I am being a spoiled brat.

[skirtgirl79]

My boyfriend and I are shopping for an engagement ring. We went to some local stores to try on rings, but we are planning to buy online. My boyfriend has found a 1.2 carat AGS000 diamond along with the setting I love for within our set budget. I''m sure it will be gorgeous.

The thing is, when we tried on rings, I really loved the 1.5 carat size. But it seems like it will cost several thousand dollars more to get to that size and still be ideal cut and eyeclean. We have the money, but I know it would be better spent on saving up and paying cash for a new car instead of taking out a loan, which we plan to do in the next year or so.

He keeps asking if this is what I want and I always say it is, but I guess I don''t sound convincing, because he keeps asking.

I can''t believe I feel like asking him to spend so much more money when the difference is tenths of millimeters. I guess it doesn''t help that none of the local stores carried anything in the 1.2-1.3 carat range, only 1.0 carat and 1.5 carat.

In everyday life, will I really see that much of a difference between a 1.2 and a 1.5? How can I let the obsession go, and be happy with what I have?

 

[diamondfan]

I am not sure how much of a difference you will see. Also, I am not sure there is not just a standard size increase from 1.2 to 1.5, because carat weight is not merely size, but weight. Meaning, you could have a 1.2 that looks bigger and a 1.5 that looks a bit smaller, if that makes sense. It has to do with proportion. If you took three well cut stones that all weighed exactly 1.5, I think you would still notice a difference depending on the proportion of each stone. So, maybe keep looking for a clean, well cut 1.2 that faces up a bit bigger, and know that you can always upgrade if your guy is open to that later. (I had a 1.53 carat round, then after 10 years got a three stone ring with a 3 carat center stone and 1 carat stone on each side, all emerald cuts, and now have a 9.22 carat emerald cut, and I never thought, especially after the 1st upgrade, that I would even be able to convince my husband to do it.) And don''t feel badly. You know there are other places you could spend the difference, but since you are wearing this daily, you want to feel satisfied. It will all come together in the end I am sure!

 

[wonka27]

Those sizes look like they equate to 1/2 of a millimeter. Not much, but probably noticeable if you look at them side by side.

Check your store to see if they have a "trade up" policy. Some places...including many pricescope vendors...will give full $$$ value of your current piece toward the purchase of an upgrade. Then maybe you can live comfortably with a 1.2ct now...and upgrade in a couple of years.

Personally, I would not take out a loan for this kind of purchase. There are many other things in life...home, cars, education, kids, etc. that will require money as well. IMHO these things should be viewed as more important and I''d keep my credit power open for them. As I said...that would be my personal preference. I could have easily easily taken a loan out to get my wife a 2 ct diamond...but she has .8 ct instead...and I totally plan on upgrading her to over 1 ct. in a few years.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Because I looked extensively in that size range, I would advise you to go above 1.2 but stay just under 1.5 to get the most for your money. What color and clarity range are you interested in? I set 7.2mm as my minimum and a 1.5 is just 7.4mm, so there is not a huge difference. But a 1.2 stone is closer to 6.9 mm. So I'd really try to get a little more size but stay under 1.5 to save money. Stones in the 1.4 range are more rare (believe me, I looked for months for a great one), but you can easily find some in the mid 1.3 range. I am going to attach a picture that will show you that a 1.4 is visibly larger than a 1.2.

 

[skirtgirl79]

Thanks, Diamondseeker. That diagram is very helpful. We are looking at the range of I-J, SI1.

This diamond http://www.goodoldgold.com/diamond/2251/ is $1200 more than the one we are looking at, and .16 carats more and about .2 mm greater in diameter. I honestly don''t know if I''d notice a difference in everyday life, without the other next to it to compare to. Psychologically, though, it''s closer to 1.5 carats than it is to 1.0, so I like it better, as stupid as that sounds.

Just to clarify, we aren''t going to go into debt for the ring. The money is there, it''s just a matter of using it now or saving it for later. Namely, for buying a car in about a year (we would like to pay cash and still have a generous amount of "emergency cash" in our accounts).

In a few years, we will both be making substantially more money, and I''m sure a few thousand will be no big deal. But as my boyfriend said "if you are going to want a 1.5 carat in a few years anyway, we might as well just get it now", because diamonds will go up in price, and we would likely have to get a new setting too.

But I still feel like a spoiled and selfish brat

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I personally don't think a thousand or two more is going to make that much of a difference over the long run since you have the money and expect your incomes to rise in a few years. I'd feel guilty about increasing the budget by double or something, but you aren't talking all that much. The one you posted is good, but I like these even better for just a little more. They are a very rare size and a terrific bargain, in my opinion!

J VS2 1.44 $7505. http://www.goodoldgold.com/diamond/2298/

J SI1 1.47 $8159. http://www.goodoldgold.com/diamond/2039/

ETA: I agree with his point about possibly having to replace the setting to upgrade later. That is a big expense if you're looking at platinum especially.

 

[Mara]

you aren't selfish or spoiled for wanting what you want to have in an engagement ring. you will be wearing it. also you are preaching to the choir here as many of us have upgraded once or twice (or more) to get what we wanted in a stone or a ring. a diamond is a luxury purchase to begin with. so honestly i don't believe in the whole 'is it really worth spending $2k more' or whatever to get a bigger diamond. if that is what you want, then yes it is worth it. it's kind of like, well we really want to go to fiji for the honeymoon but mexico is cheaper, thats just as good right...well it's not if you really want fiji and are just settling for mexico. both are great trips that anyone would be lucky to take, but if you really want one vs the other, then i would try to make it happen. i know from my own personal experience that once you have that niggling doubt re: size or color or whatever in a diamond then it's hard to continuously stamp it down and make yourself happy with what you have. and yes you are right that in a few years diamond prices could be more....i paid probably 20% more for my last upgrade than we would have if i had just gotten this size to begin with. but it really has to do with priorities at this point. if you could swing the bigger stone without sacrificing something important like financial comfortability, then do it now and just call it a day. but if you will have to take from something that is really important such as shelter or food or bills then don't do it...it's definitely not worth it. do it when you can and just get a vendor with an upgrade policy and get a head/setting that can accommodate a slightly larger stone. oh and for my last upgrade, i could have put that down and gotten a great new car. but i wanted the diamond more. so i would take a bigger diamond over a new car, hee hee. i'll still get the car but it will just take longer. you can see where MY priorities are!

i upgraded from a 1.23 to a 1.6c and the difference WAS visible. it was definitely worth it for me. but the 1.6 wasn't my forever stone anyway, but i was happy i did it. in any case, good luck and keep us posted! your fiance is sweet to want you to have what you want to have, take advantage of it if you can afford it. in a few years there could be other priorities where the upgrade falls to the bottom of the list!!

 

[wonka27]

Date: 8/12/2006 5:31:34 PM
Author: skirtgirl79


Just to clarify, we aren''t going to go into debt for the ring. The money is there, it''s just a matter of using it now or saving it for later. Namely, for buying a car in about a year (we would like to pay cash and still have a generous amount of ''emergency cash'' in our accounts).

In a few years, we will both be making substantially more money, and I''m sure a few thousand will be no big deal. But as my boyfriend said ''if you are going to want a 1.5 carat in a few years anyway, we might as well just get it now'', because diamonds will go up in price, and we would likely have to get a new setting too.

I apologize for not reading your initial post properly. I thought I saw you would need to take a loan. Guess I need to read a little slower and more carefully!

I''d agree...if it will make you happy and it isn''t a financial hardship, then do it now. I would rob Peter to pay Paul, but it doesn''t sound like that would be the case...so I''d go for it.

 

[Odilia]

I agree with the others; do it now if you can. He is offering, you say you can afford it, and as noted, prices likely will go up etc... You are lucky to know what you want unlike some of us (

), so I say, go ahead and get it right the first time.

 

[february2003bride]

You aren''t being selfish for wanting a bigger stone. I would be honest with your boyfriend because I''m sure he''d rather now know than later. I have a 1.06 princess and would love a 1.5--1.75 range princess instead. It wasnt in our budget at the time and maybe in the future we''ll upgrade.

Buy your diamond from a company like WhiteFlash where you can get lifetimes upgrades but keep in mind, you may have to change your setting which would cost more money.

Good luck!

 

[ladykemma]

heck- no debt? get the bigger ring, hunney!

 

[yellowsparkles]

I have to agree with everyone else. Get the ring you really want and will be happy with now. As long as you have the money.

Although I like my ring, I am having second thoughts and wish I would have bought the bigger stone.... so heck, I am already thinking of my upgrade! It has only been 6 months.

 

[CareBear]

I agree, if you absolutely cannot afford a 1.5, then get a ~1.4. You won''t notice much difference between that and a 1.5. but a 1.2 is not going to make you happy. you are going to stare at that ring everyday feeling regrets! Sounds like you have zero problem paying for any of these size so buy one that will make u happy! Diamonds serve no purpose really other than making us happy.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 8/12/2006 5:31:34 PM
Author: skirtgirl79

But as my boyfriend said ''if you are going to want a 1.5 carat in a few years anyway, we might as well just get it now'', because diamonds will go up in price, and we would likely have to get a new setting too.

Skirt, if this is what he said, then I''d tell the truth that you would like closer to 1.5, and just do it now.

The truth seems to be that you DO want closer to that 1.5. If you compromise now based on "logic" (how much difference would I really see, etc.), the emotional side that wants the 1.5 isn''t going to be satisfied. I''ve seen it happen many times here, and people end up going back later to get what they wanted in the first place.

You''re smart to consider all these things, and if your financial circumstances were diff. and the 1.2 was all you could swing, I''d say get the 1.2 and be happy with it, and upgrade later.

But, I hear your BF saying "if you want bigger, or if you will want bigger down the line, let''s get it now." He''s trying to financially responsible too, but with long-term thinking (saving on setting, price increases, etc.) I sense he''d get irritated if, down the line, you decided you wanted to bump up when you could have just done it now.

I''d bite the bullet now.

 

[Ellen]

Considering everything you've said, I vote get it now as well.

And IMO, you're not being a spoiled brat at all. A spoiled brat would be stomping her foot and whining for a size out of the budget.

 

[rogue]

I really know how you feel. It's natural to feel sheepish with spending so much money on a luxury item, especially if you're not loaded. My fiance and I were in your same boat, in that he had the money, but whatever we didn't spend would be savings. I felt incredibly selfish and sheepish and awkward and sometimes a little disgusted at myself when I thought about how much money it was, and how I was spending so much time obsessing and nit-picking over stone characteristics and spending a thousand more here for .2 mm more or a few hundred more there for extra sidestones...Anyway, I felt bad, but my fiance essentially said the same thing yours did -- he had a budget he was comfortable with and said that we can get what makes me happy. I think that made me feel even worse, he was just being so sweet! But in the long run, I think everyone will be happier if you get what you really want. Changing stones later may end up costing more for the same thing you could get now, not just because of increasing diamond prices, but also because of appraisal fees and any changes in setting that may need to be done. My fiance really did want me to spend up to our budget if that's what it took to get me really happy with the ring -- he would not have wanted to save a few thousand but see me glance at my ring later and think it looks too small.

You are definitely not being a spoiled brat. We can all have our dream stones (mine is an ideal cut E VS2 2.5 carat -- totally outside of budget!!), but the key is knowing what is within reason, and getting the best stone within reason that is also within your budget. Also, I ended up not buying from a place with a lifetime trade-up--that was probably a mistake and I'm starting to regret it a little, so if you can find what you're looking for at a jeweler with a trade-up policy, you should totally get it there. Just my $.02. Good luck!!

 

[skirtgirl79]

Thanks for the replies, everyone! You are all such enablers!

I had a talk with my boyfriend last night where I admitted that I would really be happier with something in the 1.4-1.5 carat range. He then apologized (!?!) for not just going ahead and picking up on my nonverbal cues and planning to get a bigger diamond. Of course, it''s not his fault that I wouldn''t admit to him that I wanted more. He doesn''t get the whole diamond thing, but he just wants me to be as happy as possible, so he''s planning to contact our vendor and see what he has available in that range on Monday. Isn''t he the best nicest guy in the world?

Even though it''s kind of frivolous, I feel like this is really the best decision. I really think I can be happy with 1.4 carats forever, and I though I''m sure I would have loved a 1.2 because it came from him, I think I would have wanted to upgrade it eventually. He would definitely prefer that we get it right the first time, both for financial and for sentimental reasons. I''m so psyched now - I can''t wait!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Yay!!! You have learned something VERY important that will help you in marriage! Guys do not read minds and they do not get cues. You have to be very direct but kind when communicating! I think a lot of divorce is because one partner feels their wants/needs are not being met, but the other partner may be oblivious to the unspoken needs.

Please report back when you decide on a stone!

 

[CareBear]

Date: 8/13/2006 3:06:59 PM
Author: skirtgirl79
Thanks for the replies, everyone! You are all such enablers!

I had a talk with my boyfriend last night where I admitted that I would really be happier with something in the 1.4-1.5 carat range. He then apologized (!?!) for not just going ahead and picking up on my nonverbal cues and planning to get a bigger diamond. Of course, it''s not his fault that I wouldn''t admit to him that I wanted more. He doesn''t get the whole diamond thing, but he just wants me to be as happy as possible, so he''s planning to contact our vendor and see what he has available in that range on Monday. Isn''t he the best nicest guy in the world?

Even though it''s kind of frivolous, I feel like this is really the best decision. I really think I can be happy with 1.4 carats forever, and I though I''m sure I would have loved a 1.2 because it came from him, I think I would have wanted to upgrade it eventually. He would definitely prefer that we get it right the first time, both for financial and for sentimental reasons. I''m so psyched now - I can''t wait!

glad it worked out for you! 1.4s are such great deals! and with a 1.4 there will be no regrets that you didn''t get a 1.5. But "forever" doesn''t last that long here on PS.

 

[diamondlove]

Glad it worked out for you and it sounds like you have a great guy.

 

[Ellen]

 

[february2003bride]

Oh yay!!

That''s awesome!

And please please please post hand pictures when you get it!!

 

[angeline]

What an awesome guy to apologise to you! and I think it takes courage on your part to admit to something that you felt might be being a bit selfish. (I don''t think it was selfish BTW) Sounds like a good outcome all round. Sounds like he would have been disappointed if he ever found out that you weren''t thrilled with the 1.2 and didn''t tell him. Congrats and can''t wait to see what you get!

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