I don''t know where to start!

[IdLikeToBuyAVal]

I need help!!!

I have a type A personality to the EXTREME. I need things neat and organized and planned and researched and I like everything done early.

We got engaged June 13th and are planning a wedding in late April/early May 2010. I haven''t done a thing!

I tried on dresses three weekends ago and got very discouraged. I''m no longer the size 2/4 that I was in high school when I bought my prom dresses, so when I tried on the size 4/6 sample size dresses and don''t fit, my brain just SCREAMS chubby. I''m also having issues because I''m tall - 5''8 - so some of the dresses that I like fit very oddly - bodices too short, skirts not long enough etc. Overall, I was so exhausted after my first appointment I canceled my second at a different shop that afternoon. I''ve made another appointment for this weekend but now I''m anxious.

On top of that, I''ve gone from wanting a ball gown (I blame Disney) to something more flattering and fitted (I really liked the Maggie Sottero gowns when I tried them on). I think the fitted gown would look more adult and mature and I''m really leaning that direction.

As for the wedding, nothing is done. I am adamant that we pay for it ourselves. In the past 2 1/2 years we''ve moved to a new city together, picked out our own apartment, bought a house, bought a new car, bought the ring/got engaged, and adopted 2 dogs. All on our own. I emphasize that because I have "little red hen" syndrome ("I''ll do it myself!").

I want a SMALL wedding, either here in St. Louis or in Hawaii. I want FI, my mom & possibly step-dad, and FI''s dad, and possibly his aunt. No one else. I don''t need the drama, I don''t want the bickering that inevitably would blow up, I''m not going to stress on MY wedding day about seating my divorced parents and their spouses at opposite ends so no one feels uncomfortable. I do feel terribly guilty that I don''t want the rest of my fairly huge family present but again, not worth the stress to me. My mom won''t fly to Hawaii though and that bothers me. She should be there. Also, if she''s not there FI will have to figure out how to get me in and out of a dress. He is not a buttons and bows and fiddly bits on a dress kind of guy. Worried.

I haven''t booked anything for the honeymoon or the wedding and I''m starting to stress. The Maggie dresses can take 12 weeks to order so I need to get moving here. We haven''t even TALKED about receptions but FI is from Maryland and I''m from Missouri. We''ll probably need to have two (one for each family) to make up for the lack of invites to the wedding. BTW - I''m fairly sure my family thinks I''m joking when I tell them that we''re planning on practically eloping.

PLEASE talk me down from the "I''ll just stay engaged forever" ledge and point me in the right direction. Were you guys this freaked out? I wasn''t this concerned about finishing COLLEGE. A wedding SHOULD be a walk in the park right?? Especially one so simple??

Please also give your input on Hawaii vs. getting married here and then going to Hawaii. Even if we get married here I was thinking of "cheating" and getting pics taken on the beach of us in our wedding attire. I haven''t thought that through either. This is such a mess!

 

[lulu66]

"listen to your heart."

of course, this is much easier said than done. i think i''m a similiar type bride, i keep waffling between two choices for everything! but i''m trying to be more decisive, of course i still have about 11 months to go! but when you close your eyes, what image comes to mind of your wedding? where are you? who''s there with you? follow those directions, they won''t steer you wrong!

 

[noelwr]

take a deep breath.

first and foremost, you have to decide where you're going to have this wedding. maybe you want to weigh all the pros and cons. eloping to Hawaii would be much easier (and I'm sure someone at the hotel could help you with your dress if your groom can't), but you have to decide if you're really ok with not having your mom there.

make a list of all the things that have to be done and in which order (looks like you already know how long some things take like the dress). don't panic when you see how long the list is.

start doing what you can, and a lot of research. it will all eventually come together.

there is no easier way to get through it.

 

[Clairitek]

My responses in bold after yours.

Date: 11/2/2009 10:43:33 PM
Author:IdLikeToBuyAVal
I need help!!!
That''s why we''re here! No question too silly, no problem too small. Feel free to lean on your PS friends for help.

I have a type A personality to the EXTREME. I need things neat and organized and planned and researched and I like everything done early.
This will help you get organized but just remember, not everything can always go exactly according to plan. I am just like you. When I don''t have things planned out I get really stressed. Then on my wedding day I relaxed and just let things happen the way they happened. I forgot my husband''s wedding ring, so we used his father''s. Yes, I freaked out momentarily but then I just went with the flow. Had you told me weeks before my wedding that I would forget my husband''s ring I probably would have freaked out but when it happened we all survived. Moral of the story- plan what you can and get organized but then just tell yourself on the morning of your wedding that whatever happens, happens and that no matter what you''ll be married when you go to sleep that night and thats the goal!

We got engaged June 13th and are planning a wedding in late April/early May 2010. I haven''t done a thing!
You have time! Especially if you want to plan something super small. Many brides here have planned bigger events in less time.

I tried on dresses three weekends ago and got very discouraged. I''m no longer the size 2/4 that I was in high school when I bought my prom dresses, so when I tried on the size 4/6 sample size dresses and don''t fit, my brain just SCREAMS chubby. I''m also having issues because I''m tall - 5''8 - so some of the dresses that I like fit very oddly - bodices too short, skirts not long enough etc. Overall, I was so exhausted after my first appointment I canceled my second at a different shop that afternoon. I''ve made another appointment for this weekend but now I''m anxious.
Remember that bridal gown sizes run super small. I am also tall, 5''8" and wear a 6 or 8 in most brands of clothes. I got a size 10 bridal gown. Pay no mind to the number on the label, just focus on finding something that makes you feel beautiful. Not every dress will make you feel like a model but I am willing to place money on the fact that you''ll find THE dress eventually! Just keep trying stuff on.

On top of that, I''ve gone from wanting a ball gown (I blame Disney) to something more flattering and fitted (I really liked the Maggie Sottero gowns when I tried them on). I think the fitted gown would look more adult and mature and I''m really leaning that direction.
Happy to hear you''ve narrowed down the style choices!

As for the wedding, nothing is done. I am adamant that we pay for it ourselves. In the past 2 1/2 years we''ve moved to a new city together, picked out our own apartment, bought a house, bought a new car, bought the ring/got engaged, and adopted 2 dogs. All on our own. I emphasize that because I have ''little red hen'' syndrome (''I''ll do it myself!'').

I want a SMALL wedding, either here in St. Louis or in Hawaii. I want FI, my mom & possibly step-dad, and FI''s dad, and possibly his aunt. No one else. I don''t need the drama, I don''t want the bickering that inevitably would blow up, I''m not going to stress on MY wedding day about seating my divorced parents and their spouses at opposite ends so no one feels uncomfortable. I do feel terribly guilty that I don''t want the rest of my fairly huge family present but again, not worth the stress to me. My mom won''t fly to Hawaii though and that bothers me. She should be there. Also, if she''s not there FI will have to figure out how to get me in and out of a dress. He is not a buttons and bows and fiddly bits on a dress kind of guy. Worried.
I know its natural to feel bad about not inviting all of your family and friends, and I''ll admit it was tough to tell a few people that we were going to have a small wedding but they eventually got over it. DH''s parents have 14 siblings between the two of them. We invited 2 (one was a priest who married us, the other is someone that we are both close to). The general feeling was, "We''re sad to miss it, but we''re happy for you." Do what makes you feel the most comfortable and relaxed.
Try not to stress about the dress issue. If you do end up in Hawaii someone will help you- whether its your hair dresser or photographer or whatever. I promise!

I haven''t booked anything for the honeymoon or the wedding and I''m starting to stress. The Maggie dresses can take 12 weeks to order so I need to get moving here. We haven''t even TALKED about receptions but FI is from Maryland and I''m from Missouri. We''ll probably need to have two (one for each family) to make up for the lack of invites to the wedding. BTW - I''m fairly sure my family thinks I''m joking when I tell them that we''re planning on practically eloping.
Plan your wedding first and then concentrate on the receptions. Since you''re planning on getting married in April/May of next year you have tons of time to get these parties set up. Perfect time of year to have an outdoor BBQ or laid back party if that''s what you want. 12 weeks is only 3 months and you have about 5 until the big day, right? Set a deadline to get your gown picked out and get on with those bridal appointments!

PLEASE talk me down from the ''I''ll just stay engaged forever'' ledge and point me in the right direction. Were you guys this freaked out? I wasn''t this concerned about finishing COLLEGE. A wedding SHOULD be a walk in the park right?? Especially one so simple??

Please also give your input on Hawaii vs. getting married here and then going to Hawaii. Even if we get married here I was thinking of ''cheating'' and getting pics taken on the beach of us in our wedding attire. I haven''t thought that through either. This is such a mess!
Since it seems you like to worry I''d get married here and then go to Hawaii for your honeymoon. Do you live in St Louis now? If so, it will be a lot easier to plan if you are in the same vicinity of where you''ll be married. DH and I live in Philly and got married in Rhode Island. Next Spring we are going to "cheat" and put our wedding attire back on and get some pictures taken in "our" city of Philadelphia. I can''t wait! Always fun to have another excuse to put that wedding gown back on. I saw go for it!!

 

[sonnyjane]

Date: 11/3/2009 4:55:43 AM
Author: noelwr
take a deep breath.


first and foremost, you have to decide where you''re going to have this wedding.

I agree that''s the most important thing, maybe even before you keep trying on dresses. If you want a simple beach wedding, like I had (in Maui), it will be a different kind of dress than a big wedding at an indoor venue. Food, colors, all sorts of things could be affected by your location, so that''s the first place I would start!

 

[nkarma]

As a future DW bride myself, all you need to do is find a location. A lot of hotels will do most if not all of the legwork for you and it is just so much more easy than doing it in town, IMO. All that's left after that is the dress, his clothes, rings, and flights to Hawaii. You do have to not care about the details though as much, types of flowers, having tasted the food, etc...

But for your stress level about this, a DW sounds perfect!!! Two online resources for real reviews of where are tripadvisor.com and bestdestinationwedding.com. I prefer trip advisor though.

Also, I personally don't think you have to do a reception back home. If you just want to have a small intimate wedding with immediate family there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. If people do have a problem with that, I wouldn't consider them a friend in the first place.

Best of luck to you. Remember, it's your wedding, do what you want and take baby steps and everything else will fall into place. Really all you need is the two of you and someone to officiate.

 

[IdLikeToBuyAVal]

Thanks everyone! I was trying to plan and look at a few things last night and it got very overwhelming! I''m going to follow your advice and try to get a few of the bigger things set in stone (like wedding location) and I can better work from there.

I appreciate all the responses and input. It helps to hear from the people who have done this before and survived

I''m leaning toward getting married here in St. Louis where we live since everything will be close by and we got engaged at the Arch too.

Does anyone have resources for finding officiants to perform the ceremony? We''ll probably go the non-denominational route.

Also, I''m feeling better about my dress appointment Saturday. I''m going to print out 5 dresses and bring them. There is no sense in bringing my monster bridal magazines and pointing out my top 30. Last appointment I tried on 11 (I think) and I got completely overwhelmed and they all started looking the same. I''m really liking the Maggie Sottero "Fiorella" at the moment.

Thanks again guys! Pricescopers really are the best!

 

[honey22]

Don''t stress about the dress appointment, but I think you are right to not bring too many mags with you.

I would suggest bringing in a scrapbook with say a dozen dresses in it, then ask your SA for assistance with something similar, along those lines etc. And, I would highly recommend, asking each store to bring one gown that they would recommend you in (ie, their choice for you). You might be very suprised. I had my heart set on a totally different style, then after going to three shops with this approach, the three different SAs brought to me almost identical dresses! Which I fell absolutely in love with. What you think you will love may be totally different to what suits you. I am not saying you can''t get the dress you think you want, just be open to suggestions. You may end up with the gown of your dreams!!!

Good luck!