I need a little "there there"

[snowflakeluvr]

I don''t post often, but i feel as if i know many of you from your lovely posts and beautiful gems. i am feeling worn out and a little beat up and needed just a little ''there there'' and some moral support.
#1 dh took a new position and left today-kids and i will relocate this summer after our son graduates. i am happy, relieved, looking forward to a new home, new opportunity especially for dh. he has been very miserable and held back in his last position and change was inevitable. thsis is a great opportunity both career-wise and financally for us, so i am thankful for it. i am fairly extroverted and NOt nervous about the move, but we have lived here for 14 years (out of state from our birthplaces) and so i guess it has become "home" to us. i don''t feel the stress of moving as much as getting the house ready to show/have appraisers see/plan son''s graduation/plan kids birthdays/everyday life blah blah
#2 i am having neck issues, doing the chiropractic thing for some time. i firmly believe in chiropractic and developed serious neck issues after guess what? breastfeeding baby #5 two years ago...i saw the chiropractor last thursday and yesterday, my recovery went full fledge into a massive migraine. i was so very ill, in bed, dh was wonderful(atypical of him) and i finally feel relief today. this happened two months ago as well, after a neck adjustment, so now i am petrified to return to the chiropractor, even though my adjustments (eventually) make me feel great
#3 college daughter just hung up the phone with me, she was slated to graduate undergrad in 3 years and then 2 years masters in speech pathology...well, last weekend she was home and said, "mom i really want to become a psychologist" i said,(as i always do) "live your dreams. you only have one life-go for it" she just informed me that she is going to "go for it" and probably still graduate in 3 or 31/2 years and then get her masters in BOTh psych and speech, then her doctorate. she''s a great young lady, she''s pragmatic and very sensible(much less emotionally driven than moi) and will make a wonderful psychologist...i just think, oh here we go, more schooling, more debt, yikes...
i know it''s so cliche that stress causes so much in terms of physical symptoms, etc but i think i am really internalizing a lot lately and i just wanted someone to reassure and say it''ll be ok.
i have two boys active in sports, and my so sensible college girl just said, "so get a sitter for the little ones this week(they are 4 and 2) and enjoy the boys'' games" now why didn''t I think of that?????
thanks for letting me ramble..i appreciate it.
ps i also have some jewelry projects swirling in my head, but i have a very hard time committing to an idea so i am stressing a little over this as well, silly i know!

 

[lyra]

Wow. There were so many similarities to things I''m going through in your story I had to do a double take. I''m so sorry you''re facing all this stress right now. The neck/migraine issue must be so bad, especially with *5* kids? Maybe they don''t all live at home.

I''ve moved across the country for DH''s job, to get a better job. It was away from all our friends and family. The worst part by far was packing up the old house and getting it ready to sell. The move itself was fine, and we all settled in rather well.

This year, my 20 year old daughter, who was studying to become a speech pathologist (!), decided she didn''t want to proceed in that direction. Major stress for a few weeks with that one. She decided instead to switch to law. She will be entering 3rd year of university next year. She''s going through some major stress issues right now, but I think she''ll be okay.

Weird coincidences huh? I''m dealing with a veritable TON of stress in general right now. So maybe I can''t offer you too much, but an "I''m here, and I understand!". I hope your physical issues clear up soon. Try to relax. Hire help to clean up if that helps. When we sold our old house, we hired a firm to come in and clean for us. Technically, we''d already left, the house was empty. But it was a huge load off my mind anyway. Take care!!!!

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

This happens to all of us and the fact you care so much just shows what a good mom you are. I am just a little further than your daughter and know how daunting it is for my mom to think of me being in school forever, but I know she is proud of me and that makes a big impact and inspires me to do well.

I think the moving thing is like wedding planning. You know it is going to great, but the hassle and stress involved still take their toll. My FI has moved a lot in his life and his suggestion really helps me. Every weekend, take one box and fill it with stuff you will want to move but don''t need at the moment. If you already have a full box, clean it out and pack only what you want to keep. By only doing one a week you never get overwhelmed but you get the feeling of acomplishment for working towards your goal.

Don''t go back to the chiropractor. The neck adjustments seem to cause a lot of problem in women becuase our ventricals are more prone to geting pinched, reducing blood flow, than men. In serious cases, this can lead to strokes, even in young, healthy women. This reduced bloodflow probably caused your migraine. You might try massage instead. It helps the ain without the same risks.

 

[snowflakeluvr]

thanks lyra and birishh for your thoughtful responses,
it is so coincidental that we both have speech therapy girls wanting to head in other directions..wow. my daughter is really super so i want to encourage her-i didn''t have that growing up and know that my own "professional" potential has been thwarted because of lack of interest/encouragement.
i have had massages as time and money have allowed-i have been thinking that that''s a great idea. i had some vague ideas about the stroke thing-as a mom of five, you are always thinking that you don''t ever want to leave your children motherless!
and as for packing, our POD was delivered last week, i had an impromptu garage sale friday, hauled unsold stuff to charity already so making progress, but i tend to be a little anal about order and tidyness so i know some of my angst is imaginary. in this housing market, i want the house to look great and i did use your suggestion on our last home and had professional cleaners come in after we had emptied it-one less stress, you are so right.
thanks girls-now gotta help mr. senior-itis with a mini-french project. you''re both dear and very kind

 

[snowflakeluvr]

thank you sdl for your kind words!
i went to chiropractor today, have massage scheduled for tomorrow, he was very understanding and scheduled an mri-he said migraines can result from adjustments but are not typical. he also said never to underestimate the power of stress on our lives. how true! i ran to kohl''s to look for a few short-sleeved things for my 2yr old as our weather bounces up and down in temp! and think i had a mini-anxiety attack. i got all warm, shaky couldn''t wait to get out of there but i worked thru it, i think

had the same thing last time we moved 14 years ago. i am totally ok with the move, just a full plate i guess.
we are not paying for dd''s education(helping here and there with groceries, some rent) but she''s taking the financial hit. my dh makes too much for her to get any aid and she does have a little renewable scholarship that has helped. it is daunting to see how expensive education is...i am her biggest fan, as you seem to be of your daughter

. we are blessed to have good, determined daughters-they''re gonna change the world!
and you are lovely-your posts, and your attitude. i sat one night and looked waaaayyyy back in the archives some time ago and your wedding was gorgeous-you seemed to have found your prince charming. i am crossing my fingers that my hubby becomes that(after 21years seems unlikely but one never knows...

)
thank you for your support! even tho we are all mostly cyber-buddies, this community is very warm and means a lot.

ps good luck with your future career. read about that too. sounds exciting and a great place for you to be!

pss my son(who was 11 at the time) and i traveled to san diego for a getaway in nov. 2006-it was amazing, beautiful, warm, wonderful, picturesque-we did the zoo, sea world, typical kid stuff and the gaslight(or is it gaslamp?) area for dining, shopping. we'' walk home at night hand in hand in the incoming fog. we LOVED it there and can''t wait to return with the rest of the brood!

 

[Independent Gal]

Hi Snowflake! Just a point of comfort re the cost of your daughter's education:

Many schools fund their Ph.D. students, either by offering them research and teaching opportunities (which comes with a small salary and a tuition waiver) or just as a hand-out. My Ph.D. was totally 100% free, and the other schools trying to recruit me offered similar packages.

Also, those with a Ph.D., particularly in the sciences, earn on average 2 million dollars more over the course of a lifetime than those with a BA, and 1.5 million dollars more than those with an MA.

http://money.cnn.com/2003/09/03/pf/college/grad_school/index.htm

So even if she ends up taking on more debt, that is one seriously good investment!

If she wants to do a Ph.D., it is CRITICAL that she work her behind off to get top grades, and do some volunteer work as well if she can. Top grades translate into well funded Ph.D's. So, time well spent.

 

[snowflakeluvr]

sdl,
no offense taken, really! i, too, wish i had been more empowered as a young women to make strong, self-fulfilling choices(translation: overbearing, controlling mother which encouraged me to marry the first man willing to take me off of her hands-ironically i paid HER rent from the time i entered college and married a very good provider(our issues are emotional due to HIS nutty mother) hee hee it seems funny to even write this...gosh,i guess we''re all pretty dysfunctional! i do want my daughter to fulfill her potential. i really heart being a mommy(fives times over) but without any family support and a very busy, workaholic hubby, it''s frankly becoming more than i imagined. five times the love tho, i''ll say that

i.gal,
thanks for the advice and input. i''ll pass that on to my dd. she was talking about it again today with such enthusiasm. she does very well(about a 3.5) but she realizes that''s probably not good enough...she is willing to do the work, i think so we''ll discuss her options some more...thank you! what is your field of study????

you are a really dear bunch! i wish i had the time to get more involved. i have always been treated so kindly here and i love, love, love the sparklies...me thinks dh owes me in a big way, one of these days...