snowflakeluvr
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2006
- Messages
- 359
this afternoon, dh''s and my close friend came for dinner and to visit. he currently lives an hour away and is moving back to our "home" city in pa and we are moving to michigan so he has lived this close to us for about 1 1/2years and we see him about once a month.. he is our oldest daughter(she''s 20)''s godfather and he has been a good friend for at least that long. dh met him at his first post-college position.
so our youngest daughter who will be 3 end of sept is rather smart, strong-willed, chatty and adorable. my 4yr old was tussling with his dad and our little girl came across the room to "uncle bill" as the kids have always called him and somehow scratched his bald head-(he''s 46, not 76 btw) i don''t know if she was just kind of touching it you know because none of us are bald and it''s novel, or she was really trying to scratch him with her fingernail, but she did and there was a mark. he is single, very moody, emotional, and so he smacked her hand 3 times fairly firmly. i was sitting nearby and she started to cry and i scooped her up. he acted shocked and upset and said, "i can''t believe she scratched me. why did you scratch me?" well our little one was wailing and i felt between a rock and a hard place. i have started to put her in the corner(never had to do that with the first 3) and give her time outs because she''s so strong-willed, but i don''t personally use hitting as a method of punishment(not to say that i have never done it but for me even a "love tap" doesn''t feel comfortable FOR ME) so he apologized and i said i''m sorry she hurt you. then at some point after that he left, and my oldest dd and i went to see mamma mia(and we loved it) but now it''s late and i am stewing...he did say more than once, "i shouldn''t have hit her" and me, being the people-pleasing middle child(not making excuses for not standing up for my daughter just explaining my temperament to you) did not want to ruffle any feathers. but now i feel really upset and my little dd obviously did NOT want him to hold her after that.
he has been a wonderful friend. he came out to dh and i earlier this year(we were not surprised) and we have really tried, in spite of our own more conservative beliefs, to be there for him as a friend as he has been there for us always. we are that close and although he does not share any of his more personal details of his life with my dh, he does talk to me about "stuff" and i also talk to him about "stuff", so we are really close. i just feel bad for my daughter because i KNOW i would NEVER EVER touch someone else''s child. of course we won''t see uncle bill for awhile, but i don''t want to feel resentful toward him and the situation(or should i?) i know my little girl can be a pistol but frankly it all happened so quickly and it was a scratch not a puncture wound for goodness sake, he may have smarted but most adults probably would not have (over) reacted like he did.
help me. i know some would say that they''d have thrown him out, and some would forgive. he''s not a parent and i do feel he overreacted but it''s done, and we do not see him nor will we see him regularly when we all move to other places. i just have this pit in my stomach that i didn''t do right by my little girl. i don''t want it to turn into some big drama either, we are moving, two of our kids are heading to college and i don''t have the energy. bottom line-i think my feelings of trusting him have changed(he has never babysat my kids or anything like that but as i said, he''s "family" to us and our kids, and also to our other family members who have known him for a long time too) and i just need some encouraging words. how would you feel? thanks cyber friends
so our youngest daughter who will be 3 end of sept is rather smart, strong-willed, chatty and adorable. my 4yr old was tussling with his dad and our little girl came across the room to "uncle bill" as the kids have always called him and somehow scratched his bald head-(he''s 46, not 76 btw) i don''t know if she was just kind of touching it you know because none of us are bald and it''s novel, or she was really trying to scratch him with her fingernail, but she did and there was a mark. he is single, very moody, emotional, and so he smacked her hand 3 times fairly firmly. i was sitting nearby and she started to cry and i scooped her up. he acted shocked and upset and said, "i can''t believe she scratched me. why did you scratch me?" well our little one was wailing and i felt between a rock and a hard place. i have started to put her in the corner(never had to do that with the first 3) and give her time outs because she''s so strong-willed, but i don''t personally use hitting as a method of punishment(not to say that i have never done it but for me even a "love tap" doesn''t feel comfortable FOR ME) so he apologized and i said i''m sorry she hurt you. then at some point after that he left, and my oldest dd and i went to see mamma mia(and we loved it) but now it''s late and i am stewing...he did say more than once, "i shouldn''t have hit her" and me, being the people-pleasing middle child(not making excuses for not standing up for my daughter just explaining my temperament to you) did not want to ruffle any feathers. but now i feel really upset and my little dd obviously did NOT want him to hold her after that.
he has been a wonderful friend. he came out to dh and i earlier this year(we were not surprised) and we have really tried, in spite of our own more conservative beliefs, to be there for him as a friend as he has been there for us always. we are that close and although he does not share any of his more personal details of his life with my dh, he does talk to me about "stuff" and i also talk to him about "stuff", so we are really close. i just feel bad for my daughter because i KNOW i would NEVER EVER touch someone else''s child. of course we won''t see uncle bill for awhile, but i don''t want to feel resentful toward him and the situation(or should i?) i know my little girl can be a pistol but frankly it all happened so quickly and it was a scratch not a puncture wound for goodness sake, he may have smarted but most adults probably would not have (over) reacted like he did.
help me. i know some would say that they''d have thrown him out, and some would forgive. he''s not a parent and i do feel he overreacted but it''s done, and we do not see him nor will we see him regularly when we all move to other places. i just have this pit in my stomach that i didn''t do right by my little girl. i don''t want it to turn into some big drama either, we are moving, two of our kids are heading to college and i don''t have the energy. bottom line-i think my feelings of trusting him have changed(he has never babysat my kids or anything like that but as i said, he''s "family" to us and our kids, and also to our other family members who have known him for a long time too) and i just need some encouraging words. how would you feel? thanks cyber friends