pear pendant.
 
whitewave said:
What do you think for Christmas if I get her a small (like 30 to 40 point) pear pendant to represent her tears? This idea comes from the real story of steel magnolias where Drum bought his wife a pear shaped pendant to represent all the tears she cried when her daughter died.

Is it too personal? Too dumb? Opinions? She doesn’t have to tell anyone it is a tear. To others it would just be a pear pendant.
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I think they would be a very generous and beautiful gift. You know her better than me! But me, I would rather wear something that represents the laughs and happy tones rather than the tears.

I don’t know the steel magnolia story though.

Maybe gift a diamond with a note about his strong diamonds are? How the survive despite extreme pressure?
 
I suffered a loss recently. And it felt like I had been uprooted, like someone had plucked me up from the earth and put me on a different planet. I didn't recognize the stars-- they were different than the ones I'd been navigating from. I felt so very lost. And so small. The ground under my feet felt different.

I reached out to my closest friends and a couple of my family members that I trust. They grounded me. They showed me that their stars were there, even if the other the ones I'd been navigating from recently weren't. And they caught the parts of me as I fell apart, and reminded me of who I am when I was ready to start putting myself back together.

What helped me the most was time with them. Just going out for coffee. Sitting side by side reading. Making dinner. Not being alone, but also not being forced to think or feel or talk. Driving to the beach and sitting there, as tears ran down my face with the wordless present of my aunt next to me.

Words of sympathy, gifts... none of that registered for long. I appreciated them but in a detached way. I didn't connect with them. My animals helped a lot. What I needed was connection, but not the aggressive type, or structured or anything that demanded I do anything. Just passive undemanding connection.

If your sister in law likes animals, it might be worth seeing if she would like a companion down the line that fits her lifestyle. When she's in a place she can make long term decisions.

If cooking is something that's difficult for the household, it might be worth getting them a meal service a few days a week. You can do Plated 3x a week. And there are other meal services that don't need any cooking at all, just re-heating. I've heard a couple of them are pretty good.

A spa day might be nice. Especially if you or someone close to her goes with her. My best friend got me a nice long massage and it helped center me. It reminded me that I need to take care of myself. And since she got one as well, it let us spend time together, but without having to be actively interacting.

I am sorry for your family's loss. God bless.
 
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