I feel like my neighbor is taking advantage of me - advice please!

[vespergirl]

Here''s the situation - our neighbors across the street, whom we are very friendly with, recently got a dog. Both parents in that family work full time, but the mom works two minutes from home, so she usually comes home to walk the dog at lunchtime. If she doesn''t come home, the dog sits in a crate for 9 hours while they''re gone. We also have a dog, so I casually mentioned that I wouldn''t mind taking their dog out if they were in a pinch and she couldn''t come home for some reason. However, I was thinking more like once a month, in an emergency.

Well, over the past 2 weeks, she has called me to see if I can walk her dog SEVEN TIMES. I did it, because she was out of town on business travel, and I felt bad for that poor dog stuck in that tiny crate all day. But now, I feel like she''s taking advantage of my generosity. Today she called me and asked if I could walk him today & tomorrow because she can''t get out of her meetings.

When I was still working, I used to hire a dog walker for the days that I couldn''t come home to take my dog out. These people could definitely afford a dog-walker, so I''m thinking that if she asks me again, I will tell her that I''m happy to take him out, for $40 per week. It wouldn''t really be a big deal, but I have to take my toddler son on the walks, and now it''s getting very cold in my area, and I feel that if we''re going to be asked to step out into the elements at the risk of illness every day, I should be compensated for it.

My husband thinks I should just do it, because they have lent us many children''s toys and clothing since our son was born. However, this was less in the spirit of generosity, and more in their interest in cleaning out their garage - literally. I never asked for anything to borrow, ever, since both of our families have means, but every time I would run into her in the street, she would run over to our house with bags of toys that her children have outgrown that she didn''t want "cluttering up her house anymore". Now those things are cluttering up my house and I''m in the process of giving them away, but that''s another story ...

Anyway, I guess that I;m wondering if it would be inappropriate to mention that I''m happy to continue walking their dog, but since it''s been a frequent request that''s no longer convenient with the bad weather, perhaps we could work out a professional dog-walking arrangement. My husband thinks I couldn''t do this without seeming "uneighborly," but I honestly think that they''re the inconsiderate ones - I would NEVER ask someone to put upon themselves almost every day for me. The other option is giving her the name and number of the dog-walker I used to use, but that would cost her more than the $40 per week that I was thinking I would charge her.

What would you guys do?

 

[Shoopy]

You know this is tough. As I was reading the beginning the first thing I thought was "she should really start charging" but then your husband has a valid point as well.

I think that if you are going out of your way to walk the dog, then I would either charge or mention that you can''t do it anymore. If you are walking the dog in an hour where you normally walk your own dog so you''re out anyway, then I wouldn''t charge. If it becomes an issue to walk the dog on certain days, then I would politely decline mentioning the reason why: weather and the baby, other errands, etc.

I say this in the spirit of being neighborly...but if you decided to charge, I would think that''s appropriate as well. (P.S. I can see why you are having a tough time deciding!)

 

[neatfreak]

I think you should jsut say "oh no I can''t, I''m sorry" the next number of times she asks. She''ll get the hint.

 

[LostSapphire]

Date: 10/28/2008 1:23:13 PM
Author:vespergirl
Here''s the situation - our neighbors across the street, whom we are very friendly with, recently got a dog. Both parents in that family work full time, but the mom works two minutes from home, so she usually comes home to walk the dog at lunchtime. If she doesn''t come home, the dog sits in a crate for 9 hours while they''re gone. We also have a dog, so I casually mentioned that I wouldn''t mind taking their dog out if they were in a pinch and she couldn''t come home for some reason. However, I was thinking more like once a month, in an emergency.

Well, over the past 2 weeks, she has called me to see if I can walk her dog SEVEN TIMES. I did it, because she was out of town on business travel, and I felt bad for that poor dog stuck in that tiny crate all day. But now, I feel like she''s taking advantage of my generosity. Today she called me and asked if I could walk him today & tomorrow because she can''t get out of her meetings.

When I was still working, I used to hire a dog walker for the days that I couldn''t come home to take my dog out. These people could definitely afford a dog-walker, so I''m thinking that if she asks me again, I will tell her that I''m happy to take him out, for $40 per week. It wouldn''t really be a big deal, but I have to take my toddler son on the walks, and now it''s getting very cold in my area, and I feel that if we''re going to be asked to step out into the elements at the risk of illness every day, I should be compensated for it.

My husband thinks I should just do it, because they have lent us many children''s toys and clothing since our son was born. However, this was less in the spirit of generosity, and more in their interest in cleaning out their garage - literally. I never asked for anything to borrow, ever, since both of our families have means, but every time I would run into her in the street, she would run over to our house with bags of toys that her children have outgrown that she didn''t want ''cluttering up her house anymore''. Now those things are cluttering up my house and I''m in the process of giving them away, but that''s another story ...

Anyway, I guess that I;m wondering if it would be inappropriate to mention that I''m happy to continue walking their dog, but since it''s been a frequent request that''s no longer convenient with the bad weather, perhaps we could work out a professional dog-walking arrangement. My husband thinks I couldn''t do this without seeming ''uneighborly,'' but I honestly think that they''re the inconsiderate ones - I would NEVER ask someone to put upon themselves almost every day for me. The other option is giving her the name and number of the dog-walker I used to use, but that would cost her more than the $40 per week that I was thinking I would charge her.

What would you guys do?

I''d go to Option #2 (highlighted in yellow above) first. THEN, when she finds out how much $$ it would cost her, she may then use you as the fall back position. Keeps your hands kind of clean, and then you could either take on the position for a negotiated fee, or, she hires the other woman and you''re out of it.

BTW I think she''s gone a bit overboard and crossed into the ''taking advantage'' category.

LS

 

[Elmorton]

I think the way you worded it - with the weather getting colder, it''s really not a convenience for you anymore, and then give her the number of your doggie place. If she calls them, perhaps she''ll realize the pricetag attached to the service and quit bugging you. If she''s driving you nuts now, my first reaction is that she''d probably make a worse employer, yanno?

The only problem with this strategy is that she could start calling you when the weather gets warm again, but at that point, I''d resort to neatfreak''s advice.

 

[somethingshiny]

I''m all for helping out neighbors and friends. But, I think there needs to be a point of respect between you two. It seems to me that she''s putting herself WAY ahead of any neighborly friendship you may have.

And, just for reference. My best friend (who is very kind-hearted) is very good to her neighbors. The mom works a few hours a day at her kids'' school approximately 5 blocks from their home, the dad works 2nd or 3rd shift so he sleeps during the day. 2 days ago the neighbor''s kid (a first grader) called my friend and said, "Hi, my mom told me to call you and see if you can bring me my gym shoes. You can just go in the back door and find them and bring them to me." Of course my friend found the shoes (begrudgingly, especially since the dad was asleep upstairs) and brought them to the child, but obviously this neighbor is really taking advantage of kindnesses.

 

[panda08]

Sorry to hear about your frustration. Perhaps this is a case of miscommunication? You made an offer but your unspoken belief was that it would be used infrequently. Maybe she thinks her work situation constitutes an "emergency" and that she''s not inconveniencing you because she thinks you''re already taking your dog out so it''s not much more of a hassle to take her''s out too.

It doesn''t sound like you''re that close with your neighbor because you mind taking her dog out often. If that''s the case, I''d suggest the next time you see her, tell her that you didn''t mean to miscommunicate your intentions and that while you''d be happy to help her in an emergency, you can''t regularly take her dog out. Then offer to give her the name and phone number of a dog walker. If she asks if you''d do it for compensation, then you can decide if you want to take her up on it. But I wouldn''t ask that outright because it does seem un-neighborly and she might take offense at it, even though it''s understandable why you think she''s being inconsiderate.

Good luck! I hope everything works out.

 

[vespergirl]

You guys, thanks so much for your advice so far!

I did forget to mention that I never take my dog for walks if the weather is cold or rainy, because we have a fenced yard that I let her out into, and she''s a tiny 10 lb. dog, so the only time that I walk my dog around the nieghborhood is if I happen to be taking my son out for a walk on a nice day. She started asking me because she noticed me walking with my son and dog a few times, but now that it''s been cold, rainy and windy here, I haven''t been taking them out for the daily strolls that we enjoyed this summer.

 

[dragonfly411]

Vesper - does she not have a fenced yard? I would recommend option two, give her the name and number of a reliable dog walker and explain that with the colder weather, it''s not as easy for you to go out, along with your son and dog, into the bad weather.

 

[purrfectpear]

Just a thought, but would you trust her to babysit? Maybe you could work out a barter system. You doggie walk for her, she babysits on weekend nights for you and hubby to have some time out?

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I''d probably just sever the relationship altogether before it gets awkward. And besides, you never know what can happen. The owner of the dog-walking business we used to use was telling us that a dog pulled the leash out of one of her walker''s hands (he saw a squirrel) and ran in front of a vehicle and was hit--the dog was fine (relatively--he broke his leg) and it was all covered under the dog walking business owner''s insurance. I know that''s obviously a freak accident, but you just never know and it could put you both in a very awkward situation, even if she does have pet insurance.

She''s not there during the day, so you could tell her that you have a new schedule that doesn''t allow you to take out the dog, but that you have the name and number of a great dog walking business if she needs one.

 

[Sha]

I would just distance myself from the whole situation and refer her to the doggie walker the next time around. She may take some offense to you charging a fee now for something you agreed to do before and may think that you''re not being neighbourly. And who knows? Even if she agrees to pay you she may take advantage of your friendship and not pay you for weeks and months....which might cause additional frustration. IF you''re not really walking your dog on a regular basis then it''s definitely an imposition for her to ask you to do it so often. I would just decline the next time - let her know it''s not convenient for you, then recommend the dog walker.

 

[Kaleigh]

Do you have caller ID? Don''t take her calls. That can only last a short time. But next time she asks, say sorry you can''t. Then mention she should hire a dog walker. Good luck!!!

 

[vespergirl]

Hi guys, I raelly appreciate your feedback.

Dragonfly - she doesn''t have a fenced yard, or I would just hang out in her house & let her dog run around outside for a few minutes. I thought about letting him run around in my fenced yard, but I''m not excited about the prospect of running around out there to find his poop & pick it up - it''s bad enough on the walks (he''s a big dog)

Purrfectpear, I think that would be a great idea, but both parents spend a lot of time on business travel (each for at least a week a month) so their own kids often stay with the grandparents, so I doubt they would have time to babysit for me.

I think that what I''m going to do is walk him today & tomorrow, and then every time she asks after that, I''m going to just say no, I have other plans, and then I''m going to give her the phone number of my dog walker. I hate to be that abrupt, but honestly, this woman has asked me to walk her dog almost every day for two weeks straight, and if she doesn''t realize that THAT isn''t being nieghborly, then she has no right to judge me!

It''s too bad, I would have done it happily for her in a pinch, say once or twice a month, but I think that she is really taking advantage of the situation. I don''t even ever ask our good friends who love dogs to watch our dog when we''re out of town, because she''s old & cranky and we know it''s a big responsibility, so we get our dog a dog sitter so as not to impose on anyone. I just would never ask a neighbor to put themselves out as much as she''s been asking me. I literally could not pick up the phone every day and do it, like she''s been doing. It must be nice to not feel bad about anything

 

[strmrdr]

Just tell her the truth...

That you no longer take walks because of the weather isn''t safe for your son but here is the name and number of a good dog walker.
Then take it from there.
If she has a problem with it then she isn''t a friend you want.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 10/28/2008 3:48:01 PM
Author: strmrdr
Just tell her the truth...

That you no longer take walks because of the weather isn''t safe for your son but here is the name and number of a good dog walker.
Then take it from there.
If she has a problem with it then she isn''t a friend you want.

agree.

 

[jewelerman]

Date: 10/28/2008 4:17:15 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 10/28/2008 3:48:01 PM
Author: strmrdr
Just tell her the truth...

That you no longer take walks because of the weather isn''t safe for your son but here is the name and number of a good dog walker.
Then take it from there.
If she has a problem with it then she isn''t a friend you want.

agree.

agree

 

[vespergirl]

Hi everyone, here''s what happened ... last night, I walked out to get the mail & ran into the neighbor who just got home from work. She thanked me profusely and said that she apologized for asking me to walk him on such a cold, windy day. I just said, "yes, today was a cold one" and smiled at her. Then she said, "oh, do you even walk your dog when it''s cold out, or just let her out in the yard?" I told her that on cold days, I just let her run around in the yard, but don''t usually take her for walks, and smiled again. I could tell that she felt bad knowing that I was going out of my way for her, and she said again how much she appreciated it. I have a feeling that now that she knows that I''m not normally walking my dog, the requests will stop - we''ll see ...

 

[dragonfly411]

Well we hope, but if she does just be honest, if you are, and she''s a good friend, she''ll understand.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 10/29/2008 11:08:06 AM
Author: vespergirl
Hi everyone, here''s what happened ... last night, I walked out to get the mail & ran into the neighbor who just got home from work. She thanked me profusely and said that she apologized for asking me to walk him on such a cold, windy day. I just said, ''yes, today was a cold one'' and smiled at her. Then she said, ''oh, do you even walk your dog when it''s cold out, or just let her out in the yard?'' I told her that on cold days, I just let her run around in the yard, but don''t usually take her for walks, and smiled again. I could tell that she felt bad knowing that I was going out of my way for her, and she said again how much she appreciated it. I have a feeling that now that she knows that I''m not normally walking my dog, the requests will stop - we''ll see ...

I hope so! But please don''t feel bad about saying no if she doesn''t!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

If you feel like you''re being taken advantage of you probably are...I would point her to the nearest dog walker and wash your hands of it. Even if she paid you $40.00--you''d still feel put out because it is a hardship on you.