Husband Attempts Murder With Empanada

[iLander]

Last weekend, at the grocery store, DH said "Let's try something new," and held up a box of frozen empanadas. Ilander, in a momentary lapse of judgement, says "Sure, why not?" Usually, iLander is very careful about beef and pork cooked by others. Usually she just won't eat it. Period.

On Wednesday, iLander, persuaded by this "try new things" fervor, ate said empanada. It tasted good. She had a second one. Then she went to bed.

The next day, she woke up with a bit of "rumbly in her tumbly". As the day progressed, it became worse, with stomach cramps, bloating, and explosive (that which shall not be mentioned). By the evening, all became clear:

DH wanted iLander dead. She was getting older, and a bit crotchety, and the deadly empanada had just presented itself.

By Friday morning, the rumbly had subsided only slightly, all of iLander's internal organs had melted into some kind of painful, burning, liquid that was trying to exit her body. Unusually cheerful DH is making soup, but iLander is eyeing it with suspicion . . .

 

[GemFever]

Ouch!

Did DH have any empanadas? No similar reaction?

 

[purplesparklies]

Sorry! Feel better! No more empanadas!

 

[Deactivated member 42515]

I read somewhere that a lady used drops of visine everyday to poison her husband slowly. I always threaten DH with visine it's a joke of ours

Now as for your DH, I would keep a close eye on him. I think he may have some kind of devious plan with your grocery store

 

[vc10um]

Oh goodness! Poor iLander!

And I'm with YT...I'd be sleeping with one I open if I were you!

(PS: Thanks for the laugh...I needed that after the horrific news of the day.)

 

[iLander]

GemFever; DH and DD both ate them, but I was the lucky one. I've looked it up, its classic salmonella.

PurpleSparklies; thanks, I feel a little better, but that doesn't mean DH will hear the end of it soon.

YayTacori; must look up that Visine thing . . .

vc10um; it is so horrifying. I'm going to that (much more important) thread now,

 

[Matata]

Hmmmm, this sounds very suspicious. What are the odds that only you would get the bad empanada. This is the perfect opportunity for you to get your sapphire ring NOW. He definitely needs to make amends. Unless he misplaced the ring and would rather risk murder than face you.......

 

[minousbijoux]

It just goes to show that you gotta watch those DHs - never know what they'll be up to...

 

[Deactivated member 42515]

Yup, DH and your grocery store are in cahoots. They probably labeled those empanadas differently and DH made sure you got the ones laced with liquid stomach lava poisoning.

 

[VRBeauty]

I'm sorry for your tummy distress ilander, but appreciate the chance to laugh at something today - thank you!

On a more serious side, my mother does know someone whose husband tried to kill her - over several years, in many different ways. First he tried to poison her slowly (she's still suffering the after effects), then he tried disabling the brakes on her bike... then she got a call from an auto mechanic to let her know that her husband had been asking suspicious questions about things that might render a car dangerous. She didn't have the emotional strength to leave him and it took her kids intervening to get her out of that home. Fortunately she did muster the strength to say "no" when hubby asked to move in with her after he was diagnosed with cancer. In the end the "joke" was on him - he succumbed to cancer, and she is still alive.

I hope your stomach settles down soon, ilander!

 

[Enerchi]

UGH & YUCK!!!! I hope you are okay now, iLander. I think he just wants to keep your new ring for himself and is trying to knock you off so it's all his!!!

 

[junebug17]

Hmmmm, this sounds very suspicious. What are the odds that only you would get the bad empanada. This is the perfect opportunity for you to get your sapphire ring NOW. He definitely needs to make amends. Unless he misplaced the ring and would rather risk murder than face you.......

Hope you feel better soon ilander, sounds awful!

 

[Gypsy]

I'm sorry you are unwell, but I am laughing over here at the image of your DH cheerfully making soup and you looking on with suspicion.

"What's that you just put in?"
"Pepper"
"Why did you get it from the counter and not the spice cabinet."
"Because I pulled it down before, knowing I'd need it."
"Bring it here. Let me see that container..."

 

[mary poppins]

Maybe he was just trying to get you to talk about yourself in third person.

 

[iLander]

Hmmmm, this sounds very suspicious. What are the odds that only you would get the bad empanada. This is the perfect opportunity for you to get your sapphire ring NOW. He definitely needs to make amends. Unless he misplaced the ring and would rather risk murder than face you.......

AHA! The motive is quite clear now, Matata! I have checked under the tree and there does not appear to be anything in a ring box shape!

 

[Matata]

Hmmmm, this sounds very suspicious. What are the odds that only you would get the bad empanada. This is the perfect opportunity for you to get your sapphire ring NOW. He definitely needs to make amends. Unless he misplaced the ring and would rather risk murder than face you.......

AHA! The motive is quite clear now, Matata! I have checked under the tree and there does not appear to be anything in a ring box shape!

Did you check the toilet during your explosive sessions -- maybe he hid it in an empanada. Just sayin'.

 

[iLander]

Minous! How are you, lady! Yes they are a sneaky lot, aren't they . . .

YayTacori: Somehow they seemed to come from the same box! And he even made me cook them! Tricky . . .

VR: How Awful! That poor woman! I'm glad karma caught up with that sicko ba$tard.

Enerchi; Yeah . . . probably a little TMI in the description? Not sure what he'd do with it, knowing him he'd build a laser or something with the diamonds.

Junebug; Getting better, thank you!

Gypsy: Stop making me laugh, it hurts! At this point it's "Come on, let's take you to the doctor." "What? You think I can't see through that doctor charade? They're all in cahoots!" "What cahoots? You need medicine" "What medicine? I'm Fine! " Meanwhile it takes 10 minutes to walk to the computer to post this.

MaryPoppins; No, iLander requires almost no encouragement at all to do that . . .

Seriously though, I am a lot better, thank you guys!

 

[iLander]

Hmmmm, this sounds very suspicious. What are the odds that only you would get the bad empanada. This is the perfect opportunity for you to get your sapphire ring NOW. He definitely needs to make amends. Unless he misplaced the ring and would rather risk murder than face you.......

AHA! The motive is quite clear now, Matata! I have checked under the tree and there does not appear to be anything in a ring box shape!

Did you check the toilet during your explosive sessions -- maybe he hid it in an empanada. Just sayin'.

Owww! Stop! It still hurts when I laugh!

 

[JewelFreak]

knowing him he'd build a laser or something with the diamonds.

Can't blame him -- doesn't everybody need a homemade laser? Sheesh, no wonder he tried to off you! "...my wife doesn't understand me, Officer..."

Glad you're on the upswing, girl. No fun! I got poisoned once by a Korean woman to whom I was teaching English -- enough, she said, so she could read the bus signs & leave her husband. Something wrong with this picture already? She missed her Berlitz class & asked if I could make up the lesson at her house; I said okay, this one time. Mistake. She insisted on serving me a big pork dim sum dumpling. The more I tried to refuse, the harder she insisted, so I managed about half the thing. Oh gosh, was I sick! Two days of blowing breakfast, lunch, & dinner. I think she had that thing stored in a cupboard for months in case somebody came to visit her. Easy to see why they didn't! She could've gotten rid of the husband by giving it to him!

DH owes you that ring now so you can enjoy it before he buys you some dim sum.

--- Laurie