How much thought should I put into this?

[Rubymal]

Not sure if this part of the forum gets much traction, but I'd like hear some thoughts and opinions on a particular invite situation I have on my hands for my wedding.

Full disclaimer- I really dislike my fiance's brother and his wife. They are very fake, pretentious people and always like to one up other people for no reason at all. We had a disagreement last year regarding some situation at their wedding that I won't get into, but bottom line is, they were not communicative, showed zero sympathy and were basically jerks to me and my fiance. My fiance has always been the more mild tempered one and frequently lets his brother walk all over him. His brother is hot headed and never ever meets anyone halfway.

Anyway, long story short. We sucked it up for their wedding and did everything they wanted us to. Now, come our wedding time, I really do not want to see their faces on my special day. For the brother- I know I have no choice. He has asked him to be a groomsmen, and I have to be ok with that. His wife on the other hand is another story. She is not my bridesmaid, she really is literally no one to me.

After being with my fiance, I have encouraged him to speak up and not let people walk all over him. When he did this for the first time with his cousin, she was shocked. The cousin is BFF's with the brother's wife, so they started some rumors about me taking my fiance's phone and writing texts for him (this NEVER happened. I really don't care enough to orchestrate something like this). But anyway, brother's wife called my fiance and yelled at him, claimed he wasn't telling the truth and that she knew I was a liar. She even said, "I don't have any proof- but I know she's a liar!" Crazy shit like that.

Anywhoo. There's a lot more behind the scenes but I feel like I'm way too old for the drama llama bullshit. Just thinking about my fiance's sister in law stresses me out because I'd like to deck the b**** in the face, but again, I'm a fairly level headed person and really do not have time for the back and forth snark. My perspective has always been, if you don't like me- that's ok. We don't have to associate. I might be a bit bummed and wonder what I did wrong- but at the end of the day, if you still hate my guts, that's a-okay. We don't need to talk. We don't have to be friends. We can go spend time with other people that each of us like.

With that said, what are your guy's thoughts? Do I -have- to invite her? She really makes me sick. I highly dislike her. But my fiance said if we don't invite her, he thinks his own brother won't come, and if he doesn't come, their mom will throw a fit, etc, etc.

Oh and my fiance and I are paying for our wedding 100% ourselves. Nobody else is chipping in anything and we do not expect them to and even if offered, we will decline.

 

[bludiva]

That's the hard part about having family, you don't get to pick them. I thibk you have to invite her. You can be cooly polite, you can limit your interaction with her, but if memory serves me, everyone in the wedding party should be invited to bring a partner or guest. Maybe you can task a trusted friend with making sure she is kept away from you the entire night.

 

[OoohShiny]

Ahhhh, weddings - always guaranteed to bring out the worst in some people

It sounds like they are both a lot of hard work and like wasting their limited energy on creating hassles that need no exist rather than creating positive things, which I never understand.

I think you're a bit stuck because couples are usually invited together, and being a groomsman would probably imply he/they are an important part of the day.

I agree with bludiva that you may simply have to keep her away from you as much as possible - although then there's the whole 'who sits where' hassle... lol


Could you have an evening wedding to limit how much time you have to spend with the family?

Could you elope??

You are likely to be so busy speaking to people that aren't them that time will fly by, so I hope that you can escape having to deal with them

 

[Austina]

I think you’re going to have to invite her, especially as your fiancé wants his brother to be a groomsman. I would just ensure that that I had absolutely nothing to do with her on the day, and I think I’d ask fiancé to tell his brother, that if she does anything to spoil the day, she’ll be asked to leave.

 

[lambskin]

You have to invite her. But if she has an attitude maybe she will not come out of spite. That would be a win-win situation as you invited her but she refused to go -thus she looks like the bad one. I don't think you should go through other folks to tell her to behave you must faced her directly which may make her nervous and less defiant. If she is still showing attitude near YOUR wedding, then you should contact her and tell her that you know she feels uncomfortable around you and that she should not feel obligated to attend. If she elects to come then she is not to make any fuss as you want no negativity at YOUR wedding. If people can not behave at YOUR big event- most likely you are in for the long run of future in-law family dysfunction for holidays and get togethers so you might as well get it all out now and not ruin YOUR special event.

 

[Rubymal]

Thanks so much for the replies, everyone. Yeah, I think you all are right. I would hate to have her there, but I'm not about to add to the potential drama. I've actually already tasked one of my good friends to play security guard and keep an eye out and keep her in check, and remove her if necessary. Our reception is held in a wine barrel room with some slightly obstructed hallways with pillars so I may just place her into the corner where I cant see her

 

[Rubymal]

Ahhhh, weddings - always guaranteed to bring out the worst in some people

It sounds like they are both a lot of hard work and like wasting their limited energy on creating hassles that need no exist rather than creating positive things, which I never understand.

I think you're a bit stuck because couples are usually invited together, and being a groomsman would probably imply he/they are an important part of the day.

I agree with bludiva that you may simply have to keep her away from you as much as possible - although then there's the whole 'who sits where' hassle... lol


Could you have an evening wedding to limit how much time you have to spend with the family?

Could you elope??

You are likely to be so busy speaking to people that aren't them that time will fly by, so I hope that you can escape having to deal with them

Oh, regarding seating! I have no qualms about being cut throat about it. I was in her wedding party and my fiance was the best man. We sat at the same table but they did not allow us to sit with each other....at the same table. I will have no issues with putting her in the corner and splitting her up, especially when she is not even part of the bridal party.