How would I deal with a "very unfriendly to me" at work?

[Itanol]

Hello-

I have worked for my company for two months and sitting acoss my cubicle is a young 25 year-old woman. I try to approach her a few times but she seems never want to make conversation with me. Lately, she stop saying good morning or good bye to me. I review her work (I am just a level above her), and she is unwilling to ask me for questions or help.

In addition, she is recently friendly with another female who likes to gossip about people and they are both unfriendly with me. Unfortunatly, I am new and the bosses like these two girls. Please help me how to deal with this woman

.


Thanks for your advice.

 

[diamondfan]

In this day and age it is hard to know the right thing. I might just take the bull by the horns and say "Excuse me, Susie, have I done something to offend you? I cannot imagine that I have, but I am new here and notice you have seemed upset with me recently. Since I am reviewing your work (side note: a gentle hint never hurts!!) and we need to be able to have good communication, I thought it best to clear things up." IMO, this way, you have taken the wind out of her sails and reminded her of the role you play there. You put the ball in her court. Maybe she is just a snot, or maybe there is something you do not know about, but this way, you are on record as to trying to resolve things. I don''t think it hurts to keep notes on things either, such as your assessment of her behavior towards you, a superior, and your attempt to resolve. Unfortunately, it is as much about CYA as it is about problem solving these days! Good luck...

 

[hlmr]

Hi Itanol:

Welcome to ps!

I am wondering........why would you continue to approach someone who is not friendly to you? Do you have to talk with her to get your job done? If not, then just do your work and don't worry about what the two woman are talking about. Don't be unfriendly, just don't go out of your way to make conversation. Being the new guy is never easy....give it some time, do a good job and things will hopefully fall into place for you.

Good luck!

ETA: Sorry - I just reread what you wrote and I realize you do have to review her work.(it's a little late for me) I would just be as professional as possible and let her get to know you. If that doesn't work then I would try talking to her as suggested.

 

[diamondfan]

hlmr, while I do agree with you on one level, he has to interact with her to perform his job, so I think it is better maybe to just put it out there. If nothing is accomplished, then just do your job and ignore her the rest of the time, but it would seem tofeel like being the new kid in school, and feeling like no one in the cafeteria wants you to sit at their table. I would just hate to go into work each day with the feeling around me...

 

[hlmr]

I wouldn''t like it either diamondfan but sometimes you just have to wait it out and let people get to know you before you become accepted. You can''t always hurry the process along. He is in a position of authority and some people can''t get past that easily. I would give it time to resolve itself first.

 

[Itanol]

Many thanks! I keep your advice in mind. Just curious. Since she never approach me for any conversation. It''s kinda hard for me to say to her that "have I done anything to offend you?". In btw., she started the company in a year. She was very friendly the girl Liz I mentioned in the last mail. Nine months later they stopped talking to each other and become unfriendly to each other. Until I come on board, they become good friends again. I feel like I am being disrespected by these two girls. I think my bosses notice that but they don''t want to help me for now. Just a long story, I wish I could tellyou all

 

[Itanol]

Thanks, Helen. I try to work very hard now and try not to keep them in mind. I think the bosses are happy with the jobs I did for them. I just feel unfortable everyday going to work and deal with an unfriendly environment. Maybe I am a "people to people" person. It''s hard not to think of it. Your advice is great. Thanks very much...

 

[hlmr]

No problem....good luck to you!

 

[Itanol]

I have another question after I read your note, Helen. Is it a good idea if I really do the same thing by ignoring their presences all the time?. In the meantime, I used to work for this company for a year and half. I left the company for 1 year since I had to move away with family. Now I come back and work for this company again.

 

[hlmr]

Date: 4/15/2006 1:11:37 AM
Author: Itanol
I have another question after I read your note, Helen. Is it a good idea if I really do the same thing by ignoring their presences all the time?. In the meantime, I used to work for this company for a year and half. I left the company for 1 year since I had to move away with family. Now I come back and work for this company again.

No, I don''t mean to ignore them all the time. I just mean don''t try so hard to talk to them if they don''t want to talk to you. Keep it at a professional level and be polite but don''t keep trying to have conversations that they don''t want to have. If you have to talk about work then that''s a different story.

 

[Itanol]

Maybe my question should be a little clearer. I normally come to the office very early in the moring. If she comes after me and didn''t say hello. Should I say hello to her as the day goes by that we are not running into each other? Jesus, I wish I could solve this problem easily

 

[Mara]

I dislike unfriendly work environments as well...I would just continue to be kind as you have been. It sounds like she and this other girl just like drama and you shouldn't play into it. If you are the type to be forthright, ask her if something is wrong. Otherwise, if it's just a feeling you have...just continue to be nice to her and cultivate other friendships. It's tough integrating yourself into dynamics of existing groups...a while ago I worked in a company with a tight knit group and I wanted my friend to get this job in our group...well she didn't get it and I was kind of bitter towards the girl who got it because I knew my friend had great credentials (I used to work with her at another company) and thought she should have gotten the job...so I was prepared not to really like the new gal, but the more we got to know her, the more we realized she was awesome...and now she is actually one of my best friends even though I left the company years ago (and she is still there!).

 

[Itanol]

Thanks, Mara. I have been friendly to them everyday except today. I was just tired of being so nice to them everyday who are jerks to me. It''s just today I completely ignored them. These girls knew it.

I guess from reading all your advice I should be friendly to them again (doesn''t mean that I will stop by their desk for any conversation except for work tho'' I guess).

 

[diamondfan]

My point with telling you to ask her if you had done anything was not that you really did, it was just a way to broach it while pointing out how silly it is. (Since the likelihood of you doing anything to have provoked it is slim, and you are merely showing her how silly her avoidant behavior is). Look, obviously and unfortunately sometimes in life people just take a dislike to someone. It may be not deserved and is often unfair but it happens. Maybe it is you, you come on board and have authority over her and she is nervous that you will not like her work or something. Maybe she is just stand off ish until she gets to know someone. I agree with hlmr that I would not go out of my way and try to initiate conversations, until you know why she is behaving in this manner it is clearly not worth the effort. My only point was to put it out there that you are aware of her cold shoulder and are putting her a bit on the spot to either justify it or get over it. If that is not going to happen, than just do the job you are there to do. Be professional, supervise her appropriately and as said, do not worry about her, make your office friends with others. I just think that sometimes it is best to put it all out on the table, if it cannot be resolved, fine, but at least all parties know what is happening...

 

[Itanol]

I agree that I came on board and replace someone''s position that she prefer to work with that person. When job was assigned to us, she didn''t want to ask me questions and just discuss with other higher level''s people. I think she is a smart girl, but she has one year of experience. I am in the bussiness for 5 years and willing to be a team work with her. I don''t expect her say thank you to me (yes, she never does) but I just hate the guts when someone treats me like that. Thank you all for giving me great advices. I am sure that I will receive more tips of how to deal with this situation.

 

[Allisonfaye]

Is it possible that she thinks that SHE should have gotten your job?