How much should a couple have saved...

[freckles127]

before finally taking the plunge?

Ladies and Gents, this is a subject my girlfriends and I have discussed time and time again because we''re all in that marrying phase, but we all want to be financially stable before getting married.

So, include the ring, marriage, plans to buy a condo/house, what do you think a man and a women should have saved... or in total together?

We all agreed that there should be about 100K saved together. Keep in mind that we live in NYC and things are very expensive here...

Any thoughts on this??

 

[FrekeChild]

FF and I are screwed then.

 

[MonkeyPie]

If you can honestly save that much, then by all means, do so. My husband and I got married with practically nothing - we were living with my parents to help them with bills so we weren''t able to save much, but we are now and we are building up towards getting a house. I honestly don''t know why you NEED that much, unless you have good reasons.

 

[freckles127]

Let me break out how the amount was reached:

about 15K for the ring
50-60K just for the downpayment of a coop (this doesn''t include closing costs, maintenance, etc)
10K closing costs
30-40K for the wedding
2-4K for the honeymoon

The rest was just a cushion to make sure we survived in case someone lost a job... there would still be a good number of months of comfort if it ever came to that.

Is that unrealistic?

 

[FrekeChild]

I wouldn''t know, but it sounds reasonable to me. Providing that you have higher paying jobs than most that are available here....

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 7/12/2008 12:10:59 AM
Author: freckles127
Let me break out how the amount was reached:

about 15K for the ring
50-60K just for the downpayment of a coop (this doesn''t include closing costs, maintenance, etc)
10K closing costs
30-40K for the wedding
2-4K for the honeymoon

The rest was just a cushion to make sure we survived in case someone lost a job... there would still be a good number of months of comfort if it ever came to that.

Is that unrealistic?

Your itemizations look good, but $30-40K seems like such a hefty chuck to put toward a wedding when you''re also planning to buy a condo. Personally, I''d cut $10-20,000 off the wedding budget and put that amount toward the condo down payment you''ve put on your list.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/12/2008 12:10:59 AM
Author: freckles127
Let me break out how the amount was reached:

about 15K for the ring
50-60K just for the downpayment of a coop (this doesn''t include closing costs, maintenance, etc)
10K closing costs
30-40K for the wedding
2-4K for the honeymoon

The rest was just a cushion to make sure we survived in case someone lost a job... there would still be a good number of months of comfort if it ever came to that.

Is that unrealistic?

i would do a cheaper wedding.

 

[jewelerman]

If people had to save 100,000 before getting married then only a few people would get married...I think that there has to be finantial responcibility and maturity before marrage...and that there should be very little debt on either side before marriage.The ring,wedding ect should be within a budget and the couple should not have long term debt hanging over their head from a one day event no matter how special it is.

 

[jewelerman]

Just saw you list...take money from the wedding and pay toward the condo or even the ring if i has to be this expensive..$40,000 is alot for a wedding or any one day event.

 

[sumbride]

My parents had $6 in their bank account when they got married. They''ve been married 44 years now. Dh and I had more than that, yes, but if we''d waited till we had that much, we''d still be waiting...

Money and security are important, yes, but not at the sake of everything else.

 

[Babyblue033]

Date: 7/11/2008 11:35:29 PM
Author: FrekeChild
FF and I are screwed then.

Us too

I''m starting to think average income of PS is MUCH higher than where little me and FI are

This would be our list:
about 15K for the ring - 7K
50-60K just for the downpayment of a coop (this doesn''t include closing costs, maintenance, etc) - 20-30K
10K closing costs - Not sure what this would be
30-40K for the wedding - Definitely no more than 20K. If it were up to me we''d elope and save that 20K too
2-4K for the honeymoon - Haven''t really decided on what we would do, but we''ll be doing something small/simple

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Freckles, I am amazed at those numbers! Do you two not have to live somewhere now???? I think you can get married with far less than that! You get married, move in together and give up paying rent on one place, and then you start saving for the place to buy. I think $30,000-40,000 for a wedding that lasts a few hours is an amazing amount to spend unless you are just very wealthy (and perhaps you are if you can relatively quickly save $100,000). We were in love and wanted to marry, not have an extravaganza to show off to our friends. I am not suggesting that you are like that, but I generally think that elaborate weddings have an element of that to them.

So my personal view is you need to have enough for the ring, some kind of wedding and honeymoon, and start saving for the place to buy after you are married. I don''t get the mentality of not getting married until you have the $70,000 to buy the co-op saved.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Date: 7/12/2008 1:37:14 AM
Author: MC

Date: 7/12/2008 12:10:59 AM
Author: freckles127
Let me break out how the amount was reached:

about 15K for the ring
50-60K just for the downpayment of a coop (this doesn't include closing costs, maintenance, etc)
10K closing costs
30-40K for the wedding
2-4K for the honeymoon

The rest was just a cushion to make sure we survived in case someone lost a job... there would still be a good number of months of comfort if it ever came to that.

Is that unrealistic?

Your itemizations look good, but $30-40K seems like such a hefty chuck to put toward a wedding when you're also planning to buy a condo. Personally, I'd cut $10-20,000 off the wedding budget and put that amount toward the condo down payment you've put on your list.

I agree with this. I realize everybody's priorities are different, but we only spent about 10 - 15% of our savings alotted to the ring/house/wedding on the ring and wedding, the rest went towards a house. Not only that, but the house downpayment money has been growing over the past few years, which obviously couldn't have happened if we'd spent it on a ring/wedding. Just something to think about. (The honeymoon came out of our travel account).

Also, I hope there are other accounts set up for retirement and an "emergency fund". It sounds like if you have 100K saved up, the ring, wedding, honeymoon and house downpayment would wipe you out...you never want to have nothing in savings and certainly all of your long-term investments shouldn't be touched.

 

[scarlet16]

Being in NYC, I can understand these breakdowns. In our case, we decided to first focus on the wedding, and then in 1 or 2 years purchase our apartment, giving us time to recover from the wedding costs. Keep in mind, I don't think you need to have the amounts you have listed PRIOR to getting engaged (just the amount for the ring is needed for that). We started a specific savings account after we got engaged just for the wedding and contributed towards that during our engagement. And, like everyone else has mentioned, you definitely need to have an "emergency" fund on top of the amounts you listed. Here's how ours is breaking down in comparison (wedding is in August, and we've been engaged 2 1/2 years):

Date: 7/12/2008 12:10:59 AM
Author: freckles127
Let me break out how the amount was reached:


about 15K for the ring $14,000, but I don't think this amount is "required" to get married. FI saved up for this for approximately 2 years before the engagement; we were together 5 years before his proposal.

50-60K just for the downpayment of a coop (this doesn't include closing costs, maintenance, etc) FYI, co-ops in NYC mostly require a 20% downpayment; I've seen VERY few requiring less. That means you are looking at a $300,000 apartment (or less), which will really not get you much (barely a studio) unless you are looking outside of Manhattan

10K closing costs

30-40K for the wedding $25,000 from just us and our families are chipping in for the other half. We have 200 guests (mostly family) and a wedding in Manhattan so this DEFINITELY can be done for far less.

2-4K for the honeymoon $8,000 but mostly covered by gift from a family member, so I don't think this much needs to be spent either


The rest was just a cushion to make sure we survived in case someone lost a job... there would still be a good number of months of comfort if it ever came to that.


Is that unrealistic?

 

[purrfectpear]

You make it seem like a lump sum project?

Step 1. I guess I would save and pay cash for ring.

Step 2. Start saving for wedding and honeymoon(maybe a year or two after engagement)

Step 3. Rent for another year or so while saving for house downpayment.

So I guess it might take 5 years from initial engagement to living in a house. I''d sure rather be engaged and married during that period than wait 5 whole years to have it all accomplished in one fell swoop?

 

[WishfulThinking]

Date: 7/12/2008 12:45:06 PM
Author: purrfectpear
You make it seem like a lump sum project?


Step 1. I guess I would save and pay cash for ring.


Step 2. Start saving for wedding and honeymoon(maybe a year or two after engagement)


Step 3. Rent for another year or so while saving for house downpayment.


So I guess it might take 5 years from initial engagement to living in a house. I''d sure rather be engaged and married during that period than wait 5 whole years to have it all accomplished in one fell swoop?

I agree with purrfectpear. While it''s obviously nice to have a huge amount of money saved before you embark on the entire trip from engagement to marriage, etc, I don''t think it''s entirely necessary.

I am young, a full-time student, and have a significant amount of student debt. FI is in a similar situation. There is a very distinct possibility that we could go our WHOLE LIVES without ever having 100k in savings. Obviously the majority of people on PS have much higher paying jobs than we will likely have, so the situation is different for us. If we had to pay off all of our student debt and save that amount of money we''d never get married.

 

[D2B]

Well, my Husband and I certainly wouldnt have/couldnt have married if we required anywhere near 100K, luckily we didnt wait and have been married for 10 years now. We married because it felt right for us. we simply kept on renting and saving jointly after our marriage, and worked as a partnership. we both didnt see the need to have x amount, we had jobs and had supported ourselves, so combining our household wasnt a big deal, we kept within our budget.

Our wedding was split 3 ways, between the parents and ourselves and small and intimate. we didnt buy a house for many many years later, as we travelled the world and then setteld down.

So for us, you dont need x amount, you need a steady sensible outlook to your finances and if you can support yourselves, there is no reason the 2 of you cant support yourselves together.

D2B

 

[Fancy605]

I don''t think there really is a set amount one needs before marriage. I think if two people really want to get married, they will make what they already have/are able to save between the time of engagement and the wedding work. Maybe it means they''ll rent a little longer (It seems to me, it''s just as easy to save for a house after marriage as it is before marriage. anyway.) Maybe it means the ring won''t be as big and the wedding won''t be as fancy. It really comes down to is: it more important to be married sooner and have the other things later or to be married later and have everything you envision as going along with marriage? Do you BOTH (I say both because I doubt that you would have posted this question if there was a 100% agreement about a time line for everything) want to be patient about how long it takes to get married and have everything you listed?

 

[2Artists]

Well there are many different ways to do it. The way we did it not work for some people.

But when we got married we were very very young and had very little. But we were on the same page money wise (both very modest with $ and spending)and we are both hard workers so it was not unbearable. I would not trade the times of struggle because those memories are so dear to my heart. The memories of building up a life together.

Even simple things like cooking together, sitting on the floor and eating dinner, taking walks and looking at the night sky, him bringing me home a simple and beautiful flower, playing board games or cards, listening to music- these little things are so fun and romantic with the one you love.

I would have really missed that time had I not gotten to have it. Things are easier now and we really savor them and appreciate them since we went through the building process together. I would not have missed out on it for the world.

Mrs.2Artists

 

[VRBeauty]

Date: 7/12/2008 2:24:44 PM
Author: 2Artists

But when we got married we were very very young and had very little. But we were on the same page money wise (both very modest with $ and spending)and we are both hard workers so it was not unbearable. I would not trade the times of struggle because those memories are so dear to my heart. The memories of building up a life together.

Therein lies the secret, I think, on the money side. If you both think it''s important to have all the fixings, the your budget is reasonable. If you both feel that being and living together as a married couple is most important, you can get by on much less.

 

[Elmorton]

Haha Freke, ditto, and we''ve been married a year!

We entered our union with nothing but debt, really - I''d just finished grad school a month before and DH had a solid job but was working hard to live modestly and pay off his school debts. Within 6 months after our wedding, we were living in a different state and both had new jobs - which we''d more or less planned on doing. It would have been nice to have more of a cushion in terms of savings, but so far we''ve been getting by just fine, and we''re not really ready to put down roots in terms of buying a home here.

I think your question also has to do with what point you are in your life. When we got married, we were literally just starting out with our careers - it wouldn''t have worked for us to wait. Granted, now we live in Iowa where the cost of living seems absurdly cheap compared to NY, so maybe what we did isn''t possible for everyone. For us, I think part of the adventure is figuring out the future together from square one. We didn''t get married when we did for financial stability - we got married because we couldn''t stand the idea of ever being apart. Romantic and stupid, yes, but I don''t think there''s a magic number that defines when you''re ready (though Suze Orman would probably disagree - negatives are typically uncool).

 

[MrsBold]

I think the standard should only apply to the individual who sets it. If YOU want to have a certain amount before you get married, then do it! It is your choice and ultimately what makes you happy.

I personally do not have a set rule. Me and FH are both college students. We are financially stable and have no debt. To me, that is all that is important. We can save together and put money towards things we both want as a couple.

 

[Fly Girl]

Date: 7/12/2008 2:24:44 PM
Author: 2Artists
Well there are many different ways to do it. The way we did it not work for some people.

But when we got married we were very very young and had very little. But we were on the same page money wise (both very modest with $ and spending)and we are both hard workers so it was not unbearable. I would not trade the times of struggle because those memories are so dear to my heart. The memories of building up a life together.

Even simple things like cooking together, sitting on the floor and eating dinner, taking walks and looking at the night sky, him bringing me home a simple and beautiful flower, playing board games or cards, listening to music- these little things are so fun and romantic with the one you love.

I would have really missed that time had I not gotten to have it. Things are easier now and we really savor them and appreciate them since we went through the building process together. I would not have missed out on it for the world.

Mrs.2Artists

Well said, Mrs.2Artists! We also got married young (both 22), and worked hard and saved our money together. Being together was far more important then waiting until lots of belongings or funds have been saved. You don''t need a diamond or a ring or a house to get married. I guess it is a matter of priorities.

 

[LuckyTexan]

We got married with basically our bills getting paid every month, so we decided to move from our very expensive Southern California lifestyle to Texas, where we built a very nice house, and had a very well laid plan for how we were going to start a family, buy cars, etc.

We didn''t have any money in savings per say, but that was because we were just doing things as we had them planned.

We also, had no wedding, and didn''t honeymoon.

I''m not suggesting you skip that. It was a very personal preference on both our parts. I''m just saying that''s one less thing we had to save for.

Up until my first son was born I worked outside my home, and after that I started my own business... as planned.

I don''t think any set amount should be the norm... as long as a responsible, well layed out plan is in place.

Your plan looks great!

Best of luck to you both!!!

 

[partgypsy]

My husband and I had very little money when we moved in together. 5 years later when we did get married I got a ring that cost $640 (it was a very big deal for us) we eloped, had a party at our house afterwards.

In the same way, my parents had no money when they got married (she was a college graduate, he was a waiter) and the same for my husband''s parents, and our grandparents, though their fortunes grew during those marriages. So I guess my template are people who are relatively young and starting out, who then fashion a life together, so even the thought that one would need 100K to get married is foreign to me.

Even the wedding vows say, for richer and for poorer.

 

[fieryred33143]

Well, for us the rings were really at the bottom of our "need to save for" list. We will have saved up to $40K for the home we want to buy next year (we live in S. Florida). That doesn''t include what we saved up for the condo we have now and what we''ve spent...no one said we actually had to spend money once we purchased LOL

In total for everything we need/would like to have done, probably about $60K.

My main priority is getting into a home before we start having children. I can''t imagine getting married and starting a family in our little 900sqft hole in the wall.

 

[absolut_blonde]

While I think some savings are good (and important even as a single adult), 100k is pretty steep. There''s a high COL where I am and frankly I''d be shocked if most married people we know had that much when they tied the knot. ONE couple we know, maybe, but I''d highly doubt it for the rest. We''ve got much less than that saved up and my impression is that we''ve still got more saved up than most people.

I would just aim for whatever you need. Can''t comment on your breakdown, but the down payment seems a bit low. I was under the impression that many co-ops required at least 25% down? I could be way off-base on that though.

I''m inclined to say more towards the down payment and less for the wedding, but I guess it''s a matter of priorities to some extent. I''d be happy eloping in Mexico so I might not be one to ask.

 

[Haven]

We did what you sound like you''re planning to do--we bought the house and had the wedding at the same time. We live in an expensive part of the Chicago area, although I''m sure NYC has a higher cost of living.

Here is what we spent:

Ring: $14,200 for e-ring, $4,200 for our wedding bands

Down payment on our single-family-home: 70K

Closing costs: I think these were only around $1500, it sounds like yours will be much more, eek.

Wedding: 35K ****My family paid for this, we were prepared to do so, but they offered and insisted. This includes every cost of the wedding except the honeymoon and our wedding bands.

Honeymoon: $4,000 for 10 nights on St. John (including everything--air, hotel, food. We used my best friend''s employee rate for the resort so we were spoiled rotten.)

So our total ended up being $137,900 (I think), but my parents paid for the $35,000 wedding. I suppose your figure of $100,000 would be accurate for us, but everyone is different.

We had a lot in the bank because we''re savers and we live below our means. I also lived at home for years before getting my own place, so I was able to start off with a big chunk of change saved, and my husband is 38 so he was on his own with very few expenses for many years.

We feel incredibly blessed to have family that supports us and wanted to throw us a huge, fancy wedding, but we probably would have done it exactly the same way (at the same cost) if we were paying for it ourselves. I know a lot of people disdain spending that much on one day, but it worked for us and I wouldn''t change it for the world. We also don''t have any debt other than our house, which is important.

I think you need to decide what is important to you, and if you make decisions based on your financial ability and priorities, you will be happy with the outcome.

Good luck!

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 7/11/2008 11:35:29 PM
Author: FrekeChild
FF and I are screwed then.

lol my thoughts EXACTLY!!!

 

[somethingshiny]

We got married on nothing and lived happily ever after.