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How well do you know your friends'' closets?

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jas

jas

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I''m trying to get a baseline here --

We just moved into a new home. The guests we''ve had over of course all ask for a tour. DH and I are happy to oblige. However, I''ve noticed that quite a few people will open closets and other closed doors without saying something like, "Can I look in here?" or "What''s in here?"

I''m a pretty private person, so to me, a closed door is not an invitation to open it. However, I am willing to concede that I may be funny that way. I usually have most of my naughty items stored away, so it''s not like my undies are lying around closet floors.
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When you are given a tour of a home, do you expect to see every last inch? Soup to nuts. Do you open doors?

Full disclosure: We have more guests coming and I just need to know if I should expect people in my closet.
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More disclosure: It''s DH''s friends/family who open the doors, so I''m wondering if it''s a regional thing...my "peeps" are from a different part of the country. Or maybe his peeps share more...
 
I would never open someones closet! I think thats kind of rude honestly.. Actually now that I think of it, I wouldnt open a door that is shut at all. To me a closed door has always meant keep out, so Im with you. My family is also the same way re privacy in ones home. However, DHs family is a little bit clueless on privacy matters, so it gets fun sometimes. What I try to do when Im showing someone around my place is Lead the tour. That way, I am the one who chooses what doors open and what remains private. I cant think of any reason to see another persons closet, unless you are getting ideas off a walk in or organization, etc.
 
When we first moved in to our current place, we had a party and gave tours and one girl did open the closet to check it out. I thought it was funny! She was the only one though. And I think the door was slightly open, she just pushed it the rest of the way to peek in.

I didn't mind at all. Especially since we had just moved in the closet was very neat and tidy. Maybe if I had lived somewhere for a few years it would be weird if people suddenly started opening my closets.
 
No, I would never open a closet/closed door.

This is sort of similar but during my birthday or our anniversary I sit out our cards from people (including my DH).
Then I noticed my Mother-In-Law thinks its ok to read cards that are not for her and started picking up each card
and reading it. I was lightly offended but didnt say anything. Now I have to remember to hide the cards if she
is coming over because I really dont want her reading what my DH writes to me.

Whats with these people? Is this normal?
 
I would totally look through YOUR closets Jas, but not anyone elses!

If a door is shut then you shouldn''t open it without an invitation. Look what happened to the kids in The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. They opened a closed door!
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I''d never open someone''s closet door, and I''ve never had someone open mine! That''s pretty shocking to hear, and I would be a bit mortified if it happened.

DH and I moved into our house in the summer of 2008, and we''ve probably given close to 100 friends and family members "the tour" of the house. (They all asked for it, by the way. I wasn''t asking people if they want a tour.) Not one of them ever opened a closet door.

tyty--That''s crazy about your MIL reading your cards! I''d hide mine, too!
 
Date: 3/20/2010 12:53:33 PM
Author: tyty333
No, I would never open a closet/closed door.


This is sort of similar but during my birthday or our anniversary I sit out our cards from people (including my DH).

Then I noticed my Mother-In-Law thinks its ok to read cards that are not for her and started picking up each card

and reading it. I was lightly offended but didnt say anything. Now I have to remember to hide the cards if she

is coming over because I really dont want her reading what my DH writes to me.


Whats with these people? Is this normal?
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i''m with you! i cant believe the way some people pick up cards to read them! i see no difference between that and reading somebody''s mail. it''s right up there with "how much do you earn?"

i remember one guy who was always so competitive with tim (who is the humblest man on the planet, just by the way, but hugely successful in his field of business.) this guy said "i''m thinking tim and i earn about the same amount..." (silence from me, so he pushes on...) "and i earn $xx...." (nothing from me...) "so this would be about the same that tim earns, right?" me, finally backed into a corner - "er...yes...i''m sure he earns something like that...wow, is that the time? can i get you anything? tea? coffee? hat? coat??" (they didn''t earn anything like each other, but by this stage it just seemed important to get him out of the house before he could ask me how much i weighed or what sort of birth control we used!)
 
Thank you all for my "reality check" -- I tend to have some issues with the IL''s (and a very few of DH''s friends'') boundary issues that I wanted to make sure I wasn''t losing perspective.

And really, does anyone need to see my Catwoman outfit in the back of my closet? I think not.
 
Oh and tyty, I hid the cards I had displayed...in your honor. I cannot believe that happened to you!!! Yuck!
 
Date: 3/20/2010 1:11:25 PM
Author: whitby_2773

Date: 3/20/2010 12:53:33 PM
Author: tyty333
No, I would never open a closet/closed door.


This is sort of similar but during my birthday or our anniversary I sit out our cards from people (including my DH).

Then I noticed my Mother-In-Law thinks its ok to read cards that are not for her and started picking up each card

and reading it. I was lightly offended but didnt say anything. Now I have to remember to hide the cards if she

is coming over because I really dont want her reading what my DH writes to me.


Whats with these people? Is this normal?
Click to expand...

i''m with you! i cant believe the way some people pick up cards to read them! i see no difference between that and reading somebody''s mail. it''s right up there with ''how much do you earn?''

i remember one guy who was always so competitive with tim (who is the humblest man on the planet, just by the way, but hugely successful in his field of business.) this guy said ''i''m thinking tim and i earn about the same amount...'' (silence from me, so he pushes on...) ''and i earn $xx....'' (nothing from me...) ''so this would be about the same that tim earns, right?'' me, finally backed into a corner - ''er...yes...i''m sure he earns something like that...wow, is that the time? can i get you anything? tea? coffee? hat? coat??'' (they didn''t earn anything like each other, but by this stage it just seemed important to get him out of the house before he could ask me how much i weighed or what sort of birth control we used!)
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Is it wrong that sometimes when the Lack Of Boundary folks in my life start to ask those things, I make ridiculous answers up? I do. I plan on spinning plenty of yarns tonight for company if the opportunity arises. (I *am* actually asked about my sex life. Ew)
 
I will look in someone''s closets if I know them REALLY well. That being said, as a realtor I look in people''s closets all day long (I guess that''s the opposite end of the spectrum though--those are people I don''t know at all, but at least there''s a *purpose* to my peeping!). But seriously, unless you were like my best friend or something, no, if I wasn''t showing your house I would never dream of opening your closet doors! I mean, who knows what sort of soggy goldfish cracker things I might find on the floor that your hubby and your MIL just haven''t gotten around to eating yet?!?
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Date: 3/20/2010 1:23:19 PM
Author: Dee*Jay
I will look in someone''s closets if I know them REALLY well. That being said, as a realtor I look in people''s closets all day long (I guess that''s the opposite end of the spectrum though--those are people I don''t know at all, but at least there''s a *purpose* to my peeping!). But seriously, unless you were like my best friend or something, no, if I wasn''t showing your house I would never dream of opening your closet doors! I mean, who knows what sort of soggy goldfish cracker things I might find on the floor that your hubby and your MIL just haven''t gotten around to eating yet?!?
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I just love you.
 
I looked in some closets when we were looking at houses years ago, to see how much room there was, and I felt like a peeper-ack, I looked in cupboards too, in the kitchen. But I wouldn''t go visit a friend and start opening things willy nilly. One of my friends moved into a new house last fall and she took me thru it before they moved in, and we looked in closets and such-she knows I''m an organization freak and the closets in her house are about the size of our bedrooms. But after they moved in, no. I would feel weird.
 
If I were giving the tour of the house, and someone asked me ''What''s behind those doors'', it''s now upto me if I would like to open the door and show them the linen closet/wardrobe/washer-dryer. But if I merely say ''oh, just the closet'', it''s the end of the discussion and no doors must be opened!

My mother is notorious for reading cards I have displayed. And then promptly gets jealous of cards given to me by my MIL etc. I don''t hide them, I call her on it. She tries to do it when we have others over, she''s sneaky like that. But I still go up and tell her its private and that she shouldn''t looking through any of them without my permission. Thankfully, we haven''t had her over in a year and would probably never have her over anymore. But, sadly, some people just don''t get it.
 
Jas, if my Gramma w/the Kitties comes to visit, she will look in your closets, drawers, medicine cabinet, cupboards, everything. Hide your Catwoman costume cuz she''ll bring it out to show you and ask what you do w/it. She''ll move your shower curtain/doors, to see how clean your tub/shower is too. Ha, she''ll read your cards AND your mail.
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If someone is showing me their new home that they haven''t moved into yet, I will definitely open and look at closets because closet space is a biggy for me and I like to drool over the big ones and commiserate with my friends over the small ones. I would never open or ask to open a closet once people have moved their stuff in yet though!
 
Date: 3/20/2010 1:12:14 PM
Author: jas
Thank you all for my ''reality check'' -- I tend to have some issues with the IL''s (and a very few of DH''s friends'') boundary issues that I wanted to make sure I wasn''t losing perspective.


And really, does anyone need to see my Catwoman outfit in the back of my closet? I think not.
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cough.. had a feeling this was an in-law issue, jas. You are a saint with those folks, to be sure. I would defnitely
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if someone thought they had the right to go peeping into my closets.
 
Thanks for all responses!

Packrat, I had no qualms about people going into every last corner before we moved in. I hope Gramma w/ the kitties gives you a lot of warning before visiting!
Kama -- I like your approach!
Sabine -- I feel the same way!
icekid -- did I give it away re: inlaws? Probably. I should put something really interesting in my closet and see what is said.

Thanks for taking the time to comment. I''m soooo looking forward to tonight and next month when we host poker night for "the boys."

I hope I don''t come across like I''m stirring the pot w/ my inlaws and a few of DH''s friends...I''m losing perspective on what''s my own uptightness and what is sorta normal privacy. I should just walk around nekkid...either I will get over my own privacy issues quickly or no one will come over to my house anymore. Or both.
 
I would never open a closed door eventhough the host is my closest friend. You are good enough to "indulge" them for a tour. I am so sorry that you have some very rude and nosy guests. I am a very private person too and it will annoy me like heck if someone do this to me. Having said this, I can''t over any suggestions toward this. Just my simpathy.
 
No one has ever done anything like that when I''ve shown them my house. That''s just odd. I don''t have closets, though.
 
Closets are considered private space IMO. One friend of mine gave me a tour of her home and was VERY showy about it and made a point to include the inside of her closet. It was OUT OF CONTROL bursting at the seams with clothes.
 
When we sold our last house, the people that bought it were very in your face.

At one point I found them opening my chest of drawers in our bedroom.

Of course, you know what was in my top drawer, yes my "drawers." My very best, teeny tiny ones!! LOLOLOLOL

I can laugh now but I was livid at the time. My husband remembers hearing me very loudly exclaiming they were not part of the sale!! My chest of drawers that is, not my drawers!!! LOL

I apologize in advance if this was TMI!!!
 
Date: 3/20/2010 4:33:51 PM
Author: susimoo
When we sold our last house, the people that bought it were very in your face.

At one point I found them opening my chest of drawers in our bedroom.

Of course, you know what was in my top drawer, yes my ''drawers.'' My very best, teeny tiny ones!! LOLOLOLOL

I can laugh now but I was livid at the time. My husband remembers hearing me very loudly exclaiming they were not part of the sale!! My chest of drawers that is, not my drawers!!! LOL

I apologize in advance if this was TMI!!!
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oh, we''ve heard it all. Your post reminds me that I always hang dry my bras and probably 3 times a week there are padded push-up bras dangling from hangers. Now that I think back, my dh did give a guy friend a tour of our entire upstairs. Wonder if any bras were up. lol
 
Date: 3/20/2010 4:39:45 PM
Author: MC
Date: 3/20/2010 4:33:51 PM

Author: susimoo

When we sold our last house, the people that bought it were very in your face.


At one point I found them opening my chest of drawers in our bedroom.


Of course, you know what was in my top drawer, yes my 'drawers.' My very best, teeny tiny ones!! LOLOLOLOL


I can laugh now but I was livid at the time. My husband remembers hearing me very loudly exclaiming they were not part of the sale!! My chest of drawers that is, not my drawers!!! LOL





I apologize in advance if this was TMI!!!
Click to expand...
oh, we've heard it all. Your post reminds me that I always hang dry my bras and probably 3 times a week there are padded push-up bras dangling from hangers. Now that I think back, my dh did give a guy friend a tour of our entire upstairs. Wonder if any bras were up. lol
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He probably sees you in a whole new light!! ( with xray specs on cos he can picture your undies!!) lololololol
 
I think that is strange. I am also private and would never even ASK for a tour. If one is offered of course b/c it is fun to see people''s houses. Growing up I thought it was so strange people wanted tours. We didn''t live in a museum but people are curious I guess.
 
When we first moved into the condo that we own but don''t live in anymore, friends would come over and peek in the closets. I didn''t mind if they were straightened up, but it''s embarrassing to have friends look in a really messy closet. When I get a tour of someone''s house, I never think about looking in their closets. As you said, a closed door isn''t (to me) an invitation to open it.
 
I would never even think of opening a door to a room during a house tour let alone a closet. Do they look in the medicine cabinet too??
 
Date: 3/20/2010 5:47:30 PM
Author: MissMina
I would never even think of opening a door to a room during a house tour let alone a closet. Do they look in the medicine cabinet too??
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Can''t remember where I read this, but it''s genius - stock your medicine cabinet with nothing but marbles. Nothing announces a nosy guest quite like a cascade of marbles into a porcelain sink.
 
I could NEVER open someone else''s closet...I''d feel too guilty. Years ago my son askjed me NOT to go into his closet and I haven''t. Kitchen cabinets, too.
 
I would never look in someone''s closet, but I don''t very often go on house tours. I don''t offer them and usually if someone offers I say no thanks. I find people (other than family and close friends) rude, when they
come to my house and ask for a tour. We did a few for family when we first moved in and I didn''t care what they looked in. I have had people come over for the strangest reasons that asked for a tour.

I have a walk-in closet with one door and we put a coded lock on it that is always locked, so I guess that would foil any look-i-loos plans!
 
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