LtlFirecracker
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Feb 29, 2008
- Messages
- 4,837
So, I am officially having my I wished I would have eloped moment. I am going to throw this senorio out. I am a bit emotional and need to cool down, but I would love to get some prospective on this.
5 years ago my best friend from college gets engaged to her high school sweetheart. She is in grad school and he works at a home improvement store. They throw an extravagant wedding they cannot afford. I am one of her BM''s. At the time I a 4th year med student, and poor. She asks me to cover all the basic expenses (dress, shoes, hair/makup) plus I have to travel across country, rent a car, and get a hotel room, and give her her "gift of cash" to fund the wedding. I am sweating it finically and cannot afford it, but I make it work and keep my mouth shut for the entire year of planning, because I figured, I signed up for this not knowing the costs, and I was not there to add stress. She was my friend and I was there to help her make her day special.
So now it is my turn. She is a post doc and husband is an unemployed and a stay at home dad. They had an infant and one on the way. So I go out of my way to find a decent maternity dress for her that would not require a ton of alterations. I tell her she can wear her own shoes, she will need to help with hair and make-up, but I would cover half. Last week, she wrote an very (to keep it clean) witchy mass e-mail to the group complaining about how horrible the dresses are. The other girls have confirmed they are not bad at all. Today she calls me and drops out due to costs. She tells me she never knew it would cost this much to be a BM. She than states it is straining her and her husband to much, and she took a vow to him and that she has to put him first. She told me I will be taking the same vow and will understand. After realizing I was about to say something I would forever regret, I told her it is best we get off the phone now.
So of course I am angry, and emotional, and I am sure my head will clear in a few days. If you were in this, would you feel like there is a double standard? Or would you feel bad that she is in such a bad situation and get over it and not let this harm the friendship?
5 years ago my best friend from college gets engaged to her high school sweetheart. She is in grad school and he works at a home improvement store. They throw an extravagant wedding they cannot afford. I am one of her BM''s. At the time I a 4th year med student, and poor. She asks me to cover all the basic expenses (dress, shoes, hair/makup) plus I have to travel across country, rent a car, and get a hotel room, and give her her "gift of cash" to fund the wedding. I am sweating it finically and cannot afford it, but I make it work and keep my mouth shut for the entire year of planning, because I figured, I signed up for this not knowing the costs, and I was not there to add stress. She was my friend and I was there to help her make her day special.
So now it is my turn. She is a post doc and husband is an unemployed and a stay at home dad. They had an infant and one on the way. So I go out of my way to find a decent maternity dress for her that would not require a ton of alterations. I tell her she can wear her own shoes, she will need to help with hair and make-up, but I would cover half. Last week, she wrote an very (to keep it clean) witchy mass e-mail to the group complaining about how horrible the dresses are. The other girls have confirmed they are not bad at all. Today she calls me and drops out due to costs. She tells me she never knew it would cost this much to be a BM. She than states it is straining her and her husband to much, and she took a vow to him and that she has to put him first. She told me I will be taking the same vow and will understand. After realizing I was about to say something I would forever regret, I told her it is best we get off the phone now.
So of course I am angry, and emotional, and I am sure my head will clear in a few days. If you were in this, would you feel like there is a double standard? Or would you feel bad that she is in such a bad situation and get over it and not let this harm the friendship?