How soon after baby''s born can I...

[lovinsparkles]

...plan to go out for the evening?

This probably sounds like a ridiculously naive question to the experienced mommies around here, but I''m pregnant with my first, and we were just invited to a wedding 3 weeks from the due date. Assuming she arrives on time, I''m wondering if I will be able to leave her for an evening with a sitter/family member? I really just have no idea what to expect. Will she need me around for some reason or could I just leave a bottle? Will I even be recovered enough from birth to be able to go out? Experienced mommies, please tell me what to expect!

Thanks in advance!

 

[jewelz617]

I wouldn't plan on that wedding.

If you're planning on nursing, that won't be easy as you are going to need to pump. If you're late (as many first pregnancies are) you could go 2 more weeks after your due date before being induced.

Not to mention, you will most likely be very sore and sleep deprived.

I'd say it's best to let them know in advance that you'd like to make it but it may not happen.

"Will she need me around for some reason or could I just leave a bottle?"
~

It's definitely not that simple... but you will learn that very quickly.

 

[packrat]

I guess it kind of depends. My plan for my maternity leave for my first, was obviously spend time w/the baby, but I figured if I wasn''t working, I''d get my cupboards gone thru, organize paperwork, hang out w/my bff and her baby..ohh I had plans. Really what I did was tried to figure out how little sleep a person could actually get and still survive. And how long a person could go w/out showering before they start to smell themselves. It''s tiring and time consuming, even if you have help. I would probably let them know you might not attend. It''s great if you do, but just give yourself an out, and let yourself have a break and not worry about outside functions for a while. I couldn''t stand being away from my kids, so London was 3 before she spent a night away from me, and Trapper was 2 1/2.

 

[Kaleigh]

Too many variables to tell you yes go ahead. I''d say no, but that''s just me. At 3 weeks, things are pretty crazy still...

 

[TravelingGal]

hard to say. Maybe if you don''t for long, it''s possible. If you exclusively want to breastfeed, that might be harder. Define "evening." 2 hours? 6?

And then there''s you. YOU may not feel comfortable leaving the baby. Some moms do, some moms don''t. I don''t think it''s impossible, but it''s hard to give you a definitive answer.

 

[purrfectpear]

Actually it depends more upon the type of baby you have, than on your recovery.

I had an unplanned c-section after 31 hours of the labor from hell, and I was out shopping 7 days later. I could have easily attended a wedding or other function 3 weeks after birth, and I did breastfeed.

The difference was that while I was completely recovered (and most mothers would be), my baby slept through the night from the day he came home. I didn''t have go through any middle of the night feedings or being sleep deprived. If your baby is colicky, or wakes you twice a night, you might not have the energy to go anywhere

It''s easy to pump a bottle or two if you breastfeed though. That''s not normally an obstacle.

 

[Mara]

it depends. we knew before birth we'd want to go out ourselves as soon as we could. and that didn't change for afterwards. my mom has been involved since day one since she is local so she loves to watch him. we went out for valentines dinner 2 weeks from birth and it was great to get out and have a real meal that didn't involve heartburn and a too small stomach space.

but i do know most people tend to stay home with their babies for at least a month afterwards, esp if you are exclusively breast feeding. we were doing breast and bottle which is also why it was not a big deal to go out for 2 hours, someone else could feed him. and a lot of moms don't even want to think about leaving their baby at first. i totally trust my mom and sister though which is why i had no real qualms at leaving him. i def would not have and don't feel comfortable leaving him with anyone else, like a sitter or a great friend or anything, so it does depend on who you'd have watch him.

also...quite frankly, the first 2 weeks were EASY compared to the following few weeks (so far)...our baby is only 5 weeks old, but his first 2 weeks he was most like a slug and easily transportable, just slept and ate. it wasn't really til week 4 that he got harder to handle for us. so week 3 might be a good time for you to take a few hours off.

thing is you may not know til he is here what you plan to do, so it's hard to say YAY or NAY for sure yet IMO. while we loved spending time with him (24/7 right??) we were happy to get out for us 2 for a few hours after 2 weeks.

oh and as for the healing...again it may depend. if you end up having a csection then maybe no, you won't feel like going out. if you have a regular birth with little to no tear you may be feeling fine. after 2 weeks i was feeling 'ok' but not fabulous by any means, things still felt weird. and i felt really blobby and loose, definitely not attractive NOR did anything fit me, maternity was too big and regular clothes too small. but i was happy we went out because it set a precedent mentally.

you'll want to consider all of the above...your healing time, how you feel, how you feel you LOOK, and how you feel about the baby and leaving him. can someone else watch him? of course. but it's how you feel that matters. good luck!!

 

[Lilac]

I don''t have kids yet, but based on what I''ve seen from friends/family it really depends on the type of birth. Most people I know who have had c-sections wouldn''t go to a wedding 3 weeks later. My mom had a c-section and was in a ton of pain for at least a month and didn''t really go out much for 6 weeks. But then there are people who have natural births who are out and about a week later.

And as for leaving your baby with a sitter/family - I think that''s more of a personal preference. Some people wouldn''t want to, some would have no problem with it. I don''t think anyone can tell you what you''ll prefer once your baby is born.

 

[fieryred33143]

Well...technically you can go out for the evening at 3 weeks. Assuming an uneventful vaginal birth, you will feel fine enough to walk around and mingle. You will still be bleeding at that point so keep that in mind.

The real question is whether you will want to.

At 3 weeks, I would stare at my toothbrush asking myself whether or not I brushed my teeth that day. There were days when I''d brush my teeth 4 or 5 times and days when I realize at 6pm that I hadn''t because my concept of time was so off.

I didn''t leave her for an evening out just the two of us until she was about 8 or 9 weeks old because I really didn''t want to be away from her. I felt as though no one else could take care of her like I could. Definitely not true but that was my mental state at the time being. During her first few weeks though we were going to restaurants and visiting friends with her. She has always been "easy" so it wasn''t a problem taking her places.

 

[butterfly 17]

It really is up to you and how you feel and how comfortable you are leaving your baby with someone else. If it''s only for a few hours, then I don''t see why not, but if you are in a lot of pain, then it''s probably not a good idea.

You should let the bride and groom know that you may or may not go and the reasoning since I am sure they need a head count,etc.

FWIW, I was in the same predicament. I was due on Sept. 23rd and my SIL (my husband''s youngest and last sibling to be getting married) was having her traditional wedding ceremony at my HOUSE on Sept. 5th and her reception on Sept. 6th.

I delivered early (my water broke while I was working feeding one of the premature infants in our unit and went to L&D on my lunch break and they admitted me) on Sept. 4th at 2 am, so I completely missed the ceremony as I was in the hospital, but I did go to the reception on the 6th, basically two days after giving birth.

I didn''t want to miss it as this was my husband''s last sibling getting married and I felt strong enough to go. My mom babysat for me and we were only gone for 4 hours.

 

[janinegirly]

I agree that there are alot of factors that are unknown and you won't reallly know until the time is here. You could tell the bride & groom you would love to attend (assuming you do) but cannot be counted on for sure for obvious reasons. You of course shouldn't feel pressured to attend, etc. if you do rsvp this way.
Like everyone says it depends on when delivery happens, how it goes/recovery time and how you handle those first few weeks, taking into acccount you are likely to be exhausted and bonding with the baby,etc. For me, I think it would be highly unlikely--I was 100% baby focused and one of those peeps who stayed indoors in sweatpants for 2 weeks! I'm also a homebody by nature so if I don't feel *great* I don't like to go out.

But I also have a friend who was due around my LO's first birthday and I definitely didn't expect her to show (it was just a birthday!). But the day before (and after having given birth 2 wks before) she called to say she's coming! She looked great and had the attitude that she needed to get out and have a break and DH would be able to handle it. I think she stayed for 2hrs and managed to bring a gift and be v. sociable. She kind of amazed me, but in general she has a very Type A personality!!

 

[snlee]

For me, no, I wouldn''t be able to go out that early. At 2-3 weeks things are still very crazy, you''re sleep deprived, and I was still very sore. Also, if you plan to breastfeed, you can''t be away that long.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

I wouldn''t have been able to, unless I''d taken the baby with me. That isn''t impossible - we did go to a wedding when she was a few months old and DH wore her in a carrier, so she slept most of the time, just woke for feeds.

With a baby so tiny, most people would understand that you''d take her with you (unless you need the break yourself, of course).

I have to say, plenty mommies here have pumped and left milk with a sitter, no problem at all. It is more likely that not that this will work fine for you, but I never managed that. I was never able to pump more than a drop of milk, even with a hospital grade pump. Certainly not enough to leave for an evening. On the rare occasion where I could get enough to put in a bottle, say 1/2 an ounce or so, Amelia refused to take it from a bottle. It was soul destroying. Not saying this will be a problem for you at all, just that it''s a possiblilty.

Bottom line, as others have said, I think you''ll have to wait and see (sorry if that isn''t too helpful).

Jen

 

[lovinsparkles]

Date: 3/4/2010 12:13:06 PM
Author: snlee
For me, no, I wouldn''t be able to go out that early. At 2-3 weeks things are still very crazy, you''re sleep deprived, and I was still very sore. Also, if you plan to breastfeed, you can''t be away that long.

Thanks so much ladies. It sounds like the consensus is that I will have to wait and see how I''m feeling, how the baby is eating, etc. I really just wasn''t sure what to expect and hearing all of your experiences has been really helpful. You''re absolutely right, if the baby isn''t sleeping well yet, I will probably be too tired to want to go out at that point anyway.

Snlee (or anyone else) -- wondering about that comment that I can''t be away that long if I''m breastfeeding. That assumes that I''m not able to pump yet, or because the baby shouldn''t be given a bottle yet? I am hoping to breastfeed, but didn''t realize it would be a while before I could pump and leave a bottle...Hmmm....

 

[waxing lyrical]

I wouldn''t. I only have my mom watch the kids when I go to the store. Back when Henry was 3 weeks old I was EP so it made it to where I could at least go to the store without the kids. Had I not been EP at the time it would have been extremely difficult to get out.

I don''t really have the desire to go out until much, much later, though.

 

[Pandora II]

If you can take the baby too then I would think it''s possible.

The first 6 weeks are hellish though and it takes around 3 weeks IMHO before you start to think that breastfeeding isn''t a form of torture.

The thing that really suprised me - being the non-maternal type (or so I thought) - was that I absolutely did not want to be away from my baby. Even now, I''ve never left her for more than 5 hours and she''s 9.5 months.

I''m lucky in that Daisy has always been portable and well-behaved and so we take her to everything we go to except the cinema and the theatre. Even though I had a kid-free wedding, I had an exception for babies as it''s not reasonable to expect a new mother to leave her child.

 

[sparklyheart]

Date: 3/5/2010 12:06:40 AM
Author: lovinsparkles

Date: 3/4/2010 12:13:06 PM
Author: snlee
For me, no, I wouldn''t be able to go out that early. At 2-3 weeks things are still very crazy, you''re sleep deprived, and I was still very sore. Also, if you plan to breastfeed, you can''t be away that long.

Thanks so much ladies. It sounds like the consensus is that I will have to wait and see how I''m feeling, how the baby is eating, etc. I really just wasn''t sure what to expect and hearing all of your experiences has been really helpful. You''re absolutely right, if the baby isn''t sleeping well yet, I will probably be too tired to want to go out at that point anyway.

Snlee (or anyone else) -- wondering about that comment that I can''t be away that long if I''m breastfeeding. That assumes that I''m not able to pump yet, or because the baby shouldn''t be given a bottle yet? I am hoping to breastfeed, but didn''t realize it would be a while before I could pump and leave a bottle...Hmmm....

Switching between breast and bottle at such a young age can be very confusing for some babies (some can do it, but most can''t). Usually you don''t want to introduce a bottle until about 6 weeks if you want to do breast and bottle. If you plan to do both, I would definitely try it out before your night out so that the babysitter doesn''t get a surprise when the baby won''t take the bottle. Even though it seems so easy to us, those nipples are different shapes/sizes and the bottles won''t smell/feel like you so it''s confusing!

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 3/5/2010 12:06:40 AM
Author: lovinsparkles

Date: 3/4/2010 12:13:06 PM
Author: snlee
For me, no, I wouldn''t be able to go out that early. At 2-3 weeks things are still very crazy, you''re sleep deprived, and I was still very sore. Also, if you plan to breastfeed, you can''t be away that long.

Thanks so much ladies. It sounds like the consensus is that I will have to wait and see how I''m feeling, how the baby is eating, etc. I really just wasn''t sure what to expect and hearing all of your experiences has been really helpful. You''re absolutely right, if the baby isn''t sleeping well yet, I will probably be too tired to want to go out at that point anyway.

Snlee (or anyone else) -- wondering about that comment that I can''t be away that long if I''m breastfeeding. That assumes that I''m not able to pump yet, or because the baby shouldn''t be given a bottle yet? I am hoping to breastfeed, but didn''t realize it would be a while before I could pump and leave a bottle...Hmmm....

I pumped on day 5. She was on a bottle for 2 days. She got back on the breast with no problem. Nipple Confusion is over-rated

The issue with pumping at 3 weeks, assuming you have LO on due date, is how much milk you are able to get out. Assuming you don''t have an oversupply issue and are producing normal amounts of milk, you will probably only have time to pump after or in between feedings and will only get .5 to 1oz at a time. If you''re gone for 4 hours, you''ll want to leave at least 8oz in the event that your LO wants to eat a lot more than normal for whatever reason. Finding the time to do that will be a challenge but definitely not impossible.

 

[Jas12]

3 weeks is around the time when sleep deprivation really kicks in and things are pretty tough. I started going out of the house with my son from the first day, and on my own for one hour a day when my son was less than 2 weeks old, but never much longer than an hour in those early days. I exclusively BF, so i was too nervous to leave for longer than that.
Can you bring the baby with you? when i got married i did not invite kids, but a friend had a newborn and i had no issue with her toting him along in a sling (not a peep was heard). I wanted her there if she was comfortable with it.
I went to a wedding with my son when he was 7 weeks and he was with me the whole time too (ceremony, dinner, part of the reception) . Guess it just depends on the type of wedding & what everyone is comfortable with.

 

[snlee]

If you do feel up to going to the wedding, I would bring baby with you so you can BF. There are just so many variables - you might not be able to pump much, baby might not take bottle, you need to introduce bottle before your night out to make sure baby will take bottle, etc. All this just adds to an already stressful time. When my baby was 2 months old, I went out for a night and pumped. It is possible to do. For me though, I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving baby at 2-3 weeks old.

 

[anchor31]

3 weeks would have been way too early for me. My son is almost 10 weeks and I have not been separated from him by more than a couple of walls yet. At three weeks he had this hellish stage and wouldn''t let me sleep AT ALL and either slept or cried. If you breastfeed and don''t bring your baby you may suffer from engorgement so you might want to bring a pump. About nipple preference, we started introducing a bottle of expressed milk at 3 weeks and there has been no problem.

 

[junebug17]

I would pass on the wedding if I were in your shoes. Just too many unknowns, and those first few months can be a little rocky. Just my opinion though based on how things were for me when my kids were newborns.

 

[Mara]

if your friend will let you RSVP as a maybe knowing why then you can just play it by ear after the baby comes. to me there are too many variables to know for sure yay or nay beforehand...also what if the baby 1-2 weeks late and then you are talking about a ~1 week old. then pumping enough to go out is the least of your worries.

either way i wouldn''t stress about it if they are willing to let you say ''yes i''d like to be there but we have to see''.

 

[lovinsparkles]

Thanks again, PSers. Things like engorgement issues really are so far off my radar screen at this point that I never would have known to consider them! I appreciate the helpful advice. I think I will probably have to pass. I don't think it sounds like very much fun to bring a newborn along to a wedding, and from what I'm hearing, there are so many variables re: my recovery, baby's needs, feeding issues, that I will probably just pass on this one. Thanks again for helping me work it out.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

I think you won''t know the answer until you have had the baby. Just communicate with the bride about your situation and ask her if it will be okay to RSVP a week and a half before the wedding since you will have a more accurate answer then. I had a few situations like that with babies being delivered right around my wedding date, and while I was seething on the inside about flaky non-RSVPers and wafflers, I was totally understanding with these soon-to-be parents and worked with the last minute answers, no problem! I am sure the bride would rather have an accurate answer than a "yes, maybe I will show up" or a "better say no since I am not sure"


I had a 7DAY OLD baby at my wedding, and the mother looked well-rested and glowing. Her parents lived nearby and stayed in the hotel across the street with the baby most of the time, but the couple did bring the baby to the reception for an hour or so. I have had several friends that have had no trouble at all in the first few weeks (plenty of sleep, no trouble with feeding and scheduling, etc) and others that were exhausted wrecks! You can''t know until the baby comes.