How much pre-engaged planning do you do?

[pandabee]

And I'm not talking about getting a weekly mani to prep your pretty fingers

Who has looked at venues, florists, dresses, etc. before officially engaged? Did you actually book or purchase anything?

I went wedding dress shopping with LJL yesterday and I tried on some dresses for fun! It was a bizarre feeling haha and I'm not sure if I couldn't completely get into it because I'm not officially engaged, but it was definitely neat to see what I would and wouldn't like. Really I think I would be happy and look great with most all of the dresses I tried, but not sure how it all ties in to the big picture of the actual day.

I've known what color I want for bm dresses forever, and I'm almost positive I know where they can buy them in a style of their choosing (although they are uber expensive...damn you j crew!!!) and I have thought about little gifts to give them (love the kate spade "bridesmaid" bangle, although they don't reference anything about being a bm just being a best friend so it's something they can either wear on the day of or continue wearing after).

Haven't bought anything though! If I find a great coupon for j crew or ks though, you can bet I'm emailing my bffs to think about going ahead and buying the dresses lol. I told SO I tried on wedding dresses yesterday and he just said it's not changing his timeline at all haha. So clearly he's got a plan cooking!!!!! Super excited

 

[maple2012]

And I'm not talking about getting a weekly mani to prep your pretty fingers

Who has looked at venues, florists, dresses, etc. before officially engaged? Did you actually book or purchase anything?

I went wedding dress shopping with LJL yesterday and I tried on some dresses for fun! It was a bizarre feeling haha and I'm not sure if I couldn't completely get into it because I'm not officially engaged, but it was definitely neat to see what I would and wouldn't like. Really I think I would be happy and look great with most all of the dresses I tried, but not sure how it all ties in to the big picture of the actual day.

I've known what color I want for bm dresses forever, and I'm almost positive I know where they can buy them in a style of their choosing (although they are uber expensive...damn you j crew!!!) and I have thought about little gifts to give them (love the kate spade "bridesmaid" bangle, although they don't reference anything about being a bm just being a best friend so it's something they can either wear on the day of or continue wearing after).

Haven't bought anything though! If I find a great coupon for j crew or ks though, you can bet I'm emailing my bffs to think about going ahead and buying the dresses lol. I told SO I tried on wedding dresses yesterday and he just said it's not changing his timeline at all haha. So clearly he's got a plan cooking!!!!! Super excited

How exciting!!!

I'll confess.... yesterday I started looking into venues and I * might * have emailed a few locations to get ideas of prices, etc. It's really just to get an idea of what I like and what type of funds we will need to save up for. I am really loving Ventana Inn in Big Sur California for a venue. There's also a winery in Napa valley I'm very fond of. That's as far as I've gone.

 

[MBKRH]

That's so exciting, panda!

Both of you ladies are way ahead of me. I haven't done a thing: No trying on dresses. No e-mailing/scouting possible venues. I have no idea what colors I'd like for a color scheme.

Nada, zip, zilch.

I think a lot of it stems from the fact that my mom/her bf have NO money. My dad and step-mom are slightly better off, but not much. I honestly don't see any of them contributing much of anything to a wedding. Which is fine, except M's parents seem quite well off, even though he denies it. I know damn well his mother would want to help as much as possible, and I know that'll hurt my parents' feelings.

I mean, when we got our apartment, she bought us soooooo much stuff. She paid for our security deposit, and went above and beyond what I expected from her. My father/step-mom knew about it, and they must have been hurt. They didn't offer to help move, didn't buy even a pack of paper plates, etc. I don't know what it was. I'll admit, I was very hurt by their lack of involvement.

So, I can only imagine what'll happen if (when) I get engaged. Eeeeshhhh.

 

[pandabee]

omg maple that sounds lovely!!! I know places out where you are are likely to be much more expensive so it's not a terrible idea to get a ballpark range to see what you're in for.

H can you imagine paying for your wedding between just you and M? I believe that is going to be our approach and there are plenty of blogs featuring "budget" weddings that are just stellar.

 

[MBKRH]

H can you imagine paying for your wedding between just you and M? I believe that is going to be our approach and there are plenty of blogs featuring "budget" weddings that are just stellar.

No, unfortunately. I have 28K in student loans, 9K in credit card debt...... M has no credit cards and no loans, but has unreliable income.
If we do marry, it'll have to be a court-house thing. I know a lot of people that do that, and then have their "real wedding" a year or so down the line. I'm not knocking that; my sister, and my bf went that route.

It's just not my style. I wanna do it once, and only once.


Thanks for the suggestion, panda. I'm just really down in the dumps today.

 

[LoveLikeCrazy]

well...

just the ring shopping with FF, chose a wedding planner/venue, wedding month/year and a first dance song..oh and we chose wedding bands too! I wont do the dress till the ring is on my finger.

not much for me to do in other areas since i dont plan on having a reception, or a bridal party...less than 15 people will be invited...LOL

now that im reading what i just wrote...i want the darn ring! FF is on board with all the above. I even showed my mom the wedding service website with the prof. photos and the beach we will be married on...she was so excited! FF just smiled and said i get whatever i want. WELL GIMME THE RING!!!! THATS WHAT I WANT! (so i dont look like a crazy person...)

 

[teacup]

I'd say the extent of my planning is trying to decide whether or not I even WANT a wedding. Lol. I'm a very private person, so I'd honestly prefer a private ceremony for me and SO in whichever location we choose for our honeymoon. SO is willing to consider that, but part of him kind of wants a small wedding. If he does decide that it means a lot to him to have his family there, I'll be totally happy to oblige. I'll have to set limits, though. I would want it to be intimate and inexpensive. How long after we're engaged can I continue to answer wedding questions with, "uh, we're not sure if we're having a wedding"?

 

[pandabee]

aw I'm sorry H. I hope you can get that resolved...maybe once you get engaged you can have more talks regarding how big you want it/how to fund it. Sorry you aren't having a good day! Lots of *hugs* to you.

LLC that's awesome!! What month/year are you thinking? and hahah omg I know I think the same thing sometimes with regards to thinking I'm a crazy person (such as yesterday when we went dress shopping LOL). I try not to think it too much though!

teacup nothing wrong with saying that right away...if you feel like you will upset people though just tell them you don't have any plans finalized yet (as most *normal* people do not immediately after they get engaged haha) and whether you end up eloping/doing a destination wedding or having a small wedding, it doesn't matter! You'll make it work because it'll be you and your SO's wedding, not theirs!

 

[teacup]

True, pandabee. Part of me thinks that no one would be surprised if we didn't have a wedding. We're not the most traditional people anyway, and everyone's dealt with that just fine. Lol.


MBKRH, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I wish I had some good advice. I hope that everything starts falling into place. Hugs to you!

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

(Now) DH told me last NYE (2011-2012) that he wanted to get engaged in 2012 and that he also wanted to get married in 2012, if I was interested. So before we went out for the evening, I stopped by my cousin's house and asked her to be one of my MOH's. I told my mother and we immediately got started on looking at dresses. By 01/09/12, I already purchased my dress online and before we were engaged, I was in talks with our photographer on working with us. We talked with his parents and asked to get married on their farm and I booked one of my aunt's to make our wedding cake and another aunt to help my mom make all the food for the wedding. All of this was planned before he actuall proposed. We actually got engaged a year ago today (I was thinking about this on the way to work and got all swoony) and have been married since 09/22/12. We did everything in 9 months and I am SO GLAD I started planning things out before we got engaged. DH isn't the type to just say something and make me wait or not follow through, but I REALLY didn't anticipate being engaged so soon after he mentioned it. If you know your guy isn't the type to dangle the carrot, then I think planning before being engaged is a smart thing to do. You just have to know he is your 'one' and that he isn't all talk. If there is any doubt about the actual commitment, then planning ahead is stupid. If you really will marry that guy and not so long after the actual engagement, why wait?! It took a TON of stress off me by having a good bit of the big decisions out of the way. We did a lot of DIY stuff, so the more decisions I made in a timely manner, the less stressed I was. Planning ahead is only foolish if you're in love with the idea of a wedding and not so sure about the guy. If you know he is the one and that you will definitely marry the guy, then I definitely think it's a good thing to do!

 

[luckyerialc]

I'm so torn when it comes to this. I definitely have an idea in my mind of what I would like for my wedding when it comes to dresses, color scheme, flowers, etc. But I also make sure to manage my expectations. I have never had the "talk" with my parents regarding money allocated for a wedding. My parents are relatively wealthy but I do not know where a wedding falls on their list of priorities. I do know that there is no one I will let my SO and I go into debt for a 15-25k (CRAZY!) wedding. I would rather do something small and intimate, and continue saving for a house down the road.

That being said, I am easily sucked into the blogs are about various venues in my area (NYC) and get wooed by all of the possibilities. I just wish one of my two older brothers were already engaged so there would already be a precedent set! I also feel like a terrible person sometimes "expecting" monetary contributions from my parents.

Does anyone else have this problem with their parents or is the line of communication for you more open?

 

[princesss]

I'd say the extent of my planning is trying to decide whether or not I even WANT a wedding. Lol. I'm a very private person, so I'd honestly prefer a private ceremony for me and SO in whichever location we choose for our honeymoon. SO is willing to consider that, but part of him kind of wants a small wedding. If he does decide that it means a lot to him to have his family there, I'll be totally happy to oblige. I'll have to set limits, though. I would want it to be intimate and inexpensive. How long after we're engaged can I continue to answer wedding questions with, "uh, we're not sure if we're having a wedding"?

YES! This, exactly. I'm helping my friend start thinking about ideas for her wedding and just dreading having to plan one. I'd be sad if I didn't have my dad walk me down the aisle, and I know his mother would kill me dead, but just having a small ceremony wherever we honeymoon sounds AMAZING. I don't do the whole getting vulnerable in front of people thing.

 

[Chewbacca]

I haven't gone as far as approaching vendors, but I have planned in my imagination! I hadn't thought too much about it until I started to help brides with their weddings, it opened the proverbial floodgates!

I confess to having typed out a guest list (I was curious to how many people we might be dealing with!), and I MIGHT have a photoshop document with the beginnings of an invitation layout. I'm not a pinner, but I do save some things to my computer.

I'm anticipating a six month engagement, so all of this insane-person stuff will hopefully come in handy for quick planning!

 

[luckyerialc]

I haven't gone as far as approaching vendors, but I have planned in my imagination! I hadn't thought too much about it until I started to help brides with their weddings, it opened the proverbial floodgates!

I confess to having typed out a guest list (I was curious to how many people we might be dealing with!), and I MIGHT have a photoshop document with the beginnings of an invitation layout. I'm not a pinner, but I do save some things to my computer.

I'm anticipating a six month engagement, so all of this insane-person stuff will hopefully come in handy for quick planning!

I, too, may have typed out a guest list once...

 

[Chewbacca]

I, too, may have typed out a guest list once...

Eeee! I love my fellow LIW's!

 

[tuffyluvr]

Do you gals want to plan my wedding?? I've been off the LIW list since December 2011 and I haven't done a single thing!! Ack!!! I'm trying to convince FI to do a quickie beach wedding when we're on vacation in the Cayman islands in April ;P

He has no interest in doing that and I have no interest in planning a wedding!

 

[teacup]

Do you gals want to plan my wedding?? I've been off the LIW list since December 2011 and I haven't done a single thing!! Ack!!! I'm trying to convince FI to do a quickie beach wedding when we're on vacation in the Cayman islands in April ;P

He has no interest in doing that and I have no interest in planning a wedding!

I'd stick him with all of the planning. That might change his mind.

 

[pandabee]

Do you gals want to plan my wedding?? I've been off the LIW list since December 2011 and I haven't done a single thing!! Ack!!! I'm trying to convince FI to do a quickie beach wedding when we're on vacation in the Cayman islands in April ;P

He has no interest in doing that and I have no interest in planning a wedding!

I'd stick him with all of the planning. That might change his mind.

haha that's a great suggestion!

I have an excel spreadsheet of my close friends that I would want at my wedding....it's small so far

 

[tuffyluvr]

Ugh! I'd like to, but I know he wouldn't do it and I'd end up stressing myself to death trying to get everything handled at the last minute!

 

[antiquesparkler]

Well I am super embarrassed to admit this but I have been looking at dresses and caterers and flowers for a few months. I haven’t made any calls or tried on dresses but I am aware of flowers… colors… location… lol. My bad. In my defense, Pinterest is a crazy addiction and my friend happens to be planning a wedding too which doesn’t help matters.

Also, SO and I will have a really small, totally different wedding ceremony and reception so I don’t have THAT much planning to do... jsut lots of little details.

The other day I told SO that our entire wedding was planned on a Pinterest board. Hehehe.
And when I sent our Christmas cards… I may have saved the list of people and counted and added a few and I might have a rough guest list already…

 

[Impudent_Crumpet]

Well I am super embarrassed to admit this but I have been looking at dresses and caterers and flowers for a few months. I haven’t made any calls or tried on dresses but I am aware of flowers… colors… location… lol. My bad. In my defense, Pinterest is a crazy addiction and my friend happens to be planning a wedding too which doesn’t help matters.

UGH this.

 

[star sparkle]

I tried on dresses before getting engaged, and also emailed some venues! I browsed generally at the rest of the stuff, but those were the two big things I did pre-engagement. I think it was great, because then once we were engaged I already knew which venue would be "it" for us! By the time our wedding happens on Saturday (eek!) we'll have been engaged for only 7 months, so it helped to already have the venue figured out and a short list of dresses.

 

[audball]

Hmm...I did things pre-engaged, but nothing incognito. Andrew looked right along with me most of the time! We contacted a few venues to get ideas of pricing. We talked with one photographer about elopement packages and off-day specials. We've looked at wedding bands we'd each like together. He's looked at dresses with me (online only). I never tried on any before getting engaged (still haven't, actually!). Still trying to decide whether or not I want to bring him with me when I go. He's open to it being a surprise or coming with me, whatever I'd prefer. Still thinking on that one...

But yeah, I think it's pretty normal to look at things and even make general inquiries before getting engaged. The only time I think it's weird to go beyond just pinning things for future reference is if you have no SO in the picture or if you're so early on that the two of you have never discussed marriage as an option. Usually by the time you're at the LIW stage - it's something you both know IS going to happen.

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

He's looked at dresses with me (online only). I never tried on any before getting engaged (still haven't, actually!). Still trying to decide whether or not I want to bring him with me when I go. He's open to it being a surprise or coming with me, whatever I'd prefer. Still thinking on that one...

I vote no on him seeing. I TOTALLY wanted to show DH, but my Mom talked me out of it. I'm so glad I did because the look on his face was AWESOME when he saw me!

But yeah, I think it's pretty normal to look at things and even make general inquiries before getting engaged. The only time I think it's weird to go beyond just pinning things for future reference is if you have no SO in the picture or if you're so early on that the two of you have never discussed marriage as an option. Usually by the time you're at the LIW stage - it's something you both know IS going to happen.

Totally agree with this! DH and I were both planning things before we were engaged, so it surely wasn't me doing it all without him. It's definitely weird though if you're not even serious with your SO, but by the LIW stage (unless you're lying to yourself) I think it's normal to check things out, if only to get ideas.

 

[antiquesparkler]

Well I am super embarrassed to admit this but I have been looking at dresses and caterers and flowers for a few months. I haven’t made any calls or tried on dresses but I am aware of flowers… colors… location… lol. My bad. In my defense, Pinterest is a crazy addiction and my friend happens to be planning a wedding too which doesn’t help matters.

UGH this.

Ugh pinterest?

 

[Impudent_Crumpet]

Well I am super embarrassed to admit this but I have been looking at dresses and caterers and flowers for a few months. I haven’t made any calls or tried on dresses but I am aware of flowers… colors… location… lol. My bad. In my defense, Pinterest is a crazy addiction and my friend happens to be planning a wedding too which doesn’t help matters.

UGH this.

Ugh pinterest?

Exactly. I feel like a crazy person every time I see something wedding-ish, but some of the stuff is just so pretty...

In our defense, I think there's a difference between actually planning something and just figuring out what you like. Having spent too much time on Pinterest and APW (which seem contradictory, but somehow aren't), I now know general ideas of what I like and what just doesn't interest me, and I've been able to figure out what's important in future wedding planning and what, at least for me, would be "nice" but not worth it.

Aaaand that's how I justify it. Now excuse me, I need to go pin more DIY crafts I'll never make.

 

[antiquesparkler]

Well I am super embarrassed to admit this but I have been looking at dresses and caterers and flowers for a few months. I haven’t made any calls or tried on dresses but I am aware of flowers… colors… location… lol. My bad. In my defense, Pinterest is a crazy addiction and my friend happens to be planning a wedding too which doesn’t help matters.

UGH this.

Ugh pinterest?

Exactly. I feel like a crazy person every time I see something wedding-ish, but some of the stuff is just so pretty...

In our defense, I think there's a difference between actually planning something and just figuring out what you like. Having spent too much time on Pinterest and APW (which seem contradictory, but somehow aren't), I now know general ideas of what I like and what just doesn't interest me, and I've been able to figure out what's important in future wedding planning and what, at least for me, would be "nice" but not worth it.

Aaaand that's how I justify it. Now excuse me, I need to go pin more DIY crafts I'll never make.

IC, I know exactly what you are saying. I now know what I like when it comes to weddings and I could probably literally plan ours in 3 months… not that I want to but I could. What can I say? I am a planner!

Yes, I agree with you about ACTUALLY planning vs. figuring out. One of my very best girlfriends totally lost it when her and her now hubby started looking at rings. She actually booked a venue for like a year and a half from that point. I know they were going to get engaged but yikes. I don’t know if I could do that. I think the worst part is she told people… So sure enough he proposed quickly after that. I am not trying to be mean, I feel like there are some situations where something like that would be necessary. I am happy to report that she is back to normal now. Hehehe.

Lol! Or recipes that you will never make…

 

[audball]

He's looked at dresses with me (online only). I never tried on any before getting engaged (still haven't, actually!). Still trying to decide whether or not I want to bring him with me when I go. He's open to it being a surprise or coming with me, whatever I'd prefer. Still thinking on that one...

I vote no on him seeing. I TOTALLY wanted to show DH, but my Mom talked me out of it. I'm so glad I did because the look on his face was AWESOME when he saw me!

Hah, thanks. Most people have reacted that way. I'm still thinking on it. He is SO BAD at visualizing anything, that even seeing it on me at a store wouldn't translate to me being made up with hair/makeup done, flowers, accessories, etc on the day of. I truly do think he'd still be just as surprised. But I haven't decided yet.

This will partly depend on whether or not we elope. If we elope and we don't have that "walking down the aisle" moment and he actually has to help me into my dress and get ready - I'd probably be more in favor of taking him with me. Time will tell!

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

This will partly depend on whether or not we elope. If we elope and we don't have that "walking down the aisle" moment and he actually has to help me into my dress and get ready - I'd probably be more in favor of taking him with me. Time will tell!

This makes total sense. If you elope, then yes for him seeing lol

 

[audball]

This will partly depend on whether or not we elope. If we elope and we don't have that "walking down the aisle" moment and he actually has to help me into my dress and get ready - I'd probably be more in favor of taking him with me. Time will tell!

This makes total sense. If you elope, then yes for him seeing lol

Yeah, if we do something more traditional I'll definitely keep him out of it! People have still told me he shouldn't see it even if we do elope. But I don't even get how that makes sense. We're going to get ready together and go to "the place" (wherever that ends up being), he's going to see it and not have a magical "me walking down the aisle" moment.