How would you feel if your FI proposed with a moissanite?

[pricescopenewbie]

Good evening my dear fellow PSers! A GF of mine just called me and cried for an hour because she just found out the e-ring she got a few months ago has a center stone made of moissanite! she said she felt cheated and she mentioned she wanted to break up with him. I didn't know how to comfort her - to be honest I would be pissed off if my FI did this to me. but I am not sure if this is a matter serious enough to have to break up with your FI. I hope she was just emotional and hopefully she will give it a second thought. I am curious, though, how would you feel if you were in her situation, and what would you do to your FI and to the ring?

well, I think I need to give a little more details for your judgement. this proposal was a total surprise. Her FI didn't give her any clue of the proposal, nor did they talk about the ring at all. My friend had let him know from very early stage of their relationship that tiffany solitaire IS the style, so she got the exact setting and maybe this is one of the reasons he didn't talk about the ring with her beforehead. She had tried to find out the 4Cs and price of the ring after the proposal but wasn't successful. he simply told her that 4Cs were too hard for a guy to remember and price didn't matter as long as she liked the ring. My friend was thrilled for the last 4 months by how big the stone was since it looked like a 2+ ct and since it was definitely a big purchase considering the short period of time he had worked to ever make a big saving. she found out tonight by accident the receipt of the ring and the next thing she did was to call me and cried all through the call. I totally feel for her. and I think the tricky part here is: he never admitted it is a moissy, but he never told her it was a diamond. should this be called "cheating"? would you be angry if you were her? how would you do to that ring now that you know it is fake - but still good looking?

I look forward to hearing your thoughts!

 

[Queenie60]

Re: How would you feel if your FI proposed with a moissanite

Sounds as though they have a very serious communication problem which spells disaster for a marriage. I would suggest they hold off on the engagement until they can be honest with one another and learn good communication skills. Until then, continue dating or possibly come to the conclusion that this relationship isn't strong enough for marriage. Marriage is based on communication - if they can't be honest and discuss important subjects - .........

 

[Gypsy]

Re: How would you feel if your FI proposed with a moissanite

Sounds as though they have a very serious communication problem which spells disaster for a marriage. I would suggest they hold off on the engagement until they can be honest with one another and learn good communication skills. Until then, continue dating or possibly come to the conclusion that this relationship isn't strong enough for marriage. Marriage is based on communication - if they can't be honest and discuss important subjects - .........

This. The ring is not the disease, its the symptom.

 

[kenny]

Re: How would you feel if your FI proposed with a moissanite

What a lying scumbag.
She should dump the bastard.

 

[Snowdrop13]

Re: How would you feel if your FI proposed with a moissanite

It would be OK if she had known in advance or agreed to it or they had decided to buy a diamond at a later point. This is just deceit on the part of the FI. If he didn't have the budget for a big diamond then he should have felt able to speak to your friend about it.

 

[Bron357]

Re: How would you feel if your FI proposed with a moissanite

Ok, firstly there is nothing "wrong" with having a moissanite ring, many ladies out there do and love to pieces their moissanite rings. But moissanite is not a diamond. If she was expecting and wanting a diamond, then a moissanite isn't it. Guys who don't know much about diamonds might think "oh, that's very nice and wow wow how cheap is that for the size". And it's just like a diamond so I'll get that. She gets a huge shiny sparkly thing and I get to save some money." That's guy thinking. A 2 carat moissanite ring probably set him back $2,000 or thereabouts. For $2,000 in the diamond world, well, you'd barely see it. Guy has mistakenly assumed that girl would prefer big, shiny sparkly ring over tiny little ring. He should have discussed it with girl beforehand or at least explained what the stone is and why he chose it. Girl has to realise that most guys just don't "get" this whole diamond / size / colour/ clarity/ cut/ substitute thing and no doubt whoever he got the moissanite from indicated that they are even more sparkly than diamonds, they are strong, sturdy and will last a long time etc etc. Girl needs to calm herself down and have sensible discussion with guy about his choice and her shock and disappointment. Whether he sells and starts again with a real but small diamond or she learns to love her sparkly moissanite, well, that's up to them.
FYI - I have both, I love moissanite for the sparkle and price and love my diamonds for their natural beauty.

 

[arkieb1]

Re: How would you feel if your FI proposed with a moissanite

I think the issue is not disclosing to her what it was. Now she has choices - examine the lack of mutual communication in the relationship and work on fixing it, and/or explain to him she wants a real diamond or work out that the relationship matters more than the rock on her finger. Perhaps the underlying issue was that she had unrealistic expectations - we see it all the time over on the main boards, poor guys with a budget of x and a girlfriend who wants a stone much bigger than he can afford.

 

[missy]

Re: How would you feel if your FI proposed with a moissanite

I agree with the above posters. This has nothing to do with the fact that her ER is Moissanite and everything to do with the fact that her FI lied. A lie of omission is still a lie and perhaps a more ominous lie than an outright lie because it is the most sneaky and underhanded of all lies. Not OK and spells trouble for their relationship if they cannot work it through. Communication is by far the most important thing in a good honest relationship and IMO you cannot have a good relationship without honesty, trust and communication.

 

[momhappy]

Re: How would you feel if your FI proposed with a moissanite

I agree that this isn't necessarily about the fact that the ring is a moissanite (although, it would be okay to be disappointed by that too). I would be offended that he lied and it would be very unsettling having happened so early on in a relationship. It stirs up trust issues and that's not exactly how you want to start your life with someone. It also brings to light some potential communication issues because obviously, there was a giant misunderstanding about the ring (either her expectations were too high, his were too low, etc.).

 

[ame]

Re: How would you feel if your FI proposed with a moissanite

Well, my DH knows to not surprise me, so anything I am not 100% involved in would be a problem in general. But if it was not disclosed? That would be a dealbreaker, as in, we're done.

 

[PintoBean]

Re: How would you feel if your FI proposed with a moissanite

I agree with all the above comments . It's not WHAT was proposed with, but the communication issue that is VERY troubling!

 

[chrono]

Re: How would you feel if your FI proposed with a moissanite

I would be upset but not angry. I would not jump to conclusions without knowing all the facts either. Instead, I will discuss it with him to find out more about the circumstances. Was it a budget vs size issue? Maybe he had no idea that I preferred a diamond even though it would be much smaller. Maybe he was misled by the salesperson? Even though it might have been a miscommunication, why not start communicating now?

 

[vintagelover229]

Re: How would you feel if your FI proposed with a moissanite

I'm disappointed she would want to break up with him over something silly like that. He's a guy. He wanted to give her what she asked for which was a Tiffany solitaire and he likely went into the store, found the size he thought was prefect for her and was floored when the 7-15k price tag hit him. Then he probably had a man friend he was talking about the sticker shock to give him a solution he thought was prefect. He's a guy, guys do things all the time that women roll their eyes at. If she wants a diamond and loves the setting the good news is they can now save up and buy a diamond (depending on how big the mossy was, they may be saving for a while or maybe when she realizes a huge diamond is going to cost them a down payment on a house she'll be happy with the mossy or a smaller one). Who knows! What I do know though is if she is thinking of breaking up with him over a diamond-then they need to sit down and communicate because that is NOT the person I would want to marry if I was a guy. I would want my women to be honest with me and say honey this ring is beautiful and what I wanted but I never expected to get a mossy stone. Why did you go this route over a diamond? And then express her disappointment in a loving and kind way, and figure out a solution they both are happy with.

Mossy is beautiful. My gf got a 2.5 carat OEC mossy and it outshines my AVR-which btw AV line is now being cut in Amora so unless you have to have something right from the ground I personally think it's a wonderful and practical and beautiful option for many out there. To each their own though!

 

[momhappy]

Re: How would you feel if your FI proposed with a moissanite

^I wouldn't consider lying and a lack of communication to be something silly.
Also, I didn't read that she specifically asked for a Tiffany solitaire. I read that she mentioned that she liked the style of the Tiffany solitaire and that's what he got her.
This isn't really about how one feels about moissanite. It's about the fact that she feels somewhat betrayed. It sounds like he intentionally led her to believe that her ring was a diamond and that's the problem that most of us have with the situation. It was shady and it brings up trust issues.

 

[chrono]

Re: How would you feel if your FI proposed with a moissanite

What we are hearing / reading is only her side of the story. Without knowing his side of the story, who can say with 100% certainly that he was lying and that the lack of communication is all on his shoulders? I've been caught in-between parental squabbles before and when listening to them individually, their perception of the issue is as different as night and day.

 

[sonnyjane]

Re: How would you feel if your FI proposed with a moissanite

My important question is has she confronted him since the discovery? If he shrugs his shoulders and says "yes, it is moissanite, so what" that's very different than if he lies and says it's still a diamond.

 

[momhappy]

Re: How would you feel if your FI proposed with a moissanite

What we are hearing / reading is only her side of the story. Without knowing his side of the story, who can say with 100% certainly that he was lying and that the lack of communication is all on his shoulders? I've been caught in-between parental squabbles before and when listening to them individually, their perception of the issue is as different as night and day.

You're right and we are only going by what has been posted by the OP. She did mention that her friend asked him about the 4 Cs of her ring and she didn't get any answers from him. She also said that he said that as long as she liked the ring, the rest didn't matter. That's the part that feels/sounds deceitful to me. He was intentionally not answering her questions and/or withholding important information about her ring.

 

[Marquise_Madness]

Re: How would you feel if your FI proposed with a moissanite

It depends. Did he say it was a diamond? Or did she assume it was a diamond? Had they talked about ring budgets and non diamond options? Would she have been ok with a white sapphire, a ruby, a regular blue sapphire, or a non diamond? Or does she just feel tricked because she thought it was a diamond?

If I didn't have the family diamond, I honestly would have encouraged my fiancé to go the moissanite route for economical reasons because even though we do fine financially, we have a mortgage and stuff.

Has she talked to him about it? Maybe he thought she just wanted the sparkle and didn't care if it was a real diamond or not.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[madelise]

Re: How would you feel if your FI proposed with a moissanite

What we are hearing / reading is only her side of the story. Without knowing his side of the story, who can say with 100% certainly that he was lying and that the lack of communication is all on his shoulders? I've been caught in-between parental squabbles before and when listening to them individually, their perception of the issue is as different as night and day.

You're right and we are only going by what has been posted by the OP. She did mention that her friend asked him about the 4 Cs of her ring and she didn't get any answers from him. She also said that he said that as long as she liked the ring, the rest didn't matter. That's the part that feels/sounds deceitful to me. He was intentionally not answering her questions and/or withholding important information about her ring.

Yes. It's his intent to withhold that whole "truth, nothing but the truth, and the WHOLE truth" from his potential life partner that makes me scream RED FLAG RED FLAG, dump the guy! Not the fact that she has a moissanite ring. I don't think anyone should be marrying anybody who feels the need to show off ostentatiously to ("look at me, I saved for such a short time and can afford you a GIANT diamond ring!") or one that deliberately lies and/or omits information to. If there's anyone in the whole world to be honest with, its your spouse.

 

[chrono]

Re: How would you feel if your FI proposed with a moissanite

What we are hearing / reading is only her side of the story. Without knowing his side of the story, who can say with 100% certainly that he was lying and that the lack of communication is all on his shoulders? I've been caught in-between parental squabbles before and when listening to them individually, their perception of the issue is as different as night and day.

You're right and we are only going by what has been posted by the OP. She did mention that her friend asked him about the 4 Cs of her ring and she didn't get any answers from him. She also said that he said that as long as she liked the ring, the rest didn't matter. That's the part that feels/sounds deceitful to me. He was intentionally not answering her questions and/or withholding important information about her ring.

Been there, heard similar stuff when acting as intermediary for my parents. Again, it is "he said" vs "she said" where we are only hearing one side. My mum would say she asked but my dad kept mum. When I talked to my dad, he said my mum only hears what she wants to hear. Therefore, I would not jump to conclusions without finding out all the facts from BOTH parties.

 

[girlyglam]

Re: How would you feel if your FI proposed with a moissanite

I think Chrono brings up some really great points in that we don't know both sides of the story. If the proposal was a total surprise and there was never any talk of a ring, maybe he didn't know that she was set on a diamond. Perhaps he may not have even realized the difference between moissianite and diamond, beyond the price difference...I wouldn't be surprised if a salesperson told him a moissanite is identical to a diamond, or something like that. He may have never mentioned it because she didn't ask and he didn't realize it mattered.

Like others on this thread, I wouldn't be upset with the fact that it's a moissanite but with the fact that he didn't tell me it's a moissanite. It would feel like deception to me. BUT, if we had never discussed stones and rings, if it had never come up that I had my heart set on a diamond, etc., I would also realize that there are many unknown factors on his side that may have contributed to this. In either case, it's definitely worth a serious conversation.

 

[Marquise_Madness]

Re: How would you feel if your FI proposed with a moissanite

I think Chrono brings up some really great points in that we don't know both sides of the story. If the proposal was a total surprise and there was never any talk of a ring, maybe he didn't know that she was set on a diamond. Perhaps he may not have even realized the difference between moissianite and diamond, beyond the price difference...I wouldn't be surprised if a salesperson told him a moissanite is identical to a diamond, or something like that. He may have never mentioned it because she didn't ask and he didn't realize it mattered.

Like others on this thread, I wouldn't be upset with the fact that it's a moissanite but with the fact that he didn't tell me it's a moissanite. It would feel like deception to me. BUT, if we had never discussed stones and rings, if it had never come up that I had my heart set on a diamond, etc., I would also realize that there are many unknown factors on his side that may have contributed to this. In either case, it's definitely worth a serious conversation.

That is the big part, I agree. He may not have known that she would have felt deceived. He probably felt pressure to put a big 2 carat rock on her finger and saved up ~2 grand and went, "wow, I can get this now and not have to do a payment plan on a ring! This is awesome!"

It was probably not malicious but yeah, he was probably hoping she wouldn't know the difference or wouldn't care.

There is also a difference in my attitude because I'm young (22) so my friends are getting moissanite, CZ, sapphire, or even no ring at all when they're engaged.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[anne_h]

Re: How would you feel if your FI proposed with a moissanite

I agree with those who suggest that the offended party speak to the other party as a first step. That way, she can collect more facts/inputs on which to make her decision. IMO, more information is needed before she can make an informed evaluation.

Anne

 

[Queenie60]

Re: How would you feel if your FI proposed with a moissanite

Bottom line - there are so many divorces out there. Every time I turn around, someone is divorced. Most of the time it has to do with either lack of communication or finances. Very sad. Advise I would give any young person, including my two young adult children. You need to date, you need to be a good assessor, and you need to know the person inside and out (take it from this old married lady of 28 years) - it's quite obvious that there is a lack of communication with both parties. This spells marriage disaster. It seems to me that a lot of times people get married with the idea that they can get a divorce if it doesn't work out. To that - I would say, just date the person and move on when things go sideways.

I am not judging any person who is divorced as I am very aware that situations arise in marriages that have nothing to do with what I mentioned above. But for the young and soon to be married, my advise applies.

 

[momhappy]

Re: How would you feel if your FI proposed with a moissanite

I'm genuinely curious about the comments that refer to the fact that he may have not known that she wanted a diamond.... are there men who might actually assume this? Without communicating? I don't have any issues with fake diamonds. If someone wants to by them, that's their preference, but I wouldn't want to assume it was okay without asking first.
I think it would be pretty risky (and not-so-smart) for a guy to go out and buy a fake diamond and even more risky, if he kind-of-sort-of pretended it was real by intentionally omitting details of the purchase, the stone, etc.
I get that maybe she wasn't clear about what she wanted, or maybe she wanted too much, and maybe that led him to feel inadequate and purchase the fake stone. However, the bottom line from is that he would still need to be honest and based on what OP posted, he wasn't.
For me, I don't think it would be a deal-breaker and I probably wouldn't dump the guy assuming everything else in the relationship was good). I would have a serious conversation about it though and focus on the fact that successful marriages are based on trust & communication and neither of those things were taken into consideration when buying the ring.

 

[telephone89]

Re: How would you feel if your FI proposed with a moissanite

I think people on this site vs other sites might have a differing view of things lol.

On most other sites I frequent, this would NOT be a big deal. In fact, they'd likely call this girl materialistic and shallow. "My friend was thrilled for the last 4 months by how big the stone was since it looked like a 2+ ct" - She loved the ring - who cares what it's made of? He didn't lie that it was a diamond. She never asked for a diamond. She asked for a certain style of ring, and that's what she got. Would she also be unhappy getting a non-tiffany branded item, when she specifically asked for a 'tiffany soli'? Even though in a 2 ct that would be more than his car?

I don't necessarily agree with this sentiment, just playing devils advocate.

I think in this situation she needs to do some soul searching. She wants to marry this man. That is not something that should be taken lightly. We on this site spend a LOT more time than average picking/changing/altering e-rings, but at the end of the day - someone with a 0.5ct mos is the same amount of married as someone with a 5ct D IF. So. would I break up with someone who I was contemplating marriage with over this? Abso-****ing-lutely not. That is an absurd overreaction. HOWEVER, they need to have a good chat. If she felt he was being dishonest (by keeping her in the dark about the 4cs), then she should bring that up. If she wants a new ring with (likely) a MUCH smaller diamond, she should bring that up. But at the end of the day, a piece of jewellery shouldn't be more important than a marriage. And this is something small enough to work through.
FWIW - I really dislike simulants and can usually tell the difference in person. But she couldn't even tell. She loved it. I think that's important for both of them to remember.

 

[mom2dolls]

Re: How would you feel if your FI proposed with a moissanite

Has she ever told him point blank that she did not want a moissanite? Did she say she only wanted a diamond?
If not, then he would not have known she would be against it.
Guys do not think like women. He was probably trying to give her the ring of her dreams. It saddens me that she is willing to break up with him over this
Maybe that says more about her then him...

 

[msop04]

Re: How would you feel if your FI proposed with a moissanite

To answer the title question... HELL YES, I'd be furious! My DH knew I wanted a diamond though... Even though we don't know if the OP's friend specifically said she wanted a diamond (or any other stone), it's still the standard. Any deviation from that should have been discussed by either or both of them prior to buying the ring... esp surprising her with something that may not be acceptable or away from the standard diamond engagement ring. Period.

 

[baby monster]

Re: How would you feel if your FI proposed with a moissanite

If she asked him about 4Cs and he didn't say it wasn't a diamond, I'd call it a material omission equal to lying. What else is he conveniently omitting in their conversations?

 

[lyra]

Re: How would you feel if your FI proposed with a moissanite

I'm in the "needs more information" camp. There must be three sides to this story. My gut reaction is he did the wrong thing, but his intentions are unclear to us. Did he try to pull one over, or did he just not realize the faux pas he was committing. Did he just want her to have the big bling, thinking that's what she wanted more than what he could likely afford, which would be far less bling. Definitely they had a major communication breakdown. Kudos to him for the surprise aspect and setting win, but boo for not realizing/knowing or possibly even caring that she wanted a diamond.

Would she have been happy with the right setting and a very small diamond, or would she have been just as disappointed in that? Can she negotiate an upgrade? Did he really try to put one over on her or did he realize he made a big mistake and was afraid to come clean? Sounds like they are not on the same page.