I behaved badly

[onedge]

Hello, I wish I stumbled across this forum weeks ago and maybe I wouldn''t have done what I did...

I''m 27, the only one of my friends who isn''t "at least engaged". I''ve been handling that well for years now. I started losing my cool a couple of weeks ago, though. I found out that my two roommates from college are both pregnant and they told me within two weeks of each other, right before Christmas. Our third roommate became a mother in October.

I wasn''t expecting a ring from my boyfriend this year. We''ve been together only a year and a couple of months. He says he wants to marry me but he wants to buy a house first. I know this is man-speak for "I''m not ready", so I''ve done my best to let it be. But what he did get me were HORRIBLE flannel pajamas, from Victoria''s Secret of all places! I was excited at first when I saw the box but then opened it to see pj''s that I might get for my grandmother. Maybe I make too much of it, but I was insulted (like he sees me as flannel pajamas). He also got me slippers and a George Carlin calendar. Hands down, the WORST gift I''ve ever received in my life.

Incidentally, my mother bought me the same gift: a calendar, pajamas and slippers (but not the same style). I was the laughingstock of the dinner table:

"what no ring this year?"

"so what did he get you?"

"PAJAMAS?!?!?!? ahhahahha"

Soooo I totally freaked. I broke two dates in a row on him because I knew I would go ballistic if I saw him. I got to thinking that he''s stalling on his dream of homeownership because he knows I''ll expect a ring when he does settle down.

I packed all the stuff that he keeps at my place into a rubbermaid container that I bought on sale, and on top I threw in the awful pajamas, slippers, and calendar. And I told him that I still love him but I''m going crazy and I''ll take him with me if I don''t take a break.

That was yesterday and I''m really sorry about what I did. I know he didn''t mean to insult me. And I don''t think he can really understand the depth of my desire to get married and have a family. Friends and family are no help either. He doesn''t feel the pressure like I do. But..... I feel ridiculous now and I hope I didn''t blow it for good.

 

[SuiteLady]

((((onedge))))

I would be pissed too. And I would have reacted in the same way. Have you communicated what you would like in your relationship?

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

I think the question is if your desire to be married and have a family is greater than your desire to be with this man? Your first priority is to find the right man for you, the rest will fall in place when the time is right... Sorry if that sounds a bit harsh but it really bothers me when I see ladies pushing on their boyfriends just because other people are getting married around them. If it's because he is the right person and you can't live without him, then I say you sit down with him and have a serious conversation regarding your future goals.

 

[Dreamgirl]

Ok, for starters....I''m 27 as well and have been in my relationship for 10.5 years. Still no ring. How do you think I feel? lol!

Second, not to be rude because I really never say anything mean to anyone- but really though. Your behavior was a bit childish. At least the guy got you something. I''ve gotten not-so-good gifts throughout my relationship and I had to learn to deal with it. I myself have thrown childish fits from time to time. But it''s something you''ve got to let go of if you love the guy. Apparently he has a plan set forth- he wants a house first. So let that be. Sometimes we can''t change what they want. If he wants to marry you, he will. Be patient my dear! Good things come to those who wait....

Third, for my 10 year anniversary/and my 27th birthday, my boyfriend got me a ceramic Tiffany box......

While I loved it, I really wanted something MORE than a box (10 years!!!) But he thought it was something special, I could see how joyful he was when I opened it. He thought he had done good. So I couldn''t help but feel that it wasn''t that bad of a gift after all....(and now I kind of laugh about it......A BOX?! ha!)

Fourth, If you do feel bad about what you have done, let him know why you did what you did so he can understand where you are coming from. You will laugh too in the future about this past Christmas as everyone else has. I can understand where you are coming from though. I would probably feel hurt too.

Lastly- I hope I didn''t come across as rude. I honestly hope not. Just trying to give some perspective.......Welcome to Pricescope!

This is a wonderfully helpful place that can become quite addicting at times! If you stick around, you will find a lot of support and love from all fellow PS''ers!!!

 

[sunnyd]

Have you discussed marriage before? You said you thought he wasn''t ready, so why would you expect a proposal? ILTW is right, you can''t worry about where everyone else is in their lives. Worry about where you are (in a good relationship, hopefully) and you''ll get there in time.

I don''t think the gift is bad at all. Did you pack the things up and give them back to your mom? I''d apologize asap.

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 12/30/2008 5:40:23 PM
Author: ilovethiswebsite
I think the question is if your desire to be married and have a family is greater than your desire to be with this man? Your first priority is to find the right man for you, the rest will fall in place when the time is right... Sorry if that sounds a bit harsh but it really bothers me when I see ladies pushing on their boyfriends just because other people are getting married around them. If it''s because he is the right person and you can''t live without him, then I say you sit down with him and have a serious conversation regarding your future goals.

I say that if he is not on the same page regarding her desire to marry, then he is showing himself to perhaps not be the right one. I think men should have to do some rowing too, marriage is not a dirty little secret us women have to keep to ourselves.
It is a valid and very important part of self-actualisation.

If he is a dreamer, or even a dodger, get out. You have every right to cool things if you are not getting what you want. But you do have to be prepared to cope with the fall out from that decision.

Why should she have to talk about it to him, really? He knows what she wants.

There are really great guys out there... although they are hard to find. You have to be prepared to be truly independent within yourself, and set your own terms, regardless of how you negotiate relationships, in my view.

 

[wannaBMrsH]

Hi Onedge....first off...many, many HUGS your way.

I think at some point or another we''ve all been there before. I would say that you really have to Communicate your desire to be married and have a family with your SO. I know alot of people will ask you if you would be with him regardless of the commitment, but to some people, the commitment is VERY important. I know it is to me.

Your reaction is very understandable and I know I speak for me when I say that it''s very difficult to restrain yourself when everyone around you is getting that which your heart really desires. I used to go into the shower and cry and cry every time another one of my friends was engaged. It wasn''t about wanting to get the ring, it was about feeling like everyone else was getting something I craved so deeply.

I also learned that once you share your dreams with the person you are dating, you discover if they are meant for you or not. If your desire is truly to be married and have a family, the man of your dreams will share that desire. If not, he''s not the man of your dreams.

Good Luck and I send you lots of dust and many wishes for a heart at peace.

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 12/30/2008 5:40:23 PM
Author: ilovethiswebsite
I think the question is if your desire to be married and have a family is greater than your desire to be with this man?

Very true.

ETA- But you did say that he told you he does want to marry you. (That is a plus!) Perhaps he just flat out isn't ready yet. And as you said, he wants to buy a house first....

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 12/30/2008 6:16:06 PM
Author: LaraOnline

Date: 12/30/2008 5:40:23 PM
Author: ilovethiswebsite
I think the question is if your desire to be married and have a family is greater than your desire to be with this man? Your first priority is to find the right man for you, the rest will fall in place when the time is right... Sorry if that sounds a bit harsh but it really bothers me when I see ladies pushing on their boyfriends just because other people are getting married around them. If it''s because he is the right person and you can''t live without him, then I say you sit down with him and have a serious conversation regarding your future goals.

Why should she have to talk about it to him, really? He knows what she wants.

But have they talked about it? Onedge didn''t mention it. I think it''s very important to discuss marriage and timelines. It alleviates so much LIW anxiety!! I think it''s also important to keep in mind that they''ve only been together a little over a year, which for a lot (if not most) people is a short amount of time to be considering marriage.

 

[LaraOnline]

Yes, I have to say that my timeline tended (naturally) to be about three years...but to each their own. I would like to see a cultural change where women are more comfortable getting what they want out of relationship(and being responsible for it too, of course!!!)
You''re 27, which means you do have time up your sleeve .... but will you feel the same in three years time? 30 can feel a bit different, depending on where you are living and the culture around you.
I guess you have to look at the guy as a whole - and ensure that you yourself have a realistic idea of what marriage with this man might mean. Would you like the lifestyle? Often, I see women wanting marriage, with guys that actually are quite unsuitable for them.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

Is it because you feel like he didn''t put any effort in the gift or because oyu hate the gift, period. Like if he really thought you love George Carlin, would that be an okay gift then?

A few years ago for my birthday, my boyfriend (now my fiance) handed me a best buy sack with three DVD''s in it. I was soooooo upset but just said thank you. Finall when I was ready to talk about it, I said, "YOu couldn''t even be bothered to wrap it? YOu just went to Best Buy to pick up the new Madden game yesterday, thought to yourself, ''oh crap, I haven''t bought Michelle''s gift yet and she gets here tomorrow,'' and picked a bunch of DVD''s off the shelf. Don''t you care about me at all? I know you spent a lot of money, but it''s not about that. I just want to know that you think about me and are considerate enough to pick something out for me, whether it costs five dollars or fifty."

He didn''t lose his cool at all because he felt bad that I felt bad. He said, "I know I waited until the last minute to buy this gift, and I know you like wrapping, but I really did pick these because I thought you would like them. You''ve been buying a lot of movies lately since you don''t have cable. I got Gangs of New York because you said you wanted to see it when it came out, but we never did. I got Rounders because you think I look like Matt Damon, and I got Austin Powers because we saw it together in the theatre and we laughed so much."

I felt bad because even though it wasn''t my idea of romantic, it turns out that he had put some thought into it.

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 12/30/2008 6:36:25 PM
Author: Guilty Pleasure
Is it because you feel like he didn''t put any effort in the gift or because oyu hate the gift, period. Like if he really thought you love George Carlin, would that be an okay gift then?


A few years ago for my birthday, my boyfriend (now my fiance) handed me a best buy sack with three DVD''s in it. I was soooooo upset but just said thank you. Finall when I was ready to talk about it, I said, ''YOu couldn''t even be bothered to wrap it? .....

I felt bad because even though it wasn''t my idea of romantic, it turns out that he had put some thought into it.

Yes, before rushing to apologise, I would wait to see what he had to say for himself. Be nice! Be loving! And don''t beat yourself up over it.
My husband still teases me because I bought him a bunch of CDs once - and threw in a Kylie Minogue ''best of'' for our little girl to listen to, if she was ever in his car. He still tells it as a dinner story!

But I have my own back... he bought me silver jewellery this year, which I took back.
Just vent here, and be considered with him.

 

[Mediterranean]

And, on the other hand, there is an upside to all of this:

He said he''s saving for a house. Maybe he''s totally NOT stalling on the dream of home-ownership, because he chose gifts that aren''t bank-busters. So, you can look at it this way : He IS trying to stay on-track so that he can have a nice home and propose soon. Also, he probably doesn''t think you''re "flannel PJ''s" he probably thinks that you''d like Victoria''s Secret, but that cute PJ''s are something you''d never think to buy for yourself.

Not all guys are natural-born romantics, or perfect cue-picker-uppers, or awesome gift-givers, but it''s what''s in his heart that counts...

 

[lovesparklies]

Hey onedge!

You definitely need to have a talk with your BF to let him know what''s going on. You combined two separate issues in your freak out -- the lackluster Christmas presents and your desire to get married. I bet he thinks you are just overreacting over his lackluster Christmas presents and has no idea that the real issue is marriage.

You should have this coversation ASAP in order to repair the damage already done, but after that you need to spend some time deciding whether you can accomplish your goals with your BF or not. (And getting married and having kids -- sooner rather than later -- is a legitimate goal if that''s truly what you want and not just because your friends are at that point.) Would you be happy if you knew he really wanted to marry you, but not for several years?

IMHO, you''ve been dating for a relatively short amount of time and I don''t know if he''s really "dragging his feet" at this point. If you had been talking about getting engaged and discussing rings for 6 months or longer and you two hadn''t progressed at all on that front then maybe it would be a different story. But it sounds like you haven''t even had a real engagement talk yet.

I''m so sorry you had a disappointing Christmas. It''s hard when your family just adds to your frustration. Good luck with the convo with your BF. I''m sure he''s feeling kind of blind-sided right now but what you did doesn''t sound like a deal-breaker.

 

[onedge]

WOW I really really wish I found this forum before Christmas!

I just flipped out and lost control of my temper. We have talked marriage in the past (maybe 3 months ago). But it has only been a year. I want to marry him and I''m ready to because when I think of marriage I think of all the positives. He wants a house more than he wants to get married but he has lots of money saved up and he just has to find the right one to buy so it''s just a matter of time. I also think by nature men think only of the responsibilities of marriage and neglect the good stuff... most of it he gets already anyway

I really don''t know if he''s stalling because he''s afraid of more responsibility.... actually I doubt he thinks that much into it. But when my mind goes crazy, there''s just no limit to my crazy!

I was ok with the pregnant friends. I was ok with still being single. I would have been fine telling him I hate the pajamas. The family making fun of me sucked, but that too I could have dealt with. But it came from everywhere all at once and I lost it.

It really hasn''t got much to do with him at all.

I did act like a big baby and I do owe him an apology.

No, I did not return the pjs to my mother! HAHA to me that''s a "mom gift" though. Or something someone gives you when you''re sick...

In my crazy mind, I don''t want to force him into doing anything. I want him to do what his heart desires. So I thought if I bail on him and let him do what he wants without my input, then I''ll know how he really feels.

Now it seems like the dumbest thing I ever heard! I do really love him and now I''m thinking of all the good times we have and that it''s such a bummer I couldn''t just enjoy what I have.

 

[swingirl]

I think VS PJs is a cute gift. You've only been dating for a bit over a year. That doesn't seem like enough time to really know each other. You have shown him a side of you that seems childish and selfish. Maybe he will need to evaluate your relationship and decide if there is a future with you. If you are putting this sort of pressure on him after only a year, what does the future hold?

And "Mom gift"? My 21 year old daughter got a fluffy pink bathroom and slippers from her boyfriend and she thinks it's adorable...she's neither sick nor a mom!

 

[princesss]

Date: 12/30/2008 7:54:16 PM
Author: onedge
We have talked marriage in the past (maybe 3 months ago). But it has only been a year. I want to marry him and I''m ready to because when I think of marriage I think of all the positives. He wants a house more than he wants to get married but he has lots of money saved up and he just has to find the right one to buy so it''s just a matter of time. I also think by nature men think only of the responsibilities of marriage and neglect the good stuff... most of it he gets already anyway

Okay, have you guys really had a sit down talk about all sides of marriage? Not just the good stuff, but the hard stuff, too? Have you sat down and talked about finances, about debilitating diseases, about kids and religion? I think it''s important to think about all aspects of marriage, not just the good (and, equally, not just the bad).

That may be a good place to start, and help you feel like you''re making progress. It will also help you realize soon if he''s somebody you''re truly compatible with. I think each person that''s posted has something really great to say, and while I think you should have some serious discussions with your BF about marriage and everything it entails, I also think you should be reasonably vocal about what is important to you, and be willing to figure out how to get it if you two aren''t on the same page in a reasonable amount of time.

Best of luck! It can be really tough when you''re not on the same page with your SO, but I think now that things have calmed down a bit, it''ll be easier. And definitely give the poor guy time to explain. Maybe he got you flannel PJs because he thought they were cute and he doesn''t want you to be cold? That would probably be my BF''s reasoning behind something like that.

 

[that_someone_special]

Where I live, flannel pjs are pretty practical and I would think it''s a cute gift. If you''ve only been dating a year and a half... I don''t think he was really obligated to get you anything else.. (or anything at all?) with that being said, I see your frustrations. But, try seeing it with a grain of salt. He got you a gift, he tried to get you something that is needed (pjs) and something that might be comfy (the flannel part). I think he had good intentions though......... If you really want to marry him though, I would just get over the pj gift and tell him that for valentines day you''d really enjoy something sexy

or something sparkly

 

[JSM]

Onedge, I can see where you are coming from, but I can see the other side, too. It''s only been a year? If your guy is close in age to you, he might need more time before such a big commitment. He''s a guy - he may be thinking that you want a ring and marriage more than you want a ring and marriage TO HIM.

Best of luck to you!

 

[onedge]

I know it hasn''t been that long. We are not at that point yet. And it does not take away from how much I do love him. But I did behave badly. Horribly.

My original post is really a lament about how I screwed up, not that I''m vexed that he doesn''t want to marry me. HA why would he, after all that. I''m shocked at myself for getting into such a state.

I let other people''s thoughts and actions get to me, and I got carried away by what the gift "means".

I wrote him a long long email tonight. I know it''s not as good as in person, but I figure this way I knew I''d say every single thing I wanted to say, and it is rife with apologies. I sent it about 10 minutes ago. Wish me luck!

 

[Elegant]

Welcome!

I just wanted to say that I am 32 years old, and after having spent 15.5 years with my boyfriend (no ring by the way, still), communication and the way you approach and say things are key.

You may also want to discuss priorities. My education and career have been my priority for years. My priority was get my higher education, get a job, and make money. I don't come from money, so thinking about getting married and getting a big rock on my finger (although I always wanted a big rock!) weren't too important.

I think being upfront about expectations is important. Where are both of you in your lives? When my bf wanted to buy a house and use all of our savings on a down payment, I was happy to do it... we own property and cars and dogs together with out being married or engaged.

My advice is just enjoy the time you spend with him. When you have expectations there are so many opportunities to be let down and disappointed.

I think emailing him to tell him your side is good, but ideally I think I would have spoken with him in person...you are in a relationship with him - you need to be able to talk to him about the hard stuff.

Just my 2 cents!

ETA: I also wanted to add that right now, I am trying to work on completing my doctorate and I am struggling, while other people that were in my cohort finished or are very close to finishing. I am trying not to let that bother me. You can not compare your life wit anyone else's life - I have done that so many times in the past. It's not really caring about what others think, it's comparing yourself to other people...that's not good. After years of trying to get and administrative job, my friend, who graduated with an MS at the same time I did and has no administrative credential and I do, she got a job before me and I have been busting my hump too - everyone has a Choose your own Adventure life - timing is also a huge factor.

I think it is admirable that your bf wants to buy a house - does he want to buy one with you or just in his name? If he wants to buy a house with you, doesn't that show a huge commitment?

 

[LaraOnline]

Far out onedge, don't be too down on yourself. A year is really a reasonable time to be together, particularly if you are mature people. Lots of people start being together, and then get serious within the year.
Listen to yourself, and listen to your own needs.

My own timelines were about three years, but overall I think I still spent too much time with guys that weren't right for me. I felt very unpleasantly pressured within myself at the end, before I met my husband, and even then after meeting him I had some anxiety, which was unpleasant. I felt I needed to begin my life as a mum fairly quickly upon marriage.
Three years per relationship just seems like the natural biological timeline though, and it seems to be a fairly common arrangement...

My husband and I were engaged within six months (actually closer to about three, of our serious getting together). It was so easy and sweet. You deserve something that you want. If you are serious about marriage, and about committing to a married life and all it entails - if you are in it for real - you are ALREADY good enough.
You say your man seems to be on the way, well perhaps you should concentrate on your own goals for the medium term, like throwing yourself into your work life or creative life for example, to make you feel happier about the lifestyle you are leading.

Love yourself, and give yourself the gift of inner support and trust. Until you marry, you really can and should come first!!! (if only I had followed my own advice

)
Happy New Year, BTW!

 

[Winks_Elf]

I would have been very insulted if my SO had bought me that gift as well, but what concerns me more is the whole buying a house before getting married thing. Is he wanting you to buy the house with him, or is he wanting to purchase the house on his own and THEN get married? To me, that is a major red flag. It would say to me that he wants to make sure if the marriage fails, the house was his prior to marriage and you have no claim to it.

I know my opinion is a negative one, but I''ve been through the whole premarital property thing. I had to fight tooth and nail to get a portion of the house that my ex purchased with his ex-wife. It was a mess when we moved into it, and I was the one who did the actual labor to turn that monster into a real home. I fought because my hard work, as well as my oldest''s child support, were responsible for increasing the value of what was an absolute mess when we moved into it. Purchasing a home is a sticky wicket, and without being married when a house is purchased, good luck getting your fair share if things should go badly.

 

[bee*]

Sorry to hear what happened but I''m glad that you''ve apologised to him, hear anything back from him yet? I think that it''s quite sensible for him to save for a house before getting wed, but like Winks said, is it with you or just in general. Although you guys aren''t together too long so maybe he''s thinking of just buying it himself? I actually think that pj''s are quite a good pressie and would love if D had got me some. Sending hugs and I hope that it works our for you guys.

 

[Rhea]

I would love to get flannel PJs. After being married for almost 3 years I often hear, "why don''t you dress more sexy". I wish he thought flannel PJs were sexy!

Families are hard and crappy gifts are hard. I know it''s difficult, but if you''re serious about this guy and this relationship then you need to start discussing your expectations and future together using your ideas of when things should happen, not your pregnant bestfriend''s, or your newly married college roommate. Marriage is hard. Discussing all the good things about it is a starting point, but marriages don''t fail in the good times. Laughing and cooking dinner together is easy. Being unemployed for six months, or missing a degree course which is needed to graduate and change jobs to something that pays the bills is hard. And those things aren''t even that hard when you consider what can happen in a lifetime together.

I think Wink''s Elf also brings up a good point about the housing situation and finances.

 

[purrfectpear]

I''m going to differ with those that say "don''t be so hard on yourself" or "I''d react that way also".

They''re wrong IMO. You did overreact, badly...just as you yourself have come to realize in the cold light of day.

Hopefully he''ll call you back and you can apologize. While his gift wouldn''t have been my favorite either, it''s really not all that inappropriate for a relationship of one year. More serious gifts will follow in time to come I think.

If you do get back together you need to have a quiet talk just to clarify where you both hope the relationship is going. He may be one of those guys that needs some hand holding on the presents issue. Some guys (like my dad) just don''t have a clue. My mom told me she was thrilled when I was finally old enough to go with my dad shopping. It was the end of irons, houserobes, and coffeemakers.

 

[mayachel]

Aww oneedge, it''s so hard sometimes. Importantly, you realize that you may have over reacted. It happens. Hopefully you and your mate can move forward with some communincation.

 

[Kitiaral]

Welcome OneEdge! I''m new here too and it is very helpful!
It''s hard to get the vibe of one''s ENTIRE relationship just from a forum. I just wanted to tell you a couple of things that I have learned from a previous relationship.

As far as the buying the house thing. Some guys have a mental picture as to what order his life should go in. He may want to know for sure that he can provide for someone a life...a house is a part of that. He wants to show what he can offer. But please, do not buy the house with him! I hope you guys live happily ever after, but if you jointly buy this house and something happens, it''s just going to be a headache. I almost made this mistake once, and I have a friend who did do it and she regretted it.

How good is your communication with your BF? Can you tell him anything and know he won''t get irritated or upset? I know that my BF tries with gifts, but I''m the kind of person who knows exactly what she wants. So I pretty much had to spell out for him what I wanted. (I find "hinting" doesn''t help b/c guys just don''t catch on!) We joke around a lot, so I say stuff like... "you know, I really loved this perfume I tried today"...and when I was reading a magazine with an ad for it I showed it to him. I know some girlfriends like to see what he''ll pick out on his own. And if you do this you have to realize that guys don''t think the same way that we do. So you can''t expect him to get you exactly what you wanted. I had a college boyfriend that gave me a snowglobe with giraffes in it. I hated it! But he really thought that he did a great job, so I didn''t say anything at the time, and later joked with him about it. He wasn''t a great gift giver, but he really did try.

As for the timeline...
Say "hey, i just kinda want some kind of idea as to what is going through your head about our future? I don''t want to argue about it. I want to see if we are on the same page because this is what I think/want..."
Kind of get a vague timeline when you first ask and then drop it. I''m just telling you what worked for me because I can tell my BF anything and as long as I''m not confrontational, it works out well. I don''t always hear what I want, but at least I know what is going on. Sorry this was long. I just want to help.

 

[Pushin40]

Hey there!

How did SO react to your letter?

I''m gald you realize you over-reacted. I tend to fly off the handle sometimes too, but let me tell you, over the years I have learned how to supress it for the most part. Behavior lilke that can sometimes do permanent damage, and some words can''t be "taken back". You can''t handle disappointment this way.

You have not been together that long. Be patient and don''t rush to the "end goal". Enjoy your relationship and your guy and give this relationship some time. It doesn''t matter who else is getting married or having babies - let''s see how many of them are still married in 5 years.

FWIW, Christmas presents mean nothing. Be thankful you have a man that you love, who loves you back. It really doesn''t matter.....SO and I agreed not to exchange this year because he''s in between jobs. We have 2 mortgages and are trying to just stay afloat.

He still got me my perfume and a beautiful pendant. It was very sweet, but honestly that could have paid the oil bill.....and I get just as much satisfaction when he does the dishes or swithes the laundry for me.

You know this is all in your head - so work on that!

Good luck!!

 

[musey]

Here are the things I noticed about your post:

1) You started off with an explanation of how far "behind" you are from your friends/peers, which makes me think this is a much bigger engagement motivator for you than an actual desire to get married (to this man or otherwise).

2) I don't understand what the problem with pajamas is?? Were you expecting something 'more', or do you have a particular dislike of pajamas as a gift? Maybe I'm just a weirdo, I got a t-shirt from my husband for Christmas and was quite excited about it

3) You weren't all that upset about the gift (though you thought it was 'horrible'

poor guy) until your family made fun of it. Shame on them, and that's unfair to him.


It sounds like your outlook on the relationship is very, VERY affected by others' opinions of/reactions to it. I'm not trying to chastise you, I promise, I just wanted to point it out in case you're not really aware of it... I know when I've gone through feeling like that I wasn't really aware until someone else pointed it out. It's really unfair to you AND him AND your relationship... it may be good to take a step back and consider your feelings, free of the influence of those around you.

From your later posts it seems that you do sort of have an awareness of this, and I understand that you feel bad. In my opinion, the ball is totally in your court as far as healing from this awkward holiday and moving forward. Normally I'd suggest talking this through with your SO, but since you haven't been together all that long it seems like he's entitled to a bit of an explanation but not a big heart-to-heard about the "deeper meaning" of this gift debacle.