How often do you entertain at home?

[missy]

Artdecogirl, I am so sorry about your brother.

I am both an introvert and extrovert. I know that makes no sense but it's true. With my friends and family and also people who are shy I am an extrovert. I am very empathetic so with shy people I want to make them as comfortable as possible so I try my hardest to do that. So in a sense I am acting extroverted to make them more comfortable. But I really love my time alone and don't always need or want to be in the company of others (besides my dh that is).

In terms of entertaining I do enjoy hosting very much but it is a lot of work so we only do so about once/month (averaging it out as we we entertain more frequently in the spring/summer/autumn and less so during the winter) and only a few of those are major occasions. We always host Thanksgiving and Father's Day. Those are "our" holidays as everyone in my family (we have a small family) loves to host so we split up the occasions with my mom getting more of them as she is the mom and gets her way more often. My sister gets New Year's Eve and Mother's Day and my mom gets all the Jewish holidays in addition to July 4th, Memorial Day and Labor Day.

The rest of the time we host is just for a few couples at a time as I feel best under those circumstances. It's easier to talk with each person in a more intimate gathering (for me at least).
My husband is an extrovert who would love to get together with people all the time and I do need time to "recharge" as Kenny wrote. I love being around certain people and find it energizing but I do find it draining when I am around other types of people so entertaining has its advantages as then we get to choose who we are inviting vs going to someone else's home.

I also prefer to entertain because then I control the situation. What food is served, the temperature of our environment and who we entertain. I have a medical condition that is a real PITA when the environment is too warm or too cold. And I really hate asking other people to change the ambient temperature. You have no idea what a hassle it is when you are so sensitive to the slightest temperature variation. It makes simple things an everyday challenge. When we are the hosts suddenly this difficult variable is taken out of the equation and I can just enjoy.

 

[zoebartlett]

I'm a pretty introverted person, and it's just kind of draining and stressful for me - I just don't really enjoy it (and dh isn't into it either).

+1

I once heard something that deeply resonated for me.
Extroverts are people who's batteries are charged by being around people and drained by being alone, while introverts are people who's batteries are drained by being around people and charged by being alone.

I suspect introverts may place more importance on their home environment, and hosting guests feels a bit of an invasion of their space.

It is really wonderful to feel free to not entertain.
When I was younger I felt I had to.

I'm not an outgoing person really, but I'm an extrovert according to the description you mentioned, Kenny. I love being around people. My husband is definitely an introvert. That description fits him to a T. In fact, I think it describes his parents, too. Other than family, my in-laws never have people over. They don't socialize with friends and they never go out to dinner, to the movies, etc. They have no social life. To be honest, I always thought that was kind of sad but they seem content. I think it's because they act so elderly and they're not. (I'm only referring specifically about my in-laws here.) The differences in our two families took some getting used to when my husband and I first got together.

My parents are the complete opposites from my in-laws. My mom more so than my dad. We *always* had people over when I was growing up. Friends were always dropping by unannounced and they'd stay for tea or dinner if it was around meal time. It's still that way and I love it. My parents socialize often and they love going out too, whether they go to the movies, out to dinner, or go away for a few days. This was always how I envisioned things once I got my own place. I'd love to have people drop by unannounced and hang out, but it doesn't really happen because of what I wrote above (cat allergies, living too far from friends, etc.).

 

[PinkTower]

We entertain about once a month. Usually just another couple or two. I don't enjoy big dinner parties because all I'm doing is serving and washing dishes and not talking to my guests.

I'm also introverted and my house is very much my safe haven. We don't have acquaintances over to our house, we have friends only over and if you are invited to my house I want to spend time with you.

My parents did dinner parties twice a month and it drove me up the wall. Too much "so how are you? I haven't seen you in ages...." Meh, if you come to my house I have to LIKE you enough to keep up with you.

Honestly a lot of times it's just more fun to go out. You get to spend time talking and someone else does all the scrubbing and serving. And if I don't know you well, I'm much more comfortable meeting you out than having you in my very personal space.

I wouldn't throw a big party without a caterer and a maid service before and after. I've done it many times in the past without and NEVER AGAIN. Not even for holidays. The maid comes and cleans. The caterer drops off the food, augmented by a few things I've put together. The maid comes and cleans again. That's pretty much what needs to happen for me to have a big party.

This sums it up, Gypsy. For years, we hosted large, catered, holiday gatherings. Eventually, I tired of having the same people who never reciprocated into our home, and we stopped. Now, I entertain the same way you do: If you are invited into my home, I wanted you there, and I value your friendship.

 

[Haven]

This sums it up, Gypsy. For years, we hosted large, catered, holiday gatherings. Eventually, I tired of having the same people who never reciprocated into our home, and we stopped. Now, I entertain the same way you do: If you are invited into my home, I wanted you there, and I value your friendship.

Out of curiosity, who were you inviting into your home before? I'm curious, because we only invite people that we love and care for to our parties.

Did you invite business acquaintances, perhaps?

It wasn't until I read this post, Pink Tower, that I realized some people may have to entertain out of unwritten social obligations surrounding business or political acquaintances. DH and I don't have to deal with any of that, he owns his own business, and I'm a teacher.

Interesting!

I think I would hate to entertain for people I didn't really care for. In fact, I don't think I could do it. That sounds like a lot of work for zero payoff.

ETA

Yenny--That's a strange coincidence! If you say your family is from West Berlin, then I'm going to wonder if we're related. And we're both Jewish, I believe, hmmm . . . could we be long lost cousins? We could start our own cousins club!!!!

 

[natascha]

We don't entertain enough. Only about 5-6 times a year. One big reason for that is that we don't have nice groupings of say 2-3 couples. It is more of a big group of people, so when we entertain it is always somewhere between 12- 30 people and we have a small apartment with a tiny kitchen.

One thing I don't like is hosting in an others home. I ended up doing that for new years and it was stressful since I don't drive.

I used to get really stressed about cleaning before having people over but then I realized that the people who love you won't notice and don't care if everything is not sparkling clean and your towels don't match (yeah I used to worry about that one too). They also don't care if the food is not gourmet or if they have to wait 10 min for dessert. They just want to have a nice time with you. So the solution to enjoyable entertaining is just invite your real friends. If you don't feel comfortable inviting someone to your home if everything is not perfect then don't invite them.

A couple of food tips for those who want to host bigger gatherings. Chicken breast is great for a lot of people and require basically no time to prepare. Take a plate that you pour olive oil on then take the chicken breasts and kind of pull them over the plate. Place in a pan, they are fine if you put them tight together, that way you can make enough chicken for 25 people at once. Sprinkle over some seasoning and into the oven until done (about 40 min). They come out very moist and then you either serve as is or cut the chicken breasts up into slices ( slices are good for people eating different amounts). Serve with a couple of sauces and sides. One really fast and easy sauce is heat up some creme fraich and and Gorgonzola until it melts, some salt and pepper and done. Presto everyone is happy.

Another that takes preparation time but you do it the day before, (decoration can be done the same day) and that everyone loves is smörgåstårta.

 

[zoebartlett]

Natascha -- that dish looks really good! Hey, I have a question for you, speaking of food. I spent a summer living in Sweden when I was in high school. A friend of mine invited me to her house for dinner one night and she made a meal that I've thought about ever since. I'm from the US and have never had anything like that dish before or after my time in Sweden. It's boiled potatoes with meat inside. It was served with lingonberries and it was delicious! If I remember correctly, it seemed sort of time consuming to make which I'm not crazy about, but I'd love to try it out anyway. What's the name of the dish and do you have any tips on how to make it? Thanks!

 

[mrscushion]

We just do it a couple of times a year, and always dinners / brunches, never big parties. I'm not a big party type of person, I like sitting down with a small group for a meal and in-depth conversation. I would do it more often, but my job is pretty stressful during the week and a lot of the time I shy away from having set social commitments on weekends because I just want do relax and do nothing with DH.

 

[natascha]

Natascha -- that dish looks really good! Hey, I have a question for you, speaking of food. I spent a summer living in Sweden when I was in high school. A friend of mine invited me to her house for dinner one night and she made a meal that I've thought about ever since. I'm from the US and have never had anything like that dish before or after my time in Sweden. It's boiled potatoes with meat inside. It was served with lingonberries and it was delicious! If I remember correctly, it seemed sort of time consuming to make which I'm not crazy about, but I'd love to try it out anyway. What's the name of the dish and do you have any tips on how to make it? Thanks!

How fun that you spent a year in Sweden. Why did you specifically choose Sweden? It is usually not first on people list to spend a year abroad.

That dish could be kroppkakor ( literal translation body cakes ) or palt. Both are forms of potato dumplings with different fillings. They are not typical for the Stockholm region so I do not have any hands on experience making them. However I have made other types of potato dumplings and I will say that you can not use new potatoes (summer potatoes) for this type of dish, the consistency goes all gluey then. Also a tip for the mixture not to stick to your hand is to dip your hands in could water before handling it. This seems like an easy recipe http://swansonfamily.homestead.com/recipes.html#anchor_54 . Just google the names and you will find several different recipes, all a bit different since the exact recipe depends on where your friend is from. Even though Sweden has such a small population we have quite a lot of variation both in recipes and accents ( in fact I sometimes find it hard to understand people from the South. Skåningar, we joke that they have a hot potato in their mouth when they try to speak).

 

[zoebartlett]

Natascha -- that dish looks really good! Hey, I have a question for you, speaking of food. I spent a summer living in Sweden when I was in high school. A friend of mine invited me to her house for dinner one night and she made a meal that I've thought about ever since. I'm from the US and have never had anything like that dish before or after my time in Sweden. It's boiled potatoes with meat inside. It was served with lingonberries and it was delicious! If I remember correctly, it seemed sort of time consuming to make which I'm not crazy about, but I'd love to try it out anyway. What's the name of the dish and do you have any tips on how to make it? Thanks!

How fun that you spent a year in Sweden. Why did you specifically choose Sweden? It is usually not first on people list to spend a year abroad.

That dish could be kroppkakor ( literal translation body cakes ) or palt. Both are forms of potato dumplings with different fillings. They are not typical for the Stockholm region so I do not have any hands on experience making them. However I have made other types of potato dumplings and I will say that you can not use new potatoes (summer potatoes) for this type of dish, the consistency goes all gluey then. Also a tip for the mixture not to stick to your hand is to dip your hands in could water before handling it. This seems like an easy recipe http://swansonfamily.homestead.com/recipes.html#anchor_54 . Just google the names and you will find several different recipes, all a bit different since the exact recipe depends on where your friend is from. Even though Sweden has such a small population we have quite a lot of variation both in recipes and accents ( in fact I sometimes find it hard to understand people from the South. Skåningar, we joke that they have a hot potato in their mouth when they try to speak).

Thanks so much for the info! I actually spent a summer in the Kalmar area, not a year. My family met a family from Sweden when they moved to my hometown in the early '90s. My parents invited them over for dinner and they began talking about how their relatives (still in Sweden) frequently had foreigners stay with them to learn about the culture. I took the opportunity to kind of invite myself to stay with their relatives a few months later. I had always wanted to travel but didn't get the chance until then to see another country far from the US. Everything worked out and it was an amazing experience. Unfortunately, the family I first mentioned has since moved to England and I lost touch with them and their relatives I stayed with.

Now that you mention it, "body cakes" does sound familiar. Have I asked you that before? Maybe it's now coming back to me. I'll have to try it. They were really tasty! Thanks again Natascha!

 

[canuk-gal]

We entertain a lot. At least several times a month. In the pastbfew months, we have been really focusing on simplifying when we entertain. We don't need to provide elaborate meals. A simple rustic pasta or quesadillas or whatever is fine. If someone has a problem with it, we won't invite them again.

We're having company tonight. We're doing homemade hummus, some sliced smoked beef, cheese and bread. Wine. That's it. Simple. I don't have the kitchen tools right now, or the kitchen setup, to do more.

HI:

Altho I do the complicated stuff--some of the most fun evenings we've had in the kitchen, are the simple ones. Ever just do all app's? Can be filling and total yum--and not difficult. You can chat in the kitchen, drink wine and serve the apps right after you've prepared them, one by one....(coconut shrimp, beef tenderloin on bruchetta with tadziki, etc, etc....)

cheers--Sharon

 

[lliang_chi]

I love entertaining but my DH doesn't. He's not that comfortable having people over. When I lived with my sister (in the same condo), we used to have people over maybe every 6wks. We had a BYO-pasta sauce night, with fresh made pasta, Hot Pot night, a gingerbread decorating party, NYE, Chinese New Year, and BBQ or grill outs, and random smattering of Girls' Nights here and there. Now I probably have people over 2 or 3 times a year.

My favorite part is planning a menu and figuring out what to serve etc. Before we used to have easily 20-ish people over in my apartment. Now it's probably closer to 8 people or so. I find reasons to entertain when my DH is out of town. This year, I'm convincing DH to have a Soup-er Bowl Party. We have a bunch of different snacks/apps and different soups served. Maybe a BYO-Soup.

I definitely prefer to have people over than meeting at a restaurant or bar.

I'd also definitely qualify myself as an introvert rather than an extrovert. But I also like to entertain and have the people I care about over and share memories.

~LC

 

[jeweln]

usually we have potluck dinners about twice a month for 4-5 families with their kids ,everyone brings a dish so no burden on the host .we host a dinner party every couple of months .I love my social life because I get to wear what new clothes I buy and I get to try new recipes all the time .

 

[MichelleCarmen]

We don't at all, unless you count the in-laws coming over for pizza every once in a while.

I don't know how to cook very well!

I'm not a very good cook either, which makes entertaining difficult when some I know are excellent cooks! I usually just make burgers on the BBQ lol Everyone seems happy enough with that. (And, I use to BBQ in the winter, too

We alternate holidays. Last year was different b/c we lived in an apt. but now that we've moved, we're alternating Thanksgiving & Christmas again. We probably have grown up friends/family over once every 6 weeks. We have kids playing over here all the time... is that "entertaining?" Only for them! lol They wear me out!

 

[luv2sparkle]

We used to entertain a lot more than we do now. I have at least on get together a year for my bunco group. We have been together
for over 20 years. When we started it was our one night out a month and we all had little kids.

When the kids were younger we had some friends who lived close and we would call each other and pool whatever we were making for dinner a few nights a week. It was so fun, and kids were all buddies and we all had a great time. We saved a lot of money instead of going out. But they moved to another state.

We have had a lot of parties over the years and it is a lot of work and I am always so glad when it is over.

 

[Gypsy]

Haven, I have a REALLY HUGE extended family and so does DH. And there are so many millions of 'cousins' and 'aunts' that really aren't either technically. Plus friends of my parent's I've known forever because they entertain often. My parents easily have people they 'care' about over in 10-30 people increments every two weeks. Having to keep track of that many people would make me want to shoot myself. Besides most of the relationships are very 'surface' relationships. Sure they all care about one another, but it's not an invested caring that I have with my friends. While I know them and want them to be okay I don't have anything in common with them and really don't 'care' for them on any meaningful level.

I don't make casual friends well-- I do have some and it's because we have similar interests, but I don't know about their families, their hopes and dreams, their problems and their triumphs and I see them occasionally-- out of the house-- and enjoy their company then and appreciate them for who and what they are. But I don't call them if I need help with something, or if I have great news I want to share, or if I just want to hang out and grab some yogurt on a hot summer night. When I'm friends with someone I'm really friends with them-- they can come over when my house is a disaster and I sit and have a glass of wine with them in the midst of chaos. Because they are what's important and they know the real me-- the one that doesn't have to be perfect in company-- and they love me and I love them. I don't do acquaintances unless they are people I like enough that I am hoping they will eventually be friends, either.

I'm not a big circle person outside of PS (which I can turn off and walk away from). It's exhausting frankly and I don't have the interest to do it in real life. I'm a small to medium, carefully selected group of close friends person.

Pink tower, it's so nice to meet someone who understands. It is thankless and empty ultimately and it's so much more rewarding to just have friends over.

 

[Echidna]

I want to have small, intimate gatherings with girlfriends, tea and dessert. Unfortunately, I don't have too many friends that I live by and I would feel weird asking friends to do that when it seems so much a part of a bygone era.

You should invited them and see, heraanderson! I'm in my 20s and ever since we had spaces to entertain in (which was my mum's place to start with!), this is exactly the kind of entertaining my girlfriends and I have done. Who needs dinner when you can do afternoon tea with desserts and 10 different flavours of tea and pretty china and no pressure to be in the kitchen because it's all prepared ahead?!! I'll come over and help

As for "couples" entertaining, DH and I have room for 6 at our tiny dining table, so we like to invite another 2 couples or a mix of 4 singles/couples and do an intimate dinner. We don't do it as much as we used to but I'm planning our entire home renovation/rebuild around entertaining, I love it so much

 

[Gypsy]

heraanderson: TOTALLY ask your girlfriends. A bunch of us Nor Cal ladies went to High Tea in the city for the holidays last year (or was it the year before) and it was really fun. But it was pricey. I'd love to do a tea at my house for the holidays this year.

Actually now that I think about it... I will! PERFECT.

See... as easy as that. Even if they aren't totally enamored with the idea... they'll come to spend quality time with you. You should TOTALLY do it!

 

[SapphireLover]

I love to entertain! Most of our friends either don't have a dining table or can only seat 4 or at a squash 6. We have a table that can seat 12 and another in the basement so we can squeeze a few more on! I think it is something to do with being Jewish- thanks to festivals I have grown up in a house that always cooks for a crowd.

I would actually like to do it more often, however, due to the fact that our friends can't invite us back, I kind of feel that I always spend a fortune and don't do it as much as I could!

 

[Echidna]

heraanderson: TOTALLY ask your girlfriends. A bunch of us Nor Cal ladies went to High Tea in the city for the holidays last year (or was it the year before) and it was really fun. But it was pricey. I'd love to do a tea at my house for the holidays this year.

Actually now that I think about it... I will! PERFECT.

See... as easy as that. Even if they aren't totally enamored with the idea... they'll come to spend quality time with you. You should TOTALLY do it!

Great plan, Gypsy

Pics or it didn't happen

 

[CJ2008]

Almost never, and I like it that way.

Definitely an introvert, and somewhat of a perfectionist.

The most people we ever had over at any one time was 8 - plus DH and I.

I do feel bad sometimes because DH is extroverted and I know he would like to have more people over. But because we do it so infrequently when we finally decide to do it, it feels like it needs to be a big production.

And I might be willing to do it a little more often if I felt I could serve anything I wanted. But I don't feel I can, at least not for family. I grew up in a family that hosts parties with tons of different varieties of home-made stuff. I've had occasions when I've served something easy, like frozen lasagna, and while some were OK with it, I got the feeling some people looked down on it. Almost as if they were insulted that's all the effort I put into it.

When I think catering I always think deli-type places but I guess it could be from a regular restaurant too, right? I like that idea of having a gathering catered because I really don't like to cook and don't like the time it takes, but isn't that expensive? My wheels are turning now though - what would be the least expensive way to have someone else do the cooking...would love to be able to say to DH "let's have some people over."

 

[monarch64]

CJ, lots of regular restaurants do catering. Just google catering for your city and you should be able to find lots of options. Another way to get your guests involve and avoid being the only one stuck in the kitchen is to have your guests help assemble the meal...you could do a taco night or build your own pizza party where you prep the ingredients, have your guests assemble their pizzas or create their tacos and voila! A fun experience for everyone. We've done taco night before and it's so easy, the only thing I "cooked' was some seasoned ground beef for our meat-eaters. Everything else we set out in bowls (shredded cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, peppers, beans, taco shells and tortillas, etc.) so people could build their own tacos. Very informal, but it makes for a fun time. You can serve margaritas or sangria and you can find those drinks pre-mixed so even the drinks have already made themselves!

 

[soocool]

We have 2 big (sort of ) parties per year. One in the summer (outdoor and I will get a tent if it rains) and one just before the holidays (my Holiday Open House). The rest of the year we are friendly with a few couples who live nearby and each of us hosts a dinner once a month. The hosting house makes the main course and as to the other couples, one brings appetizers, one the salad, and the other dessert(s).

The summer party is a barbecue (chicken, ribs, burgers, and bratwurst) , green salads, corn on the cob (I don't do mayonnaise based salads in the summer outdoors) and Rita's water ice and watermelon for dessert.

The Holiday Party is all finger food with a ton of Chrsitamas cookies (as guests always bring cookies as a tradition with copies of their cookie recipes for others to take).

 

[manderz]

I host dinner once a week for my family, and we have game nights with friends every couple of months or so. Dinner is 4-10 people, game nights are 6-10 people. I host all the holidays for my family as well, and that will grow to about 12, up from 9 or so for the last few years.

 

[cookies]

My MIL and SIL come over occasionally, like 2 or 3 times a year. Every time they come over, it is like a battle. We'd vacuum the whole house, mop all the tiles, clean every room, change all the sheets, etc, similar to stage the house for showing. Not that we have to do it. We just feel like it is the right thing to do for our guests. We don't enjoy doing it so we don't invite people over.

 

[OUpearlgirl]

I love to do it!

In college I had once a month dinner parties with about 8-15 guests every time. Then around Thanksgiving I hosted a big potluck with a lot of people, and at Christmas threw a cocktail party every year. Now most of my friends were far too immature to have appreciate it, but I always had so much fun! I've actually HATED moving to a smaller apartment where I just can't entertain. I am so excited to get married in the spring and be able to entertain again.... Not to mention, now I've gotten to register and I'll get all new serveware!!!

 

[MissStepcut]

My MIL and SIL come over occasionally, like 2 or 3 times a year. Every time they come over, it is like a battle. We'd vacuum the whole house, mop all the tiles, clean every room, change all the sheets, etc, similar to stage the house for showing. Not that we have to do it. We just feel like it is the right thing to do for our guests. We don't enjoy doing it so we don't invite people over.

For what it's worth, I bet your guests would prefer to actually get to be your guests than to note that all the edges are well-vacuumed

 

[Octavia]

We rarely have people over and it makes me sad. I am an "at home person", while the vast majority of our friends are "restaurant people." I love cooking for people (not too many people, 8 is probably the limit) and I don't really sweat what the house looks like. My DH, like many of our friends, sees cooking and washing dishes as a huge, entirely unnecessary chore. So I generally get overruled, even when I'm offering to do the hard part. The other thing is that they generally decide to get together on the spur of the moment, so I couldn't feed everyone within a half hour even if I wanted to...and planning in advance is like pulling teeth. I actually hope we meet more "at home people" in our new city because I want to entertain! We're also going to get an expandable dining table, which will facilitate dinner parties better than our tiny old one did.

 

[DiaDiva]

We never entertained when we lived in Singapore but after moving to India, we started to i.e. if you consider organising a potluck entertaining. Restaurants which serve the kind of food we like are limited and expensive -12.5% VAT for food, 20% tax on beverages, 10% service charge plus service tax which I can't remember how much. If I added all this up, I'd never go out again.

Now, we open our house on average once a month and provide some dishes plus alcohol while our guests provide the rest. This way we all get to hang out but it's less stress on me as I'm not used to cooking for too many people. We're lucky that we have domestic help so our home is neater and cleaner so no need to tidy up before guests arrive, plus she cleans up the mess after the party. Thank goodness for that.