How much involvement would you ladies prefer?

[goldengirl]

Would you prefer he picks the whole ring; you pick the diamond and he picks the setting; you pick the setting and he picks the diamond; or you both pick the diamond and the setting together.

For the purposes of this poll we will assume he understands your basic preferences, like, you prefer round stones, or, you prefer a three-stone setting.

Ladies?

 

[Aurora Borealis]

I''m the one who has been researching obsessively over my engagement ring. Although I, like most women, do like the surprise element, I would much prefer to know that he didn''t get ripped off over a drill bit. And, my boyfriend could really care less. I think he''s quite happy to pay for it and get it over with so he can go back to his video games.

 

[njc]

Date: 11/10/2004 12:54:20 AM
Author: Aurora Borealis
I''m the one who has been researching obsessively over my engagement ring. Although I, like most women, do like the surprise element, I would much prefer to know that he didn''t get ripped off over a drill bit. And, my boyfriend could really care less. I think he''s quite happy to pay for it and get it over with so he can go back to his video games.

I FEEL THE SAME EXACT WAY!!! I have learned WAAAYYY too much for my own good. D*mn video games...

We went and I picked out three setting choices, but he has had the final say and has picked the diamond on his own, and i am also very concerned that he got ripped off. I tried to tell him things to look for, that i wouldnt mind lower color and clarity as long as it had ideal proportions and was eye clean (which im pretty sure he has no clue what that means!) and to look up some kind of information, but he didnt and seemed to shrug it off whenever i mentioned it. Funny that he will research a $49 game for a week before he buys it, but has refused to reserach a $5000 purchase?!?! I know where he bought the ring, and honestly i am a little worried that they might have sold him a 1ct. stone that has the measurements of a .8 ct at the 1ct price. The ring should be ready next week so not only am i tearing myself up inside over *finally* getting my ering, but what im going to do if it really is a crappy diamond. I feel he would be hurt if i told him even it if ment he got $1500 back.

So if i knew he understood diamonds and exactly what to look for, i wouldnt mind the choice we had made. I think picking a couple settings was a fun way because im not 100% sure which one it will be! But knowing he didnt care enough to educate himself makes me wish we had picked the diamond together.

 

[Hest88]

The results aren''t surprising, but don''t forget: the fact that the women answering are all *on* this board means most of them have some sort of preference for direct research. Who knows how the general population feels?

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I chose: we pick the ring/diamond out together, but this is only because this is the closest choice. In reality, I want complete control. I''d rather have my husband just give me the $ and let me do all the research and get exactly what I like.

My husband has no interest in jewelery or gemstones, but realizes I''m obsessed, so he always just lets me pick out what I want as doing things this way has guaranteed I''ll wear what has been purchased. Like for our anniversary, he took me to tiffany''s and knowing we had a VERY limited budget, I picked out a simple pendant. It''s cute, I wear it, we''re both happy.

The same will come with ANY ring I purchase or any diamond I purchase.

Michelle

 

[Matata]

Hest, you''re spot on in your answer. When I was younger, I was representative of the general population when it came to jewelry and was happy with whatever I was gifted from mall stores or department stores. As I got older, I became, ahem, a bit picky about my jewels. My fiance is completely disinterested in jewelry but he understands my position. I just received my engagement ring and in the 7 or so months it took to find the stone and have the setting made, our entire conversation when thusly:

Me: (in May) I don''t want a diamond, which color center center stone do you prefer -- red or green? Him: red.

Me: (in September) I found the stone, do you want to see it? Him: What time should I meet you at the jewelers with the check?

Me: (November) Here''s the ring, what do you think? Him: It''s gorgeous.

 

[chrono]

Oh Matata, you''re a gal after my heart. That''s how we buy jewelry in my household too!

 

[Matata]

Well Chrono, I suppose we''re fortunate that we have partners who either don''t have resistance to our little obsession or who have had the resistance beaten out of them

. It''s also easy for me because Alan trusts my judgement because he knows I do the research. Oh yeah, and always in the back of his mind is my reaction to his first idea for an engagement gift -- a new pair of hiking boots.

 

[chrono]

Yup, mine too. His idea of holiday gifts and birthday gifts are tennis racquets, tennis lessons, and the like. Or car accessories...

 

[goldengirl]

Interesting.

I''d be happy picking the whole thing out myself, too, but I think it would ruin a little of the surprise aspect for me, and I do still want that for my engagement ring. After this, though, I imagine his only involvment will be to hand over the debit card!

 

[Poker face]

I''d love to pick everything out together, but that''s not my boyfriend''s preference. He really wants to surprise me and I really don''t want him to get ripped off

.

I''ve been reading this board for almost a year and I gave him a lot of information (at his request) but I think I''ve totally confused him with talk about cut quality, measurements, etc.. Has anyone else had the experience that the more information you give your boyfriend, the longer it seems to take to get engaged???

That line about researching a video game was great. So true. LOL

 

[psuheather]

I definitely think that it all depends on the type of personality that you are. If you are the type that doesn''t have strong opinions, then I can see preferring to be surprised. Ill admit, I''ve been known to be described as "picky". My firm belief is that, although I see how picking out your own setting can somewhat ruin an element of romance, this is something that you will literally have for the rest of your life! You better love it! It''s also not very romantic to have just been proposed to and to try to pretend that your tears are tears of joy and not tears over how much you hate your new ring! I mean, let''s face it girls...guys don''t have the best sense of style when it comes to most things that involve women. They have to be "directed"...

That being said, I have picked out my setting, but I am letting my boyfriend pick the diamond. He knows shape and size that I want, so I feel confident that he can do that on his own. He''s pretty good at research, and that sort of thing is more of a science than picking the setting.

 

[Mara]

I definitely would not have wanted to be surprised, I'm super particular about gifts anyway and something this big as a surprise probably wouldn't have been what I wanted, esp since Greg isn't the best about 'hint hint' type stuff. He would have gotten whatever he thought was cool, and it would have been like that Sex and the City episode where Carrie found that horrible marquis ring that Aidan was going to give her at first before Miranda slapped him around into finding the HW emerald cut.

The only way a total surprise would have worked would have been if one of my best friends who knows what I wanted (because girls are insane and show each other pictures in bridal mags over episodes of the Bachelor before they are even engaged) would have helped guide him with a firm hand. hehehe.

 

[treysar]

I was very happy with my engagement process. He picked the diamond, i picked the setting, and he proposed in a temporary setting so i was very suprised. But NOW that I know a lot about diamonds, i think i would want to help pick the stone because it''s so FUN! Also, if my FI didn''t bring his Mom, he may not have known what he was doing, whereas I TOTALLY know a lot more, now that i''ve been crusing Pscope!

 

[katbadness]

If I let him pick the entire thing, I'd end up with a diamond!!

No offense to the others, of course.. but I'm a colored gem nut who prefers to have a sapphire than a diamond for an e-ring.

 

[tinkyy]

Ummm, I don''t "get" the "surprise" thing, how did it originate? We all know that the entire engagement ring business is a fabrication of an extremely astute individual, but I can''t understand why a joint decision of starting a life together has this element of surprise to it. How many "no thank you but I''m just in it for the free dinners" have been said over the years? Perhaps as many as positive replies. And what on earth is the deal with the special occasion piggyback--doesn''t a promise to marry imply that the ring is separate from christmas, birthday, etc? After all, the proposal is a contract in its most clinical terms and the ring is consideration binding both parties...

That said, we are in the market for a whopping piece of jewelry for the ER, and we''re both very interested in choosing this together, doing the research as if it were a car or another major joint purchase, and we''re having a great time. Just got a couple of questions, that''s all!!

 

[NewShiny]

There should have been another choice:

I picked the whole thing out and he paid. I know some of you don''t think this romantic, but it worked great for us! He gave me a budget, and I got exactly what I wanted, without having to drag him from store to store. I did my research over the course of a couple of months, and showed him "the" ring.

 

[cel]

Unless he is totally clueless about diamonds & jewelry, I would very much like to be "somewhat surprised" when he pops the question. My idea is to narrow it down to 2 or 3 choices (my choices

) & let him make the final decision. That way I'm still getting what I want & he is still able to surprise me!

 

[i_like_tiffany_please_dont_hate_me]

well I don't know about all the ladies... but I really want to surprise my gf with our/her perfect engagement ring

I don't want her to see it coming

I don't want to propose with a toy ring, and then go and buy a ring and slip it on her finger in the store...

buying the ring together just doesn't seem particularly romantic to me...

I want everything to be perfect (I can not stress that enough)

BUT...! I want the pretty blue box (sorry... I know how controversial that is, lol) and due to exchange rate - I am British - I could get a better colour stone for my money from the 5th Avenue store than I could get in London. so I was thinking I could take her to NY and we could go in together, and she could pick out the one she wanted, but then I'd be proposing without the ring, which I don't wanna do... I don't know... - plus she would probably pick the cheapest one, or refuse to pick one from Tiffany's altogether cos of the price...

I might get the platinum X-prong or X-prong channel (bit worried the channel may detract from the diamond) or the platinum royal crown (but I am a bit worried it is set too high) by Vatche from WF, cos they are beautiful rings and I could get a slightly larger, eye-clean, hearts and arrows, D for the same price... I am really torn

she is very particular in general, but I think I have good... hell, I'll be honest... I think I have impeccable taste, lol... and of course I have done a lot of research (and I am now utterly hooked) so I probably know a bit more than the average guy (sorry, that makes me sound really condescending and snobbish... which I'm not... well maybe a little)

I want the moment to be perfect, but I want her to

the ring she will wear for the rest of her life

well, it will be a year til I save up enough £££'s anyway, plenty of time to think it over! lol

would ladies really prefer to pick their own ring?

any advice would be greatly appreciated, ty

 

[ForteKitty]

Some guys have really bad taste tho...

Unless my guy has impeccable taste, I would rather have him propose with a temporary ring... preferably with one of Wink''s CZ so I can wear it normally too!

 

[Nicrez]

Men love surprises (whether they know they are bad) and women dread them, and think usually that they WILL be bad...

Like when you come home and hear "honey I made dinner..." and you know he has never entered the kitchen before... You brace yourself for a charred kitchen and some mac & cheese/meatballs/chips concoction. It's built into our system and reinforced by the gifts we have gotten from others such as grandma's handmade Goofy gloves, or the sweater your mom thought was so perfect (with the red large raindeer on it), or the digital remote control you got for your anniversary...

Not all men have bad taste. Mine has very clean, classic taste. He was GOING to get me a tiffany classic 6 prong round. NOT me. If I hadn't mentioned it I would have had a NICE ring, but it would NOT have been very reflective of me or my tastes... I like fancies...

I for one know my guy has good taste in jewelery (when he buys it in the little blue box), but generally, he will ask me to gether the research and he will do the hunting and bring it back to our cave. When I know what I am getting (in general) it doesn't make the when and how less surprising, but it makes it so much more wearable...

Plus I relentlessly keep him updated on each wish list at each website from VS to Tiffany's to Target!

He need only log-in!

 

[i_like_tiffany_please_dont_hate_me]

a digital remote control for your anniversary...???

please tell me you are kidding!!!

p.s. what is wrong with rudolph...?

 

[Hest88]

Date: 11/10/2004 5

9:44 PM
Author: tinkyy

Ummm, I don''t ''get'' the ''surprise'' thing, how did it originate

Yeah, that''s a good point. It used to be that *after* she said yes was when the guy bought the e-ring. I think it''s just something about our society that''s demanding big productions about everything. Big weddings, big proposals, etc. Not that it''s necessarily a bad thing, since I think they can be romantic, but it''s created a scenario where undue importance is placed on the production. Hence all the guys agonizing over the perfect ring and proposal and hence all the bridezillas running around.

 

[Nicrez]

Hey Hest! I resemble that remark!

Actually, it''s funny because I wanted to get enagaged to Rand BEFORE he had the $$$ for the ring. I told him it made no difference to me if it was tiny or non-existant, and said we could get one when time and money allowed...His response, "Honey, I will propose once in my life and it should be as special as the person I propose to. Please don''t argue with me on this one, because I want to do it right the first and only time."

I shut up.

 

[i_like_tiffany_please_dont_hate_me]

nicrez, I couldn''t agree more with your guy. life is a series of moments, we should try to make as many as beautiful as possible, especially the important ones

 

[Mara]

I dont know if women REALLY want to choose their own stuff, sure if Greg could read my diamond-loving mind and choose the perfect ring all by himself, I would have loved to have been surprised. But that burnt mac-n-cheese surprise analogy just rings too true otherwise. My sweetie's idea of a surprise probably would have fallen short of what I dreamed up in my insane fantasy-lovin girl-head so it was just much better this way!

By the way, I would have made a FABULOUS guy in terms of surprises and more importantly...DETAILS. But Greg just isn't like that.

 

[i_like_tiffany_please_dont_hate_me]

ty mara, so you think that if I am confident I can pick a gorgeous rock and a beautiful setting that I know my gf will love, I should surprise her?

if I don''t go with the 1 carat Tiffany, it will be either platinum X-prong, platinum X-prong channel or the platinum royal crown, by vatche from WF, with a h&a, slightly larger, better colour diamond than I could get from Tiffany

btw, I love your Westie, soooooooooooooo cute!

 

[KSparkles]

I''m with the minority here - I like a little element of surprise. My FI knew the styles that I liked and I trusted him to pick a beautiful ering. It doesn''t hurt that he has great taste and is very meticulous about researching and getting the best quality. I ended up getting exactly what I wanted, and I love it! I understand though when girls want to help pick out the ring, especially if their FI has little interest/taste in jewelry...

 

[valeria101]

Date: 11/10/2004 6:43:30 PM
Author: i_like_tiffany_please_dont_hate_me

would ladies really prefer to pick their own ring?

Sure. (for the record, as f today, 72% of poll votes went for 'shopping together')

I bet the guys want the same - that they pick the rings with little/no interference. Only to have it "perfect". Why go for adds and tutorials to tell you what your girl might appreciate? Sure they know, right ? Somehow the message is often "the most expensive thing you can get is the safest bet"... Do you think most girls would tell their fellows the same out laud ?

Maybe we just need another poll like this, for guys

 

[Diamonds4Me]

Its funny. He had me searching tirelessly for months on the computer to find what I liked. I looked at stones that were a lot smaller than what I have..and a lot cheaper..and settings as well. When it came right down to it, he already knew what he was going to get. He had me looking like a mad woman just to keep me busy

I must say it was a LOT of fun

It turned out that he knew exactly what he was looking at when he went to hunt for it..plus it didn''t hurt that a friend of his is a jeweler. I received the most beautiful ring..I never expected anything so amazing. Now I''m torn between keeping the setting simple or finding something to really set it off.

The decisions us girls must make!

*Is anyone else having trouble copying and pasting photos on here? Everytime I do it I get "null" where the picture is supposed to go....

*