I feel like the biggest brat ever...

[delta_loves_alpha]

Long story short, I *might* have done a little snooping and come across a video of the diamond BF bought for my ring. And...it's beautiful. I really can't complain. The color and clarity are excellent...but...it's not what I wanted. It's a cushion, which IS what I wanted, but it's not the chunky antique cushion I had always envisioned. BF obviously doesn't know that I know, and I won't be getting the ring for another couple of months, but I just can't stop watching that stupid video and comparing it to all the other antique cushions. I know I'll love the ring once I get it and it's on my hand. But I'm trying not to be disappointed, and I really do feel like a big whiny, bratty child. Someone slap me back into reality please??

 

[swingirl]

Is the video from GOG?

 

[mary poppins]

Do you know that he actually bought the diamond? Perhaps the video is part of his research.

 

[delta_loves_alpha]

swingirl - no...it's from LM.

mary poppins - i'm sure he bought it, saw the receipt.

 

[mogster]

Did you specify that you wanted an antique-style cushion? Maybe it's one of LM's new Dynasty cuts?

I suppose if it's any consolation, not sure how big your diamond is, but they're a lot smaller in real life than what we see in pictures. So while in pictures the difference in faceting is really apparent, in real life it is less so and I think, like you said, once you have it on your hand, you'll just notice how beautiful it really is.

 

[tuffyluvr]

Omg, I had the SAME THING happen!!! Except my guy really didn't like the old cuts that I did, so I conceded to let him pick. I found the cert, saw it was a modified brilliant cushion, faced up a bit small, was too deep and had a thick girdle and large table and sent myself into a tailspin. I ended up bringing it up to my guy and he said that he loved the stone and thought it was absolutely gorgeous in person. I peeked at it, and it's very lively and glittery. It's not exactly what I wanted, but my guy went to a lot of trouble and expense to get it for me and i want him to love my ring too, so I love it. I will probably end up buying myself an old cut stone to wear in a RHR or pendant.

I think your two options are to 'fess up to snooping, or trust his judgement and compromise on a stone that's not exactly what you wanted, but he chose to try and make you happy. It's sentimentality versus pickiness. If you are very picky and type A, maybe you should talk to him?

 

[PA-C]

How much are you supposed to know or not supposed to know about the whole process? If you're afraid to tell him about the snooping, maybe you could just gush about how much you LOVE the antique chunkier cushions and hope that he gets hint enough to exchange it? You could even show him some photos or videos (GOG?) that you've seen to be more specific about what you want it to look like. Or you could just be honest and tell him what you found. I'm sure LM wouldn't have a problem with an exchange - especially if the ring is not yet made....

 

[delta_loves_alpha]

Thanks ladies...

I know he has spent time and effort (not to mention $$) making sure that I love the ring - and I know I mentioned antique cushions to him but it's probably my own fault for not spending enough time educating him about the difference...

The ring should be done any day now, since it's been about 7 weeks since he sent the work order. I don't want to bring it up to him because I feel SO bad about snooping and about being disappointed with the stone. I mean really, it doesn't mean he loves me any less, and I know the final product is going to be gorgeous and I'll be OBSESSED with it once I actually get it.

I suppose all of this turmoil is my penance for being snoopy. Bahh! Never again!

 

[amc80]

I mean really, it doesn't mean he loves me any less, and I know the final product is going to be gorgeous and I'll be OBSESSED with it once I actually get it.

You'll love it no matter what, once it's on your finger. It's not like you wanted a cushion and he got you a marquis, you know? Remember the ultimate goal is marriage, not the perfect ring.

 

[Amys Bling]

I mean really, it doesn't mean he loves me any less, and I know the final product is going to be gorgeous and I'll be OBSESSED with it once I actually get it.

You'll love it no matter what, once it's on your finger. It's not like you wanted a cushion and he got you a marquis, you know? Remember the ultimate goal is marriage, not the perfect ring.

agreed. and he is getting you a custom piece from LM, there is no way you wont love it once you get it on your hand!

 

[delta_loves_alpha]

Sooo true. I'm a control freak and tend to get a little crazy when things aren't perfect. *insert deep breath here*

I think more than anything I am just SO anxious to get it on my finger!!! I highly doubt I'm going to see it and be like, "uhmm...eww"

 

[MissStepcut]

Sooo true. I'm a control freak and tend to get a little crazy when things aren't perfect. *insert deep breath here*

I think more than anything I am just SO anxious to get it on my finger!!! I highly doubt I'm going to see it and be like, "uhmm...eww"

I dunno... when I got my glamour shots from BGD I burst into tears because it wasn't what I wanted. It can definitely happen. Good thing you have enough lead time to mentally prep yourself.

 

[tuffyluvr]

You're not being a brat or a control freak. It is a big deal--it's a huge purchase and you will be wearing it every day and others will be admiring it. It makes complete sense to worry if it's not exactly what u wanted. If you are really freaked out about it, you could bring it up to your guy. Maybe he will want to exchange the stone for what you want. If you feel like he would be upset by the snooping and insulted that the stone isn't just what you wanted, then it's going to be more of a s#!tstorm than just dealing with not getting exactly what you wanted. You know your guy and relationship better than any of us. In the end I think it's way more impt than "oh, it's just a piece of jewelry", but of course your relationship is more important than the ring.

 

[smokey99]

I come across these threads all the time on this site.

Why the 'snooping'? Do you ladies not trust your men? Are you more concerned with the ring than the fact that he is proposing and making a life-long committment to you? I just dont get it. As a guy (who is also soon to be engaged), I would be upset and a little off put if my lady admitted to snooping/sneaking, checking in on what I was buying or planning and complaining about it not looking exactly as she wanted.

If you have certain expectations for your ring and proposal, you need to tell your men this ahead of time if you know a proposal is on the horizon because it has the potential to gut them when they hear the words from your mouth after they put all off the time, effort and money into this. If its that important to you that you get exactly what you want and how you want it, then you should make plans to do the shopping and planning together.

Unless you pick the stone and setting out yourself, chances are you'll never have EXACTLY what you want. So realizing this, if you're not totally involved with the decision making process than you have to expect that it may not be exactly what you would pick. Even so, a guys mindset and budget and considerations may be different than your expectations too. I think we all want to see our ladies happy and excited when they see their ring. I'm saddened for both the lady and the guy when I read these threads.

I wouldn't say you're a brat, but I would caution that your bf might be hurt if you bring this up to him, even if he doesnt admit it. Aside from it hinting at mistrust...Maybe he's done the best he can based on the preferences you gave him? What if he actually considered other antique stones and they werent in the budget? (Not saying this is the case, but what if?)

 

[Imdanny]

Because we men get the wrong idea! If a woman wants an antique cut cushion then that's what she should have!

Trust but verify.

OP, if you get it and still want an antique cut I'd say just ask to exchange the stone. I'm sorry I can't be more sentimental or traditional but I don't think you're a brat for wanting what you want. Personally there is no way I would have a modern cushion with these newly cut antique cushions around. Whoever brought them and other old cuts back was a genius.

I used to snoop in the Christmas presents, try to guess what they were. At least once I remember poking a hole in the wrapping paper of what turned out to be a globe.

 

[Imdanny]

I come across these threads all the time on this site.

Why the 'snooping'? Do you ladies not trust your men? Are you more concerned with the ring than the fact that he is proposing and making a life-long committment to you? I just dont get it. As a guy (who is also soon to be engaged), I would be upset and a little off put if my lady admitted to snooping/sneaking, checking in on what I was buying or planning and complaining about it not looking exactly as she wanted.

If you have certain expectations for your ring and proposal, you need to tell your men this ahead of time if you know a proposal is on the horizon because it has the potential to gut them when they hear the words from your mouth after they put all off the time, effort and money into this. If its that important to you that you get exactly what you want and how you want it, then you should make plans to do the shopping and planning together.

Unless you pick the stone and setting out yourself, chances are you'll never have EXACTLY what you want. So realizing this, if you're not totally involved with the decision making process than you have to expect that it may not be exactly what you would pick. Even so, a guys mindset and budget and considerations may be different than your expectations too. I think we all want to see our ladies happy and excited when they see their ring. I'm saddened for both the lady and the guy when I read these threads.

I wouldn't say you're a brat, but I would caution that your bf might be hurt if you bring this up to him, even if he doesnt admit it. Aside from it hinting at mistrust...Maybe he's done the best he can based on the preferences you gave him? What if he actually considered other antique stones and they werent in the budget? (Not saying this is the case, but what if?)

You make a very good point about not wanting anyone's feelings hurt, but, I think it's this whole tradition of: he 'has' to choose it AND she 'has' to like it that is to blame for these misunderstandings and hurt feelings in the first place, not any lack of 'trust' on the part of the woman or the man.

I don't like seeing threads where people are not happy either. This is why I think engagement rings should be a joint decision. But since it's the woman who has to wear it and has to like it (not pretend to like it) I think woman should choose things like what kind of cut. If she 'decides' it has to be

 

[Imdanny]

(sorry, iPhone trouble) ... 2 cts, that might not be reasonable, but no matter the lack of understanding or miscommunication, there is a huge difference between a modern cushion and an antique cut. Saying it's not "exactly" what she wanted would be pretty far off the mark.