Husband or Kids

[Erin]

What is your priority?

 

[tlh]

Fab hubby. Fur babies work for me, and if I don''t have kiddos... more money for fab diamonds!

 

[neatfreak]

I really don''t think I could choose...they are both incredible in their own ways.

 

[Lorelei]

Hubby and fur babies!

 

[tlh]

nadya suleyman votes for babies. no man needed.

 

[Lauren8211]

This question is probably a lot easier for those who don''t have kids.

If you have them, it''s almost like you''re choosing between your hubby and your kid.

I don''t have kids, so obviously FF is my choice (or will be when he''s finally my husband).

 

[Erin]

Date: 2/26/2009 11:29:14 AM
Author: tlh
nadya suleyman votes for babies. no man needed.

I''m not sure her 70 year old parents would vote the same...

 

[Lulie]

LOL what man would want Nadya?
chosen #1, kids are always borrowed

 

[fieryred33143]

When I was doing my Masters, a professor asked what did we think would cause more grief: a loss of a spouse or loss of a child.

Everyone naturally said child. The study showed however that the loss of a spouse caused more grief than that of a child. Weird right?

I always go back to my mom''s life. She has spent 14 years of her life alone because she doesn''t want to "replace" my father. And for the majority of those years she had her kids. But now we''re all grown up and have moved on. And she is alone. As much as we love her, when she goes to bed at night she''s alone. When she wakes up in the morning, she''s alone. Loneliness is a powerful thing. And at this point, if my mother were to meet someone that wanted to take her away and she would never see us again I would give her a huge kiss and hug and let her go. My teenage self would have had a heart attack.

Even then, I don''t think my mother would ever choose to not have us.

Life is one big pile of mess LOL

 

[AllieGator]

Well, since it said "biological child", I''m very into adoption, so I''ll take the fabulous husband, and cute adopted children...if it is husband or no children, I''d still take husband. I don''t feel like I need children, but I would like a mate to share my life with.

 

[Erin]

Date: 2/26/2009 11:44:49 AM
Author: AllieGator
Well, since it said ''biological child'', I''m very into adoption, so I''ll take the fabulous husband, and cute adopted children...if it is husband or no children, I''d still take husband. I don''t feel like I need children, but I would like a mate to share my life with.

Yeah, I put biological because the question is posed from the perspective of a 35 year old who has no children.
I certainly didn''t mean to exclude on purpose.

 

[janinegirly]

This is a tough but very interesting question. I voted mini me (and hope DH never reads this). I guess if I remove emotion/attachment from it and just answer the question in it''s purest form (ie honestly and objectively), I have to say I feel like men can come and go, and while a lifetime partner is such an integral part of a happy life, *sometimes* things change over the years / decades. Whether it be divorce or people growing apart or new interests or hidden secrets. A child though--that is flesh and blood and a deep love that is beyond random pairing. That is such a cynical thing to say I know, but if you think about it, finding your partner, is essentially a random pairing which involves some good luck and timing--and if you never met your current SO, you eventually would have met someone else. I always thought I would have been ok if DH and I didn''t or weren''t able to have kids (we married late--me at 35 and he in his 40''s), but now that I have a baby, I''m not so sure. The fact that I waited so long to marry also shows that I was more focused on finding the right person rather than someone I could have a baby with asap, but in the end, it turned out the baby meant more to completing my life than I could''ve imagined.

 

[jcarlylew]

i choose the "i can't decide" only because while i *think* i would be okay with E as a husband...i really want his freaking babies!!! eta- oh...that makes me sound like octo mom! eek!

eta - i didnt even think about the adoption part. Fortunately E and i already decided we would do that if we were unable to bear children.

 

[Bia]

Husband. No question.

I definitely want kids, but not having my FI by my side would be worse than not being a mother.

 

[nail_polish]

Husband, for sure.

If I couldn''t have a husband to raise my child with, I wouldn''t want one.

Besides, we could adopt!

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 2/26/2009 11:39:27 AM
Author: fieryred33143
When I was doing my Masters, a professor asked what did we think would cause more grief: a loss of a spouse or loss of a child.


Everyone naturally said child. The study showed however that the loss of a spouse caused more grief than that of a child. Weird right?


I always go back to my mom''s life. She has spent 14 years of her life alone because she doesn''t want to ''replace'' my father. And for the majority of those years she had her kids. But now we''re all grown up and have moved on. And she is alone. As much as we love her, when she goes to bed at night she''s alone. When she wakes up in the morning, she''s alone. Loneliness is a powerful thing. And at this point, if my mother were to meet someone that wanted to take her away and she would never see us again I would give her a huge kiss and hug and let her go. My teenage self would have had a heart attack.


Even then, I don''t think my mother would ever choose to not have us.


Life is one big pile of mess LOL

This is a really great post, sweetie. Reminds me of my grandmother, who spent almost 25 years alone in an empty house in the middle of nowhere because it was her and my grandfather''s dream house (he died of cancer in 1985). She couldn''t bare the thought of even a friendly dinner out because there was no question of her ever trying to replace him.

You sound like a wonderful daughter, to feel in your heart like you could let her go if it meant her being really happy with someone.

As for the OP, I''m childless and will probably stay that way, so the question is pretty moot, but I like Lorelei''s answer--hubby and fur-babies!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I think if I were a parent, it would be much harder...but as someone who struggles with fertility, I know what the loving support of my husband means to me, and how it has effected my life.

 

[iheartscience]

I voted husband, but I don''t have kids and I''m not sure if I want them so it was easy for me to pick that. Plus, my fiance''s mom is divorced and around 50 years old, and she has a hard time finding people to even go on dates with, and I''m sure she''s lonely.

 

[laughwithme]

I think it depends on when in life you''re asking the question.

Right now, I have no children (yet) and cannot honestly say that I have ever felt the love that mothers claim to have for their children - the "lay down your life" kinda love. So, I voted for husband, because I am fully engulfed in that sort of love for him - it''s something I feel every single minute of every day.

Ask me in five or six years when I''ve had my first baby, and I may switch my answer.

 

[Winks_Elf]

This is not a poll that a mother can really participate in. It just pulls on the heartstrings too much.

 

[Efe]

It all depends on circumstances. If you cannot have children, or both don''t want children, that is one thing. If the case is that one person has had children and adamately wants no more, and the other person has a heart''s desire of being a parent, I think it is a prescription for heartache all the way around. I have had friends in both circumstances. One married and never had a child, and ended up resenting her husband terribly. The other married, had a child, and her husband resented the "pressure" on him. Interesting thing is, that ususally the one that is adament about no children is the one that already has children, so there is some measure of selfishness there, IMHO. Hope this makes some sense.

 

[sba771]

My husband (FI), without him I would not be the person I am today and I would be a huge mess and not capable of raising a child on my own. We have a furbaby and if children were not in the cards, we would have a house full of min pins (and lots of purses and bling)!

While we do look forward to having a family together, I know we could be happy with just us.

 

[Girlrocks]

My children, hands down, without a doubt, no question. Don''t get me wrong, I LOVE LOVE LOVE my hubby, and realize I wouldn''t have the kiddos without him. But if we were in a sinking boat, and it was save my child or my hubby...sorry dear, hope you can swim!

 

[Erin]

Date: 2/26/2009 12:59:56 PM
Author: Winks_Elf
This is not a poll that a mother can really participate in. It just pulls on the heartstrings too much.

I agree wholeheartedly.

 

[daydreamer]

Date: 2/26/2009 11:47:20 AM
Author: Starset Princess

Date: 2/26/2009 11:44:49 AM

Yeah, I put biological because the question is posed from the perspective of a 35 year old who has no children.

I certainly didn''t mean to exclude on purpose.

I voted there is no way I could make a decision.

However, speaking as a never married, childless, 37 year old woman, if I really wanted to have a biological child, I would go ahead and have one on my own. Single motherhood doesn''t preclude future happy marriage. I''ve seen many examples.

 

[trillionaire]

I said that I don't want kids, so moot point.

My aunt and uncle never had kids, married in their 30's, and to this day, it's like they are still on their honeymoon. I compare that to the unending stress and drama of the lives of people I know with kids, and they LOVE their kids TO DEATH... well, I'll take the honeymoon.

ETA: SO and I are both okay with adopting, so if we want kids, we'll do that. I would get a tubal ligation as soon as I got married anyway.

 

[BlueSki231]

Easy. HUSBAND!!

I absolutely positively DO NOT want children. So I voted moot point..

 

[musey]

Date: 2/26/2009 5:45:36 PM
Author: Namaste
Easy. HUSBAND!!

I absolutely positively DO NOT want children. So I voted moot point..

That does make it easy! I love it when people have such conviction about this matter. Good for you, Namaste.


I voted husband, because if it really did come down to that, that is what I'd choose. Having children (whether adopted or biological) is non-negotiable for me, though. If the man I was with didn't want them, it would be time for me to find another fish in that big big sea.

Good thing pretty much no one has to make that choice! If you want both, you can find a way to have both. People who get 'stuck' without being able to have children are those who are choosing between a specific SO, not a SO period.

 

[FrekeChild]

Well said Fiery.

I would choose a fabulous husband 99,999 times out of 99,999 (tee hee) because I don''t want kids, so the question is moot. However, recently FI has been talking about potentially adopting a child when or if we become financially stable enough to do so.

 

[misskitty]

I''m going to go with husband because I''m not even sure I''ll be able to have children. That said, I might feel differently about this if/when I become a mother -- I just don''t have that perspective right now.