How to be polite about e-ring size....

[Bethanying]

Okay yall, after reading over posts from the last few months, I came across a post from a girl who had a smaller but rare diamond engagement ring and she got rude comments about it. Well, I''m kind of in the same boat... All my friends have more ''delicate'' diamonds and the stone that my boyfriend and I have picked out is not extremely large but is larger by a half carat or more. I don''t want to be ''flashy'' but at the same time, I don''t want to feel I have to hide my pretty diamond to save their feelings.(I have a feeling that rude comments are forthcoming...) How do I react? I haven''t been proposed to yet, but it is coming soon. Has anyone had any similar experiences? I have already gotten a comment from a close friend that I told about the ring... She said, "Well, I guess you''re just going to put us all to shame with that thing...." That''s not the point! I don''t want to put them to shame, I just love sparkly and my boyfriend wanted to get me my dream ring because I''ll be wearing it for a really long time

Thanks in advance for opinions/experiences.




Bethany /idealbb/images/smilies/12.gif

 

[icelady]

Bethany,

Just wear your beautiful e-ring and enjoy it. If others cannot be happy for you then that really is their problem, don't make it yours! A true friend would be happy for you that you received your dream ring.

Now, don't forget to post pics of it when you get it! Lots and lots of pics!!

Best Wishes on your forthcoming engagement!

 

[fuffi]

In my experience, comments like you describe have actually come from men. I can only assume this stems from their own sense of inadequacy.

My response is always "I have a very generous husband".

As Icelady said, it's really their hangup. Don't give it a thought.

Best wishes on your engagement!

 

[Nicrez]

Funny how no one was ever created equally...I too had an issue with some people who had enormous rings, and made mine look tiny, and then others with smaller rings who made mine look huge...I wore it the same, and loved it the same...One coworked (a guy who married with NO engagement ring) mentioned that it was totally excessive, and my other coworker with a small ring considers it a little planet on my finger and used to ask to try it on...But around others, I initially first felt a bit shy, as some of the rings around me where 3ct+, some as large as 8cts+, or even three stone rings with 1.5cts in the center with a whole lot of bling all over...




In the end, it's a gesture that means the most to YOU, and you should never feel ashamed (either way) for any gift given to you, weather it's an expensive dress or a cheap one, you should be happy in it, and always wear your gifts well with a great big smile. I also have always liked the response someone once used in another thread... "If you like the ring, you should see the guy who GAVE it to me!" I like that one...

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Hey, my ring is smaller and I've NEVER gotten a rude remark about it in real life, only here on these diamond boards.

I think the bigger the deal you make about your ring, the more it's going to offend your friends. Just show them the ring, tell them you're happy with it and move on.

Michelle

 

[Mara]

I will never understand why people feel like they should be offended at something that someone else does that doesn't even concern them!! Jealousy sure does rear it's ugly head quite often eh? Smaller, larger, who cares! As long as you are happy with it and you are, that is all that matters. If your friends can't be happy with what they have and be happy for you with what you have, tell them to take a hike! I have friends who adore my ring who are not married, they ask to try it on all the time. Big deal! I'm sure when one of my gal friends gets engaged she will require at least a 2c stone. Big deal!




I plan to get a bigger stone later down the line and one of my male friends whose wife has a .15c stone in her engagement ring (Since she doesn't even really like jewelry!) told me that he thought that my ring now was absolutely HUGE and what did I think was too big? His tone of voice told me that he thought that I was excessive. Do I care? NO! He owns a BMW that he adores and was surprised I would not buy a new car first over a bigger diamond. How is this really different?




I buy stuff for myself and not to impress others. Greg noted the other day that I should get a new car before I get a bigger stone because people will think a big honking 3c stone and an older car means that I have a CZ! I said I don't care what others think (and maybe then they won't steal my 'CZ'...hehe). What's my priority?

To each their own. Wear your beloved ring and be happy with it, I also don't think you should have to downplay your happiness with it. Again, if your friends and people in your life can't be happy with what you have rather than jealous or measuring what they have to yours...screw em. Get new friends!

 

[chrono]

Buying & receiving a diamond is a very personal decision/gift. It concerns no one else other than the giver and the receiver. I have a 0.72ct EC and no one has said it was too small or too big (although it is a teenie tiny little thing compared to all the others on this PS forum

) but who cares when I love mine and that's all that matters.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

----------------
Greg noted the other day that I should get a new car before I get a bigger stone because people will think a big honking 3c stone and an older car means that I have a CZ! I said I don't care what others think (and maybe then they won't steal my 'CZ'...hehe). What's my priority?

Priorities are a big deal for me regarding this subject and I just had to make "the choice"

lol I always thought I'd upgrade my diamond before purchasing a new car, but now I have kids and well, can't really break down on the side of the road and expect my 1 carat upgrade to safely teleport me home! lol My SUV bit the dust a couple weeks ago and we decided to get me a new car (a Subaru Forester) and I'm so glad about this decision. Yes, I'd love a bigger diamond, but wow, does my new car purr compared to my old shaky ford explorer and now I never have to worry about figuring out how to lower the spare tire below the back compartment in the explorer and I have A/C that works (whooo hoo)! Someday the bigger diamond WILL come, but honestly, if it doesn't, I'll still be just as happy on some days and just as grouchy on others (unless of course, I find some nice low side effect mood stablizers that are compatable with my PMS)

OH, and I want to add, that although, I've never gotten a rude REMARK about my diamonds, I have been given dirty looks by "friends." To tell you the truth, most of these gals are no longer my friends. It just takes too much energy to compete in every aspect of live (as in who has more friends, more/better behaved kids, wilder s*x (!

), newer car & cuter house, etc.) and who wants to waste their lives away battling these choices and priorities. I think it's sad not being strong enough to stand up on your own rather than keep a friend who's just going to be a PITA forcing you to feel guilty about what you have.

I agree with mara, if your friends can't be happy, screw 'em!

Michelle

 

[bstraszheim]

I also think that a very important thing to remember is that there is *always* going to be someone, somewhere who has a bigger/ better/ faster whatever you are comparing. I'm thinking in particular to a thread the other day of a lady with a 20ct Asscher. I can honestly tell you, I will never, ever have a 20ct diamond (unless maybe one magically falls out of the sky : ) and I'm okay with that. One day I may have a larger diamond, or I may prefer to do something else with that money. I think that anyone who is nasty about anyone else's rings is suffering from envy and trying to take your joy. No-one should be able to take that.

On that note, enjoy your ring and wear it with pride : )

I wish you well,

Bridget

You can't kill the rooster.

 

[Bethanying]

Whew- thanks for the encouragement.... Two of my best friends who I have told about the ring have the exact same ring design, but both of their center diamonds are div>



BTW, I will brag shamelessly and post pics when I get it..... I know yall will appreciate them more than the general public!!!!




Bethany

 

[ame]

I personally could care less what other folks think of the size of my diamond. I love it because its well cut, clear and because of the cut looks nearly colorless... and sparkles like nothing else. I have seen some BIG honking stones that just are horrible because the cut isn't good. But some people care merely about size. I cared more about a reasonably nice color and clarity, but a great cut. Size just was a matter of budget, because I think Id like to have somewhere to live. Sure if we can afford a cara t and a half we would have bought it but Im happy with just under a carat. left more for a house downpayment.

 

[pearcrazy]

I guess it's just human nature. Jealousy can't help rearing it's ugly head sometimes. Your girlfriends probably can't help exchanging the glances but hopefully their mothers taught them some manners and they SAY nothing. When someone shows me their engagement ring whether it be .25 or 25 carats I usually comment, "that's a beautiful ring--congratulations, when's the big day?" A bride to be is a bride to be and she's always proud and excited no matter what she receives as an engagement ring. I would hate to ever make her feel embarrassed to show it because a few boneheads make comments on its size be it small or large.

When I got engaged over 13 years ago it happened to be on the same day as one of my "friends". She and her then boyfriend had been talking about it for some time and she told him "don't even think of buying me anything less than a carat!" Well, sure enough he proposed with a 1.02 carat round with a tapered baguette on each side. Very pretty, classic design. He made payments on it for the next 2 years. I received a .54 pear shaped in a plain yellow gold tiffany 6 prong setting. We were examining each other's hands shortly after we got our rings and she actually had the nerve to ask me "Were you just sooooo disappointed when you saw how small it is?" I told her "NO, I helped him pick it out." Later on she was disappointed and horrified when a jeweler cleaning the ring told her the diamond was cut too deep and actually looked the size of a .75 stone. Fast forward 13 years, I had just received my new upgraded engagement ring, a pretty 1.12 carat pear shape, very sparklie, well cut and looks larger than it's weight. I was having dinner with the girls and they were all taking turns looking at my new ring. This "friend's" comment: "THAT'S not real! Are you wearing a CZ now?" A co-worker who had seen the diamond when it was delivered to my office and read the GIA report assured her that it was the real thing. My "friend" turned two shades of red and never said another word about it the whole evening. I secretly savored the moment.

Enjoy your beautiful ring when it arrives and please post some pictures.

 

[glitterata]

If they're true friends, they'll be happy that you're happy, as long as you don't actively try to make them jealous. After a while, everybody will get used to your ring, including you.

Whatever you have--rings, looks, health, love, money, education--the world is full of people who have more and people who have less. Just be kind and gracious to both kinds, and if people aren't kind and gracious back, that's their problem.

 

[verticalhorizon]

When I first started shopping, I rudely asked some of the younger recently engaged/married women what size their e-ring was... but I was just a boorish man looking for some inspiration... and I certainly hope that's the way they took it.

In the end, they were very helpful and supportive in the selection process.

Now that I am an Ideal Rock level PS member in good standing, I would never ask a woman intricate details about her ring. I will however, faun over it if she provides those details freely though!!

Don't worry about their specs or how your specs measure up.

 

[fire&ice]

----------------
On 7/12/2004 1:37:34 PM Mara wrote:


Greg noted the other day that I should get a new car before I get a bigger stone because people will think a big honking 3c stone and an older car means that I have a CZ! I said I don't care what others think (and maybe then they won't steal my 'CZ'...hehe). What's my priority?

quote]


Hey, I resemble that remark as well. F&I is having a rough day in hangout!

It's a good thing I'm self-assured. And, that's what Bethany should be about her ring. Wear it proudly. Screw the people that will say it's too big. Somehow, that is O.K. to say.

But, I agree w/ everyone. A true friend is going to be happy for you - big, small, or purple. Also, some non engaged women can react negatively to your e-ring because somehow makes them feel better that they haven't found someone yet.

 

[Mara]

HAH Michelle well Greg can luckily (unluckily?) keep our cars running forever, I can guarantee you that the upholstery would require replacing before the car itself would. My little gearhead. Anyway, because of that, it makes other things more of a priority for me. Every time I think about a new monthly car payment, I cringe!! It's hard to go from no payment for many years to a big payment! Which is why neither of us have new cars...but we don't really care...YET.

I would like a new car soon but again, it's all about priorities. When the time actually comes, who knows where I'll put the $$...I guess we'll find out.




F&I...not picking on ya gal..trust me..I would take the 3c and older car most anyday.

GREG however does not get it.

 

[chialea]

Buy a good used car, have more money for diamonds. It all works out! I got one that was so lightly used it still looked and worked like new, even though it was 4 years old (of course, it had been cared for and is one of those run-forever brands).

 

[fire&ice]

My tag line should be.

"so not into cars; so into diamonds."

...though I wouldn't mind someone working on my car who actually knows what they are doing.

Tinker's make good husbands.

edited to add: I think it relaxes one.

 

[diamondlil]

Oh Bethanying, don't worry what other think. Your real friends will know that the size of your diamond is not meant to be competative with them! My diamond is significantly larger than the majority of my friends, but my close friends know me well enough to know that I don't expect everyone to even want such a thing.




Some friends are into mini-mansion houses that echo and have no furniture because they have no money left. Ha! Do I envy that? No. Some friends have so many fancy cars, they carry fleet insurance and car payments higher than most house payments. Do I envy that? Yikes, no! To each his own. Buy what you can afford and enjoy all that you have. Your true friends are happy if you're happy!




DiamondLil

 

[hoorray]

Wear it with confidence and be proud of it (but not flashy). I think if you are comfortable with it, they will be comfortable with it. Everyone has different priorities, financial situations, and most importantly, taste. You can't please everyone, so please yourselves, and feel good about it

That's all the ketchy sayings I can think of for now, but I really believe this. If you are nervous about it, they will be more abt to make an issue of it. If you are comfortable with it, they will just have to be also. (I have a 2.5ct stone, and most of my good friends just wear bands or something small. They know that this is simply something I wanted and enjoy. They also know that it isn't their priority. (but I've gotten their interest -- a couple are thinking about looking

).

 

[MichelleCarmen]

----------------
On 7/12/2004 6:53:44 PM Mara wrote:


HAH Michelle well Greg can luckily (unluckily?) keep our cars running forever, I can guarantee you that the upholstery would require replacing before the car itself would. My little gearhead. Anyway, because of that, it makes other things more of a priority for me. Every time I think about a new monthly car payment, I cringe!! It's hard to go from no payment for many years to a big payment! Which is why neither of us have new cars...but we don't really care...YET.

I would like a new car soon but again, it's all about priorities. When the time actually comes, who knows where I'll put the $$...I guess we'll find out.


F&I...not picking on ya gal..trust me..I would take the 3c and older car most anyday.

GREG however does not get it.

----------------

Mara,

It's great to know Greg up is keeping your car running! lol My husband is actually the same way, but the entire cooling system in my explorer was going out and the engine need to be pulled so we were WAY beyond just minor work and would have had to pay more than it was worth in the blue book just to be sure it'd last out the summer

!

So, I COULD have a 2.5 carat and be stuck riding public transporation, but I can't in any sane way invision doing so with my two little boys. I'd need way more Xanax than my doctor would ever give me to deal with a single bus ride with my kids screaming and running up and down the aisles!

Michelle

 

[sevens one]

Thanks for the amusing comments. You guys crack me up.

 

[quaeritur]

DANG IT! why must I like both cars AND diamonds?!

Oh yeah, and apparently motorcycles and now airplanes...

Oh well, at least my adorable little ELEVEN-year-old red miata payments are long gone...

Bethany- true friends will be happy for you, or more happy than jealous, at the very least. Don't worry, just enjoy your dream ring and the dream guy that got it for you. If it helps weed out bad friends, so much the better! Wear it happily always

 

[Rowan]

Hi, I'm new here. I agree with what everyone else said - you have a right to enjoy your diamond and don't ever let someone make you feel ashamed of having what you want. I have been married for 15 years, didn't even have an engagement ring, and after a year got a .25ct round solitaire, I think it was I SI2, in a 14kt yg setting. And at that stage of our lives even that was very hard to pay for. Now we have a house full of kids, pets, etc. and have lots we need to spend money on, but I wanted a nicer ring for our 15th anniversary. I just got a .52ct round ideal H&A G VS2 in a platinum cathedral setting. This is very small to some people, but to me it is my dream ring and looks great on my small hand. I wear it all by itself without a band and I like it that way.

I'm looking forward to seeing your ring.

 

[katrina_33]

It's funny - the size engagement ring stone I plan on getting will seem excessive and showy to one whole group of people I know (immediate family, high school and some college friends) and will probably seem dinky to another whole set (my boyfriends business associates and other random people out here in Los Angeles).

I grew up in Ohio in a family and community that just didn't value luxury goods - everyones parents were very "down to earth" people who see fancy jewelry as a waste of money. My mom didn't have an engagement ring, just a plain gold band, and my step-mom has a thin gold band with a small heart shaped opal for an engagement ring. In this circle, anything over a carat is embarrasing and tacky.

Now, I'm surrounded by many people who consider a 1.5 center stone small, who think $20,000 is a perfectly normal minimum amt of money to spend on an engagement ring and expect constant upgrades, who are competitive based on ring size, and who judge the man someone is marrying by the size diamond he can afford to buy her.

If I spent all day worrying about what other people think, I would constantly be embarrased - either because my diamond was too big, or too small. It would drive me insane!

When telling the small diamond crowd what I plan to get (a 1.5 center, btw) my strategy has been to just convey how much I love diamonds, how exicted I am and how this is really something that I appreciate and have learned a lot about, not something I want to have to show off or keep up with the Joneses.

And regarding the people who would scoff because it's small - I just have no interest in being competitive like that. It's just really icky and sad....I think people who judge based on things like that probably aren't in very happy relationships. How could you be, if you measure love and worth with material objects?

 

[innerkitten]

Are you sure your friend wasn't joking? Sounds like your anticipating a problem before it happens, and it may never happen. Enjoy your sparkly ring

 

[Jennifer5973]

Ok--I just came back from dinner where I consumed an entire bottle of wine myself but here goes...


WHO CARES what these people think...your ring/diamond is a symbol of the love and commitment you & your SO share... it is meant to satisfy YOUR desires and comfort level... I know practically it can be diffucult in these situations but I am so sick of all the buddinskis! I'm 31 and it tool almost 30 years for me to STOP CARING about what OTHER people thought and just enjoy my life and what made me happy...

Congrats and enjoy...life is just too short for this poop.

OK--where's the Advil??????????

 

[Dancing Fire]

----------------
On 7/16/2004 10:39:20 PM Jennifer5973 wrote:

Ok--I just came back from dinner where I consumed an entire bottle of wine myself but here goes...


WHO CARES what these people think...your ring/diamond is a symbol of the love and commitment you & your SO share... it is meant to satisfy YOUR desires and comfort level... I know practically it can be diffucult in these situations but I am so sick of all the buddinskis! I'm 31 and it tool almost 30 years for me to STOP CARING about what OTHER people thought and just enjoy my life and what made me happy...

Congrats and enjoy...life is just too short for this poop.

OK--where's the Advil??????????

----------------

Jennifer
Agree with everything you say on this post,you are 31 ? the picture of your hand looks like 21...don't drink & drive.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

----------------
On 7/16/2004 10:39:20 PM Jennifer5973 wrote:

Ok--I just came back from dinner where I consumed an entire bottle of wine myself but here goes...


WHO CARES what these people think...your ring/diamond is a symbol of the love and commitment you & your SO share... it is meant to satisfy YOUR desires and comfort level...
OK--where's the Advil??????????

----------------

Bad, Jennifer! An entire bottle of wine

??? lol I had three drinks last night along with 1/2 an anxiety pill and was probably enjoying them while you were having your wine so I posted the craziest stuff on my "stressedoutmoms" lists about topics that are a bit more controversial than diamond rings sizes

! hahaha But, what you said is very true and I agree that at some point you have to give up worrying what others say especially when it comes to an engagement ring. People can b*tch and moan all they want about all the other material possessions a friend has that they don't agree with, but an eng/wedding ring, COME ON. This symbolizes something far to great for one to aim an attack at it!

Michelle

 

[Jennifer5973]

Michelle, LOL... I have to admit, I did send a couple of folks PMs last night, too, that today when I saw them, I was Like "OH MY GOD!!!!"

And vtigger86--thanks for your concern and rest assured, my husband was the driver last night We take drinking & driving very seriously and we always establish a DD when we go out.

Thanks for the compliment....yup, 31...I guess it pays to have chubby fingers...no matter how thin I've been in my life, my hands have always been little snausages...

Oh well...It was a long week and the wine just went down.