I hate when I react and can't keep my cool...

[CJ2008]

We have a guest staying with us - our 16-year-old niece - and we set her up to sleep in the living room instead of the guest room because I just moved my computer in there and need to do some work tomorrow morning...

I always leave the light over the stove on for my cat...when I heard my husband asking her "if she minded it on" she said "you could turn it off." When DH came into the room and I told him that we needed to leave the light on for the cat he said "he could deal w/o it for one night." Of course I overreacted in the way I answered (something to the effect of no, no, we need to leave the light on for him!) - it wasn't WHAT I said but HOW I said it (did seem like I was freaking out). And of course she must've heard this since it was not too far away from where she was. He tried a different light and then asked her if that one was any better - she replied in a pretty pissed off voice "NO it's not any WORSE than the other one."

So now I feel like I'm sure I came off extremely rude - first I ask her to sleep on an air mattress in the LR and then I want her to sleep with a light on (even though I don't think they're bright).

Anyway, DH and I got into a huge fight over this - he said that I overreacted, doesn't he always bend over backwards,that if I hadn't overreacted maybe he would have suggested something else, and would I have done the same thing if there was an adult out there. (it had nothing to do with WHO it was for me, BTW)

I know there's definitely truth to what he's saying - I shouldn't have overreacted - at the same time, I'm like don't change things on me last minute. It didn't seem to me at the time he was open to discussing it so I didn't know what to do other than to whine. For the last decade I've been leaving the light on for the cat.

Now I am hiding in the computer room, and it's very late and I have a feeling I'll be embarrassed tomorrow (I slammed the door coming in here). I'm sure the 16 year-old is thinking I'm not very mature...

arrggggh so glad to be able to vent...any advice for how to deal with tomorrow morning?

 

[kenny]

I'd just talk it all over with her in the morning, without taking it all to seriously.
Just say the truth.
You were conflicted since you cared about her and are sorry if the light bothered her, but you also have left the light on for the cat for 10 years.

Just get it all off your chest and add (if it's true) how nice it is to have her visit.

I think it is usually best when how we are on the outside is as similar as possible to how we are on the inside.

 

[zhuzhu]

Sorry that you were upset. Sounds like you are not very comfortable with having house guests (like me), or that you are under some stress? Breath easy and just explain to them that you are sorry you overreacted in the morning. I am sure they will understand.

 

[CJ2008]

Kenny - thanks - I like the "have the outside match the inside part" (I know you say this often, I remember reading it before) I'm working on it. Finally accepting some things about myself and becoming more comfortable with them.

Zhuzhu - yes and yes haha - do not like houseguests AND have stress...and she's not the easiest, either (I did say she's 16 right )...

Just wish both DH and I would've been able to keep our cool and not fought about it. I feel like going to sleep but I'm forcing myself to stay up...feel stressed out.

 

[JulieN]

Cats have excellent night vision.

 

[CJ2008]

JulieN - Not this one - he's old and both his eyes are cloudy (I forget what it's called...one is worse than the other)

 

[ForteKitty]

your niece probably doesn't feel very welcomed...
edited... sorry to hear about your cat's vision. is it glaucoma?

 

[CJ2008]

your niece probably doesn't feel very welcomed...

my cats get into all sorts of trouble at night... they do have excellent night vision.

Probably not.

Although I guess she could also think about all the other things that have made her feel welcome...

I'll explain tomorrow morning.

From what I remember, it's actually a myth that cats can see well in the dark - it's good for them to have a nightlight or something like that. But it doesn't matter too much in my eyes...I've already overreacted and I prefer to leave the light on for him whether or not about the night vision thing...

 

[CJ2008]

oh, NP, ForteKitty...I think so...he has a big white cloudy spot in one eye that's been there forever and getting larger (ETA I'm pretty sure it's taking up most of that eye)...and recently the same type of spot has started in his other eye...it's weird though glaucoma doesn't really ring a bell, but that must be it...it's late, my mind is mush. haha

 

[LGK]

Meh, it happens that we snipe at people when things are stressful. Owning up to it and apologizing (if it's warranted, and sometimes even if it's not ) after everyone has cooled off helps a lot, it sounds like the sort of Fight About Nothing we all have with family/spouses sometimes. A 16 year old houseguest would stress me out too, lol.

I'd just explain about kitty's eyes to your niece if she doesn't know already, and just say that you're sorry you got upset. And yeah, that it was nice to have her over (if you can say that and mean it of course!) and hopefully she'll understand.

Cataracts? Is that what he has? Poor guy. I have a cat with a really bad eye (we've tried a zillion things for him including plastic surgery and it nothing's helped much) and they do have a hard time seeing in the dark with no depth perception. O.P. gets light left on too.

 

[Cehrabehra]

yeah lol I think you overreacted air mattresses and having lights on when you don't like them - those things suck... but cats, don't they have like the best eyesight ever? What does he need a light on for? Is he going blind? Because if he is I guess I understand but I would have moved the cat and all of his accoutrement to a bathroom for overnight or something... and if he's not going blind then he definitely doesn't need a light on lol

(((hugs))) I know how you feel though, I did something similar the other day

 

[House Cat]

CJ,

Are you an anxious person? I just wonder if the scenario was actually you responding to your husband with urgency due to anxious feelings you had for your cat being in the dark? Is this a possibility?

 

[CJ2008]

Cehra - cat is definitely going blind. But I could've totally handled the whole thing better. AFTER my husband and I were in the screaming match he did tell me that had I kept my cool we could've found a different solution - moving his food, etc., to right outside the room. By that time I was already in child angry mode and didn't want to hear it. I'm stressed - when I'm stressed I do very silly things and my patience is zero.

House Cat - yes, I am anxious person. I hate to admit it, but I am. And I am more so when stressed. I just felt powerless in that moment, I didn't want my cat to be in the dark and I thought it was unfair for DH to just decide "he can deal without the light for one night."

I did put my big girl pants on this morning and did apologize to my niece - I told her that I am a little stressed, and that my reaction was out of concern for my cat and not because I didn't care about her comfort. I told her about his eyes. She was fine and didn't say much - she is 16 - and then shortly after we spent some time chatting - so everything turned out OK.

I also apologized to DH.

ETA: thank you guys for letting me vent and talking me through it

 

[CJ2008]

Sorry Little Grey Kitten somehow totally missed your post!

The apology definitely helped - I felt it was the grown-up thing to do. Sorry to hear your kittie is going through the same thing.

And yes, it's cataracts. I know, poor thing...he's old.

 

[Cehrabehra]

((((((hugs))))))) I'm glad it all worked out! I used to be more like that, all of this moving around has forced me to be more yielding. I still find myself resisting every change, but now it only takes a few seconds where it used to take hours and a few hours where it used to take days lol

 

[CJ2008]

YES Cehra - total change resister here