Hello Everyone,
I've been lurking here for a while and thought I'd seek your views on some things I've noticed about my relationship. I'm 33, he's 31, and we've been together for 13 months and LIWitis has set in.
Here's the deal: we have different styles when it comes to communicating and emotion. He took forever to tell me he loved me (at nearly the year mark) and he hasn't said it since. He's the type of guy where less is more- he's not effusive with emotion or communication. We've had talks about our different styles and he said that just because he doesn't emote much doesn't mean he doesn't care for me.
Not surprisingly, I've been the one to initiate these rare conversations because I've felt my needs aren't being met. I'm not at all a gold digger and truly believe that the thought matters most- aside from paying for most dates when we go out, he's never given me a gift. Before our 1 year anni I was hoping he'd bring it up, but he didn't, so I said I'd like for us to at least acknowledge it with a toast or something when the time comes. Nothing happened.
Of course I'm highlighting here the worst part of the relationship for me- we have great times and do discuss emotional things, but he hasn't brought up the future. Aside from asking, while drunk, what kind of wedding I'd want when we were discussing a wedding we had attended, he hasn't said anything. At 33 I don't want to waste my time, yet the older I've gotten, the more I've realized that, for me, being completely up front all the time and being the main instigator of relationships has worked against me. I know we are all different but the book The Rules was a revelation for me- it's about letting him take the lead in the relationship in the beginning because guys and girls are fundamentally different. This is a huge oversimplification, but I think we don't realize how little things we do or bring up scrare the hell out of them and actually push them further away from us. Because of this, I've really held back and have been more relaxed. I know I'd like to marry him, but is he giving me signs that he's not really wanting to progress, or because he's naturally so slow and takes his time is he still in the game?
I'm sorry this was so long but I'm keen to hear your viewpoints and experiences pertaining to this! Thanks!
I've been lurking here for a while and thought I'd seek your views on some things I've noticed about my relationship. I'm 33, he's 31, and we've been together for 13 months and LIWitis has set in.
Here's the deal: we have different styles when it comes to communicating and emotion. He took forever to tell me he loved me (at nearly the year mark) and he hasn't said it since. He's the type of guy where less is more- he's not effusive with emotion or communication. We've had talks about our different styles and he said that just because he doesn't emote much doesn't mean he doesn't care for me.
Not surprisingly, I've been the one to initiate these rare conversations because I've felt my needs aren't being met. I'm not at all a gold digger and truly believe that the thought matters most- aside from paying for most dates when we go out, he's never given me a gift. Before our 1 year anni I was hoping he'd bring it up, but he didn't, so I said I'd like for us to at least acknowledge it with a toast or something when the time comes. Nothing happened.
Of course I'm highlighting here the worst part of the relationship for me- we have great times and do discuss emotional things, but he hasn't brought up the future. Aside from asking, while drunk, what kind of wedding I'd want when we were discussing a wedding we had attended, he hasn't said anything. At 33 I don't want to waste my time, yet the older I've gotten, the more I've realized that, for me, being completely up front all the time and being the main instigator of relationships has worked against me. I know we are all different but the book The Rules was a revelation for me- it's about letting him take the lead in the relationship in the beginning because guys and girls are fundamentally different. This is a huge oversimplification, but I think we don't realize how little things we do or bring up scrare the hell out of them and actually push them further away from us. Because of this, I've really held back and have been more relaxed. I know I'd like to marry him, but is he giving me signs that he's not really wanting to progress, or because he's naturally so slow and takes his time is he still in the game?
I'm sorry this was so long but I'm keen to hear your viewpoints and experiences pertaining to this! Thanks!