I feel like my upgrade has been tainted

[Dreamer_D]

I am sure he had other stress at the moment. But I have learned over the years that things like ring settings are about as interesting to most men as an engine motor would be to me! So enjoy your upgrade process...he said he wanted you to have it...so don't involve him any more until you can show him how happy you are with the finished ring! I feel like if I bug my husband with details he doesn't care about, he might not be so happy about the next project!

Thanks for the advice, I agree that it may be best to involve him less and just keep him updated on the $ side...or msybe we will leave that out too just kidding! That would cause a REAL problem.

DS's advice was the first thing that popped into my mind Obviously, talk about and sort out between yourselves the hurtful aspects of what he said -- the mad/loud voice, the dismissing of your interests, the tone, impugning your motives -- but those are somewhat separate from *the ring* and all things obsessive and PS. You could have had a similar argument about anything, really. But after sorting that out, keep him in the dark and out of the loupe after the budget is set!

 

[armywife13]

I am sure he had other stress at the moment. But I have learned over the years that things like ring settings are about as interesting to most men as an engine motor would be to me! So enjoy your upgrade process...he said he wanted you to have it...so don't involve him any more until you can show him how happy you are with the finished ring! I feel like if I bug my husband with details he doesn't care about, he might not be so happy about the next project!

Thanks for the advice, I agree that it may be best to involve him less and just keep him updated on the $ side...or msybe we will leave that out too just kidding! That would cause a REAL problem.

DS's advice was the first thing that popped into my mind Obviously, talk about and sort out between yourselves the hurtful aspects of what he said -- the mad/loud voice, the dismissing of your interests, the tone, impugning your motives -- but those are somewhat separate from *the ring* and all things obsessive and PS. You could have had a similar argument about anything, really. But after sorting that out, keep him in the dark and out of the loupe after the budget is set!

Thanks for the advice dreamer, I think that is what I am going to do. I believe it will be best for both of our sanity if it isnt discussed aside from the budget, which is set, for the most part. Now I just have to make my mind up on the darn setting. I had one picked for the 1.79, but now that I sold that and got a different one, I am not sure. Oh well, I have several months to decide. I am sure once it gets closer I will post a poll, my PS family has better taste than my hubby anyways.

 

[rosetta]

I do hope all this pans out for you armywife. That OEC is jaw droppingly gorgeous and I cannot wait to see it on your finger!

 

[LaraOnline]

Men don't like looking at rings. It is trivial and boring and expensive (to them).
It is exciting and beautiful and fun, to us!

He'll calm down. You'll enjoy your ring.
Everyone's happy.
Don't sweat it.

FWIW: decide on the setting yourself! You'll get what you want that way!

 

[Amys Bling]

Sounds to me like he took out other life stresses on you. Give him a little time before you bring it up.

 

[armywife13]

Rosetta, thank you. It will be a while before I have it on my finger, but I cannot wait!

LaraOnline, you are correct, I know he was never that interested in jewelry. I guess I wanted to I clued him because it was such a large purchase, the reasons behind it, and because it was something that was important to me. I try to be interested in his many hobbies, which are also expensive and boring to me...so I thought he might do the same, but I think this is one of those examples about how men and women are different! Haha. I am going to try to choose the stein by myself, but I am the most indecisive person ever I have found many that I really like, but I can't figure out which ones "the one".

Amy's Bling, you are spot on. I spoke with him this morning and he said it wasn't me, that it was infact the stress of his upcoming training as well as some residual anger from an argument he had with a coworker earlier that day. I am going to take everyone's advice and stop including him in everything to do with the ring-except for $. He was never that interested to start with and I would prefer to keep this process as stress free and enjoyable as possible!

 

[JewelFreak]

armywife13|1326519388|3102727My hubby is usually pretty passive and easy going, but every once and a while, he has his moments.

Sounds just like mine. Keeps it all in to the point of passivity or disinterest; then suddenly, batten the hatches! Sometimes I never know what was behind a blowup -- I wonder if he even knows, himself. Could be any of the things you mentioned, or something different. It is great advice to discuss it when both of you are calm; you're wisely getting there. My DH often blows his top after he's had a couple glasses of wine, that loosens the latch on his brain (& mouth) -- when he does that, he has said things I'll never be able to forget. Without a few fumes in his head I know he wouldn't have said them, but there you are.

One other thing to remember is that rings & mementos of that sort usually don't mean the same to men as to women. They don't invest ojects with the emotional meaning we give them. Most men also don't give a crap about jewelry & can't figure why we don't spend money on reasonable stuff, like a big-screen TV for football games. Our being gaga over a stone simply doesn't equal their going nuts for a vintage car -- empathy not being your average guy's strong point especially when it's man to woman, rather than man to buddy.

Hang in there & find out what's eating him. I'm sure this rattled you. Much hugs & dust!

--- Laurie

 

[armywife13]

Thanks, Jewelfreak. I think everything will be ok, it just rattled me a bit, as you said. I am just going to try to make this as stress free as possible from here on out, which probably means uninvolving him in a lot of it.

 

[yennyfire]

I am sure he had other stress at the moment. But I have learned over the years that things like ring settings are about as interesting to most men as an engine motor would be to me! So enjoy your upgrade process...he said he wanted you to have it...so don't involve him any more until you can show him how happy you are with the finished ring! I feel like if I bug my husband with details he doesn't care about, he might not be so happy about the next project!

Thanks for the advice, I agree that it may be best to involve him less and just keep him updated on the $ side...or msybe we will leave that out too just kidding! That would cause a REAL problem.

DS's advice was the first thing that popped into my mind Obviously, talk about and sort out between yourselves the hurtful aspects of what he said -- the mad/loud voice, the dismissing of your interests, the tone, impugning your motives -- but those are somewhat separate from *the ring* and all things obsessive and PS. You could have had a similar argument about anything, really. But after sorting that out, keep him in the dark and out of the loupe after the budget is set!

I agree with this. It drives my DH crazy when I obsess over bling. He says that he knows that I do my homework and that if I say "x" is what I want and the price is fair, to go ahead (assuming that we've already agreed that I can look for said item...sometimes, he does ask me to wait). He doesn't want to hear me going back and forth about the setting and the profile and the prongs....

Not excusing his tone, but I know that my DH gets testy about this too. Hope that you can work it out and that you can enjoy your upcoming upgrade!

 

[armywife13]

I am sure he had other stress at the moment. But I have learned over the years that things like ring settings are about as interesting to most men as an engine motor would be to me! So enjoy your upgrade process...he said he wanted you to have it...so don't involve him any more until you can show him how happy you are with the finished ring! I feel like if I bug my husband with details he doesn't care about, he might not be so happy about the next project!

Thanks for the advice, I agree that it may be best to involve him less and just keep him updated on the $ side...or msybe we will leave that out too just kidding! That would cause a REAL problem.

DS's advice was the first thing that popped into my mind Obviously, talk about and sort out between yourselves the hurtful aspects of what he said -- the mad/loud voice, the dismissing of your interests, the tone, impugning your motives -- but those are somewhat separate from *the ring* and all things obsessive and PS. You could have had a similar argument about anything, really. But after sorting that out, keep him in the dark and out of the loupe after the budget is set!

I agree with this. It drives my DH crazy when I obsess over bling. He says that he knows that I do my homework and that if I say "x" is what I want and the price is fair, to go ahead (assuming that we've already agreed that I can look for said item...sometimes, he does ask me to wait). He doesn't want to hear me going back and forth about the setting and the profile and the prongs....

Not excusing his tone, but I know that my DH gets testy about this too. Hope that you can work it out and that you can enjoy your upcoming upgrade!

I think it will be ok. I was very frustrated and a little hurt, but we talked about it this morning and I think everything will be fine. He said he still wants me to get the new ring, so I will just tread lightly from now on and only involve him when necessary.

 

[LaraOnline]

I'm so glad you're feeling better, armywife! My husband can be similar, blow right up, very suddenly, when what is really bugging him is actually back at the office.
Men don't really like to go into a blow-by-blow about every little thing, so when it is all too much they (well, mine ) just explode, apparently at random.
Also, when mine is upset, he pushes away... I have learned through experience just to leave him alone, although I do think he'd feel much better if he could allow me to really support him and offer him love. Men and their caves! Sheesh.

I also understand the desire to involve your 'best mate' in the creative and fun process of your ring design.
Hey, for such an experienced and wise woman, what on earth were you thinking there? heheh

I bet your man is as interested in fashion and dainty things as my husband....phhht.
Call some gfriends with good taste instead, quick! (er....that would be US!!)
If he DID change his spots and start putting in his quaint suggestions, you'll end up with a hella ring design!

 

[armywife13]

Haha, yes Laraonline, I'm not sure what I was thinking trying to involve him!

On a positive note, we had a very in depth discussion over dinner about the situation....I guess he felt bad because he bumped up my setting budget

 

[LaraOnline]

Quick, contact the mods!
You need to change the title of this thread to: 'I feel like my upgrade has been upgraded!'

 

[armywife13]

Quick, contact the mods!
You need to change the title of this thread to: 'I feel like my upgrade has been upgraded!'

So true! Ha ha ha.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Glad things are better! Now come back here when you are ready to obsess over settings, prongs, etc!!!

 

[junebug17]

I'm so glad things have been straightened out and that you're feeling better armywife13! I hope at some point you post the settings you're considering, I'd love to see them!

 

[armywife13]

Thanks diamondseeker and junebug! I will definitely be posting once it gets closer to the time when I am getting the diamond set. I am snooping through jbeg and singlestone's settings The only downside to the increased setting budget is that it might push my finished ring back further, from August to November. We need a few months to set aside money after finishing up paying the diamond off. I refuse to pull out of our savings, so I'm willing to wait a few extra months.

 

[gwendolyn]

Haha, yes Laraonline, I'm not sure what I was thinking trying to involve him!

On a positive note, we had a very in depth discussion over dinner about the situation....I guess he felt bad because he bumped up my setting budget

Haha, excellent result! Not that he felt badly, but a very good outcome all the same!