I don''t want to invite someone - Am I being unreasonable?

[trillionaire]

I thought couples living together were supposed to be invited together. I won''t say beyond that.

Good luck resolving your predicament!

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

Screw everything else about it. For months your FI agreed she wasn''t coming, he doesn''t get to change the rules the week before the invitations go out when you are over budget, he barely knows her and you don''t like her.

If you were talking about this at the beginning I might feel differently, but he doesn''t get to change the rules at this point and he knows it, that''s why he is suddenly bringing up your friend and why he is fighting you.

Agree only to reductions, not expansions to your list at this point.

 

[cara]

Couples living together and functioning as a social unit should be invited together. Think common law marriage.

On one had you insist you don''t know this girl at all, and on the other you insist she is to blame for the breakup of your good friend''s relationship.

Please, please put some more blame on the guy if there is blame needed. He was the one in a relationship and he was the one engaged to be married. Maybe he was having doubts during the engagement and this woman was the kick he needed to break it off with your friend. Maybe he is just a jerk or immature or was going to leave her when the first determined homewrecker came along - better your friend figure that out prior to the vows. Whatever, invite him and his chosen partner together or cut them both off your list for space/moral hazard reasons.

 

[D2B]

well I think that the wedding is not just your wedding, but also your FI wedding. He wants to invite them. It is important to him (from what I am reading) so unless you are prepared to ignore his feelings and his friendship and potential issues this will cause to the friendship, just invite them.

trust me, with this many people at the wedding, you will hardly see her anyway. You dont want her there because she wrecked a relationship, again, with the greatest respect, who are you or anyone else to judge. Unless she has been rude to you, you need to invite her because it is important to your FI. they have been living togehter for a year, it is a group of 5 friends from you FI side, it will stand out if you dont, and in the long run will make you look petty, especially if it gets out why.

The key here is your FI wants them, she hasnt been rude you, and your FI only has 5 friends going from the same friendship group, so very awkward to miss out one SO.

Yes, it is your day, but in a years time, will it matter and you will have been considerate of your FI feelings and wishes as well.
Enjoy the wedding, how they got togehter is no-ones business and yes, it takes two to tango, so not sure why she is being singled out, and he is getting away with it.

I hope this doesnt come accross as being too blunt. enjoy the day, you wont even notice her.

all the best
d2b

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

I think you should invite her. Your fiance wants her there. The guy is the one who cheated on his fiancee, not this woman. It would be VERY weird to invite the other four friends and their SO''s, but not this SO, regardless of any arbitrary time limit of living together. Let''s face it - nobody there is going to say, "oh their time cutoff must have been 2 years living together, so one year didn''t make the cut and that''s why she didn''t invite _____ but invited everyone else" They are just going to know that you invited some living together couples, but not her. If you''ve forgiven him as a person for cheating on his fiance, then it''s time to forgive the one he cheated with, especially since it doesn''t affect you anyway. You don''t have to like her, but if you want to maintain your FI''s social circle, inviting her is the appropriate thing to do, IMO.


And of course, you and your fiance can choose to invite or not invite anyone you wish since it is your (plural, not singular!) wedding day.

 

[LaraOnline]

If you''ve budgeted for 80, and you''ve got 125, seems like there''s quite a few to bump off the list...?

I''m kinda with Gala and Freke, I hate inconsiderate people who demonstrate their sexual insecurities by upsetting other peoples'' engagements / relationships.

You know the ex girl, is it possible she was a she-banshee in private? Perhaps it was an engagement best broken for both of them. Is it possible for you to look at it like this?

Interestingly, my man is even more judgemental than I am of this kind of behaviour...he still thinks badly about a girl we know who broke off her engagement and ran off with the XF''s best friend! I think she did the right thing!

So, if its any consolation, if my man was YOUR man, you wouldn''t have this problem!

Everyone''s viewpoint is different. Your ''moral compass'' might depend on family values, or how reflective you are as a person, or even on how easily your own love life has gone!

Your FI probably brings it down to having to choose between a good mate, and the mate''s ex-girlfriend who he hardly knows, or sees. It''s a bloke solidarity thing, perhaps?

Don''t feel guilty for hating her

Invite her to keep the peace (and spit on her soup in the kitchen) lol

But you will have to cull others to keep her...so let your FI choose who else goes to cut back the numbers...

 

[risingsun]

Unless you and this woman have a personal animosity, I think she should be included on the invitation. She didn't do anything to you directly, Your FI's friend made the decision to be with her. They are in what seems to be a committed relationship. I think there are legitimate reasons to exclude someone from a wedding, but this isn't one of them. I hope you have a wonderful wedding day

 

[clop]

Trillionaire, thanks for sharing!

Date: 7/17/2008 12:45:01 AM
Author: brazen_irish_hussy
Screw everything else about it. For months your FI agreed she wasn''t coming, he doesn''t get to change the rules the week before the invitations go out when you are over budget, he barely knows her and you don''t like her.


If you were talking about this at the beginning I might feel differently, but he doesn''t get to change the rules at this point and he knows it, that''s why he is suddenly bringing up your friend and why he is fighting you.


Agree only to reductions, not expansions to your list at this point.

Thanks Brazen - What you stated is exactly how I felt, and fueled my indignation - right or wrong, he agreed she wasn''t coming from the get go. Just as we''re about to send out the invites, he changes his mind (which is fine). We''re already over budget, he doesn''t know her, I don''t like her... all these little bits add up (in my favor I''d like to think), that just makes me more annoyed. lol

I was in the middle of a full on vent - and when worked up, things get magnified more so when one is calm and composed. Thanks for your opinion, it''s comforting that I wasn''t a complete zilla.

 

[clop]

Cara, D2b, Guilty Pleasure, Rising Sun Thanks so much for providing perspective. What you and others have pointed out is probably the right/proper thing to do. Thank you for taking the time to spell it out nicely.

Date: 7/17/2008 3:40:49 AM
Author: LaraOnline
If you''ve budgeted for 80, and you''ve got 125, seems like there''s quite a few to bump off the list...?


I''m kinda with Gala and Freke, I hate inconsiderate people who demonstrate their sexual insecurities by upsetting other peoples'' engagements / relationships.


You know the ex girl, is it possible she was a she-banshee in private? Perhaps it was an engagement best broken for both of them. Is it possible for you to look at it like this?


Interestingly, my man is even more judgemental than I am of this kind of behaviour...he still thinks badly about a girl we know who broke off her engagement and ran off with the XF''s best friend! I think she did the right thing!


So, if its any consolation, if my man was YOUR man, you wouldn''t have this problem!


Everyone''s viewpoint is different. Your ''moral compass'' might depend on family values, or how reflective you are as a person, or even on how easily your own love life has gone!


Your FI probably brings it down to having to choose between a good mate, and the mate''s ex-girlfriend who he hardly knows, or sees. It''s a bloke solidarity thing, perhaps?


Don''t feel guilty for hating her

Invite her to keep the peace (and spit on her soup in the kitchen) lol


But you will have to cull others to keep her...so let your FI choose who else goes to cut back the numbers...

LaraOnline, thanks, you put everything so eloquently. Yes everyone''s moral compass is different. I am aware of my own hypocrisy, we''re more ok with the guy, but not the girl. Like in your example, if it was my friend who broke things off, I would not be the happiest in the manner they got together, but if they were in a loving relationship, I would be happy for them regardless, no one''s perfect. I do realize it''s easy to demonize a stranger. I could forgive most anything done to me by my friends and family, but it''s an entirely different story if by a stranger.

Thanks again to everyone for listening to me, and getting this out of my system. Looking back, I do feel silly ranting so much - I can''t even conjure up the emotion I felt yesterday.

To those that differed, thank you for giving me perspective. I try to be decent person, but am sometimes prone to pettiness, and indignation (whether or not it is justified). In any case, I will carry your words with me to temper any flareups of emotion down the road. Though am pretty darned sure, this is out of my system.

To those that wholeheartedly agreed, or agreed slightly, thanks! I think if anyone else were in my situation, I would have said as you have, it may be the right thing to include her, but ultimately it''s up to you, it''s your day. Your opinions were really appreciated, made me feel validated, and not irrational.

Thanks again everyone!

 

[octbride2be]

I am getting married in October and was in a similar predicament with some girls from my FI''s home town that he invited. Basically- early on in our relationship they went out of their way to ignore me (i didn''t let it bother me) and once we got more serious/engaged they were my best friend (and always seem to like to tell me how great my FI is...like i don''t know) Anyway- at first I said no way to their invite. Had the mentality that I didn''t want them there on my day. MY FI said it was up to me and I realized that by not inviting them we were making a bigger issue of everything and being a little petty. He has been friends with them since elementary school and I am sure they were just being typical "protective girls" when new girls start dating their long-time guy friend. We had a couple of heated discussions on whether or not one girl in particular should be invited for a few reasons (not so minor) ---- so anyway after a lot of thought, I decided that it would be best just to go ahead and invite them. Here were my reasons:
- 1. It wasn''t worth the emotional stress of not inviting them
2. By not inviting them we were being very obvious with my feelings for them and would make an awkward situation for us when we saw them in the future
3. we''ll be so busy during our wedding that i won''t even notice they are there - I can choose to see them if I want to
4. Again - I thought it was more stressful to NOT invite them

Since that time, I''ve actually come to like them a lot more and am friendly with them. I won''t ever be their best friend but I know how girls can be. With that said- it this is going to make for an awkward situaiton going forward (after all she could be the one for him) then it isn''t worth making a point of not inviting her. Clearly the other girl was not for him for some reason - people don''t move away from the ones they are with unless there are underlying reasons - weddings get called off all the time and its better before than going through a divorce. I would say that it is your big day so if it is truly going to bother you THAT much then don''t invite her. But, if it''s just a little annoyance - then you''ll soon realize that you''ll feel better and less stressed in inviting her.....who knows--- maybe you''ll even become friendly with her going forward

 

[Gwyn]

Date: 7/17/2008 1:04:22 PM
Author: clop
Trillionaire, thanks for sharing!

Date: 7/17/2008 12:45:01 AM
Author: brazen_irish_hussy
Screw everything else about it. For months your FI agreed she wasn''t coming, he doesn''t get to change the rules the week before the invitations go out when you are over budget, he barely knows her and you don''t like her.


If you were talking about this at the beginning I might feel differently, but he doesn''t get to change the rules at this point and he knows it, that''s why he is suddenly bringing up your friend and why he is fighting you.


Agree only to reductions, not expansions to your list at this point.

Thanks Brazen - What you stated is exactly how I felt, and fueled my indignation - right or wrong, he agreed she wasn''t coming from the get go. Just as we''re about to send out the invites, he changes his mind (which is fine). We''re already over budget, he doesn''t know her, I don''t like her... all these little bits add up (in my favor I''d like to think), that just makes me more annoyed. lol

I was in the middle of a full on vent - and when worked up, things get magnified more so when one is calm and composed. Thanks for your opinion, it''s comforting that I wasn''t a complete zilla.

You mentioned in an earlier post that he was fine not inviting her UNTIL he learned that they lived together. It isnt like he changed his mind out of the blue. He was introduced to new information about their relationship which, in my opinion rightfully, changes his view on whether or not it is ok to not invite her.

Ok, lets say you get your way and just send the invite to him. You are banking on the fact that he is going to understand this (not everyone gets ettiquette or even cares) and not try and bring her along. So there is a good chance that you and FI will be having an akward conversation with them when they RSVP for 2 even though just one was invited. Unless you are telling them ahead of time, it is safe to assume they will be expecting a joint invite and treat any invite as such. Are you going to have that conversation with them? Or make your FI who wanted to invite them both in the first place do it? He has every right to a say in this matter.

If you really care about making reductions at this point, I reiterate myself and other posters that you should not invite either. You already stated " I''m not very close with his ex, but I consider her a friend. She cannot make it to the wedding - if she could have made it, we would not have invited her ex. " So not inviting HIM was already an option. Besides, in your eyes, they both "wrecked a home" why do you want either there anyway?
Also, I just noticed your reply to my early question. I asked how many people were affected by this rule, and in actuality none of them are. All of you non-married friends meet the criteria (minus the one consumate bachelor). That is going to look pretty "convenient" to your guests especially the only two it affected.

 

[galeteia]

Date: 7/17/2008 3:40:49 AM
Author: LaraOnline
If you've budgeted for 80, and you've got 125, seems like there's quite a few to bump off the list...?

But you will have to cull others to keep her...so let your FI choose who else goes to cut back the numbers...

This is the crux of the issue, in my view.

If it was going to cost you nothing to have her there, I'd say buck up and invite her, you'll barely notice she's there. But that isn't the case.

 

[Gwyn]

I do not want my posts to come off as insensative. I do understand the desire to not invite someone. Both of my fiance''s ex girlfriends will be attending our wedding and trust me I am not thrilled.

In a small wedding of 50, only 10 of the guests are from my side (we are having a separate party for my family as they are far away). Since the wedding itself was near FI''s friends and family I gave him most of the guest list (seems fair) but a part of me is a little sad that more of my own friends/family wont be able to attend b.c of space and travel issues.

On top of this, the only two girls FI dated/was serious about will both be there. They are currently both involved with his friends. Ive met them on a few occasions but we are by no means friends. On the flip side, we are not enemies and it would cause far too much strife to not invite them.

It happens, but it isnt going to ruin my day, and it wont ruin yours. FI and I wouldn''t think of disrespecting his friends or his friends relationships by not inviting their SOs. Okay..well I thought about it, but it just isn''t the right thing to do. These people are our guests. We want them to enjoy themselves as they partake in a day that is very special for us.

I don''t know anyone in a happy relationship with someone who would want to attend a wedding alone. Especially when pretty much all their friends will be there with their SOs. If anything, think of your guest''s comfort.

 

[clop]

Date: 7/17/2008 1:25:47 PM
Author: octbride2be

- 1. It wasn''t worth the emotional stress of not inviting them

2. By not inviting them we were being very obvious with my feelings for them and would make an awkward situation for us when we saw them in the future

3. we''ll be so busy during our wedding that i won''t even notice they are there - I can choose to see them if I want to

4. Again - I thought it was more stressful to NOT invite them

I would say that it is your big day so if it is truly going to bother you THAT much then don''t invite her. But, if it''s just a little annoyance - then you''ll soon realize that you''ll feel better and less stressed in inviting her.....who knows--- maybe you''ll even become friendly with her going forward

Hi, thanks for sharing. I agree with everything you said. At the time of my post - I was definitely more heated. I know I can''t use "it''s the principle" excuse because if I did, I should exclude him too. It''s just all the other little factors snowballed, we argued, and I vented.

 

[clop]

Date: 7/17/2008 4:04:07 PM
Author: Galateia

Date: 7/17/2008 3:40:49 AM

Author: LaraOnline

If you''ve budgeted for 80, and you''ve got 125, seems like there''s quite a few to bump off the list...?


But you will have to cull others to keep her...so let your FI choose who else goes to cut back the numbers...

This is the crux of the issue, in my view.


If it was going to cost you nothing to have her there, I''d say buck up and invite her, you''ll barely notice she''s there. But that isn''t the case.

EXACTLY! If it was my fiance''s birthday, or any get together, sure, come along. But I''m a bit irked that I''m paying for her presence, one that I didn''t necessarily want in the first place. We''re already over, and her spot could go to another family member, or someone else we were close with etc.

I do have to say - I''m not trying to use the above as an excuse, I think it''s a legitimate reason for not having someone (expenses). But to be perfectly honest, a part of me knows, if we were in fact having an intimate gathering of 40 - I would turn it around in a heartbeat and say something like, "we''re only have 40 of our closest friends and family, I would rather not invite her." Actually thinking about it just now, I don''t think there is anything wrong with that either.

Maybe it''s the company I keep? Another friend is getting married, and asked no one bring dates - engaged or not. If they didn''t know them well, they were not invited (budget was not an issue for them). While I don''t think it may be right, it doesn''t really bother me, it''s their wedding, they can do whatever they want.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 7/16/2008 2:30:30 PM
Author: Galateia
I disagree.

You are under no obligation to strain your finances to pay out of your pocket to entertain a homewrecker.

Talk about an ugly blot to have at the ceremony of two people fulfilling the promise of a sacred commitment.

DITTO. I would not want either of them there, personally.

I think your fiance should back down on this one. You have several reasons for not inviting her, and I think it doesn''t really matter whether they''re "fair" or "rational" or "valid!" The thought of seeing her upsets you and I don''t think you need to deal with that at your wedding.

I guess I''m a mini-zilla enabler!

 

[clop]

Date: 7/17/2008 3:52:09 PM
Author: Gwyn

You mentioned in an earlier post that he was fine not inviting her UNTIL he learned that they lived together. It isnt like he changed his mind out of the blue. He was introduced to new information about their relationship which, in my opinion rightfully, changes his view on whether or not it is ok to not invite her. lol yes this is true


Ok, lets say you get your way and just send the invite to him. You are banking on the fact that he is going to understand this (not everyone gets ettiquette or even cares) and not try and bring her along. So there is a good chance that you and FI will be having an akward conversation with them when they RSVP for 2 even though just one was invited. Unless you are telling them ahead of time, it is safe to assume they will be expecting a joint invite and treat any invite as such. Are you going to have that conversation with them? Or make your FI who wanted to invite them both in the first place do it? He has every right to a say in this matter.I would be the one explaining to them to save from the additional awkwardness of, "oh, you rsvped 2, it''s only for one" I think something along the lines of, "we are unfortunately over our guest count, and we are limiting the guests to people we''ve known well over the years.."


If you really care about making reductions at this point, I reiterate myself and other posters that you should not invite either. You already stated '' I''m not very close with his ex, but I consider her a friend. She cannot make it to the wedding - if she could have made it, we would not have invited her ex. '' So not inviting HIM was already an option. Besides, in your eyes, they both ''wrecked a home'' why do you want either there anyway? Agree, that would be the right thing to do. However he would be the only person missing out of the core group of 5. We/I figured this would be the less awkward way, if that makes any sense. Plus, I wouldn''t exclude the guy because he is a friend of fiances, and apart from this incident, is a nice fellow. But yes, I see your point.

Also, I just noticed your reply to my early question. I asked how many people were affected by this rule, and in actuality none of them are. All of you non-married friends meet the criteria (minus the one consumate bachelor). That is going to look pretty ''convenient'' to your guests especially the only two it affected. Honestly, when we ''enacted the rule'' it wasn''t meant to exclude anyone specifically, just to limit guests in general.

 

[clop]

Date: 7/17/2008 4:09:54 PM
Author: Gwyn
I do not want my posts to come off as insensative. I do understand the desire to not invite someone. Both of my fiance''s ex girlfriends will be attending our wedding and trust me I am not thrilled. oh of course not, not coming off as insensitive. I''m probably coming off as whiny and melodramatic! I''m glad you are sharing, and you''ve made some really good points, ones I would not have seen. The desire not to invite someone - is heightened for me when I have to pay for their presence, and their presence fills a spot that could have gone to someone else I care for.


In a small wedding of 50, only 10 of the guests are from my side (we are having a separate party for my family as they are far away). Since the wedding itself was near FI''s friends and family I gave him most of the guest list (seems fair) but a part of me is a little sad that more of my own friends/family wont be able to attend b.c of space and travel issues.lucky you 50! It''ll be nice to see everyone at the separate party. Yes, while I love fiance''s family, I''m kind of like, 80-90 people is A LOT. But family is family, and it''s important to us for everyone to be there.


On top of this, the only two girls FI dated/was serious about will both be there. They are currently both involved with his friends. Ive met them on a few occasions but we are by no means friends. On the flip side, we are not enemies and it would cause far too much strife to not invite them.


It happens, but it isnt going to ruin my day, and it wont ruin yours. FI and I wouldn''t think of disrespecting his friends or his friends relationships by not inviting their SOs. Okay..well I thought about it, but it just isn''t the right thing to do. These people are our guests. We want them to enjoy themselves as they partake in a day that is very special for us. Yes, your situation is definitely stickier than mine. Fiance''s point was never, "it''ll damage my friendship, disrespect my friends, if it was I wouldn''t have made such a stink. I trust him when he says this, and it''s not just wishful thinking on my part.


I don''t know anyone in a happy relationship with someone who would want to attend a wedding alone. Especially when pretty much all their friends will be there with their SOs. If anything, think of your guest''s comfort. this is actually normal in my circle of friends, not sure why. Not that they want to attend a wedding alone, but have no problems doing so.

ooh I just realized, the italics may be hard to read, sorry. What I was going for was the highlighting, but don''t see it in the options above.

 

[Anna0499]

I just wanted to chime in on my opinion on this - just kindly disregard if you have already decided on a solution that works for you and your FI. Not being a pro about wedding "etiquette" I really don't understand why some people feel entitled to be invited to someone else's wedding. Everyone here iis an adult and I hope they can attend a wedding by themselves or can make the choice to stay at home. If you don't want to invite her and your FI won't be crushed if she's not there, then what's the problem? It sounds like your FI wants his friend there, but not necessarily the GF. If your FI's friend is as close as it seems, he would be there regardless. The wedding is not a dinner date where his GF has to be there. A wedding is to celebrate the love of the bride and groom in front of all of their LOVED ONES...if you don't consider her a "loved one" then she doesn't need to be there if you don't want her to be. Guests are supposed to be there for YOU, not for each other's company. I have been with my SO for over a year...does that mean I feel that I "should" or "have" to be invited to all of his friend's weddings? NO!

You have your own reasons for not liking this girl and you shouldn't have to explain them to anyone but your FI. I agree that you shouldn't feel a need to rationalize why you want/don't want to invite someone to your own wedding! I think many brides get so wrapped up in "etiquette" these days that they forget that the day is about them and what they want their perfect day to be. Your idea of a perfect day doesn't include her and that's perfectly reasonable!

I also don't get the distinction between inviting SOs who live together but not those who don't...can someone explain to me the reasoning behind it? Why is it "proper" to invite the SO of a friend who moved in after 6 months of dating and have been together for a year but not one who has been dating but living separately for a year? Am I missing something? I don't mean to threadjack but I just think that no one should "expect" to be invited unless they are married. You have a budget and are already straining to include all the people who mean something to you, so why are you expected to pay for someone who means nothing to you?

 

[clop]

Date: 7/17/2008 6:52:28 PM
Author: thing2of2

Date: 7/16/2008 2:30:30 PM

Author: Galateia

I disagree.


You are under no obligation to strain your finances to pay out of your pocket to entertain a homewrecker.


Talk about an ugly blot to have at the ceremony of two people fulfilling the promise of a sacred commitment.

DITTO. I would not want either of them there, personally.


I think your fiance should back down on this one. You have several reasons for not inviting her, and I think it doesn''t really matter whether they''re ''fair'' or ''rational'' or ''valid!'' The thought of seeing her upsets you and I don''t think you need to deal with that at your wedding.


I guess I''m a mini-zilla enabler!

Horay for mini-zilla enablers! lol

Yes when I first posted, I was pretty indignant, and was looking for validation that my reasons were fair, rational etc. At the same time was wondering if I was unreasonable, in the wrong. In the end, if anyone''s presence makes me THAT upset, I don''t need to rationalize excluding them "at the ceremony of two people fulfilling the promise of a sacred commitment" as Galateia so eloquently wrote. That being said, I''ve calmed tremendously since yesterday. I pretty much agree with what everyone said, everyone''s differing opinions. I can see both viewpoints. Everyone was nice enough to share their thoughts and opinions - thanks so much, I''m very grateful.

I think all the pettiness and "un-graciousness" is finally dissipating!

 

[clop]

Date: 7/17/2008 7:21:50 PM
Author: IndyGirl22
I just wanted to chime in on my opinion on this - just kindly disregard if you have already decided on a solution that works for you and your FI. Not being a pro about wedding 'etiquette' I really don't understand why some people feel entitled to be invited to someone else's wedding. Everyone here iis an adult and I hope they can attend a wedding by themselves or can make the choice to stay at home. If you don't want to invite her and your FI won't be crushed if she's not there, then what's the problem? It sounds like your FI wants his friend there, but not necessarily the GF. If your FI's friend is as close as it seems, he would be there regardless. The wedding is not a dinner date where his GF has to be there. A wedding is to celebrate the love of the bride and groom in front of all of their LOVED ONES...if you don't consider her a 'loved one' then she doesn't need to be there if you don't want her to be. Guests are supposed to be there for YOU, not for each other's company. I have been with my SO for over a year...does that mean I feel that I 'should' or 'have' to be invited to all of his friend's weddings? NO!


You have your own reasons for not liking this girl and you shouldn't have to explain them to anyone but your FI. I agree that you shouldn't feel a need to rationalize why you want/don't want to invite someone to your own wedding! I think many brides get so wrapped up in 'etiquette' these days that they forget that the day is about them and what they want their perfect day to be. Your idea of a perfect day doesn't include her and that's perfectly reasonable!


I also don't get the distinction between inviting SOs who live together but not those who don't...can someone explain to me the reasoning behind it? Why is it 'proper' to invite the SO of a friend who moved in after 6 months of dating and have been together for a year but not one who has been dating but living separately for a year? Am I missing something? I don't mean to threadjack but I just think that no one should 'expect' to be invited unless they are married. You have a budget and are already straining to include all the people who mean something to you, so why are you expected to pay for someone who means nothing to you?

Ditto!! I would love answers too
IMHO, maybe it can be seen as petty and not proper? Maybe these rules were conjured by people on limited budgets? Don't know. I know I should be striving towards graciously doing the right thing, but I completely agree with you IndyGirl. I erupted into a big grin when reading your post

ETA: forgot to mention, just found out today our ceremony site actually only holds 100 max... lol

 

[Anna0499]

Date: 7/17/2008 7:31:21 PM
Author: clop

Ditto!! I would love answers too
IMHO, maybe it can be seen as petty and not proper? Maybe these rules were conjured by people on limited budgets? Don''t know. I know I should be striving towards graciously doing the right thing, but I completely agree with you IndyGirl. I erupted into a big grin when reading your post

ETA: forgot to mention, just found out today our ceremony site actually only holds 100 max... lol

I don''t think you''re being petty at all! Petty describes something of little importance - you not wanting to see this girl on your wedding day for your own reasons is not petty. I think it''s more "improper" for a bride to be expected to pay to have someone at her wedding that she doesn''t want to be there than to not invite someone because of some arbitrary and arguable "rule." I think you know deep down inside what you feel is right for you and while it''s so sweet that you want to go above and beyond what I think should be "expected" of you, I am giving you the validation you wanted - DO WHAT YOU WANT!

 

[galeteia]

Date: 7/17/2008 7:31:21 PM
Author: clop

ETA: forgot to mention, just found out today our ceremony site actually only holds 100 max... lol

Well, that certainly makes things simpler.

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 7/17/2008 12:40:48 PM
Author: risingsun
Unless you and this woman have a personal animosity, I think she should be included on the invitation.

But.... Doesn't she have a personal animosity?

Because she was involved in the break up of her friend's engagement?

that was how I read it, anyway...

Octbride2be's post was excellent anyway
You don't have to be 'disloyal' to be civil to the new girl, I guess

BUT Indygirl22's was better!! lol I've never understood why people have a sense of entitlement to wedding invitations either! Especially if they're not the bride's mother!

Why should anyone invite someone they don't like to their party? Having to invite an ex (or two?)

doesn't seem fair!

Ooh, I must be evil too, to think this way!! It's not a social obligation though... is it?? Hmm, in the real world, I guess it is!

Looks like you've got lots of chopping to do though...the real world has problems fitting you all in the reception hall!