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How much autonomy did you have growning up?

Gypsy

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I am constantly surprised how involved parents are these days in their pre-teens and teenager's lives and what close tabs they keep.

I'm 42.

I was an only child, and my mom was a single mom. We lived with my grandparents till I was 14 though, so there was always an adult around I was largely left alone. I played outside A LOT. By the time I was 12 I had friends that lived a few blocks away. I would ride my bike, roller skate, or walk to their homes. No cell phones or anything, of course. I didn't really even tell my grandparents which friend's home I was at. I would be gone from lunch to dinner, easily. Just OUT. And my parents were strict. We would go the local creek. Visit the large community gardens. Go to the mall (2 miles away by bike). We just ran free. We knew not to cross the two parallel major streets on either side of our neighborhood but there was plenty to do in that area, which was a couple miles long and one mile deep.

When I was a teenager I was picked up my freshman year from school (and that was considered overprotective). But after that I took the local (not school) bus hone, which meant walking a mile on a busy street and then taking the bus to the nearest stop then walking home.

I got my own hair cuts from the age of 13. There was a salon at the mall. My mom would give me money for the appointment. I picked my own toiletries (and I was limited to no makeup until I was 16). I even went to the orthodontist alone, largely. My grandfather might drive me, but he'd stay in the car. I wasn't really allowed to shop for clothing myself (my mother micro-managed that) until I was in my late teens. But, once I was allowed to, I never looked back. I shopped for all my prom dress with my girlfriends (no parents for any of us). My mother gave me an ATM card when I was 16 and an account she put money in. I was expected to balance the checkbook for it (a job I suck at to this day). I had summer part time jobs in retail from the age of 15, by my choice,(flower shops and Gymboree) and spent my money how I saw fit.

And my husband, who lived clear across the country, and is 45 had a very similar upbringing. Similar amount of autonomy in general, and then even exceeding mine in some ways (since he was the youngest of 4 and his parents at that point were just like... they raise themselves!).

But today's kids, at least that I see, not so much autonomous. They seem panic if they have to do things for themselves that require, well, THINKING and seem to text or ask for advice from their parents or their friends for directions for EVERYTHING. They really don't seem to be able to think on their own.

Don't get me wrong, there was danger, but I dealt with it. I was hit on by a predator (one that was a friend of my uncle) when I was 14. I got a bad feeling in my gut when he touched me 'wrong' on the legs and then started rubbing (ICK). So, I refused to go anywhere alone with him when he suggested it, despite the fact that he had be sent to pick me up from the mall. And got away from him ASAP on a flimsy excuse to go to the bathroom and then I ran for everything I was worth and walked home instead. And, of course, I told my mother about it when I got home and she took care of it, from there. He was never near me again.

How were you raised?
 

jordyonbass

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Great thread Gypsy!!

My father and mother had vastly different approaches to how they looked after us. My mother nurtured us a lot (she still does with me now lol) while my father had me riding motorbikes, out in the wilderness and on the ocean learning about wildlife and catching/hunting/gathering our own food. I know my mother used to hate it, she couldn't understand why we couldn't be within phone service so she could call us 6 times per day.

When I was 11 years old my parents got divorced, my sister and I stayed with my father while my mother moved 600 miles away to Melbourne (part of the reason I live here now). My sister and I largely had to learn how to look after ourselves, we didn't go without at all by any means but we would get ourselves to school and back, cook , clean, do our clothes washing etc because dad worked 12 hours per day minimum and usually spent the weekend at his girlfriend's house. I'd go out on a Friday night and return on a Sunday afternoon and he'd be none the wiser, we literally wouldn't see each other for days at times. It may seem like I am critical of him here but I'm not, I understand he was doing his best to provide for us and he deserved to be happy with a partner. It also taught me to look after myself in a manner that some of my 30 year old friends still can't function.

The time dad and I spent together was always great but there was so many situations that I was in that made me sometimes wonder whether he'd look back in hindsight and re-consider whether he'd do it the same way again. Nothing majorly went wrong obviously, I'm still here now despite a multitude of scars, lumps and scary moments. But there's certain things he let me do sometimes that I wouldn't let a grown adult do :roll:
Nowadays dad and I barely see each other but when we do we're always out on the water, trying to find the biggest sea beast we can tangle with. I'm usually the one in the firing line for danger and I have noticed I get more warnings on safety from him now than I have ever heard before. You'd think that after 20 years of independence he'd leave me be :lol:
 

missy

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My parents were for the most part pretty cool parents. I never had a curfew. Never. They trusted us and with good reason. My sister and I were pretty good girls. Didn't give them much heartache and we were incredibly responsible. We did what we said we were going to do for the most part and never broke my parents trust.

We did always have to tell them where we were and when we thought we would be home and keep in contact should our plans change. My mom and dad would not have been OK with us leaving for the day and not letting them know where we were. That was a biggie especially for my mom and I see the reason behind that and have no problem with it. If I had kids I would also want to know where they were when they weren't home.

We also had it driven into our brains how we were never to get into the car with anyone unless they told us it was OK. Even someone we knew no matter how well. I can tell you that we followed that strictly so much so that when a dear friend and neighbor showed up to pick me up one day after hebrew school (I was about 8 yo) but my parents didn't let me know about it beforehand I refused to get into the car with him. We had to go to a pay phone and fortunately my mom was home and she said it was OK. Something had come up last minute and my dad couldn't pick me up so they sent their friend instead. LOL. That was a good chuckle for many years after. How I wouldn't get into the car with a dear family friend because I was following the letter of my parents law. ;))

While my parents gave us autonomy in other ways because they trusted us and they didn't give us too many rules to follow they also spoiled us and my sister and I were not very self sufficient when growing up. I never learned to cook, do laundry or even had other household chores while living at home. Sad but true. I didn't learn to do laundry till I got married as I sent it out my adult life when I was no longer living at home. Nothing wrong with that inherently but just goes to show I didn't do a lot of those things for myself and I never learned while I was growing up because my parents never gave us that responsibility.

However I was mature in other ways. When I moved out on my own (after all my schooling was over though I was also not living at home during college and graduate school and residency) I rented for a few years in a neighborhood I loved and then I bought my own apartment while still in my 20s in that neighborhood. Now that might not sound like a big deal but in those days not a lot of single women in their 20s were buying their own homes so yes it was an achievement and in one way did show I was independent though still not as self sufficient in other ways. I still didn't cook and did takeout and relied on my bfs at the time to take care of me in those ways. So my independence varied I guess you could say.

A funny story that I still remember that might illustrate how dependent we were on our parents when growing up. I had just turned 13 and was a freshman in HS and I went to a HS that was relatively far away and one I wasn't zoned for because they had a swim team that I was on so strings were pulled so I could attend that HS and be on the swim team as I was a good swimmer.

Anyway it was a blizzard that day and my dad always drove me to school in the mornings when I was first year HS but that day couldn't get the car started. He told me to take the bus which I had never yet done going to school. He showed me where the bus stop was and told me just ask the driver does he go to the HS. OK I got this I thought. I was nervous as I had never done it before but I was like I got this. LOL little did I know.

It was freezing but finally the bus came and I asked the driver do you go to the HS? And he said yes. Great. I got on and waited. After about 20 minutes he stopped at a school but not my HS and he said OK this is the HS. I said not my HS and he said this is the only HS he stops at.

OMG I panicked LOL. :oops: I had no money nothing. Yeah I know I know. :roll: :lol: Remember it was a blizzard outside and just a mess. The bus driver got his wallet out to give me some money so I could make a phone call but he had nothing smaller than a $20 (and in the 70's that was a lot of money) so he wasn't going to give it to me. He told me to go across the street to the diner and ask them to use their phone (again no cell phones in that day) and call my parents. Which I did.

Fortunately by that time my dad was able to get his car working and he picked me up and drove me to MY HS. I said to my dad you told me to ask the bus driver if he went to the HS but you didn't tell me to specific which HS! LOL. And when I got there the teachers said OMG she could not believe our parents sent us out in this. :shock: :lol: There were a handful of kids there and that was it. Lot of energy and work for nothing. :lol: But a perfect example of how NOT self sufficient I was at 13. :oops:
I know explains a lot about me right? :loopy:

Our main responsibility in those days was to do well in school and to excel at our extracurricular activities like playing the organ, clarinet, swim team, ballet, gymnastics, ice skating and a few more. Yes we were over scheduled before I think it was popular to be over scheduled (1970s) and maybe that is why my parents didn't expect other things from us like partaking in household chores. IDK but it didn't serve me well and I would have been better off (IMO) if more had been expected of me in the way of being more self sufficient when younger. I had a lot of catching up to do when I moved out on my own. And I'm still not there yet. :cheeky:


My dh was raised quite differently and you can see it in our differences now. His mother went back to school to get her advanced degrees when he and his brothers were young and Greg was the oldest so expected to take care of his little brothers. He learned to cook for everyone do laundry and other chores and never depended on his parents for things the way I did. In fact I owe a lot to his mother because he takes great care of me and it is because of the way he was raised. :bigsmile:

Interesting how influential our childhood experience can be but also how so many overcome those experiences for better or worse. I am looking forward to PSers sharing their early stories.
 

dk168

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Zilch up to the age of 14 when I was under constant supervision by my parents or their helpers.

I was chauffeur-driven to school and back up to that age, and the school was only 10min walk away from home.

Going anywhere alone with school friends were out of the question.

Hence the sense of freedom when I came to UK to study, to be away from by parents' tight grips, even though the first 4 years were spent in a boarding school - it was still freer than being with my parents!

And they wondered why I refuse to live them later in life. :rolleyes:

DK :))
- a rebellious middle child :bigsmile:
 

monarch64

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Eh. My childhood was normal for where I grew up (Midwest flyover corn country). My brother and I had the full run of 60 acres and that's all we did--play outside. We had video games (Commodore 64, Atari, Nintendo) and television but all we wanted to do was play outside. I have never told my mother some of the shit we did growing up, because it would unnerve her! She had a referee whistle she would blow when it was time to come inside. That was it. We learned how to drive at a pretty young age; I was 11-12, my brother was younger than that. When he was 13 my dad bought him his first car, and he spent one summer disassembling it and putting it back together and had it running by August. Crazy times. No learner's permit, no license, but we test-drove that thing on back roads anyway. :lol: Now, aside from all of that freedom...I was not allowed to do ANYTHING. Not kidding. I think my mother would have locked me in a closet if that was legal, and she often threatened to do so. I had a lot of basic survival skills but zero street smarts going out into the world and that was a bit of a problem. ;))
 

chrono

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Micro managed; I was not allowed to ask for anything and they knew exactly where I was at all times. More freedom in my upper teens but by then, the expectations were very high and very clear. Any departure meant automatic severe punishment. Although highly managed, they taught me everything I needed to know to be able to live independently; I knew how to pick the freshest fruits, vegetables, and meat. I filled in school paperwork. I was expected to do my daily housework of sweeping, laundry, hand washing dishes and etc. My mother snooped my bags, closets and other personal items very often and without notice.
 

Bayek

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My father told me when I was 14 I had no curfew, no rules and that HIS parents were overprotective and swore with his own children there would be no rules.. So, I went insane sort of anyway. Calmed down around 22.

With my own sons I was over protective and I believe it was because I had no rules and I got into a lot of trouble. Both my sons are happy (I hope!) and well adjusted and I try not to interfere too much. I told my kids when they were young that I was always in their corner but if they did something out of line then I would be the worst.

I think part of this overcompensating parent is because people move for jobs, we are just in more transition than our parents. Plus many of us use our kids to show off, the my kid got 1400 on his SATs stuff etc. I believe kids need rules, but they should be free to explore life.

Being a parent was a LOT harder than I thought it would be. Way way harder.
 

Jambalaya

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I had no autonomy. My parents rarely let me out of their sight until I left home at 18. I found it very claustrophic and depressing. To this day, I get a lot of satisfaction from the simple pleasures of independence, like doing my own laundry, cooking, and coming and going as I please. My parents were the kind of couple who were joined at the hip, and after they retired they never let each other out of their sight. To this day, I find such behavior baffling and could never be in that kind of relationship. The effect of my parents' control was to make me very independent. I'm sure they had the best of intentions but they were very infantilizing and like some others here, when I left home I was pretty helpless and had a huge amount of catching up to do. Independence was never expected of me, nor encouraged in me. It's silly, raising kids to be that way, IMO. I had a very rocky start to adult life after leaving home. But semi-consciously, I think that I knew it was wrong of them not to want me to be independent, so I "rebelled" by becoming very self-sufficient once I got with the program. I'm good at looking after myself in a practical sense, and believe me, that's a triumph after my upbringing.
 

pricescopenewbie

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very interesting topic!

i was micro managed and well protected all the way up. my mom still tries to remote control me even though I am a mom myself :lol: Now looking back, i wish i was given more freedom to explore the world and be more prepared for it - both the bright side and the dark side, which is very important for a child to grow mature and get ready for the challenge of life time.

as much as I understand why they were so protective of me, it hurts our relationship in a way. it is very annoying and sometimes i get angry about it. like, my mom still tries to tell me when to go to bed and what to eat, and stuff like this, even though i already have my own family and am not living with her any more. sometimes I just want to yell at her. most times i choke down those words before i say anything I would regret, but that just ends up pushing me away from them. I don't want to share anything with them so that i won't hear any "advice" from them.
 

alexah

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I am about the same age as the OP...

My parents weren't necessarily strict but controlling. My dad to this day is the biggest control freak. He believes there's a right and a wrong way of doing things & his way is always the right way. He's in his 70s now, as is my mom, and nothing has changed. For example, I asked my mom if she'd like to go shopping with me on Mother's Day (since that's her favorite thing to do) and she had to ask his permission. He said "No. I want you home with me." And that's the way it was/is in "his" house. I went to visit her yesterday and he had me fixing issues with his iPhone & computer instead of being able to spend time with her.

Which is why, as much as I love them, I don't like to visit them. It's so rare that we get to chat as adults. I'm still the kid and I'm still told what to do. For example, they'll ask if I've been swimming or biking or have been out to eat. It's them being judgmental. They like to swim & bike & eat out and if I don't do the same, I feel as though I've somehow let them down (ETA: although perhaps it makes them happy and they want me to be happy so they want me to do those things too). Never mind if I don't like doing those things. They like them and that's what matters so I should be doing them too. And they'll actually tell me how many laps they've done and ask how many I've done to compare. And it's not because they think I need to lose a few... they're usually more concerned that I'm too thin. It makes no sense and it makes me sad because I'd like to be able to spend time with them at this stage without getting so annoyed. I really do love them.

It was the same growing up. I could do things if I didn't need a ride and my dad was in the mood to let me. My friends parents would have to pick me up to go over their house or to the mall. Sleepovers were rare at my place - dad liked his quiet & privacy. My brothers & I could walk anywhere we wanted though - as long as we were back for meals - and meals were on a strict timeline. We were expected to eat together and I had to help prepare the meal, set the table, clear the table & do the dishes (from the time I was tall enough to reach the table/counters/sink).

Anyhow, my dad's awesome mom (my Oma) used to let my cousin & I walk around the Flushing area of Queens alone when I was 5+ (my cousin is 3 years older than me). We would walk to the playgrounds and hang out there or go to the candy store or pretty much anywhere we wanted as long as we told her where we were going. It was a much different time then, obviously. And we had a blast. Never got in any trouble either. We felt so grown up - we even got to stay in her basement apartment with it's own separate entrance. Man, I miss her.

Sorry for the book/tangents.
 

zoebartlett

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My parents were pretty laid back in many ways. In my family, we worked together to get a job done. My sister and I were expected to help around the house (inside and out) with whatever my parents assigned to us. We didn't get an allowance because my parents didn't believe in paying us for the chores we did.

We used to ride our bikes (no helmets) to the local swim club by ourselves to spend the day with friends. We'd ride our bikes all over town, actually.

My parents never gave us a curfew because we didn't need one. We weren't really into parties and there wasn't any need for our parents to worry. If friends weren't at our house, we were always at theirs, for sleepovers or just for the night.

I remember my mom showing me how to do my own laundry when I was 13, I think. I was young, anyway. I was always surprised when my friend would bring her laundry home in college for her mom to do. My friend was very independent but her mom insisted on waiting on her hand and foot. Not my mom!

My parents had expectations of us to try our best in school -- effort meant more than straight As, for example, but we did fairly well. My sister was a straight A student and I wasn't, but I worked hard. My parents expected that we would go to college, no question about it.
 

Dee*Jay

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I was pretty much On My Own. That included getting me and my brother (four years younger) off to school and taking care of him when we got home. My mother and her boyfriend also went out weekends and left me in charge starting when I was in 5th or 6th grade. This was long before cell phones and we never knew where they were so thank god nothing MAJOR ever happened (although I did melt the Mr. Coffee one time because it was too close to the stove and I caught a dish towel on fire). Oops! My mother and her boyfriend moved to Idaho when I was about 13 and that was just a disaster. Kids run wild IN THE WILD (we lived in the last house before the Boise National Forest began). Taking two city kids and putting them on top of a mountain with no supervision is a bad idea to say the least. I was lucky to escape there alive and un-pregnant three years later.

I left my mother's house at 15 to finish high school with my grand parents, left there at 18, put myself through college, bought my first condo at 22, and have never looked back.
 

momhappy

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How much autonomy did I have? Too much. Wish I'd had more - especially when I was older (high school years). Sure, I survived, but there were many instances that could have ended in tragedy. As a parent now myself, I try to walk the line between over-parenting and under-parenting, but that can be a tough thing sometimes.
 

Gypsy

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It's interesting how many people didn't know how to do basic chores. When I went to college I saw so many kids that were lost with basic self-care chores.

I remember watching, horrified, as one of my roommates in college attempted to mop the bathroom floors. 4 of us lived together and we had a chore chart. All she did was push the dirt around with a dirty mop. It was disgusting. I took over the bathroom floors immediately as my chore.

I think its very important to teach kids (especially high school age) how to do basic cooking, laundry, house cleaning. I started cooking when I was 10. My grandfather used to sou-chef for me. I was "in charge" but he taught me how to cook while pretending to be my "assistant". It was empowering. My grandmother taught me to iron when I was 12. And my mother ruined one of my favorite sweaters when I was 14. So that's when I learned how to do laundry. As for housecleaning. I learned hot to do it the right way from my mother and grandmother, but we usually had household help, so while I learned to do it all and did it all through college and law school, I have always found it easier to hire out for cleaning and could not wait till I could afford it once I started working.
 

Jimmianne

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Chrono|1462738999|4029033 said:
Micro managed; I was not allowed to ask for anything and they knew exactly where I was at all times. More freedom in my upper teens but by then, the expectations were very high and very clear. Any departure meant automatic severe punishment. Although highly managed, they taught me everything I needed to know to be able to live independently; I knew how to pick the freshest fruits, vegetables, and meat. I filled in school paperwork. I was expected to do my daily housework of sweeping, laundry, hand washing dishes and etc. My mother snooped my bags, closets and other personal items very often and without notice.
Chrono! that's awful.
My parents were pretty similar. Very high expectations. Always snooping. Dad even followed me on dates when I was in high school and would make me come home. Once when I was in college I drove through my hometown with a man... my Dad saw us and followed us and told me to bring him home NOW so they could meet him. My mail was read and disposed of if the sender was not to their liking. I found out 20 years later that my best friend in college had been writing me all that time and I never knew. Totally controlled...and even in my 50's when I would go home for a visit there would be clothes laid out on my bed - bought so I would have something "nice" to wear while visiting. Good lord.
Is it any wonder I live alone on a big farm where I created and now control my entire environment? haha

How has it affected you?
 

momhappy

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momhappy|1462835249|4029506 said:
How much autonomy did I have? Too much. Wish I'd had more - especially when I was older (high school years). Sure, I survived, but there were many instances that could have ended in tragedy. As a parent now myself, I try to walk the line between over-parenting and under-parenting, but that can be a tough thing sometimes.
I just realized I wrote "wish I'd had more" - I meant, wish I'd had less autonomy and more parental control, rules, structure, etc.
 

chrono

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Jimmianne|1462871829|4029693 said:
Chrono! that's awful.
My parents were pretty similar. Very high expectations. Always snooping. Dad even followed me on dates when I was in high school and would make me come home. Once when I was in college I drove through my hometown with a man... my Dad saw us and followed us and told me to bring him home NOW so they could meet him. My mail was read and disposed of if the sender was not to their liking. I found out 20 years later that my best friend in college had been writing me all that time and I never knew. Totally controlled...and even in my 50's when I would go home for a visit there would be clothes laid out on my bed - bought so I would have something "nice" to wear while visiting. Good lord.
Is it any wonder I live alone on a big farm where I created and now control my entire environment? haha

How has it affected you?
It sounds like we lived in similar households. I went to an all girls school all my life except college, and was not allowed to have any male friends and no BFs or talk of boys until I am in college. I was still monitored throughout college and was almost kicked out for having a BF because they felt I wasn't sufficiently focused on my studies. Fortunately, my sister and I were strong enough to survive this and lead as normal a life as can be possible today. We are more relaxed with our children but feel that boundaries are still necessary and will enforce it with clearly laid out consequences.
 

packrat

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We were kind of a mixed bag. Mom and dad tell us now they wished they'd done some things differently, and my brother and I agree. However-Captain Hindsight can't really do anything about it and I think as a parent you'll always have things you wish you had done differently, and as a child there are things you wish they had done differently. We do things a little differently than my parents did and a lot different than JD's mother did. JD was allowed to run wild, and he did, and he spent time in jail for it. There's no way to tell how it's going to be for your child as far as the level of freedom you give them. Just b/c you let them be more free and the neighbor's kid is watched like a hawk, doesn't mean squat at the end of the day.
 

azstonie

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Jimmianne|1462871829|4029693 said:
Chrono|1462738999|4029033 said:
Micro managed; I was not allowed to ask for anything and they knew exactly where I was at all times. More freedom in my upper teens but by then, the expectations were very high and very clear. Any departure meant automatic severe punishment. Although highly managed, they taught me everything I needed to know to be able to live independently; I knew how to pick the freshest fruits, vegetables, and meat. I filled in school paperwork. I was expected to do my daily housework of sweeping, laundry, hand washing dishes and etc. My mother snooped my bags, closets and other personal items very often and without notice.
Chrono! that's awful.
My parents were pretty similar. Very high expectations. Always snooping. Dad even followed me on dates when I was in high school and would make me come home. Once when I was in college I drove through my hometown with a man... my Dad saw us and followed us and told me to bring him home NOW so they could meet him. My mail was read and disposed of if the sender was not to their liking. I found out 20 years later that my best friend in college had been writing me all that time and I never knew. Totally controlled...and even in my 50's when I would go home for a visit there would be clothes laid out on my bed - bought so I would have something "nice" to wear while visiting. Good lord.
Is it any wonder I live alone on a big farm where I created and now control my entire environment? haha

How has it affected you?
Jimmianne, you were a hostage. I'm sending you the biggest of nonconfining hugs.
 

Karl_K

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lots during the summer and weekends less on school days but pretty much could do what ever I wanted or where ever I wanted as long as I told my mom where I was going and the chores were done.
It was that way pretty much from 8 on.
In my early teens I would spend 2-3 days/nights out in the woods without parents.
We pretty much went camping every weekend during the summer.
It is funny looking back on it, my friends as long as they were with me were allowed to stay out and roam like I was but not without me.
We all had pellet guns and multiple knives we carried.
They never got in trouble when with me but several did when out with others.
 

wildcat03

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I am mid-30s so grew up during the 80s/90s. I was expected to tell my parents where I was going and who I would be with. My parents were super strict about me riding in a car with anyone (probably because my mom was in a bad car accident as a teenager on a night she wasn't supposed to be out). I was expected to do "the best I could" in school, but the message was constantly reinforced that my parents felt I had exceptional academic capabilities - so really I was just expected to do very well. We lived in a fairly walkable town until I was 13. Around the time I was 7 or so, my parents started letting me walk to stores/downtown but I was expected to let them know when I'd be back. They taught me how to dial home and "charge" it to the home phone (cheaper than calling collect) so I could call and update them. I never had an official curfew, but when I told them where I was going we would talk about when I would be home. Requests for a later return were never denied that I can remember. I could pick my own hairstyle and clothes. I was given an allowance and was expected to budget from that for new school clothes, etc. When stuff came up at school, my mom always gently coached me on how to handle it and I took the first (and sometimes second) shot at handling it.

Overall, I think my parents did a good job of striking a balance between protective and allowing me some independence. They were probably a little bit on the overprotective side, but nothing compared to "helicopter" parents.
 

Puppmom

Ideal_Rock
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Jun 25, 2007
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I grew up in the 80s and my parents were the types that pretty much allowed us to do what we wanted as long as we weren't bothering them. I know that sounds bad but we knew we were loved. We just were absolutely not the center of their universe. We were basically along for the ride.

They did not have a lot of rules but were intolerant of a couple things:

- being disrespectful of other adults was a real dig for them so, if we ever ended up in trouble, it was usually the result of sassing an adult
- complaining! my parents did not entertain complaints...ever!
- there were certain words that we were not permitted to use and warranted immediate punishment - shut-up, jerk, saying anything "sucks" and hate. This was early childhood before we even knew about real cuss words.

But they did not hover and didn't seem overly concerned with our safety constantly. My brother and I came home from school together (walked) from the time we were 6 and 7 and made ourselves a snack, did our homework independently and sometimes even put dinner in the oven. We didn't think anything of it and we weren't the only kids in our neighborhood who did this. We also walked to the neighborhood playground alone (about 6 city blocks) shouting to neighbors along the way asking them to "cross us"- meaning let us know if was all clear to cross the street. Literally at each road, we would shout "can someone cross us?" and a neighbor would open their door, look to the street and wave us across.

All in all very few rules and lots of independence but if we crossed our parents or really annoyed them, there were consequences. Grounding was there punishment of choice usually.
 

Jimmianne

Ideal_Rock
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Joined
Dec 9, 2013
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6,076
AZ you are a doll. Thank you.
I think no matter how we are raised there are issues. Is benign neglect any better that micro-managing?
I would imagine that just about every family is dysfunctional. Raising kids is such a long & detailed project. It's bound to derail at times.
But I fully believe that we can 'stop the buck" and not pass on the entire family dynamic to our kids LOL
At least we can try.
As a result of my upbringing, I engaged my DD in decisions rather than imposing things on her. Later she complained that I treated her more like a partner than a kid.
LOL oh well.
 
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