I feel like she''s stealing my photographer!!

[JCJD]

So FI and I met with a photog last Wed (a week ago!!) to look at pics and discuss prices, and then I called him on Fri to get some references. Well, we''d decided to go with him (great pics, raving reviews, and he only charges $800!!!!!), so I called him last night to tell him we want to meet to give him the deposit. Turns out, the chick who''s wedding he''s doing the day after ours just informed him that he "must" be at their rehearsal dinner, the same time as our wedding!!!!! Who needs a professional photographer at their rehearsal????? What are they going to take pictures of, the wedding party with their gifts???? I just had a really stressful day yesterday, and this did not help at all!!!

He''s going to talk it over with his wife and try to get an idea of how adamant this chick is that he be there and give me a decision tonight... I think it helped that I''m hormonal and emotional right now (just started The Patch on Sunday) and started crying.... He''s the only photog that is that inexpensive and talented at the same time - the next photog we''d want to book charges $2000 for 4 hours of coverage, which is almost literally half of our wedding budget! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry ladies (and gents perhaps), but I really needed to get that out of my system.... Thanks for listening.

 

[MelissaSue]

awww.. JC - I''m so sorry. That girl must be a freaking psycho to require the photographer to be at the rehearsal dinner.

But seriously.. it would be FAR more beneficial to him to tell her NO.. because he will make more money doing your wedding than whatever extra he can charge her for the RD pics, which she probably won''t even BUY. Do you know what I mean? Because even if he charges her double for the coverage, he''ll be able to make more money by doing your wedding because you''ll get the album and more prints and everything.

So hopefully the photographer will realize that it benefits him far more to do your wedding than her rehearsal and you won''t have any problems.

If not.. go find that girl and knock some sense into her

 

[fountainfairfax]

That does stink!!!! And Melissa is correct- they will make much more $$ off your wedding and all of the future print orders than from her rehersal dinner. I''m really suprised that a professional photog would allow themselves to get in such a bind and that they don''t send one of their assistants or students to cover the rehersal dinner. Hopefully they will offer that option to their client and that she will be reasonable! if not, they should bill her double for their loss of profits and you should get some free pre-wedding portraits out of the deal!

 

[LollyBear]

Since when do you NEED a photographer at your Rehearsal Dinner? Is she having him shoot it or just attend? That the photographer is even considering NOT taking your business is just absurd!
I really hope he comes to his senses and takes the job. If not, I''m with MelissaSue, knock the girl around until she realizes she''s not the only bride in the universe.

 

[JCJD]

Thanks ladies!!!

Some details that'll help you visualize this situation.... He's a freelance wedding photog who mainly teaches photography at a local high school, so he doesn't have assistants, except his wife who lines people up for the formal shots and helps organize, which is why he's so cheap! $800 is for his more "expensive" package, 100 5x7's and 10 8x10's in an album, unlimited coverage time. This girl is a former student of his that is now a good friend. She does want him to photograph the rehearsal, not just attend, which is why this is a dilemma for him..... He did say that if he can't do our wedding he would help us locate another photog that would be reasonable. But he was really surprised when I told him that most of the other photogs available on our date charge close to $4000 for a mediocre package, which is almost our entire wedding budget! That and the fact that I cried might work in our favor, I'm hoping.... He's a really nice guy, but then this chick threw him a loop and he's stuck in a difficult situation. I think he'll really try to come to a decision that he can feel good about, so I think I can live with it if he decides not to do our wedding.... It'll still suck though!

 

[flopkins]

awwwwww JC.... GOOD LUCK!!!! I''m sending out good vibes to your photog that he will choose you!!!!!!

 

[windy1365]

The guy that video tapes our wedding is coming to the rehearsal as well as the wedding. I don''t think that it''s weird. Maybe this girl wants pictures of every moment of her wedding, even leading up to it. She did have him first, and they are friends. I don''t think she stole him from you if you never had him in the first place. He never told you that he would do it then backed out, did he?

$4000 sounds way too expensive. Our whole package is $1,800 and it includes a lot of stuff. You should look around some more.

 

[windy1365]

We booked our photographer, videographer, wedding site, etc. over a year in advance so that we got the best. It is first come, first serve. To a bride, that is HER day. She is the most important. I''m sure there are many brides that didn''t get to get married in the spectacular place that we are getting married at b/c we already had it reserved first (on a popular date).

I know one girl wanted our photographer as her first choice, but she had to go with someone else because we had him first.

 

[JCJD]

windy - I do understand that vendors have to work on a first-come first-serve basis. That''s not my problem. Notice also that I titled my thread "I FEEL like she''s stealing my photographer", not that she IS stealing the photographer. And we couldn''t have booked any of our vendors a year in advance because we''ve only been engaged since November. The reasons this situation upset me so much and caused me to start this thread to vent those frustrations are (1) I''m hormonal and emotional right now, (2) This situation happened to us two weeks ago with another photographer - She was going to meet with us to show us her portfolio and 2 hours before our meeting she called to say she''d booked our day with another wedding, (3) We are on a very very tight budget and cannot comfortably afford even a $1800 photographer. I am a graduate student on a small stipend, FI doesn''t have much saved and only found a job this past October (and trust me, he was SEARCHING), our parents have contributed money to our wedding but they''re not rich either. Some days I look at our budget and how much we can contribute to it and wonder if we''ll even be able to afford a honeymoon camping in my dad''s backyard! (4) This girl booked with the photographer for her wedding day a year ago and only this weekend did she inform him that she wants him at the rehearsal, 4 days after we met with him and the day after I called him back for references. I just feel like the world is against us right now! Our first, second, third, and fourth choice photographers (who are amazing and reasonably priced) were booked already by the time we got engaged, we only just found these two photographers who fit into our budget and are actually talented, and within days or hours before we can book with them, someone else snatches them out of our hands. So now, all that''s left for our date seem to be the insanely expensive ones and the cheap but mediocre ones. I know you understand how important your wedding photography is, and why I''m getting so upset about this stupid situation... It feels like I''m crying about this stupid planning all the time because nothing is going our way. The caterer I had been talking to before booking our reception site didn''t call me back when I left several messages explaining that we wanted to book with them, so now we have to search for a new one. In other words, this sucks and I need to get it out of my system. Sorry for the rambling depressing post there....

 

[LollyBear]

JCJD -
Aww,

I'm sorry to hear that you've been having so many trials through the planning process. I understand your needing to blow off some steam. I posted my own rant just a couple days ago, and it made me feel much better after I got it all out. Photography is a huge issue, something worth getting worked up about, no need to feel bad about it.
Keep your head up, I'm sure things will work out in the end. Best of luck to you!

 

[icekid]

JCJD-

i would be feeling the same way you do!! i think most of us would... all you want is a nice wedding, and it seems like tough going right now. but i promise it will all work out. the wedding will be beautiful, and best of all you''re going to marry the love of your life!! try not to stress too much... HUGS!

errr no offense windy, but you can across as being rather abrasive. just because you were able to book everything early doesn''t mean that others should not be able to have nice weddings also.

 

[teebee]

JCJD ~ I absolutely understand where you''re coming from!!! The feeling that you are being sabotaged on every issue is so disheartening!! I guess maybe this girl is really adament about capturing every moment, but I really hope that he is able to come up with an equitable solution... Anyhow, you know that this is the right place to vent all of your feelings and frustrations!!

Windy ~ like Icekid said, I mean no offense to you, but this forum is not theknot.com and at times your responses come off as being quite harsh. Most of us are on this site because we don''t care for the "atmosphere" of the knot and I sometimes get that same vibe from the things you say. Perhaps it''s just me and maybe I''m just misinterpreting what you''re saying. If not, you may want to tone it down a little? I think we all try to be honest with each other, but we also try to handle things in a tactful manner because, really, we are all friends!!! And, one of the best things about a friend is the ability to vent and whine without feeling like we are being judged... Anyhow, just a thought.

 

[MelissaSue]

teebee- I was soo tempted last night to write pretty much exactly what you did!!!! So you''re not misinterpreting anything. I kept my mouth shut though! Thanks for saying what I was too chicken to say!!!

 

[Buena Girl]

JCJD-

((hugs)) I hope you get the photographer!!! Maybe the other girl assumed he was available for her that night because they were friends. Maybe he was already invited to the rehearsal dinner, so then she thought since he would be there, than maybe he could take photos??

Or maybe she''s a bridezilla

We''ll never really know.

If she has any decency at all, then she should have no problems with you having the photographer for your wedding. I hope it is just a matter of her not realizing that you want to book him for that night. It could be one of those "guy" situations where they don''t want to disapoint their friend (who is a girl and could be emotional), so they say nothing and hope the situation magically works itself out.

I''ll be wishing you good vibes this weekend. I hope he comes to his senses and books your wedding ASAP!

 

[windy1365]

Sorry. I didn''t mean to offend anyone. I have been in a bad mood lately. I think I messed up my wedding invitations and sent everyone an invitation to our rehearsal dinner instead of the directions to the reception. Plus, I''m going through emotional problems, too... cold feet, I guess. Plus... my fiance is home this week. He has been out of town during the week for work for the last month. I''ve gotten used to having the t.v. and the laptop all to myself. Now, he''s home and makes me give up one or the other. And, I have to cook dinner and try to be sweet. And, I have take a shower before eating breakfast so that he can sleep an extra thirty minutes. My routine is messed up this week!! I will tone it down. Ya''ll were nice and spared my feelings when I posted something, so I''ll do the same.

JDJD - have you thought about maybe changing the date of your wedding since it seems like everything is going wrong with that specific date. Maybe it is just a really popular wedding date, so everything is already booked in advance. I''m guessing you are getting married on a Friday instead of Saturday, so that should have helped?? Maybe push the wedding out a couple of months, which will also give you some more time to save money for a honeymoon. I know that will be hard b/c you probably already have your heart set on that date. My fiance wanted a 14 month engagement, and I hated waiting that long!!!

Maybe a Sunday wedding?? It should be cheaper, too if you have it on a not so popular day.

 

[jenwill]

Aah, Windy- sorry for all the stress in your life now. Hopefully it will all die down soon. I can totally sympathize with the part about having the man around all the time...I just moved in with my honey last month, and after living alone for the past 16 years it is definitely an adjustment. I too am used to having the house to myself...it is hard when your routines get disrupted. Add into it your having to deal with inner goblins and potential very large rehearsal dinner...whew!

JCJD: I hope that you hear good news back from your photographer of choice. With all that is going on, your luck should turn soon...and the wedding of your dreams will come into view.

 

[JCJD]

Oooh Windy, sorry to hear about your stressful week! Thanks for your apology too.

I hope we both feel better soon!

Our wedding is on a Friday (June 24), we can''t move it up because our pastor will be out of town and is otherwise unavailable (other weddings...), can''t move it back because my grandparents have a planned month of vacation in Europe for their 55th anniversary in July, can''t have it in the fall b/c I''m in school, won''t wait until December and Christmas break because I have waited over 7 years to marry this man and I will not wait a day longer than I have to, even if it means I have to force him to elope! Plus, my grandparents have already bought tickets to fly themselves, my aunt and uncle and 3 of their 4 kids out for the week of our wedding.

OK, there is a terrible lack of development with this situation ladies!!! The photog was supposed to call me Thursday night with some answers, didn''t, so I called him twice yesterday but only got his machine. I''m working today until 4 so I won''t hear anything until tonight, and I had this terrible, horrible dream that he refused to call me back just like that rude caterer and I turned into this raging bi*#%y bridezilla calling them at 2am just to make sure they were there when I called and screaming at them that they owe me the respect of telling me they can''t be there and they promised to help with finding another photog I could call and if they didn''t give me an answer or answer their phone I was going to sue!

PLUS!!!!! Dear fiance STILL has not asked anybody to be groomsmen!!!!!!!! We have been engaged for almost 5 months, it is less than 4 months till our wedding, my girls have ordered their dresses already and I have their gifts almost all done, and he hasn''t even asked his brother to be a groomsman!!!!!!! So I gave him an ultimatum last night - if he has not made significant progress in asking his friends and brother to be in the wedding party by this Friday (one week), I am cancelling all of our vendors and kidnapping him to Vegas or booking a Sandals wedding. PLUS, he still has to ask his friend the videographer if he''d tape our wedding, and it was ME who ended up asking HIS friend (who''s dad owns a sound and lights company) about renting speakers and an amp for our reception music! This is the guy who says he wants a real wedding, that he wants to help plan it with me and he doesn''t want to elope!!! I don''t really believe that he actually wants this wedding thing or that he understands the kind of work and money that has to go into planning a wedding because he won''t make these decisions or make those phone calls. He did finally call a caterer for a menu proposal, but he hasn''t called the rental company to reserve the dance floor he decided we should have. Am I overreacting or do I have reason to be frustrated and upset with him? I am so frustrated ladies!!!!!!!!!

 

[windy1365]

He probably does want a real wedding, but he didn''t realize that it takes work to pull it together. If I need my man to do something wedding related, I either end up doing it myself, or I just nag him for two weeks until he does it. He''s just being a man!! If it was up to the men, they would wait until two weeks before the wedding to start planning.

I don''t blame you for not wanting to wait any longer. I had a 14 month long engagement, and it just drug on forever!! I started wishing that we had just eloped instead and saved all the extra money and stress. But... we''re locked in all kinds of contracts, so we would owe the money regardless.

We have been engaged for over a year with only eight weeks to go. My fiance waited until two weeks ago to pick out his tux. It really doesn''t take but a month in advance for them to get measured and set up for a tux... but I guess your man has to ask them first!! Your fiance probably just assumes that his brother is going to be a groomsman. It''s not like they are going to tell him no, so I think you''re okay with this part... just bug him about it until he asks them. Do you think he might have already mentioned it to them, and he''s just riling you up?

You still have about four months to find a caterer and photographer. A lot of people plan out their entire wedding in four months, so you should be okay if this photographer doesn''t work out. Check with the local colleges... talk with the arts teacher. Maybe she/he will have a promising student that does weddings on the side and is really good. The teacher might even have some of his work to show you. The student should be much cheaper than a professional. Also, if he takes the pictures on an advanced digital camera, maybe one day when you have more money, you can get your pictures put into one of the nice package deals that you can''t afford right now.

What did you get your bridesmaids for gifts? I still have to do that. I haven''t heard you mention flowers...have you got that lined up yet? I saved money on flowers by having my bridesmaids carry only a single rose instead of the whole bouquet.

 

[JCJD]

Thanks windy! I feel a lot better knowing it''s not just him, it''s simply a "boy" thing to not understand the work of wedding planning. I just had lunch with my dad and he suggested giving FI one or two tasks he can take care of for the wedding every day, and I think that might be the trick. I knew it took only a short amount of time to get tuxes measured, but it just seems like he has been waiting for some kind of "moment" to ask his best friend to be best man, and that perfect moment just hasn''t come or something... and he won''t ask his brother or the rest of the potential groomsmen until he''s asked that friend, so he''s like the cork in the bottle... once FI asks him, everything else will be taken care of, if you know what I mean... I don''t think he''s just trying to get on my nerves, mostly because he knows not to play tricks on me like that

. I may be quiet, but when I need to, I''ve got quite a bite!!

My sister (MOH) actually just found a photographer in town that is technically more talented than the "stolen" one, and just as inexpensive!! I''m going to get the OK from FI today and call them to book it!! And my dad finally found the name of the caterer who did his wedding 3 years ago, along with two other caterers, so I think that''ll be covered!!!

I got my sister a red, white and black beaded necklace (she can''t wear any metals, so this is perfect!!) and I won 2 beautiful garnet pendants off of ebay. I have one more bm I need to get a pendant for and one of those pendants doesn''t come with a chain, but I should be able to keep the costs pretty low and still give them a nice gift they can wear afterwards. Also, if I can afford it, I''ll pay for the hair stylist too. My colors are berry red (claret dresses) and berry accent colors (blues, purples, and greenery). We do have a florist, a family friend of FI''s. We''ve discussed the budget and she had some great ideas for us! We''re not picky about the types of flowers so long as they stick in the color theme and stay under budget, so that helps too.

Yay!!! I feel so much better!! Writing to you all (and my daddy!) helped so much!! I don''t feel nearly as helpless and forlorn as I did even this morning!! Thank you!!!!!

 

[windy1365]

That sounds great! It just wasn''t meant to be for you to get that other photographer. I was meant for you to get this better one!! So, everything worked out for the best. And, who wants a rude caterer anyway!!

So, if something isn''t going your way, try to think that it is b/c something better is meant to come along instead. It''s hard, though. I get really upset when something doesn''t go my way!!

Planning for a wedding is so stressful. Even more so for you b/c you are having to plan out all the details and have a strict budget. We have a wedding cordinator, and it is still stressful. It seems like she just scribbles stuff down, and when we go talk to her again, she has everything mixed up. She had my grandmother listed as the flower girl!! I am having to worry about my bridesmaids going to pick up their dresses. I just got a phone call that one of them still hasn''t picked hers up yet.

If I could go back in time, we would have eloped!!! But, I didn''t want to regret not having the memories of a traditional wedding. So, I guess it is worth it when it is all over with.... it better be!!

 

[flopkins]

JCJD---
I''m so glad things worked out great for you!!! I swear I''ve been feeling the exact same as both you and windy!! Last night FI and I spent an hour (2-3 AM , mind you) having a breakdown about wedding planning- he''s super stressed with the last two weeks of the quarter, and I''ve been having issues w/FI not contributing enough w/the planning... but he took the time today to go w/me to check out some reception sites... and it''s much better now!

Windy- I don''t know how many times I''ve thought it would be easier to elope... but then I remember why I wanna do this- for my family, friends... to celebrate w/everyone!! I''m sure when the day comes, you''ll be beautiful, happy, and it will all be worth it!!

 

[LollyBear]

JCJD, Windy, Flopkins - I''m in the same boat with my FI (glad to hear I''m not the only one going through this). He is most frustrating when he goes with me to meet vendors, sits in the meetings without a single opinion, shrugs his shoulders in bewilderment when asked for it, then tries to finally do some research and find a better deal AFTER we''ve signed a contract.

And you thought your man was difficult....

As for the elopement issue, I always thought I''d be happy just heading off to Vegas with some friends. Boy was I wrong!! Once we got engaged, I decided I needed to do it at home with family, but fully inteded to keep it small and simple. Six months into the planning and it''s still going to be a relatively small gathering (100 max) but there will be nothing simple about it.
Do you think this has anything to do with my fiance''s attitude?

JCJD - I''m very happy to hear that thinks are starting to turn around for you. I''m sure everything is going to be perfect!


Thank goodness for the help of family & friends, without them I''d be insane

.

 

[JCJD]

Date: 3/8/2005 12:41:40 PM
Author: LollyBear
Thank goodness for the help of family & friends, without them I'd be insane

.

SO TRUE!!! My wonderful little sister and MOH is wonderful at helping me out I have now realized! I gave her two tasks yesterday afternoon - call hotel to ask about block rates for wedding guests and find info about renting a vintage car for our getaway. Within 3 hours, she delivered, while she was at work!!! Man do I love her!!!

Yay ladies!!! We now have a best man (the ultimatum worked!!!) AND a photographer!!! It's the photog my sister found - isn't she great??? She's the one who picked MY dress off the rack too! We booked the photog last night, with complete support from my dad and stepmom (who has a journalistic eye). The black and white pics are amazing - great contrasts! and the color pics are crisp with great color saturation. They also do more of the journalistic style that we want - no super-posed cheesy pics for us!! No offense though!!! That style is just SOOOO not us! Plus, they're actually cheaper than the photog I got so upset about losing because they offer a 5% Friday wedding discount!!! Just goes to show that when one door closes, another one opens - and all for the best it seems!!

OK, I'm in a great mood right now, wanna bet how long it's going to take me to get down in the dumps again?

J/K!!!