Home how to tell your boss youre pregnant?

[charbie]

I''m still so early in my pregnancy that I don''t want to get too far ahead of myself, but I guess at some point I''m going to need to spill it at work that I''m having a baby.
Here''s the kicker: I''m due to start a 6 month internship in a few weeks. This internship will mean long days, long hours, but is necessary to move forward in my career. Plus its unpaid, so I think doing it before we have the ''extra mouth to feed'' is necessary.
I know it isn''t required for me to tell them right now, but I don''t want it to come back and haunt me if I wait too long. Honestly, they are being very acccommodating in even making this intership happen. My boss is hiring an assistant for me so that I can do the full time intership and still do one aspect of my job part time. She has said that this person will be working on an interim basis, so only for the time I''m doing the intership, and then ill go back into my normal job...only at that point I''m going to be due in a month. I''m also a bit nervous my boss will try and talk me out of the internship or try to postpone it once she finds out. Part of me thinks I need to tell her before she hires this assistant so she''s aware this person will be needed to assist since ill be going on maternity leave so soon after I''m done with the internship.

So...what''s been others experience? Sooner the better or hold out? I need advice!

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I think your situation is unique and different from the norm Charbie. I know it will all work out for you in the end. There''s no reason why you can''t do this internship while you''re pregnant. Barring any major medical issues you''ll start and complete the internship while you''re pregnant so it''s not like they have to plan on you leaving mid-way. Also, they can''t NOT give it to you because you''re pregnant. That''s discrimination.

My issue with telling my boss was that I''d only been at the company for 3 months when I got pregnant so I felt really weird/bad about getting knocked up so quickly.

I traveled around 10 weeks with my boss and a fellow coworker so I took it as a good time to tell them. I wasn''t sure how I was going to be feeling (m/s or not) so while it was early, I thought there might be a chance of me displaying the more tell-tale signs of it. Boss has kids and is a very young hip 43 year old. Totally in-tune with where coworker and I are in our lives (this is not meant to be a dig at 40+ people!) so I wasn''t super concerned.

Neither knew I was expecting, however coworker asked me if I wanted to go out for drinks one night and I took the chance to tell her I was pregnant then. Boss asked me to go out for sushi the next night and I took her up on it (had cooked maki of course) and told her over dinner. I just came right out and told her I was pregnant and she was cool with it. Really psyched actually.

Good luck!

 

[charbie]

Yeah, I know I''m not quite the norm here when it comes to the work situation. And I don''t think there will be any others who chime in with a similar situation. I do know quite a few people who have gotten preggo right after starting a new job...I''m glad your boss took it well. I''m just always curious how other people''s bosses have reacted. My boss has always been so positive whenever someone has had a baby in our office (she''s 39 with 3 kids of her own). I just think everyone will be sort of shocked. But I know she will be excited...and the more I think about it, the better the timing is...I mean, we will have a person trained in my job anyways, and it should be great that they will just get to go ahead and stay on board just a little longer. She should be thanking me for getting KTFU now!

 

[cara]

I waited until after the NT scan near the end of the first trimester cause I wanted to be sure that the LO would be sticking around before telling people. (Not a comment on what we would have done with screening results - just as a check that the 13 week along fetus was still kickin and developing well!) Probably would have helped scheduling-wise if work had known a little earlier as it turns out I needed some big accommodations to avoid hazardous work I was to perform in the near future. I thought I would need to take extra precautions but it turns out I really shouldn't attempt the work at all. Also who knows what they would have done with my contract renewal, since it happened midway through the first tri and was premised on the idea that I would be doing said hazardous work. Glad I didn't find that one out. Telling the first higher-up didn't go that well initially, as the first reaction was to focus on the fact that I couldn't do what I had been hired to do (which was disappointing to me as well), but all subsequent responses were positive and supportive and my bosses have arranged for a sub that I am training/supervising from afar, so hopefully my project will get done.

Really, what can they do. They can't fire you or deny you the internship. I think you are perfectly allowed to wait until you want some kind of accommodation or at least until you have some scans/confirmation that the pregnancy is progressing well. I waited until after the NT and was having trouble fitting into normal clothes at that point, but I would at least wait until getting a solid heartbeat for future pregnancies. Unless you need some kind of immediate accommodation from your work. Yes your work would probably find the information moderately useful at this time, but I think being in the early part of the first tri means you don't have to tell yet if you don't want to. They are going to try to hire someone qualified regardless, its just timing issue on your return/need for additional leave. Which hopefully they will deal with professionally when the time comes.

Good luck! And don't let me scare you - really the trauma was from being kicked off my project and my coworkers were all appropriately supportive and excited, as fits their personalities, maybe less one initial poor reaction.

 

[Kaleigh]

Congrats on your pregnancy Charbie!!!!

I would tell your boss at the 12 week mark?? Many people wait to tell their families at the 12 week mark.

It''s an unpaid internship, so if you are feeling badly and need to cut out a bit early it shouldn''t be a big deal.

 

[Dreamer_D]

I waited until I was 20 weeks and then did it over e-mail. I was scared of a bad reaction. I didn''t need to be, but I wanted them to get over any initial negative things without me having to look at their faces

I was on the job market when I was pg and actually had to do day long interviews when I was about 32 weeks. I did not tell them I was pg and just showed up with a belly and casually mentioned it in the first meetings.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

I took talking to my boss to a different level...

I actually told my boss that DH and I are TTC. I''m not even officially pregnant yet and I fessed up.

My boss had a very bad experience with a former member of the management team with a pregnancy. Since I started working with him I''ve felt he was a bit jaded by the experience. A few months ago, a similar situation unfolded with a direct report and you could all but see my manager mentally comparing the two scenarios. It left a rather bad taste in my mouth to think he might some day be comparing me to these scenarios. My company has been having a HUGE push for open and honest communication. I felt like it would be best if he knew what path I was on so that when the time comes to announce I am indeed pregnant he wouldn''t feel blindsided. I made this decision on my own knowing I had absolutely no obligation to disclose this decision; I wanted to share this with him. During a meeting with just the two of us I told him I was TTC and that I was telling him as a courtesy in case things happened quickly and I hoped that he would respect my open communication with him and continue to respect my privacy. He was incredibly excited to hear the news and hasn''t brought the discussion up since as he is respecting my privacy.

Bottom line: if you feel like you need to be open and honest with your employer follow your gut. There are laws in place to help make sure you aren''t punished for it

GOOD LUCK!

 

[Pandora II]

Having ended up spending a year suing my company for sex discrimination, instead of enjoying being pregnant and the first months with my daughter, after they tried to make me redundant 2 weeks after I told them I was pregnant, I have spoken to a lot of other women with similar problems.

Personally if I ever get pregnant again, I will be informing my employer in writing as soon as I get a BFP. As it was, I told mine at 7 weeks as I had hyperemesis.

Laws are perhaps different here, but I know of a situation where two girls got pg at the same time. One told the company at 8 weeks, the other was waiting till after the NT scan at 12 weeks. When she was 10 weeks pregnant they announced redundancies in the company. The girl who had told them she was pregnant kept her job (pregnant staff or those on maternity leave have a right to the first suitable vacancy in the company in the event of redundancies), the other girl was let go as she hadn't informed them and therefore they could not be accused of sex discrimination.

I would never have believed it could happen to me, especially in the sector I worked in, and with the laws we have, but it did and I will be forever wary of trusting any employer again.

So my advice is to tell them asap in writing!

 

[MustangGal]

Well, my whole department knew I was TTC, so I told them the day after we found out. But, I did change jobs when pregnant. I interviewed at 12 weeks, so not showing at all. After I received the job offer I told the recruiter to make sure I would still be eligible to take some amount of leave and not get fired. She said no problem. So a few weeks later I show up, and the recruiter hadn''t told my new boss! My first day at the new job had to start with "Hi, I''m sure the recruiter told you, but I''m pregnant", which was met with a blank stare.

I''d say tell them sooner rather than later, but downplay it a bit and make sure they know you still plan on completing the internship as planned.

 

[snlee]

I think you should definitely tell your boss before she hires the assistant for the reason you stated. It''s normal to be a little nervous but don''t worry, they can''t take away the internship because you''re pregnant. I think it''s a good time to do the internship too. You should be able to finish if you have a normal pregnancy. I agree that since it''s an unpaid internship, if you need to cut it short, you shouldn''t feel bad.

During both pregnancies I told my boss after I had the NT scan. With my first I was 13 weeks along and second I was 12 weeks. He was really excited for me both times. The first time he actually high fived me and the second time I didn''t even have to say it. I told him I had something to tell him and he said, "you''re pregnant!" He said when I told him I had a doctor appointment, he had a feeling I was pregnant again.

 

[somethingshiny]

I actually had to tell my bosses the day after the BFP. I had to have lots of blood work and needed extra time off work. Then after the first week or so of tests I was put on bed rest and had to resign. Even with this severe of circumstance, I was never treated with anything but respect. I think most people are glad to see a baby come into the world.

Your case is completely unique. I agree that the internship now is MUCH better than later with an infant. Do you think that if you tell your boss now she will revoke the internship?

 

[PumpkinPie]

Date: 4/13/2010 6:53:39 PM
Author: snlee
I think you should definitely tell your boss before she hires the assistant for the reason you stated. It''s normal to be a little nervous but don''t worry, they can''t take away the internship because you''re pregnant. I think it''s a good time to do the internship too. You should be able to finish if you have a normal pregnancy. I agree that since it''s an unpaid internship, if you need to cut it short, you shouldn''t feel bad.

I think snlee said what I was thinking best.. ditto!

 

[luvinlife]

Charbie-

Congrats on your pregnancy

. I was chatting with a hospital CFO today who was hired while pregnant and had her baby 2 months after. I guess it just depends how supportive the management team is. Best of luck.

 

[Po10472]

If you feel comfortable informing your boss before your 12-week scan then go for it. Managers should always have a contingency in place for potential pregnancies or long-term sickness absences so really they shouldn''t be blindsided (although experience has taught me that they still don''t plan ahead and take it personally *sigh*). That''s part of business nowadays and any less favourable treatment for being pregnant is discriminatory.

And not to be paranoid, but make sure you note all your dates of when you told your organisation, who was there, what was said and keep a record just in case.....

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

People are saying it is discrimination for a pregnancy to be held against someone, but are you talking about actual legal, punishable by law, discrimination? I wasn''t aware that being pregnant was protected. I know absolutely nothing about the law in this regard, but my impression was that you shouldn''t lose your job, but other than that, no rules or promises about pay or special internships, etc.

Enlighten me, mommies!

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 4/14/2010 1:24:21 AM
Author: Guilty Pleasure
People are saying it is discrimination for a pregnancy to be held against someone, but are you talking about actual legal, punishable by law, discrimination? I wasn''t aware that being pregnant was protected. I know absolutely nothing about the law in this regard, but my impression was that you shouldn''t lose your job, but other than that, no rules or promises about pay or special internships, etc.

Enlighten me, mommies!

I don''t know about the USA, but in the UK it is definitely actual legal punishable by law discrimination. Here we are very protected regarding pay, bonuses, any aspect really - and we get a years maternity leave during which time we are also protected.

It cost my employer a lot of money discriminating against me and we settled out of court as the negative publicity would have cost them even more.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

Date: 4/14/2010 1:24:21 AM
Author: Guilty Pleasure
People are saying it is discrimination for a pregnancy to be held against someone, but are you talking about actual legal, punishable by law, discrimination? I wasn''t aware that being pregnant was protected. I know absolutely nothing about the law in this regard, but my impression was that you shouldn''t lose your job, but other than that, no rules or promises about pay or special internships, etc.

Enlighten me, mommies!

I don''t know if pregnancy is a protected condition or not (I think it is) but most states are "right to work" states, which means that you can be fired at any time for any reason and, likewise, you can quit at any time for any reason. That said, an employer cannot fire you for a protected condition (race, gender, etc.), but that doesn''t mean that they can''t find some other excuse to terminate you. Proving the employer''s motives is difficult and not usually worth pursuing in court unless the employee has concrete evidence of being terminated based on a proteced condition/class.

 

[lucyandroger]

Date: 4/14/2010 1:24:21 AM
Author: Guilty Pleasure
People are saying it is discrimination for a pregnancy to be held against someone, but are you talking about actual legal, punishable by law, discrimination? I wasn't aware that being pregnant was protected. I know absolutely nothing about the law in this regard, but my impression was that you shouldn't lose your job, but other than that, no rules or promises about pay or special internships, etc.

Enlighten me, mommies!

The Pregnancy Discrimination Act was passed in the US in 1978. Here are some quick facts: http://www.eeoc.gov/facts/fs-preg.html

ETA - Congrats, Charbie!

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Yes, I believe pregnancy is covered under Equal Employment Opportunity and in some cases possibly even the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act). Here's more information about it.

http://www.eeoc.gov/laws/types/pregnancy.cfm

ETA: I see LandR is all over it

 

[janinegirly]

In your situation I think it's a great idea to approach your boss. First of all she's a woman with kids and sounds approachable/supportive. Second of all, there are alot of pending changes happening with your job--it would be a nice gesture to give her a heads up and also maybe get some of her feedback. You certainly can do the internship, but of course every pregnancy is different...some are easier than others. Assuming an easy pregnancy and the hours aren't too killer, this is a great time for it by the sounds of it. How far along are you? I would wait on telling anyone else at work until you are at least 12wks.

In terms of when I told..I waited till the last minute since there was no real reason to fill anyone in earlier than necessary. To me it was mom/sister (7wks), immediate family (12/13 weeks), friends (16 weeks), boss (18wks) and everyone else at work (20wks). People pretty much guessed at work by that point! I didn't have any concerns with people knowing or how it would affect my job--to me it was just personal and work is work!

 

[charbie]

i appreciate all of the kind words and advice.

the internship is still being "solidified" as i type this. most parts are in place, i just have to get everthing nailed down officially.
i do have a wonderful relationship with my boss. and i have a lot of people i work with whom i''m close with, so it''s tough not to say anything, bc i''d tell them if we didn''t work together!
my ultrasound/appt. is today, and if everything looks good, and once we get a solid EDD, i think i''ll be more apt to tell her. i just don''t want to lose this internship opportunity, and i''m really hoping that instead of trying to talk me out of it, she''ll agree now is the best time to do it! she''s said in the past to get it over with before i have kids!

 

[partgypsy]

Congrats Charbie on expecting! I am not the person to ask because like Pandora, lost my job after getting pregnant. I knew in advance my boss would not be ecstatic because my boss kept bringing the subject up asking if I was planning on having a child, and when I would respond with the noncommital "we're thinking about it" would end her question with some negative statement about pregnant or childed workers (they expect other people to do their job for them. They can't stay late like the rest of the workers, etc). Another person at the office knew I was going to ttc, and urged me to wait as long as possible to tell her. As it was, when I found out, I didn't tell anyone in the office, and at 8 weeks when I was alone with her let her be the first one in the office to know, telling her my plans to take 8 weeks off leave and then return for 1 month part time before resuming full time. I felt I was very professional the way I dealt with it, but things still went downhill from there, and after a series of unpleasant interactions got fired about 5 months after returning from leave. It was really really terrible. So I don't know what to say. It's not supposed to happen but I think it still does, to what extent, I'm not sure. I'm past having kids, but if I had to do it over again, I would actively look for during childbearing years to have a direct/supervisory work boss who is at least tolerant (if not supportive) of their employees getting pregnant/having children.