How to answer questions from friends- pre engagement?

[lsmathis1]

Hey, I have a question that maybe some of you can help me with. I''ve been researching on pricescope for many months as my boyfriend and I have been "in the process" and have learned so much, but I still have one question. Many of my girlfriends keep commenting on how long we''ve been together and why we''re not engaged yet...you can imagine the questions that come...why, when etc. It''s enough to drive you crazy.

The thing is, at this point we have finally purchased the ring and it''s in the process of being made. (Yipee!!) What is a good way to keep them off my back and not give away the suprise?? Any suggestions? I''m beyond tired of having friends look at me pitying expressions...

 

[chialea]

Tell em you eloped, perhaps, becaause your deep and abiding love for dancing elvises overwhelmed you? Then roll your eyes and snicker. The bits of gossip that will go around about that, as well as the confusion, should keep them off your back until everyone's completely clear on it. In my friends, that'll buy me about a week or two. How long is this ring going to take?

 

[lsmathis1]

I like the response! That's pretty funny. It looks like it's will arrive in early to mid August...I get the impression he will not hold it for long

~ So, maybe that would just enough time to keep them guessing...?

 

[lsmathis1]

Oh, I know they will just keep on for more...I need to learn to just let it die after that comment and move on to a new subject. This is so hard to keep a secret

Thanks!

 

[elepri]

How funny, i was just in the same situation until this Sunday, when my boyfriend, umm, fiance proposed. I knew it was coming since i was involved in the process. To my concerned friends i would just say something vague like, "we've been talking about it," and "he already knows what kind of rings i like." They would usually respond with something like, "You'll see, he'll probably propose by the end of the year," to which of course i would just snicker. So when the ring came a few weeks earlier than even i expected, needless to say, my friends were pretty surprised. It was really fun to have this little secret, hope you're enjoying your pre-engagement stage too.

 

[lsmathis1]

Congratulations! That's awesome! I can't wait to be in your shoes. This period is very exciting, but I can't wait to have it on my finger (Let me clarify - because of all the love it represents...) Anyway, it is funny how the responses seem to be alike. The girls would usually say, "don't worry, I'm sure it will come soon enough". It's hard to not comment to that, ya know? I really bite my tongue and don't say a word

This whole process is so tricky, but fun! Thanks for the comments.

 

[chialea]

My SO and I pretty much gave up on that a few months ago and started telling people, but before that there was a lot of "you're perfect for each other, I TOLD YOU SO, are you going to get married?" Now there's just a lot of "you decided to get married, that means you're engaged even if you guys think you're waiting for the ring to be done". Still, it's going to surprise a lot of people at work/school (we're PhD students). Twenty bucks says I get at least one person thinking I was already engaged (I wear an heirloom ring on my right hand, and apparently everyone got confused), and one person thinking I am still dating someone from several years ago.

Anyway, my point is enjoy the excitement, even if I'm with you and I just want to be actually engaged already, dangit, so I can just say it

 

[Bethanying]

I feel your pain- my bf has had my ring since early June... I know it's there and it's killing me! (There have been a series of circumstances that it wasn't a good time- an aunt died, his mom was out of town, my grandmother went into the hospital twice, my parents were out of town, etc....) My friends all know our anniversary (it was in June) and they say they have their cell phones nearby so that they can get "the call". My best friend told me that she would be out of town but she had her cell phone right beside her the whole time in case I had something important to tell her

They keep pestering me, my mom is bringing me patterns for bridesmaids dresses, etc. My grandmother actually told him to "fish or cut bait". lol




Hang in there... My wait is (hopefully) almost over, he promised me it would be before I go back to school in August (I'm a speech therapist for the school system). That's 2 weeks!!! Yay!

Bethany

 

[lsmathis1]

Thanks for the comments Bethanying. I don't know why, but it's always easier knowing someone is in your shoes as well - but hope that yours comes soon too! It's an interesting situation, because you know you are going to get married...at this point it's just formalities. I don't feel comfortable saying anything until the ring is on the finger. Waiting is so hard, but worth it

Now it's just a few days for you! Please post the story when it happens! Are you the same person who posted that their ring will be a little larger than some of your friends...and you were conerned? Just curious if you're one in the same

If not, do you know what it looks like?

 

[Bethanying]

Yes, that was me... I'm still a bit nervous about that.




I know what it looks like but no specs- he won't tell me! It is an emerald cut 3 stone ring with princess accents on the side.. I've had my heart set on an emerald cut 3 stone ring since I saw one when I was 12!




I will definitely post story/pics as soon as I can after it happens.




Do you know what your ring looks like? Tell tell!!!

Bethany

 

[lsmathis1]

The ring sounds beautiful! I did see that post on size and I found it to be interesting

You seem to feel the same way I do about this... It's unfortunate that we have to think about things like this, but it's just our nature. It will never cease to amaze me how friends/strangers feel the need to comment(or make faces/genstures

) about the size of the rock. It's just silly. Unfortunately, this will probably not change.
I have friends with super big rocks and "delicate" ones, but still have anxieties about how they would treat my upcoming ring. The only thing we can do is enjoy our ring with our soon to be fiance's and be thankful for these beautiful things and not let anyone rain on our parade. I am with you about feeling like I'll want to hide it a bit...I definitely don't want to come off like I'm waving it around for folks to see! I guess we have to do what comes natural - you sound like a sweet modest gal so you'll know how to be and what answers make you feel best. You know that women's intuition! Ok sorry for this long posting - it's just so nice to have people to talk about this to...considering I have to keep it a secret from everyone else!

I did help pick out our ring and it's everything I could have ever dreamed of. It's a platinum eternity band almost floating - no metal on the sides) with diamonds all the way around. It's basically a solitaire setting with delicate diamonds with a round center stone. I'll tell you the specs if you interested. Although not a "rare" choice, something about this memoire band and stone together seems different...not like I've seen before. Anyway, it's perfect for me.

 

[Judi W]

I would just tell your well-meaning girlfriends that you and your boyfriend are happy together and everything is great. The sparkle that is probably already in your eyes will say the rest! Enjoy the "secret" for now and all your friends and family will share it with you soon enough!!

 

[Bethanying]

lsmathis- I am so glad to find someone who is in the same situation with me... it's hard not to be able to tell those closest to you... I really want to tell my mom, but I want her to hear it from him when he asks for my parents blessing. He already told his parents so hopefully they'll be spurring him on and I won't have to!!




Your ring sounds beautiful.... I can't wait for you to post pics!! I really like round diamonds a lot- my next one will be round or princess.... Just love those square-ish cuts! Hmmm, I smell a right hand ring for our one year wedding anniversary.




Have you got an approximate wedding date picked out? Just wondering if I'm crazy because I do and I'm not even engaged yet!

Bethany

 

[lsmathis1]

Bethany,

This is like therapy, ya know? J/K, but it is nice to be able to share thoughts such as these with other folks that are in the same position. We have 7 weddings coming up over the next few months, but these girls are my good friends and I can't really share the experience with them - want to wait until it's official. Anyway, it makes it even more difficult.
Originally I really wanted a square-ish stone - they are beautiful! Who knows why, but after I started trying them on, I went back to the original round. I guess it was just a better fit for my hand

I'm overjoyed with the outcome though - it looked great when we were trying the final choice with the setting.

I think it's great that you have a date picked out for the wedding - I imagine it will make the process easier! I haven't really looked to the next step except for possible ways of doing it, so to speak. I assume we'll do it next year...I really like the October month. I think it will just hit me/us one day and we'll just know when/how. I want to do something really different.

Keep me informed as you progress these next two weeks!

~Lisa

 

[Bethanying]

Lisa,




It is like therapy...




You're not going to beleive what I bought today... Okay I got an ultrasonic jewelry cleaner... I'm just anticipating cleaning my baby every day! I cleaned up a sapphire and diamond ring that I wear everyday and it looks wonderful, so I'm sure it will do the same for my e-ring.




I don't have an EXACT date picked out, but I know I want June of next year. That is less than a year! I hope I can still book the reception site and church, I keep reminding dear bf that time is running out

I told him yesterday that I was sorry for obsessing but it's hard when you're out for the summer (I'm a speech therapist for the school system) and all I do is look at PS all day long. Oh, and shop for wedding bands too lol.




Bethany

 

[chialea]

Wow, Bethany, you're way ahead of me. Granted, I'm going to finish my PhD before we get married, but still, you're right on top of things

 

[Bethanying]

Okay, this is why my nearest and dearest call me anal retentive

While I was doing my master's degree, my friends all called me the "white out queen" because of my ability to white out mistakes while get this... taking notes in class! So it's only fitting to have all this planned out too. Driving my bf nuts because I like to plan and I like to know what is going to happen (and when).




Still waiting for my ring.

It's driving me nuts that I don't know when it's going to happen.




Bethany

 

[elepri]

Chialea,
All i can say, better work on your thesis before you get the ring. Ever since i got mine, I haven't even looked at my dissertation. And i'm hoping to finish before the wedding too! Hanging out on Pricescope is just so much more fun though, isn't it?

 

[chialea]

No worries. That's why I'm scheduling the wedding for after my defense, ideally. I've been neglecting my work somewhat, but I'm also a theorist -- I spend a lot of time staring at various things while I process work in the background. However, I'm going into paper-writing mode again (for two papers!), so the obsession may have to take a back seat. Plus, Any Week Now I'll get the ring. (He did hint that we're getting engaged before we go visit his parents at the beginning of September.)

 

[Bethanying]

Can I vent for a minute since yall are my therapists????

Okay, been waiting for the proposal since the beginning of June, when he bought the ring. I'm trying REAL hard to be patient, but it's tough.




Tonight COULD have been the night, I was giving a bridal shower for one of my best friends, and sweet bf had a dinner date planned tonight. He said he would propose before I go back to work a week from Monday.... Thought tonight could have been the night. After I cleaned all up from the bridal shower, I called bf and he had been playing with some family friend's kids and BROKE HIS TOE! So, instead of the romantic life changing night I was expecting, I got to wait on him hand and foot because his toe hurt. Not his fault, I might add, but disappointing nevertheless.




To add to that, my mom is leaving town on Monday (this is Saturday night) and I told him not to propose unless my family is around, and my mom is like my best friend! She will be gone for a week and BINGO- she'll come back the day before I go back to work!

So if he does propose then, I get to go to bed early and get ready to go back to the rugrats at school! Frustration.




Just a little Saturday night disappointment story for all.




Bethany

 

[Bethanying]

Also, I should mention that none of this is his fault and I'm not mad at him in any way... Just frustrated with the situation!




Bethany

 

[chialea]

Oof, what timing

Just focus on at least having him around for this last week before you go back to work, and getting to spend time with him. (Hey, I'm jealous -- my SO is several thousand miles away from me for the summer, so that's what's been dictating a lot of our timing. That and my mother having gone a little nuts when he was going to propose the first time )

 

[lsmathis1]

Bethany,

I'm so sorry to hear about the occurances this weekend. That really, well...blows. Have you considered retracting your statement about your family being around when he proposes? Just a thought... If you are not set in having him do it in a particular way, you could plan the special night for next Sunday (just in time for your mom to get back), and leave the rest up to him?? What a great night to send you back to school on cloud 9! If you are anything like me, I'm sure you'd like to have him plan it all, but what a nice way to start off an engagement with a combo effort? I'm sure he's feeling a bit of pressure right now, so that might help relieve him. In the big picture - it's about both of you being happy...and that's a wonderful engagement story.
Anyway, just had that thought...

Luckily, you can relax knowing it will come soon...although somewhat frustrating...this is such an exciting time.

Let's keep chatting...it helps! At least you know you've got a few friends out here in the same boat

~Lisa

 

[Bethanying]

Lisa,




Well, no new news today. Still waiting. Impatiently, I might add.




I really couldn't stand it if he asked me and I couldn't talk to my mom and show her the ring immediately, so I guess it will have to wait, as much as I hate that. She's on the west coast and I live in the southeast so it's too far for me to go and show her.

How's your wait going? Any updates?




Bethany

 

[lsmathis1]

Bethany,

I understand totally how you feel

In the big picture, it will happen when it's supposed to...at the right moment

Usually that's how things happen anyway!

Right now we are still in the waiting period, so no news. They said 3-4 weeks until it will arrive and today makes 2 weeks. We are both anxiously waiting! While I feel he won't be able to wait long to share it to me, I won't expect anything upon arrival. I am so psyched! I can't wait to be "official" and see this beautiful ring again in person.

Luckily, there's a lot keeping me busy so I just try to let it all distract me. I need to start looking in to a new digital camera (my old 2MP may not be the best for getting important engagement pics!). That will keep me distracted for a little bit!

Do you know where you guys bought the ring? Just curious about your experiences

~Lisa

 

[Bethanying]

He bought the stone and the setting from a small local jeweler here in Memphis. I saw it, picked it out, and got it sized because I had originally told him that I wore a size 7 but when he got it, it was so top heavy that I wanted to get something done. The jeweler measured my finger and I've been wrong all these years... I wear a 6!




It stinks waiting for it to be official... It's like we already know we're getting married but we can't tell anyone any of our plans yet!

Yesterday I drove him to get an x-ray of his toe and I ran out to the car just for a second, and of course they called his name when I was out there... I went to the front desk and the nurse wouldn't let me go back to his exam room because I was his "girlfriend". UGH! I guarantee if I had said fiance or wife they would have let me!




Waiting stinks and I'm not good at it.




Bethany

 

[chialea]

----------------
On 7/27/2004 2:35:05 PM Bethanying wrote:



I went to the front desk and the nurse wouldn't let me go back to his exam room because I was his 'girlfriend'. UGH! I guarantee if I had said fiance or wife they would have let me!
----------------

They're not obliged unless you're married, actually. This is one of the things which really, really sucks about not allowing people to marry -- you don't have the right to see your dying spouse.

Anyway, I'll try to send you over some patience. I need some myself, though, since it's still over a week until I go back to visit my SO (and then only for 2.5 days). But then I'm lucky -- only three weeks until I get to go home after that!

 

[Bethanying]

Ooohh I know you're excited! I would be excited too! Only for 2.5 days??? That stinks!




Are you getting a ring this trip???

Keep us posted




Bethany

 

[lsmathis1]

That is an unfortunate side of just being a Significant Other"... People just don't get married as quickly these days (while others can't marry at all) - given these circumstances I feel the rules need to change a bit, ya know? Ever seen "If these walls could talk 2"? Sad stories - at least we are able to marry.

Anyway, I went throught the ring process with my sweetie at Robbins Diamonds in Philadelphia/Delaware. We'd looked around a lot here in Atlanta (B&M, apparel mart and other non-traditional retailers), but found this great guy (Ron Z.) through a referral from friends. Let me just say for the record - the experience was wonderful. Very knowledgeable, friendly, competitive and (very, very) pateint. Although I have not seen the final product, I am confident it will be great...to be continued

I can't wait to see it!!!