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Smurfysmiles

Ideal_Rock
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So my parents and fi''s parents have been helping us out a lot while we get settled in colorado and while we spent 3 months looking for jobs. His thinking was to use the money we were saving for the honeymoon to send them on a fun trip like a cruise instead.

So personally it is my thinking that it should be the newlywed couple that gets to go on the vacation and we could just get them something really nice for christmas next year...My parents just went to hawaii for vacation last year to finally have their honeymoon and I''m not aware if fi''s parents ever had one or not.
Am I being selfish? What do you guys think?
 

fieryred33143

Ideal_Rock
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May 18, 2008
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Eh I don''t know. I wouldn''t call you being selfish. I just think you and FI have different opinions on what kind of gift or thank you to give. It''s just a difference of opinion.
 

bee*

Super_Ideal_Rock
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I don''t think that you''re being selfish-I would be disappointed if I couldn''t go on my honeymoon after the wedding. I agree with your Fi in that I think that it''s a very kind and generous thought of sending them away somewhere nice but I would wait until about six months after the wedding and treat them to that. Or for each set of parents next anniversary you could get them a weekend away somewhere nice.
 

Smurfysmiles

Ideal_Rock
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thanks for the suggestion bee, ill bring that up with him tonight :)
 

decodelighted

Super_Ideal_Rock
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I think most parents would be uncomfortable accepting & enjoying a trip like that knowing the gift GIVERS were foregoing their own HONEYMOON to provide said trip.

Have a feeling even if you offer they'll decline.


ETA: FWIW we took our honeymoon six months after the wedding ... to spread out the financial whollop.
It was cool to have something ELSE to look forward to ... after so long planning the wedding etc. And we could wait to scoop up a super fab deal because we weren't locked into dates. I've noticed more & more people postponing a honeymoon a bit (but not forever!). We did do a mini-moon right after the wedding (well -- the night of the wedding slept at home) but the day after we did a 2 night (extended to three) night stay in Lake Placid. Six months later: Ireland! Good luck w/whatever you decide together!
 

Smurfysmiles

Ideal_Rock
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Date: 2/6/2009 11:03:49 AM
Author: decodelighted
I think most parents would be uncomfortable accepting & enjoying a trip like that knowing the gift GIVERS were foregoing their own HONEYMOON to provide said trip.

Have a feeling even if you offer they''ll decline.
Well you know I had thought of that too but I don''t think fi actually realizes that, I had failed to point it out to him.

I dunno, what a ridiculous situation

On a lighter note, after finding out we couldn''t afford to get those shoes I wanted and also finding out they will stop making them soon, a friend of mine has offered to buy my blue wedding shoes as a wedding present :)
 

Smurfysmiles

Ideal_Rock
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Date: 2/6/2009 11:03:49 AM
Author: decodelighted
ETA: FWIW we took our honeymoon six months after the wedding ... to spread out the financial whollop.
It was cool to have something ELSE to look forward to ... after so long planning the wedding etc. And we could wait to scoop up a super fab deal because we weren''t locked into dates. I''ve noticed more & more people postponing a honeymoon a bit (but not forever!). We did do a mini-moon right after the wedding (well -- the night of the wedding slept at home) but the day after we did a 2 night (extended to three) night stay in Lake Placid. Six months later: Ireland! Good luck w/whatever you decide together!
I told fi that we would be doing something right after the wedding because I know I will be stressed up until the day before and I want time right after to just relax and each other''s company. I told him I didn''t care if it was the super 8 down the street but that he should plan to take 2-3 days off after the wedding so we could do SOMETHING
 

bee*

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Date: 2/6/2009 11:02:29 AM
Author: Smurfysmiles
thanks for the suggestion bee, ill bring that up with him tonight :)
No problem! At least that way they won''t feel guilty thinking that it was your honeymoon that they were going on. That''s great that your friend is getting you the shoes! yay for good friends!
 

tlh

Ideal_Rock
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I think if the parents knew you were sending them on a cruise INSTEAD of going on a honeymoon, THEY WOULD NEVER ACCEPT THAT GIFT. As parents they were doing what they could, to help you grow into adulthood.

A honeymoon is a really important thing for a new couple, IMHO. Brides get stressed and crazy, and it is nice just to have a little get-away, and destress. Life has enough stresses in it. It just starts off the marriage on a really nice note. Relaxed, everything is calm and perfect... before you get back into life''s turmoil. It gives you as a couple a "happy time" to think back on if/when things get rough.

Once you are settled, you can give a nice thank you gift for your parents LATER. Do not skimp on the honeymoon.
 

Dreamgirl

Ideal_Rock
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Date: 2/6/2009 10:55:28 AM
Author: bee*
I don''t think that you''re being selfish-I would be disappointed if I couldn''t go on my honeymoon after the wedding. I agree with your Fi in that I think that it''s a very kind and generous thought of sending them away somewhere nice but I would wait until about six months after the wedding and treat them to that. Or for each set of parents next anniversary you could get them a weekend away somewhere nice.
Very good idea!
 

Bia

Ideal_Rock
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I know my parents, or FI''s parents, would not accept a gift like that from their kids. But to miss our honeymoon in order to do it? No way. They wouldn''t go for it.

I think your parents would much rather you go on your honeymoon. As for an extra special Christmas gift (maybe an all-expense paid weekend trip or something?) that sounds like a very generous and special thing to do.

You guys are sweet kids, for sure.
 

cbs102

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Mar 26, 2008
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821
I would be p!ssed at my FI!!! ITA with the others though. i doubt very much that your parents would accept it knowing that you will be foregoing your own honeymoon!
 

EricaR

Ideal_Rock
Joined
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Smurf - is there any way you guys could take a shorter honeymoon (i''m not sure what your plans are right now) and maybe just send your parents on a weekend cruise? I know that they have been very supportive of you guys over the last few months. From here in California I can get a three night cruise to Mexico for less than $200/person so maybe you can find a similar deal for them? I think it would be a really nice gesture, even if you have to sacrifice a bit of your honeymoon to do so.
 

meresal

Ideal_Rock
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FI and I have thought of giving my parents a trip as a thank you, but that would not come at the cost of our honeymoon. There is no way my parents would accept a trip, knowing that we didn't go on a honeymoon because of it.

It's a very thoughtful idea on the part of your FI, but maybe a dinner at an upscale restaurant would be better? You could make the reservations for them, while the two of you are on your honeymoon. Maybe also pay for a nice bottle of wine, or some chapmagne to be at the table when they arrive. Just a thought.
 

Smurfysmiles

Ideal_Rock
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i really like that idea meresal, the tough part would be finding an upscale restaurant in fargo, nd lol
 

Definitely. Maybe

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
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I think I am going to be the only one here, but I really like the idea your FI has. Don''t get me wrong, my favorite thing in the world is to travel and a honeymoon is the perfect time to do it and spend quality time together. However, I know my FFs parents and my family have helped me out tremendously through college and still now while I am in search of a job. Although, some may say that is what they are "supposed" to do as parents, I don''t think everyone is capable of doing that and some even strain themselves to help. If FF and I had saved enough money for "our" honeymoon I would give it up in a heartbeat to send his parents and my family off on a vacation of their own as a much needed thank you. Although it may seem odd and not normal and the honeymoon is technically for the newlyweds, there are so many other things to do together without spending tons of money. Even FI just taking the time off and focusing on each other means something. I know mine and his parents would probably rather us save the money, but forgoing something we wanted to give to them means so much more, to me.

That being said, someone a while ago posted about taking a honeymoon later or for your one year because that is when you truely need it and have really been married. Something like that. Either way, I thought it was a wonderful idea and a wonderful way to celebrate your first year of marriage and something exciting to look forward to.

Sorry that was so long winded. :) Hope you both agree on something that works for you.
 

Porridge

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
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3,269
Both your parents sound like generous people - I don''t think they''d be happy to go off on a trip without you guys getting a honeymoon! I''m sure they helped out like that because they wanted you guys to be able to spend your money on things like this. Giving up honeymoon money to send them on a trip defeats the whole purpose of their generosity. I would get them something later, when you can better afford it.
 

angielea

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 20, 2008
Messages
148
I would say, you do not need to give up your honeymoon to give your parents a gift.

However, with that said, I think it would be in poor taste to go on an elaborate honeymoon given the situation.

I really liked the nice dinner idea for your parents.
 

panda08

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 30, 2008
Messages
797
Are they paying for your wedding too?

I don''t think you''re selfish but I agree with Definitely, Maybe. Then again, I''m from a different cultural background. My parents haven''t paid for a dinner, vacation, etc. since us kids started working over a decade ago.
 

musey

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Date: 2/6/2009 11:03:49 AM
Author: decodelighted
I think most parents would be uncomfortable accepting & enjoying a trip like that knowing the gift GIVERS were foregoing their own HONEYMOON to provide said trip.
I agree.

I think that most parents (though I can only speak from my experience with my own and my in-laws) give their children money in times like this because it makes them feel good to help out in the way they would have when their kids were still kids (in other words, if you were 18 and moving to Colorado for college, they would have helped you out in the same way then). Even if it had been a wealthy relative or friend helping out, I don''t think that most people would feel comfortable accepting such a large gift as a vacation in return. I know that if my husband and I (who, even though we''re doing fine, are in a much less comfortable financial situation than either of our sets of parents) offered such a thing, our parents would say "don''t be ridiculous!"

But only you and your fiance now your parents... you two should talk it through. Tell him how you''re feeling, how you think your parents would feel, etc.
 
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