How often do women propose to men?

[kenny]

Shouldn''t it be 50/50?

 

[HopeDream]

Men in general seem to take longer to be ready to get married, so they usualy ask.

Women tend to be ready to marry earlier than men, so if a woman asks, she is far more likely to be turned down.

I think in North America the financial and emotional prepairation by men for a proposal is an important right of passage into fully-fledged adulthood

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Based on extensive research, it''s been found that 12% of women propose to men.

 

[oddoneout]

Is it really 12%? That seems high. I think women don''t propose more because of "tradition".

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I would have, it is certainly out of character for me, but it meant so much to my DH that he give me the perfect proposal that I didn''t. If he hadn''t done it by the time we moved back from Europe, I would have though.

As for the 12%, that sounds right to as that is about the same percent that keep their last names.

 

[RaiKai]

If DH had not beaten me to it I would have asked for sure!

He asked after a year together (living together half of it) rather spontaneously in some unusual circumstances...but joked shortly after that he was tired of waiting for me to do it. Funny thing is I would have asked in next couple months. We are not much for traditional roles in that sense.

I think a lot less women ask due to tradition, or social norms, the fairytale dream, or fear as they do not how other might respond and so forth.

In my experience a lot of women also still put a lot of weight on being asked as a validation of some sort - as a demonstration of being *chosen*. Not all of course but many do in my personal experience.

A lot of men still see it as their role to play - their role as provider to ask.

And there are at times assumptions made when women ask - that they *had to* as man was dragging his feet and so on.

I think it is a lot more complicated than it should be equal numbers..and there have been a few books written on the subject!

 

[Irishgrrrl]

In my experience, it''s definitely not 50/50, since I''ve been married twice and I''ve never done the proposing!

 

[PumpkinPie]

Date: 5/16/2010 6:41:00 PM
Author: brazen_irish_hussy
I would have, it is certainly out of character for me, but it meant so much to my DH that he give me the perfect proposal that I didn''t. If he hadn''t done it by the time we moved back from Europe, I would have though.


As for the 12%, that sounds right to as that is about the same percent that keep their last names.

Only 12% of women keep their last names? wow.. I guess I didn''t think I was in that much of a minority!

 

[PumpkinPie]

I don''t know any women who have proposed to their husbands/fiances.. although I do know a couple who were planning to if he didn''t propose by a certain timeframe

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 5/16/2010 8:24:59 PM
Author: Irishgrrrl
In my experience, it''s definitely not 50/50, since I''ve been married twice and I''ve never done the proposing!

IG,cuz you are a

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I think part of it is the GUY wanting to be traditional.

When hubby and I were dating, I half jokingly told him that I would propose to him at some point. And he got very serious and went "Don''t. You. Dare. I WILL say no!". He was very adamant about being the one to do the proposing, haha.

Personally, I thought it would be very fun to propose! And of course..then I''d be able to help pick out my ring

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 5/16/2010 9:09:39 PM
Author: Maevie
I don''t know any women who have proposed to their husbands/fiances.. although I do know a couple who were planning to if he didn''t propose by a certain timeframe

Hmmm...wonder how would they feel if they got rejected by their bf?

should the girl propose with a diamond ring?

 

[Circe]

I had one perfectly traditional relationship where the gentleman in question proposed to me: he got bitter after I got a prestigious fellowship, and it didn''t last.

My next big relationship was a bit neurotic, and the gentleman in question had the Woody Allenesque habit of talking about relationship pressure (this was, btw, two weeks into the relationship, and it didn''t last a year). In exasperation, past a certain point, I bust out with the fact that he really didn''t need to worry about my pressuring him to get married: if I wanted to, I''d just propose myself. He then started babbling about feeling emasculated.

This is where my strong sense that men who talk about being emasculated really aren''t all that masculine to begin with comes from: if you''re not insecure, you have no concerns about people undermining your position.

Then I dated another, perfectly secure dude, but we didn''t quite click ....

... and then I got together with my best friend, who knew me up, down, and sideways. I proposed on the spur of the moment after three months, and right after he said "Yes," he said "I would have proposed, but I was trying to accommodate your commitmentphobia!" I offered to get him a diamond ring, but he said he wasn''t a flashy sort, and that he''d prefer to get one for me, and that was that.

I will say: I''ve had people ask me if I didn''t feel ashamed of my proposal story, or if I didn''t feel like it meant that I loved him more than he loved me. I have been fairly flabbergasted at the implication that the majority of men love the ladies more than the ladies love them back. It''s just another tool to keep women passive and waiting, and once in a while, I''ll get the feel that there''s a Patience Award that I just don''t comprehend (the name of LIW actually sort of gets my back up - Eleanor of Aquitaine would not approve). But, that''s just me ... I continue to be fascinated by the topic (thanks, Kenny, for raising it!), but I really don''t judge either way. I just tend to be puzzled by those who do, especially when they''re ladies, and it goes against their own best interests ....

 

[Kaleigh]

I don''t know anyone that proposed to their guy... I have read about such proposals on PS, and know it happens.. But it''s not a large percentage, I wouldn''t think??

 

[Indylady]

I wish it happened more!

LIW-itis seems more common among women than men, so you would think that women would just propose already, right?

Or perhaps they get the "itis" because they feel like they can't?

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

Date: 5/16/2010 9:08:26 PM
Author: Maevie

Date: 5/16/2010 6:41:00 PM

Author: brazen_irish_hussy

I would have, it is certainly out of character for me, but it meant so much to my DH that he give me the perfect proposal that I didn''t. If he hadn''t done it by the time we moved back from Europe, I would have though.



As for the 12%, that sounds right to as that is about the same percent that keep their last names.

Only 12% of women keep their last names? wow.. I guess I didn''t think I was in that much of a minority!

We really are (I kept my name too). I think it is partially that people we know. In my life, there are a lot of feminists and/or women who for professional reasons do so, but I know no one where DH comes from did.

Also, I meant to say it was in character for me to propose.

 

[Alistra]

I did propose to my husband

I did not keep my last name though. We married young, and I was never that crazy about my old name anyway. I do know many women who kept their own names though! It is pretty common around here (the last name thing, not the proposal thing).