I am very co-dependent.

[House Cat]

I used to go to al-anon. I thought I had my issues of codependency under control but since I’ve been under quarantine, I am seeing that my issues are actually out of control. I think my lack of control over this virus is creating this need to (lovingly) control everyone in the house. I need to make sure everyone is totally taken care of to the point to where they don’t need to take care of themselves. Over the past few days, I’ve started driving myself crazy. I tell myself to leave them alone, but find that I can’t. It’s almost compulsive. If I am taking care of them, I feel safe. It’s weird.

Does anyone else struggle with co-dependency? Are your issues becoming magnified right now?

 

[Missy]

I get that. By taking care of your family you can control the situation and that makes you feel better. I actually don't think that's a bad thing at a time like this unless it is making you feel bad or your family members feel bad. Then it's a different story. But I don't think it's weird at all. I think it is nurturing and loving. Though I respect the fact you know yourself and you know what is healthy and what is not for you.

I am naturally an anxious person. I tend to be a perfectionist or at least I used to be. I have worked on that and can let the perfectionistic tendencies go. Because during the past decade or so I have had no choice. Perfect truly is the enemy of good enough.

So many things happen to us that are out of our control and I keep learning that lesson. It is ingrained in me now. Just today I had a scare and we won't know if it is something or not for at least a few days. I don't want to go into any more detail about it.

Just saying it out loud because once again it brings home the fact that we cannot control so much. And we just have to do the best we can do. But we can control how we let ourselves feel about what is happening.

And to that end I am working hard not to let my anxiety take over. It is very hard. I am very worried about something that can once again uproot our lives as we know it and in combination with Covid 19 it is almost too much to bear. But I calm myself down saying one day at a time and we will get through it. I can control how I feel about it and that is what I am trying to do.

On a brighter note it certainly has put Covid 19 on the back burner for us. LOL. Gotta laugh or I might never stop crying. And no matter what we will not give up.

 

[Bron357]

These are very difficult and challenging times, especially for those with mental health issues.
A lack of control, the loss of routines and the constant immersion in information about the virus will stress anyone. For those with sensitivities, these stresses can be overwhelming.
First step is always acknowledging the issue you are having.
Second step is to find ways that ease or redirect your thoughts and feelings.
Third step is accepting your “humaness” and accept your foibles. There is nothing abnormal or wrong with your feelings or actions unless they are causing you angst.
Try setting yourself some tasks, take up a new hobby, learn as much as you can about a subject that interests you.
Today I am going out to buy ingredients to make cream buns. Never made cream buns but it will be fun, DD is learning German via an iPhone app. DH is doing his geology degree online and has done lots of work in the garden. Just try and find activities that nourish you, that occupy your thoughts.
We will all get through this, ts like climbing a mountain. One step at a time. It’s slow and seemingly endless but when we get to the top of that mountain - wow- the view will be amazing and worth the journey.

 

[Gussie]

There are lots of Al Anon meetings on zoom now. Maybe that would help. Codependency, yeah it sucks! I hope the best for you HC. This will too pass. Big hugs!

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

HC you are not alone. We are all grieving the loss of our (former) lives, freedom, and normalcy. We are behaving differently and trying to navigate a landscape of which we have no frame of reference, no context. Be kind to yourself.

healing vibes across the miles.....Sharon

 

[House Cat]

I get that. By taking care of your family you can control the situation and that makes you feel better. I actually don't think that's a bad thing at a time like this unless it is making you feel bad or your family members feel bad. Then it's a different story. But I don't think it's weird at all. I think it is nurturing and loving. Though I respect the fact you know yourself and you know what is healthy and what is not for you.

I am naturally an anxious person. I tend to be a perfectionist or at least I used to be. I have worked on that and can let the perfectionistic tendencies go. Because during the past decade or so I have had no choice. Perfect truly is the enemy of good enough.

So many things happen to us that are out of our control and I keep learning that lesson. It is ingrained in me now. Just today I had a scare and we won't know if it is something or not for at least a few days. I don't want to go into any more detail about it.

Just saying it out loud because once again it brings home the fact that we cannot control so much. And we just have to do the best we can do. But we can control how we let ourselves feel about what is happening.

And to that end I am working hard not to let my anxiety take over. It is very hard. I am very worried about something that can once again uproot our lives as we know it and in combination with Covid 19 it is almost too much to bear. But I calm myself down saying one day at a time and we will get through it. I can control how I feel about it and that is what I am trying to do.

On a brighter note it certainly has put Covid 19 on the back burner for us. LOL. Gotta laugh or I might never stop crying. And no matter what we will not give up.

Thank you Missy. I appreciate the way you have reframed my behavior. I still think I need to step back a little, but I am going to be a bit nicer to myself and say that I’m taking good care of them in a time of need. It’s just that when my motivation to do so is partially personal, meaning, not solely for the sake of loving them but also for the sake of making me feel better, then I know the co-dependent monster is rearing its ugly head.

When I read your reply, it got me to thinking, my family needs extra care right now. Maybe my tendencies aren’t the worst thing and all of these “shoulds” that I have in normal times don’t apply in pandemics.

I’m still going to check my behavior a little so that I don’t have bad habits on my hands in the future.

 

[House Cat]

I get that. By taking care of your family you can control the situation and that makes you feel better. I actually don't think that's a bad thing at a time like this unless it is making you feel bad or your family members feel bad. Then it's a different story. But I don't think it's weird at all. I think it is nurturing and loving. Though I respect the fact you know yourself and you know what is healthy and what is not for you.

I am naturally an anxious person. I tend to be a perfectionist or at least I used to be. I have worked on that and can let the perfectionistic tendencies go. Because during the past decade or so I have had no choice. Perfect truly is the enemy of good enough.

So many things happen to us that are out of our control and I keep learning that lesson. It is ingrained in me now. Just today I had a scare and we won't know if it is something or not for at least a few days. I don't want to go into any more detail about it.

Just saying it out loud because once again it brings home the fact that we cannot control so much. And we just have to do the best we can do. But we can control how we let ourselves feel about what is happening.

And to that end I am working hard not to let my anxiety take over. It is very hard. I am very worried about something that can once again uproot our lives as we know it and in combination with Covid 19 it is almost too much to bear. But I calm myself down saying one day at a time and we will get through it. I can control how I feel about it and that is what I am trying to do.

On a brighter note it certainly has put Covid 19 on the back burner for us. LOL. Gotta laugh or I might never stop crying. And no matter what we will not give up.

Oh, and one more thing...I hope whatever is happening for you turns out ok. I will be thinking of you.

 

[House Cat]

These are very difficult and challenging times, especially for those with mental health issues.
A lack of control, the loss of routines and the constant immersion in information about the virus will stress anyone. For those with sensitivities, these stresses can be overwhelming.
First step is always acknowledging the issue you are having.
Second step is to find ways that ease or redirect your thoughts and feelings.
Third step is accepting your “humaness” and accept your foibles. There is nothing abnormal or wrong with your feelings or actions unless they are causing you angst.
Try setting yourself some tasks, take up a new hobby, learn as much as you can about a subject that interests you.
Today I am going out to buy ingredients to make cream buns. Never made cream buns but it will be fun, DD is learning German via an iPhone app. DH is doing his geology degree online and has done lots of work in the garden. Just try and find activities that nourish you, that occupy your thoughts.
We will all get through this, ts like climbing a mountain. One step at a time. It’s slow and seemingly endless but when we get to the top of that mountain - wow- the view will be amazing and worth the journey.

How were the cream buns? I have a garden to put in. Although my heart is excited about it, each day comes and I don’t do it. My husband and I identified that maybe too much media might be the culprit.

I am going to accept my “humanness” in this situation. I tend to hold myself to a very high standard when it comes to my behavior with my family. It’s exhausting. During a pandemic, it’s even more exhausting. I am buckling under the pressure and I find it’s a good thing because I’m learning that all of these standards I’ve set for myself are totally unnecessary.

Your family is doing a great job with the pandemic. You guys are an inspiration.

 

[House Cat]

There are lots of Al Anon meetings on zoom now. Maybe that would help. Codependency, yeah it sucks! I hope the best for you HC. This will too pass. Big hugs!

I hadn’t even thought of zoom! Thank you! I’m going to look into that today!

 

[House Cat]

HI:

HC you are not alone. We are all grieving the loss of our (former) lives, freedom, and normalcy. We are behaving differently and trying to navigate a landscape of which we have no frame of reference, no context. Be kind to yourself.

healing vibes across the miles.....Sharon

Thanks Sharon. I really appreciate your kind words.

I’m always learning. Just when I think I have my footing, BAM! A pandemic comes along to teach me a whole new set of heart skills.

I hope you’re doing well.

 

[arkieb1]

I hope that you manage to get outside in the garden and plant things even walking around in the sunshine outside my house cheers me up!!!